Amy P SDE

Experience Description

On January 6, 1985, my mother survived a massive stroke on the right hemisphere of the brain. The stroke left her with use of the right side of the body, but limited use of her left. I was 16 years old at the time. My parents were still married, however the stroke was too much for him and he left home within the next 2 years. Because of Mom's sudden disability, my maternal grandmother, extended her stay indefinitely as she became my mother's caregiver. Throughout the years, we maintained a relationship as any mother/daughter would and life continued. For the next many years, my mother lived independently and in a wheelchair. She had a host of friends and caregivers who would assist her. Her physical heath continued to decline. In 2007, after a series of debilitating pneumonia and COPD related issues, it was time for us to call Hospice. Because I was an only child, there was no familial assistance and it is in these times that peoples' good intentions are put to the test.

Mom was admitted into Hospice from the hospital, but Hospice sent her home after a few days with nursing and medication support for her at home. I spent almost all my time at her house. She went through many of the stages for preparation of dying that hospice described in their butterfly book. Within a few weeks, she suffered additional strokes and we returned to Hospice. I found it interesting that the Hospice room she had both times was the same room that her mother had passed away in several years prior. When she was admitted back into Hospice, she could still answer questions and communicate her needs. But by the next morning, I received a call that things had changed. The date was December 23rd, 2007. She passed away December 26th, 2007. Those three days changed my life.

Mom had a lot of back pain throughout the hospitalizations but she did not like taking pain medication as it caused her to hallucinate. She had a particularly bad bout while in the hospital because of all the chickens on the outside roof. Of course, there were no chickens. We laughed and laughed. Anyway, Mom was in a catatonic state at this point. She was moaning and I could tell that her back was hurting her. So, I got into bed with her so she could lay on her side and support her back against me. It was the middle of the night, our blinds were shut, and the room lights were dim. While we were lying there, Mom kept looking and watching a small, weird white light that was on the ceiling. I thought maybe she was hallucinating and seeing something that wasn't there, only I could see it too. The light seemed to come from the corner between the ceiling and the wall. There was nothing in the room or outside of the room that could project onto the wall. The more I stared at the light, the more the light seemed to come down in tandem with mom's breathing. When she breathed in, the light pushed back. When she breathed out, the light came closer or got brighter. It was very strange. The more I concentrated on the light, the more I began to imagine. And I knew, just knew, this light had something to do with mom's death. It felt like God's angels coming down a staircase of light and eventually, I imagined seeing two angles on either side of this light, standing like staircase banisters at the end of a long, winding staircase. BUT, I was very tired and emotionally exhausted. It was also Christmas time with my young son at home. My mother was dying. I thought I was hallucinating. The hospice nurse entered the room and I was embarrassed that I was in the bed with my dying mother and I jumped out. The experience ended.

The next day, another experience occurred and it was absolutely amazing. I was sitting by my mother's bedside and all of a sudden she took a big breath and said 'OH AMY! it's the most BEAUTIFUL thing I have ever seen!' and then she said, 'I'm home, I'M HOME!!' Her words were the most loving excited, 'I'm Home' that I have ever heard in my life. I thought she was seeing her childhood home, so I asked her, 'Are you in Wisconsin?' and she nodded, 'Yes.' I asked, 'Are you inside or outside?' She replied, 'Outside.' I said, 'Well, what are you waiting for?!? There are people waiting for you.' In the next instant, she was saying 'Mother, Daddy!!' and then named some additional relatives. She told me that they were all eating pie, named the pies they were eating, told me there was cheddar cheese on the apple pies (a Wisconsin tradition) and then recited a poem about cheese on pie.

I have to back up this story to explain the next part. In hindsight, I have had experiences in my childhood that were also unexplainable. Both occurred at my Grandparent's home in Wisconsin. The first was when I was around 4 and 5 years old. I was in the backyard and I saw a native American hunter, dressed in buckskin hunting clothes and carrying a bow and arrow. I thought he was real and that he would shoot my puppy if he saw us. So, I grabbed my puppy and we hid behind the burn barrel until he left. Grandma thought I had an imagination and that was the end of the conversation. I never forgot seeing him and always felt as though I might be seeing something that had happened previously. The hunter I saw was not wearing modern clothing. I never mentioned this to my mother.

