Alice U NDE

Experience Description

I was living in Central Turkey at the time. I am half Turkish and had decided to move there indefinitely to find my fortune so-to-speak and also to establish myself there without the help of my Turkish relatives. I met my future husband in a rural village, lived with him, and then became pregnant for the first time. At six months, the child was still birth. I labored without any medical staff or my husband because men were not allowed in the hospital. A female neighbor from my village came and gave me moral support. After the event, the doctor told me that some placenta had been retained in my uterus but that it shouldn't be a problem. I intuitively knew this was wrong. I returned home with my husband. I took the prescribed medicine and rested.

A week later my husband and I went to Ankara, Turkey, at the behest of his family. A week later, I was walking amidst a throng of nationalist protests when I began to hemorrhage in the streets. My husband and I quickly walked back to his friend's house where we were staying. I rang the doctor. He told me not to worry because it was normal to bleed after a pregnancy loss. I knew that there was too much for my condition to be normal. I remember my husband trying to feed me. I can usually eat, even if I'm not hungry. But that day, I just couldn't do it. That was a red flag for me. I remember looking out the window at the setting sun and city skyline and feeling a consciousness shift in the way I was perceiving this other-worldliness. Something was under way and I could not control it. After a couple of hours of heavy bleeding, I contacted my mother in Australia. She is a doctor and she told me in no uncertain terms to go to the emergency facilities.

My husband, his friend, and I all managed to find a taxi. This was amidst the traffic and political drama and protests that were unfolding on the streets (anti-Kurdish rallies and the burning down of the opposition headquarters). The taxi driver, bless him, forged a path through it all and delivered us at the best hospital for women and children in the capital.

I had to say goodbye to my husband and enter the emergency facilities alone. Even though I am half Turkish, I did not grow up there and had only recently learnt to speak the language somewhat fluently. I did not know medical terminology or vocabulary. So, when I entered Emergency there was a single, vinyl couch in a small room. The ladies waved me away to sit on the couch. By this stage, I had lost so much blood that I could feel myself starting to slip away. As I sat down, I worried about how I would communicate with them. But then one of them noticed this sort of lake of blood pooling around me and immediately got me up on the gurney. My ears had started to buzz and ring. I felt as if I were being buried alive; as if this high voltage sound was building in velocity and intensity. I started to tell the nurses that I felt sand was filling my ears. I saw them look at each other in confusion. As the sound in my ears grew, I knew that my time was running out. How could I tell them what was happening with no time left? So, I started to repeatedly pray a Sufi prayer: 'There is no reality but God, there is no reality but God.' I did this because I needed to do this because I knew that the nurses would understand that I was giving myself the last rites. They understood and swung into action as I lost consciousness.

I awoke in ICU where I would spend the next seven days and seven nights. I continued to hemorrhage and it wasn't until the next night that I went into emergency surgery. I also had a large fibroid that was causing some of the problems. By this stage, I had developed blood poisoning and had lost liters and liters of blood. My NDE was before the doctors began to give me blood transfusions. They gave me ten or twelve liters in total, including white blood cells/plasma. Anyhow at this stage I had lost so much blood that whilst lying down on the gurney I could not even lift my head without losing consciousness. As I came to know later, I was having seizures, fitting and convulsing. I also remember before the NDE that I lost control of my bowels and I remember thinking, 'Oh my god! This is what dying people do.' I had heard people speak of soldiers on the battle field losing control of their bowels before they died.

Anyhow, my NDE happened before the blood transfusions and before any medicines for blood poisoning. I guess it was before the doctors had worked out what was happening to me. They had to find my husband and then contact my mother in Australia to understand what was going on because I kept losing consciousness and couldn't speak enough Turkish to communicate to them.

All of a sudden, I was no longer in the chaos and fear of the ICU unit.

I was in a landscape of pure, shimmering, golden-white, coruscating, and living light. It was like a conscious, loving light. There were no horizons; no up or down, no far away or close. I was in a totally different, spatial dimension. It was in a place that was utterly peaceful, still, calm, safe, loving and nurturing. It was a relief to be there. It was as if I was held by the light and the love emanating from the light. I couldn't move out of it but didn't want to either.

Then I became aware of an enormous Being in front of me. I was not in my physical body but if I had of been, if I had eyes, I would have been looking up. This Being was very tall and awesomely powerful. It had a different vibration that somehow held me and kept me in one place. This Being was a light body and although there were no discernible physical features as we have here, I knew it was feminine. Feminine is a term in this life that I don't really use, because it's not part of how I think. But this Being was, without a doubt, feminine and profoundly powerful. I was in the light looking at and awe struck by her presence, power, and awesome love.

