Alba Monn SDE

Experience Description

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Many people are losing a child under various circumstances, and always the whole surroundings, family and friends are concerned with this. Many people have the need to read about what was helping others in their sorrow.

Following a life-threatening accident, at the ICU, I had a near-death experience together with my dying child, being in another Hospital at a children ICU and who was dying like myself and was clinically dead, after more than one hour, all this without myself knowing this. This experience in this situation completely changed my world view and turned the parameters of my inner convictions upside down. I was confronted with things, suddenly reaching me as a truth, that until then I never understood nor considered as essential.

My biggest help in my great sorrow during this near-death experience, came from my deceased child, when she - after I understood her most important messages - could let go, as she reached the most important goal in her life in fixing everything before her death. I knew that she only could leave in freedom, if she had been telling me all I had to know, to be in a position to deal with this unexpected bad situation, in order for me to freely accept and understand everything. At the same time, I had been giving my dying child her biggest joy and taken away her biggest burden, and I equally received at the same time the greatest gift through this encounter with my dying child, and the perspective I got through this encounter.

The greatest gift is the certainty, that many things in reality ARE completely different as they seem, and that we often consider important things as unimportant, and unimportant things as very important. That it's not indifferent how we pass our own life time, and that it's not indifferent how the balance of our life shows up. To the contrary, this life's balance is the most important thing for every human being. And it became the top most important standard for me. It's not indifferent if we made our peace when we die. Quite the opposite, having my life balance straightened out, has since been my utmost priority and has changed my life radically. And it gave me the certainty that my deceased child, and we all, are also safe and loved in our darkest hours, very often without being aware of. And that death never again can take away our gratitude for her existence, even though it was rather short.

At the time of my near death experience, I was in ICU, immediately after emergency surgery, I was still bleeding inside and in the process of dying. A second emergency operation shortly after my NDE literally saved my life.

Together with my daughter I had an accident. She was clinically dead, had to be resuscitated and was transported to another hospital about an hour away, and put in an children's ICU. Unfortunately, she was in an even a worse condition than I was. She had no vitals except a heartbeat, no brainwaves and no own breathing. After our accident my husband didn't try first aid, or calling 112, but left with his car. Nobody knew about this, and I was compelled to deal alone with the situation, and so I reflected if my daughter would have any chance for a normal life, as in order to spare me more stress after the lifesaving surgery, nobody informed me how bad her situation really was. I was in an inner turmoil and was constantly accusing my husband internally for the fact that our daughter had to wait too long for medical help.

Unexpressed immense rage, mute accusations and extreme hate towards my fate in general, and towards God and especially my husband was eating me up internally. In this situation I was blessed with a near-death experience, catapulting myself into another sphere, that I later called 'Infinity'. I experienced a space out of time. I had a telepathic conversation with my daughter, and she started it with prompting me to: 'Forgive him!'

I couldn't see any sense in this. In a telepathic dialog, that I later wrote down word for word, I explained to her that I considered his attitude as unpardonable. She told me everything I needed, to open up my close-minded perspective of pride and self-righteousness, and I could understand intellectually that pardon was preferable. She disclosed that she too could forgive, but that with her it was a matter of all her life! In this moment I supposed she was talking about a physical and mental disability and not about her own death. It was only later that I understood what she wanted to tell me, that she was at peace with her imminent death!

I was shown a kind of evaluation concerning the result of our life. I was shown a huge scale like an ancient pharmacy scale, and I was shown that my husband and I will be evaluated in exactly the same way. I was shown our best internal abilities and qualities, at the same time the actual result at this point in time, as a life balance. I was shattered, as of course in my internal state of mind, full of anger, hate and rage, the worst fears concerning the condition of my daughter, violent internal accusations towards my husband, even though he didn't cause the accident, this result of the life balance was everything but flattering!

I felt very sorry, I felt incredibly ashamed about my reactions at the events, and I deeply regretted not having listened to my daughter, and not having forgiven my husband! I sensed a deep regret, because seeing it retrospectively in this place I couldn't change anything anymore, I felt a deep sorrow for this meager result. I felt a big compassion for myself and also for my husband and I felt an intense love flooding everything at the same time with the other feelings, and strongest was my desire for pardon (of my own shortcomings) and at the same time I knew that it couldn't be changed in the aftermath, what almost broke my heart!