The second event happened the day my grandfather passed away. My mother loved her father dearly and she was also an only child. The sudden passing of her father was devastating to her, as expected. I was 9 years old at the time. We drove to Wisconsin immediately. That night, I was put to bed in my grandparent's room and on my grandfather's side of the bed. I do not know if I was awake or asleep. But Grandpa was in the doorway with a bright, bright light behind him. He asked me to take care of my mother and grandmother. I told him that I would and he was gone. I never told my mother because she was so distraught.

Returning to 2007, Mom was in a state of reunion of those who love her while also communicating with me. I knew that if I knew for sure she was with her family, then she was really with who she was experiencing and she will be returned to a fully restored body. So, I asked her. 'Mom, when I was little I saw an Indian walking through the woods' almost instantly she said 'yes, one that walks between the worlds'. I was so shocked to receive any sort of answer. I asked the next question 'Mom, would you please ask Grandpa if I...' and before I could finish asking the question, she said 'Yes, thank you.' I was floored, shocked, validated, shocked some more. But I knew then and there that she was really, really for real with her family in heaven and that heaven is real. And that was the last she spoke.

The final day was probably the most life changing day. It was the day after Christmas and I don't know what time I got to hospice or how long I was there in the room during the day. I didn't want to leave, because Mom's physical body was close to expiring, but there were errands that needed to happen. I ran to the bank to settle some banking business for her, knowing that it would be easier that day instead of after her death. I went to her home to pick out a dress and some high heeled shoes, and I went back to Hospice and sat next to the bed and didn't move again. I prayed to God all day to take her. Prayed for him to pull her out of this broken body. While I was sitting vigil with her, I all of a sudden had an unexplained understanding of how a soul is coaxed out of the body and what those two stairway angels jobs are. Clearly, I was daydreaming again. But as I watched my mother's body shut down, what I was understanding was making perfect sense to me. Eventually, her breathing became labored and less frequent or full. My husband was now with me but sitting on the other side of the room and the Hospice nurse was on the other side of Mom's bed.

It took not too much time to notice that Mom stopped breathing for several seconds, I looked at the nurse who checked her vitals and confirmed that her heart was still beating. This continued for a few more breaths. When my mother exhaled her second to the last breath, I was very physically close to her. I was rubbing her face, trying to match her breaths as she was struggling with that death rattle. I thought if she could hear and/or feel my breathing, somehow it would make it easier for her. A minute later, she breathed out and when she did, I breathed in. Immediately, it felt like my insides were filled with dry ice. It was a significant, physical, and breath-taking event where time stopped. Everything stopped. I don't know how long it stopped for, but it was a significant enough amount of time to have both the nurse and my husband reach me and both were standing next to me when I was able to exhale the breath. That was not a breath or anything else I could understand.

Finally, I exhaled and mom took one more body breath. However, I knew immediately that she was leaving this earth when that cold went through me. I call it her soul breath. For several hours after mom passed, I was unable to respond appropriately to her death. I had so much joy and relief for her to be out of that broken body, I could not be sad. I'm sure the other hospice families questioned my emotions.

Since December 26th, 2007, I have been seeking answers as to what happened to me. I have searched high and low. I think I have immersed myself in every type of spiritual activity to try to find answers to these events. Never in a million years would I have thought that I had experienced a shared death experience. I had heard about others who have witnessed souls departing the body, or have had magical messages, or claim to be mediums... but none of those groups, ideologies, theories, practices, intents or spiritual practices felt like or could answer what I experienced that day. No one, not one ever could identify any reason, except for my friends who reminded me that God had delivered a blessing. It was a gift.