Then I found myself on the floor of the ICU. There were several nurses all shouting and grabbing me, perhaps even slapping me or throwing water. They were screaming my name. I was on the floor and my first visual in my body was at an angle. I must've fallen out of bed. My first impression was that I had awoken in a dream. And how could that be possible? I had been in Reality and just did not understand how I could possibly wake up into a dream. How could I awake into the unreal? It just did not make sense. The three dimensionality of the ICU unit and the nurses jarred and shocked at my senses. I longed to be back in that place of light and peace. It took me some time to work out what had happened. In fact, it was only when the doctors asked me if I had a neurological disorder that I remembered what had happened to me. I said, 'No, I did not have a neurological disorder.' They told me they were asking because of the seizures. It was then that I felt that the inside of my mouth was all torn up. I also saw the blood and wounds on my legs from falling. ThI remembered the Being in the light and the love associated with this awesomely, powerful feminine Being.

Shortly thereafter, I was sent for an emergency operation to remove the fibroid and the remaining placenta stop me from hemorrhaging. In the emergency operation, the doctors told me that I scared them and that I had to be resuscitated. I don't have any memory of that time.

During my seven days in ICU, my mother flew over to Turkey from Australia. Later, she flew with me and my husband back to Australia. Within three months I was pregnant again. Initially, I was really scared but then I had a dream about my unborn son. In the dream, I was shown that both he and I would survive.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 6/09/2015

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Childbirth Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) I had lost an extreme amount of blood. I also had blood poisoning. Then I underwent emergency surgery, in which I am told that I had to be resuscitated.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It couldn't be otherwise because the reality I felt there, made a 3D earth, seem like a shabby dream. Everything was more real there than here. IT was the Ultimate Reality; I remember thinking soon after. Although I had no body, I still felt like I had no fear, no regrets, and no concerns about where or what level my other life was at. I was perceiving reality at another level, like I was shining with the light.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in the light, on the other side, and before seeing the feminine Being who was super-tall. I was conscious and I remember thinking, 'Wow this is incredible!' I was blown away by the beauty and power of her and of the place I was in.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I was not aware of time at all. It seemed there was no time. The only reality was the light and the love and this Being.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Well the light was so luminous so bright that here it would have blinded me yet there even though I had no eyes to speak of, the intense brightness was soothing and beautiful and I could feel communication was telepathic

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I am not sure that I heard anything in fact - well I think it was very quiet or more that it was a different sort of soundscape - not sounds as in here - it was just profoundly peaceful

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes All pervasive incredible shimmering golden white light. It was as if the light was alive and conscious. it was Reality, it was everywhere and everything. the whole landscape was this light. and I existed in this light as a light body. I was not physical

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm it was a realm of light. a conscious living light in which things would happen. It was a different dimension

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was overwhelmed with the exquisite beauty and power. I was curious and found pleasure in the new space. Then honestly, I think I was intimidated when I first perceived the feminine being before me because she was so powerful and I think I even remember thinking "Fu#k!" in utter amazement

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I have always been a spiritual person. I wouldn't say religious. I was and still am nourished by Sufism, Christ consciousness and aspects of Hinduism and Shamanism.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes They have become more conscious, more focused. I have more intent now. I practice daily and find that I absolutely need it and love it whereas before all this it was kind of optional

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I am not religious but my spiritual life is rich and beautiful. I draw much from the natural world and the faiths I grew up within, Sufism and Christianity. I am also nourished by certain Hindu and Shamanistic practices

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I guess this experience confirmed what I had always suspected or wanted to believe, I now knew it to be true, that we continue on after our bodies die

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes We are all going to return to the light. No matter our creed religion or even whether we are good or bad. We all ultimately after a fashion return home to the light

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered a being that was feminine. How I knew she was feminine was not from her physical features because she had none. she was more of a presence and light body perhaps that emanated her own consciousness. She was incredibly tall, like as tall as three-story apartment block. Absolutely hardcore and powerful but also gentle loving and beautiful

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes For me this experience was confirmation that we exist consciously as ourselves beyond the cessation of our physical bodies

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes the oneness and unity was the light. I was made of the same stuff as the awesome feminine being that I encountered. we could only be made from the same stuff, the conscious shimmering loving light . it was clear we both existed made of the same fabric yet vibrated at different rates

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Simply from the nature of my experience it seemed self-evident that God exists. In fact, for a long time I thought perhaps I had encountered God but then decided against it that I had met a lesser yet still powerful and loving being

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I want to say yes, because I felt I was just about to communicate with this feminine being (who I knew was feminine because of her energy signature or vibration or just because of her energy) but that I was brought back abruptly to this life this realm and I felt really pissed of about it, like I was just about to receive some profound knowledge or my life's mission and the nurses brought me back. I still to this day feel miffed that I came back to early and abruptly. I feel I was ripped or wrenched from that divine space