When I was thinking 'now I understand everything' I suddenly was on top of my preferred mountaintop, two thousand meters above sea level and only a few meters away from the crest. Immediately in front of myself, was a simple wooden fence as they are used for grazing livestock, with a narrow passage for hikers. Everything was completely realistic, it was about 5:00am and the weather conditions fitted this time, it was foggy and windy. Several times my hair was blown into my face. Suddenly an enormous black boulder was lying in the middle of the way! At least two meters in height and diameter and with plenty of pointy and sharp edges. I tried to bypass it but it was absolutely impossible! At the left there was a straight rock face, at the right a perilously steep gradient. For the first time I understood that my life was at stake. This black rock could easily crush me. There was no way out! Suddenly I heard myself say:” I forgive him!” And the black rock was suddenly rolling down into the abyss. When I wanted to continue my way, I suddenly was catapulted back into the hospital and was under tears! I felt released, blessed, and forgiven for everything that I had been considering as a shortcoming in my life until then. I was completely at peace with my fate, with God and the world. I was convinced that I experienced something wonderful. I wrote an SMS to my husband apologizing for my accusing him in thoughts, and that I was sure that everything would be fine, that probably our daughter would be disabled, but that we would be able to deal with all this.

A few minutes later, I suddenly felt a strong heartbeat and understood that my daughter was doing badly. I was shocked as I had just been so sure that everything would come out fine! I asked for a bible and was reading the psalm of her birthday. At the end it said, ''Lord hear me in the hour when I'm calling you!!'' And I knew that it was her moment of death. I conjured the nurse to call the other hospital, but apparently, she was not allowed to. When the Female doctor arrived an hour later, she told me that my daughter died exactly at the time when I was reading the psalm.

I'm now sure that my daughter came back from infinity of her free will, getting resuscitated, to give us some more time, to reach me and fix everything before leaving for ever. In reality my little daughter was head and shoulders above myself concerning acceptance and forgiveness of her fate, and while in danger of death, she helped me to get important insights and to find peace. As soon as she knew that everything had been cleared, she could let go and leave in peace. I'm incredibly grateful for her keen action and her immense help and support in a life-threatening situation. I've resolved to dedicate my whole further life in her honor. alba.monn@outlook.com

Background Information:

Gender: Female

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Illness Surgery-related Childbirth Life threatening event, but not clinical death See the account of my NDE.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes See my account I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal See the account of my NDE.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Always

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning All sense of time was gone.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. See the account of my NDE.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. See the account of my NDE.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My deceased daughter.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes See the account of my NDE.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm See the account of my NDE.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Tenfold intensity.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe See the account of my NDE.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control See the account of my NDE.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future I became aware what impact my death or my life would have for my family, especially for my to older children and my husband. I had the feeling, in case I would die he might have a deadly accident and my remaining children would have lost my husband, myself and their little sister on the same day.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. The wooden fence at the mountain top.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unknown

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes The most important is the positive balance of life, that can be compared to an internal spiritual harvest. To make sure that it is mostly positive, many persons with NDE are sent back, what they experience as an emotional hurt and rejection, whereas it is the biggest love and help from eternity. In the life review the result of life until then is analyzed and afterwards the return is decided for the best of the concerned person.

What is your religion now? Unknown

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I have had a very liberal mindset and didn't expect an evaluation or a life balance. I also didn't expect any elucidation about the issue of forgiveness. There I learned the most important thing: that in eternity the life balance at the end of life is the only relevant thing for all people. People having an NDE got a second chance with enough time to complete the test on earth, and with this they received a huge spiritual help! Even if for many of those persons with an NDE it is felt like an emotional trauma and a big spiritual rejection. In my opinion the purpose why we forget what we are born for, and that we received a life time, is that we shouldn't experience the incredible pain and longing that NDErs are experiencing – what happens automatically on this side – when we remember eternity!!! At the time I got the explanation about the life balance through my own life balance and the one of my husbands, thus I understood why I came back, because of love, and why afterwards I accepted this commitment twice through my own internal decision. My bonus is a bigger insight, my price was the loss of my daughter. However, I know 100% that we will see each other, when my time here on earth - that I hope will last some more time – ends. And in eternity a separation of fifty earth years is only feeling like two minutes!