Background Information:

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Another's death

Did you feel separated from your body? No

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? 100%

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. During the time it felt like dry ice on my spine, time stopped. Everything stopped. There was nothing around me. I couldn't hear nor see anyone. I could only feel this physical feeling.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain This type of information happened after the experience.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain At the time, I saw a light on the ceiling. See, for me it's different. Because I did not leave my body, I have the use the tools that my body and mind use to 'see'. A person who has sight sees through eyes and brain. Then the brain assigns a value of experience to assign a value to what you are seeing. When a soul leaves the body, they are no longer only able to see out of their eyes. They can see panoramic and because they have left their human brain in their human body, the brain they have is no longer limited to a specific space; so information is processed differently. I could see my mother being greeted by her family. I could see the sentinel angels, but it's not the same as being touched or like in the middle of the experience.

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes a physical light in a dimly lit room.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt love, grief, joy, anticipation, anxiety,and faith.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe A few occasions in my life, I have felt like I needed to pay attention. After this event, that feeling is magnified. Soon, the 12th year anniversary of this event will happen. Right now, I feel like I'm gearing up for something wonderful.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. When I was a small child, I had a cavity that needed to be filled around 1974. I had an out of body experience at that time. I was left alone in the dental chair with a healthy dose of laughing gas. I remember floating up on the ceiling and seeing my body in the dental chair. The dentist came in and I didn't want to get in trouble. So, I remember shooting back down real quick and next awoke after the gas was removed.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No. No specific events, because up until the very last moment any future event can be change

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist. I was attending a Catholic church so that my son could receive an in-parish rate in school.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes too many to name.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Yes. Now, I understand God better.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes For me, I have so much information and it comes so rapidly. It's usually very specific things a stranger shouldn't know about them, so it's overwhelming and I'm sure, for some, is intrusive to hear. I have been working very hard to learn how to talk to others.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am not sure how to quantify what I can do now. I can draw, which is a spontaneous gift and something I could not do before. It takes me somewhere between 5 to 30 minutes to draw what I am feeling. I have over 600 drawings. I have been seeking meaning for this gift for years. So when I started researching near death experiences, I realized that many of the drawings I have are interpretations of what other people are describing. In addition to matching descriptions of other people's experiences, I have drawings explaining processes and other considerations. I have drawings that match descriptions of alien type beings who greet some NDErs. I have drawings of the universes with colors unseen and drawings of cities. I have drawings of ancient places.

I get feelings about people, but remain open as to what those feelings are actually about. I spend a great deal of time finding ways to express kindness to others. When I am able to engage others in conversation, I have found a way that allows me to validate or offer unconditional support for what they are feeling. It's weird, but fun. I can also see big picture outcomes from simple acts. It's like being able to see the ripple effect all at once. There is more, I just don't know how to describe it in less than 10 hours. I also enjoy helping people understand that if they pay attention, they will be rewarded. There is magic all around us, in many forms, and when others understand that they are worthy of unconditional support, their life can change.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The worst part and the best part are the same. I have met some amazing, incredible people. People that you never knew existed, never guessed you could just meet. For instance I met a NASA astronaut picking out lunch meat. Another example, I met someone who is responsible for creating and developing energy solutions who was getting a haircut at Supercuts because tomorrow he is flying to Washington DC to meet with presidential council. I also met a 75 year old engineer who is a German immigrant. His design for water turbines are used in almost every ocean all over the world except for United States. It's important to him to continue to try to fight for this type of power application because he wants to leave the world a better place for his grandchildren. In seeking information about what happened to me, I have met people who do not have such great intentions for others. I have experienced several groups who seek to control and want to direct others into a negative situation for their own personal gain. The worst part is not being acknowledged or being unable to engage people in a conversation about any of this stuff.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Some believe me, but they can't fathom it for themselves. Some mistake me for some else. Some refused to believe anything. Some just think I'm crazy. My drawings attract a lot of attention from others who are also seeking some type of answer. I have met people from all over the world because of my drawings. It has been amazing. How they are influenced by my experience is what they take out of it for themselves. With my husband and perhaps one close friend, I have begged them to understand what I have been experienced and how overwhelming this experience is. But, I always try to remember that although I feel like I am processing information like I am on the inside - on the outside, I look like a normal person to them. It's a struggle.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It continues to grow. This isn't a one-time experience. It is more than that for more than one person for more than one reason.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think that you should consider adding or creating a poll that specifically addresses a shared new death experience.


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