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes well it was clear that we continue on as I was no longer in my body and no longer on the earthly plane but I had completely retained my consciousness, the thinking voice in my head, my personality, my inner identity. I was talking to myself as it happened. Like I was commenting to myself on what I was witnessing with pleasure and awe

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I was surrounded by love and it was unconditional and never ending and it was the origin, or like the fabric of everything, that everything is made of. it totally enveloped me and held me

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life One month after my still birth, illness hospitalization and NDE in Turkey, my husband and I moved to Australia. I am an Australian citizen so for me it was comfortable and easy but for my husband he was emigrating into the unknown. Three months after my still birth, illness NDE etc. I became pregnant again and then nine months later gave birth to a healthy baby boy. So, all this to say that, my processing time of it all has taken a while. Because there was the initial pregnancy loss, then the near loss of my life and then I was a first-time mother with a husband in a new country who is till really struggling to settle in. So, in terms of fearing death and living with fear, I am scared of death at the moment in the sense that I feel the overwhelming responsibility of a mother who does not want to leave her child. I do not actually fear being dead. I just don't want to leave my son without a mother, at least not anytime soon. I found I was super keen to communicate my otherworldly experience. As an author I wrote poems about it, some are published and even did a narrative soundscape piece for national radio that aired in Australia at the end of 2016. I found some people, close friends I had known for years simply could not hear my experience. They did not want to know about NDE at all. And then I have found that I have also met new friends forged on close and connecting conversations based on this experience of mine. Some people are really eager to hear about it, others literally are not close friends anymore. Also, before this experience I was a really ambitious author. I've had one novel published and at the time was working on my second novel. And now all I care about is fully exploring my spiritual path. I too a transcendental meditation course, completed Reiki one and two and have read lots of spiritual texts and watched doctors and interviews about and by NDErs. I feel kind of ripped off that I was brought back so quickly and want to get back to that realm and want to understand why I came back. Through visiting and a shaman and my own meditations I understand that the other side, the feminine being would have been happy to keep me, and I would have been happy to stay but that I did decide to come back. This decision was helped along by the fact that my husband and all his family and friends were praying for me and willing me back and also that I'd only just met my husband (again in this life) and that we had stuff to do together. perhaps I returned to this realm to give birth to my son. I am still not 100% certain. Also, the intimidation I felt initially with the feminine being, is connected for me with the feeling that I have to try my best at being my best in this life. I have to try my best to be loving and not hurtful to myself or others.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I have lost friends and made new friends. Now I find small talk and obviously inauthentic relationships totally intolerable . I only want real and deep connections with people and I'm really only interested in talking about this stuff, spiritual stuff and practices etc. Other interests that I used to pursue with friends, ( albeit less and less over the years prior to the NDE) partying etc. I have zero interest in now

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes At the time it was yes. It took me a while to find the language to even come across the term NDE. I hadn't heard that term before and didn't know the characteristics. But after writing about it and talking about it and reading I came to find the language for it

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. This experience was just so luminous and brilliant. It stands out. It was more real than real. The other surrounding experiences are like paper cut outs, shadow play, not so real. it was like I visited reality and came back to this realm a paler version

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am certainly more psychic than I was. Friends have told me I am clairvoyant. I have intuitive dreams of what is happening to people at the time, things I didn't know. I am way more sensitive at full moons. Sensitive as in psychically open. Once three years after this experience I was chanting a specific mantra a lot and at night time the whole house filled with beautiful voices chanting the same mantra. Also I have discovered myself as an energetic healer. This is something I am still exploring. These gifts I had to a certain extent before the experience but I feel they have intensified.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All the loneliness, trauma, grief and struggle of this world id ephemeral when you exist in that other realm. I got the sense that somehow, we choose it. Because I was not entirely without agency. I mean I retained my consciousness

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my husband. He was respectful reverential and supportive and loving. I told my mother - she was brought up Christian but is an atheist and at times an agnostic. She was respectful but didn't say much. I told some old friends and they were triggered and fearful. Some people I told would cry. My hairdresser had tears and said that it was the Virgin Mary I had met. others just listened respectfully and still others who are keen to hear it, it's like they are relieved and excited when I tell them.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had never heard the term NDE. I did not know there are actually an almost standard set of characteristics. I had heard of the tunnel and seen it on films perhaps and the life flashing before one's eyes but that's it.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It's hard to say any other way than this, I did not believe it to be real. I knew, I know it was real. It was Reality in the most fundamental ultimate sense. There has never been any doubt in my mind

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. The same as I did after it had happened. Now I understand what people mean when they say this is a dream and that we need to wake up. I did. I woke up in the dream. I was in Reality.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It took me perhaps a year or so to find the language to write about it and communicate it as accurately as I can now. I did not know an NDE was a thing. it wasn't something I had considered at length or in detail. I didn't and still don't know anyone who has had one

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? not that I can think of