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes See the account of my NDE.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes My deceased daughter came to see me as a beautiful young women with old-fashioned clothing and a hairstyle like in the twenties of last century, like in the 'Roaring Twenties'. She was wearing the then very popular short haircut with harmonic waves tightly fitting the head and the corresponding clothes. This was totally irritating for me and was leading to all sorts of considerations about alternatives concerning hairstyle, hair length and modern clothing, that I found more attractive. For me her old-fashioned appearance was a big diversion. A short time later there came an acoustic detonation with an emotional lightning bolt and I was immediately in the 'place of truth', where I was confronted with very impressive insights, that changed my inner attitude forever.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I got an information from my daughter about my assessment about the difference between my husband an myself, which was unsettling me very much. And seeing the door of life I understood what she had meant.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes In the 'place of truth' it was distinctly felt that the life balance was a fair and infallible evaluation of my hitherto life. At the same time the previous life of my husband was equally evaluated as his balance of life. What confirms my point of view, that I could have died through complications after the first emergency surgery, and my husband due to an accident caused by inattention and exhaustion when driving home from hospital. Through the intervention of my child during my NDE, she avoided this terrible outcome and saved my life!

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Please read previous answer.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Many people are told in their NDE that their time has not yet come and that they have to come back. This is quite painful for many people and is an emotional hurt, which they could feel as a rejection. During my NDE it was made clear that the balance of life is the most important thing in life, in fact for eternity. The result of the life balance has to be mostly positive. Which means that you have to get more than half of the effects of your life with a positive evaluation. During my stay in the 'place of truth' I understood that there is a seedtime and a harvest. Seedtime is what from eternity had been seen, analyzed and calculated as potential. With this there are no mistakes, this assessment is clearly flawless. The single life of man is a row of successive decisions, where each single minimal decision has impacts on the further course of the future. Not only your own future, but also the future of all other people that you meet. The result of all these decisions will be judged and analyzed very accurately in the life review. This balance of life is the harvest so to say of the single life and means more or less positive results for eternity. How important this positive balance is can be seen, because many people are sent back due to the fact that the balance might be good, but not good enough for the expected or calculated result of the future life balance at the later end of life. Therefore, always the explanation that there is still some work to perform. Those tasks are so to say like a small grain of rice for every minute of life time until the end of life. Also always the indication, that it is still 'not your time'. In one word the remaining quantity of grains of rice for every minute of life is missing. The harvest is not yet enough. AND, the quality of all those grains of rice is what we take along into eternity. At the same time, it can be compared with a school work at the end of a school year, and for some to a high school diploma. You have prepared yourself, now you can't take along any other means, the big day has arrived and the exam starts, that's the start of life, birth. Every person has received a test tailored for him, but we all are sitting in the same classroom, the earth. Some are now simply proving that they have learned to read and write, some are on their final paper. For every student it is important to pass the test. To pass the test half of the result has to be positive. If now somebody faints and he has to leave the classroom too early, then this is a near-death experience. Of course, he takes his half-done test along. It will be viewed for a short moment, to find out that still some important results are missing! That's the life review. Sometimes they are even shown what points are missing, raising kids, or bear kids etc.! Of course, somebody outside the classroom will reason with him and give him a glass of water, maybe taking him out to the playground, but in the end, it means, you have to go back, there is still an important part of your task to be done! Your time has not yet come! That's the end of the NDE and many people are shocked because they would prefer staying on the playground than to write the tests, what is absolutely and easily comprehensive. But in reality, it is an immense help! Rarely people with an NDE are aware of this! I was shown this clearly and distinctly in my NDE and from this moment I was conscious that life is about succeeding this test, namely to get through positively!!!

