Dilara Probable NDE

Experience Description

At first, I remember people in panic surrounding me. They were trying to talk to me but their words weren't reaching me. I could hear noises and I could tell they were talking to me, but it was as if I was in a crowded place and all I could hear was noise. Sometimes, I'd be able to pick up a word or two but not whole sentences. Everything they were doing to me was extremely painful and disturbing. They were trying to keep me from losing consciousness and falling asleep with all the alcohol and drugs I had in my body at the time. All I wanted to do was to be left alone and go to sleep. But, I couldn't talk or react to anything. I was there and not there at the same time. It was like I had no control over my physical body anymore. I was trying so hard to move a finger or make a sound but it was pointless. I felt completely disconnected from the physical world and my body. It was the scariest feeling ever.

Then I was in complete blackness. For how long, I don't know. Then I became conscious again. The lights are so bright that they were blinding. I could still not comprehend more than 90% of what was being said and done to me. I wanted to be left alone.

I had flashbacks of many of my memories, old and new. Then I saw more blackness. As I was going through all of my life memories, it made me wonder why did I ever stress about anything? It was like nothing ever mattered and it was in a good way that it did not.

I was then watching my body, sitting in the bed, while I was floating further away from it. I was in the corner of the other side of the room. I had no form or weight, where the rules of physics were not applying to me. Everything made perfect sense to me. I felt that I was going towards a destination and did not feel like it was the end to anything.

I was then overwhelmed by this ultimate feeling of peace. It was an unearthly feeling. I had no fear. I had no needs or sadness. All the pain had stopped. I don't think it is possible to experience such a thing in life on earth. I felt completely accepted and embraced. I do not know by what, but it was like something was telling me that 'it was all fine.' I felt almost fine; though, in a way, I felt bitter that there were still many things I hadn't done yet. I knew if I chose to go, there would be no coming back. Choosing to go was my choice and I really wanted to go. It was so hard to resist. It was the hardest decision in my life. I had to give up on that calm, serene feeling and choosing to come back to my body. I felt as if I was being guided by a greater Being and somehow the whole process of how it would go was in my knowledge. I wasn't spoken to or shown anything but I was just aware of the situation. Although brief, the amount of calm and peace I experienced was the most beautiful thing I ever got to experience. I knew it was not yet my time and had to stay.

After I woke up, I was sitting in a bed with no memory of what happened. Later, as I started remembering this event, I had to ask my ex for confirmation. She had witnessed the whole event and confirmed that I was dying. They even accepted that I was dead. I was apparently unconscious and not breathing for some time. They were trying to find a way to contact my family for my death announcement.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2013

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident Drug or medication overdose alcohol overdose while on prescribed legal medication (anti-depressants and painkillers) Out of body experience

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I saw spectral-spiral lights, forming shapes in a harmony. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I was able to understand and feel things beyond explanation. It would be very hard to describe but I was just aware of everything. As per sight, I could see everything vividly and things you couldn't see. I wasn't able to hear everything but I didn't have to, I could understand and tell what might have been said, almost as if I could mind-read.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Yes and no.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning The time felt froze. It was all both sped and slow and stuck. Time had no meaning.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could see forms and lights normal human eye couldn't. I didn't clearly see other spirits or people but I had an "enhanced" vision in a way.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was worsened.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Yes It was in many vivid colors and spectral and spiral, mostly yellow and purple.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Yes but I did not fully make it through.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? It started with fear but quickly got overwhelmed by extreme calm and peace.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. Yes. I understood that there was and could be no evil or good, but simply just existence and occurrence of things. I didn't feel judged or as if being tested. It was like just the end of a page to move onto another page. I understood then, everything was as meant to be.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I felt that it was so sudden and unasked for but mainly the reason I chose to return was things I have not yet done, things I still wanted to do on earth.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist I was an atheist at the time.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? I was able to overcome my hatred towards religions and God. I am still uncertain what ever there is a God or not or at least as described in the books but I do believe there is something bigger out there and it is loving. No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic After some of the events in my life, mostly my NDE I became agnostic and I believe anything is possible and there is no way to be certain of a thing.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The only negative thing I felt during that time was the things I haven't done and how I affected some people in bad ways and things I could of done differently to avoid that. I lost all my fear of death and I know that If such a thing was to happen now the only thing that'd make me uneasy would be not being more proactive.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain During the time I left my body I felt that it was not the first time I was leaving this physical world.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain Surely I felt a pure harmony and connection in between the whole universe and beings and an existence of a greater thing but I wouldn't know if I would describe it as a God or a supreme being.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The existence or consciousness did not feel as if it was going to cease to exist.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I am not sure if love would be the correct word here but I felt embraced and accepted. I felt belonging to something bigger and I longed to reach and get to it.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Many of the things I experienced have been so difficult to put into words, I tried my best to describe it as best as I could but I still think it is something you would have to experience yourself to tell.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I feel I got a sixth sense so strong that I can simply feel/sense a bad or good thing before it happens and also I became extremely sensitive towards sounds almost as if I can feel the emotions and meanings in sounds.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Whole my life I felt that my existence was meaningless, worse yet just a mistake. Since my mother even mentioned it to me that she did not mean to give birth to me and was planning on aborting me. Later on I found that a lot of my relatives and people nearby also agreed that it would of been better if I had not been born. And I lived a great deal of suffering and unfortunate events almost as if cursed, I felt abandoned and lost in the world, all alone. Ever since my NDE I know that I am meant to exist and I feel some kind of greater thing watching over me and approving of me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I tried telling my mother about it the next day after the event and she told me to keep silent about it, saying I should keep such things to myself, my father better not find out about it. (since It was an accidental overdose) I was not sure how to explain this to anyone or who. 3 to 4 years after the event I told this to my close friend and years later afterwards another close friend and they both seemed grateful for me to share it with them and they seem to be affected in a positive way and relieved by my experience. I never considered sharing this to a therapist or anyone in a similar position as I am scared they will just find some fancy diagnoses or medical explanation to close it and make me sound like a mad person. Since the experience was very real and unique to me.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. For up to 7 months after I experienced this, I was almost in like a dream state in my living life, overwhelmed by all that happened, I found it hard to get back to world and go on about daily things and concentrate on stuff. Years after that happened I still remember it all as if it happened yesterday and I don't think I will forget it for a lifetime. Even though I had this NDE as a result of alcohol overdose (mixed with some prescribed legal drugs) Nothing I experienced during that was effects of alcohol or anything of that sort. It was all extremely unique and I did not feel under influence of any substance or alcohol during the entire experience I was very sober and conscious.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain I just wanted to share this story mainly and it is not a thing you can tell anyone in your daily life so easily without the fear of being judged or misunderstood. I am also very interested in spiritual and afterlife researches and I would be glad if my experience and information can provide useful.