Ana R NDE

Experience Description

I had a very high risk pregnancy and was hospitalized for 3 months. Because of all of the necessary medications and the fact that my veins could collapse very easily, the hospital put a picc (peripherally inserted central catheter) line in my arm. I was sent home in my seventh month, but the picc line remained and became a source of my infection.

I was admitted to the hospital on 10/24 and my twins were born at 3:02 and 3:11 pm. Delivery was fine, but upon returning to my hospital room, I began to feel sick, get chills, and had a compromised mental status. The last thing I remember before my NDE was the nurse taking my temperature and it was greater than 107 degrees. A crew of doctors came in (including my Obstetrician/Gynecologist) and while one was removing the picc line, my doctor was holding my hand. Someone else had a blood pressure cup on me and I remember her squeezing and squeezing, but the cup would not tighten. I remember telling my doctor 'I'm dying' and that was it.

From that moment, what I will call my spirit left my body. The first thing I saw as I hovered over was all the doctors working on me. They laid a blue blanket one me (what I thought was a body bag), but I later found out it was an ice blanket to bring my temperature down. Then, I entered into a spiritual realm. It was a dark void and carried the most pain I ever felt in my natural life. It can really only be explained as a 'dark void'; no relief but a constant yearning. At that moment, I saw my life flash before me. Instead of seeing what I'd consider to be major good events, I only saw what later became known to me as my sin; the bad things I had done and the burdens that I carried.

It seemed like hours had passed as I was in this void. I must have come to for a moment because my doctor later told me that I sat up in the bed and said 'get me out of here.' I felt as if I was being pulled down and remember hearing screeching like nails being scratched on a chalkboard. My teeth clenched and the fear I felt was overwhelming. In my mind, this was permanent and it was hell.

The next thing I remember is looking up and seeing a cross with great light around it. I never saw any beings or anything, but I heard a voice say 'I am not finished with her yet', talking about me as if I wasn't there.

And that was the end of it!!

My next moment of consciousness came as they were rushing me to intensive care. I remember briefly waking up while moving in the hospital bed and that was it until the next day.

I'd never clarified if a coma was induced, but I do know that I was comatose for a day or so. I remember my doctor there with me again, holding my hand, saying 'you just gave birth to twins, what are their names?' The strange thing was as much as I heard and wanted to respond, I couldn't.

I had periods of blackness as if sleeping and then a few times of an alert mental state. The next thing I remember was my older brother sitting next to me, crying, and yet I couldn't comfort him and let him know that I was okay. He was saying 'squeeze my hand' but I just couldn't. BUT, I could hear him. I knew what was going on around me.

I finally really woke up and my mom was on the phone from Puerto Rico. I was able to tell her that I was up and I was okay. She let me know that my father was on his way from Puerto Rico as the prognosis was that my brain went without oxygen for a few minutes and they were not sure if I was going to be brain dead or not. I woke up very confused, but my first thoughts were letting my family know that I was okay.

My doctor came in and asked if I'd remembered what happened. At that point, I didn't get into the spiritual, but just said I remembered telling her I was dying. She let me know that my blood became septic which caused my temperature to go up and my organs to stop. That's when she let me know that while they were working on me, I sat straight up and said 'get me out of here.' She said that scientifically a fever like that will cause delirium.

Her answers were okay, but not comforting. I knew that what happened to me had a purpose greater than what can be explained scientifically. There was a Bible in the drawer next to the bed. I remember opening it and as if illuminated by God Himself, I was drawn to 2 different scriptures: 'The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth' (Matthew 13:41-42).(GRIM, huh?) It was like that verse showed me what my fate was going to be. I remembered back to the void feeling, the scratching on a chalkboard, and the way my teeth clenched. The second scripture was 'He intercedes before the Father when we sin. He asks the Father to release into our life all that the Father has provided, especially the Holy Spirit' (John 14:16). Wow, that voice that I heard talking about me was Jesus Himself, interceding to the Father on my behalf. I began to read more and more as all of my questions were answered right there.

By this time, my family all learned that I was okay, but to this day, some of them do not even know the full details of what I endured. I couldn't help but think that had I died, they would have had a funeral for me, saying, 'oh, she was such a good person, she is in heaven now.' The thought was very sobering as the more that I was faced with the true reality of who I was, the more I realized that I was selfish, self-centered and of ill-motive, though it was masked with my 'niceness.' I had hurt people, including myself at times and yet I just continued with my life carrying the junk of who I was. As I continued reading the Bible, so much made sense to me. And it all flowed not only into my mind, but into the depth of me, particularly these simple things:

We are all born into sin. We were born sinners and we will die sinners. It is not the curse of an evil God, but of a God in whose image we were created. We want people to make the choice to love us for who we are, and so does He. We were born a puzzle with a missing piece. Many times, we attempt to fill that piece with things that just don't fit. Have you ever got to the end of putting a puzzle together and realize you're missing a piece? It's just not the complete masterpiece. Nothing else but that missing piece will make it whole. That's God to me and only when we find Him is our puzzle complete.