Which means for everybody who has had an NDE and was sent back: ''HURRAH, you got the greatest help! You have been gently caught and empowered in a dangerous situation, so that now you can continue your work on your life balance!!! HURRAH, you got the chance to conclude a positive Test! Only those that already have clearly passed more than half of the required positive results are being asked if they want to come back, and are allowed to choose if they want to improve their grade or are satisfied with the result. Whereas in eternity communication shows that there is joy and excitement if you freely choose to go back and continue for a better result!

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes My little child was visiting me during my near death experience as a beautiful young adult women.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes We all are humans and humans make mistakes. Sometimes big mistakes. There is a key to shed sorrow and hurt. Sometimes this is superhuman and is called 'forgiveness'. For yourself and for others. Otherwise, peace is not possible, neither here nor in eternity. With all my heart I give thanks to my wonderful deceased child that she explained this to me just in time, and that I could be saved spiritually and physically because of her. Love is wonderful but to forgive is equally important. As only forgiving is relieving our soul from incredible strain and burden, see the last stage of my NDE!!! Forgiveness is the twin brother of love.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes See the answer to the previous question, everything was explained there!!! A hard fate is not a punishment due to Karma, but rather an especially difficult test for the own life-balance, with the expectation to master these challenges well!! This means more work for eternity. That's positive!

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes You are inextricably connected with the people you meet and affect in life. As long as things are running smoothly, there's no problem, difficulties arise with challenges, when you experienced something, when you have to forgive to somebody. The challenge is to forgive others, because with this we are automatically forgiven at the same time. In my near-death experience I experienced this myself. I was waking up as if being cleaned emotionally, spiritually and mentally. With an enormous feeling of Happiness, which is difficult to describe. Peace, relief and certainty that all will be O.K. Feeling like a new woman.!!!

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Very big, incredibly positive changes.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Suddenly I was able to forgive the worst of all.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. My unbelievably impressive near-death experience has been etched in my memory and identity for ever.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes A) After death contact with my deceased daughter at the funeral home. She distinctly told me: “Mama! Don't be so sad! I'm so glad that everything has ended!” B) I already had three different detailed and impressive premonitions a long time before the life-threatening accident. They had been thought to warn and comfort me, as I was clearly told by an angel in one of those premonitory dreams.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Everything - My three wonderful and detailed premonitions before the accident, my extraordinary near-death experience and my beneficial and very comforting after death contact with my deceased child.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It had no influence on myself.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes A book of Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. My NDE was completely different and much more detailed than those described by the great pioneer Dr. E.K.-R.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Because of my NDE, and with the great unselfish help of my wonderful deceased child. I could, still during this wonderful event, come to forgive the person - my husband and her father - that I considered responsible for her death because after the accident he didn't provide assistance. It's a story of fate, loss, death, silence, culpability and expiation. The only possibility to emotionally overcome such a heavy guilt concerning life or death of somebody else is forgiveness. I'm not superhuman, and couldn't have been doing this without my NDE. The internal accusation, and constant assignment of blame, would have poisoned my future life. My NDE is PROOF OF ETERNITY, as nobody can in such a short while forgive somebody who was involved in the death of your own child through denial of assistance! That's humanly impossible and I several times pointed out to my child that such a thing is unpardonable! But at the end I did, through the newly gained knowledge from the 'place of truth' in my NDE. The most positive effect for me was that automatically I was forgiven everything myself -everything until that point in time- and for more than a week I had a constant internal euphoria, like being wrapped in love, despite the fact that my child died.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real See previous answer.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was big luck for me that during my extraordinary NDE with her, my deceased daughter opened my eyes for many things that I probably never would have understood or learned, and therefore I'm grateful with all my heart and without grudge and bitterness about her sudden death and her short life. Her life was a positive and golden track of light and love in my life, and in the life of many other people. Due to my NDE I know with absolute certainty that my daughter is in splendor in eternity and my sadness was reduced incredibly by this. She also told me that she was at peace with her short life and her sudden death, and that she forgave everything related to this. For me my daughter is an incredible gift, now and forever, in a certain sense even more than if I never had experienced her loss and my NDE. She thus gave me an insight into the mystery of life and into the depth of human experiences, that I don't want do miss. And I never would wish not having had to experience all this - at the price that my child never had been existing. I always would have chosen her and the sadness, solely that she did exist for a short precious time here on earth!