Jesus bridges the gap between God and us. God the Father is too holy to look upon us as sinners. But Jesus who became God in man form and lived the man experience where he can relate to us pleads to the Father on our behalf. I realized that the reason I was hell-bound was not because I was a bad person, but because I never acknowledged my sin. I never confessed my sin. I never asked for forgiveness for my shortcomings. 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness' (1 John 1:9). Now that I have that answer, not a day goes by that I don't ask the Lord to forgive me for the human that I am. I know He's humored by my many 'issues.' But, I also know that in our confession and acknowledgement of who we really are and where we really are is our connection to a God who exudes sincerity and honesty.

Back to the hospital bed. By this time, everyone knew I was okay, but I was still unable to see my babies because of being in intensive care and my infection. My father brought me a picture of them and a cheese steak (I can't forget that). The next few days consisted of many tests; including a CT scan to check for brain damage, (I'm still not convinced of the results that there wasn't any LOL). And I was told by the infection control doctor that my recovery could not be explained by science again proving to me that what happened was of great spiritual meaning.

This was definitely a turning point in my life and sent me on a journey of discovering more and more about this 'God.' I learned not to take this life for granted and was thankful that I was afforded the opportunity to raise my kids and see them grow. Since that has happened, I've heard many stories of people who had similar experiences, but didn't live to tell their stories.

My life has been a far cry from perfect, but it's been very full of God's grace, love and mercy. I've heard people say 'there's no hell, we live in hell' but, in my perception, as long as you have breath, the presence of God is here to provide relief from pain. Hell on the other hand is COMPLETE separation from God where that puzzle piece that I spoke of could never be filled.

This event I'm sharing is not to scare anyone, but rather to let you know that I believe regardless of what you've been through, are currently going through, or will go through, God has not forgotten you. That as long as YOU have breathe, YOU have an opportunity to receive God's love and mercy. He wants to save YOU from the grip of the enemy and embrace YOU with His love. A love that sacrificed his only son's death on the cross. I want YOU to understand that there are consequences for YOUR sin and how YOU behave on this Earth but that it's the Love of Christ that saves YOU from that consequence. It's as easy as confessing and repenting YOUR sin.

It has been very hard for me to share my NDE for fear of not being believed or being thought of as 'crazy'. I have already had critics of it. But, I've come to realize that holding it in will prevent it from reaching someone who may NEED to hear it.

I can only hope that my experience can bring that missing puzzle piece to someone else's life.

Stay Blessed!!!!

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 10/24/1995

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Contracted sepsis through a picc line; fever greater than 107 degrees.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw the doctors over me with a blue ice blanket. That was later verified as real. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I became completely and fully aware of WHO I really was and realized that we are more than just 'people'. We are spiritual beings on a journey that is meant to help us discover God in our lives.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? In the darkness or void that I felt. Though it was painful, I was very alert.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It felt like the NDE lasted for hours if not days, but when I came back, I realized it was more like 5-10 minutes (if that).

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. All senses were magnified.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. All senses were magnified.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't remember a tunnel, but just arriving in darkness.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw an unearthly light surrounding a cross.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The realm was complete emptiness, darkness. I 'felt' this more than actually experiencing it. I don't recall seeing my body for example, but I could just feel the surroundings.

The experience included: Hellish imagery

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, fear.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I saw myself for who I really was and I saw my need for a God.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I did go to Catholic School, but really had no sense of faith or God. I was pretty much a selfish 20 year old.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am an avid participator in church.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I am currently a Christian, non-affiliated (non-denominational).

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had no beliefs or faith prior to the experience. I just lived for myself and didn't really acknowledge any faith.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I had no beliefs or faith prior to the experience. I just lived for myself and didn't really acknowledge any faith. Since the experience, my thoughts about God, life, and myself in general have completely changed.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I believe that the light around the cross represented Jesus. Although I did not see a 'body' image, I did hear an audible voice say he was not finished with me yet. I believe the representation of the cross was Jesus and the fact that the words spoken were in line with scripture confirmed this to me.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I believe the representation of the cross was Jesus...and the fact that the words spoken were in line with scripture, confirmed this to me.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I don't understand this question.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The emptiness and darkness confirmed a void of peace and/or God. The cross symbolized the faith that I now follow and the voice was that of Jesus.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I believe that my experience happened not only for my benefit, but also for the benefit of others. By sharing it, I hope that it can increase others' faith.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Since my experience, I believe that we were all created by a God of love to live a life experience and return to Him.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The fact that though my body was gone, but I was still a being showed that there is life after death.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death

Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I realized that Jesus relates to our difficulties, challenges, and hardships...since the experience, my feelings towards others and natural empathy is very profound...beyond my understanding.

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Not compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt extremely loved to be given a second opportunity at life.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Before my experience, I was very careless and lived without thinking of consequences, etc. Other people did not matter to me as long as I was 'happy.' Now, I am so much more careful, sometimes to my detriment. I realize how fragile life is and I tend to worry about when my real time will come. I am more anxious than I was before the experience.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I express a greater love more patiently.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Whenever I share my experience, the imagery becomes very vivid.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can feel people's pain and have had dreams of events that have come to pass.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Every part is meaningful and makes me the person I am today.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I can't remember how long after it was I shared it. There are more believers than skeptics and many whose faith has been restored as a result.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it was real and had great spiritual significance.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Nothing has changed. I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Whenever I share my experience, the imagery becomes very vivid.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? The fact that though my body was gone I was still a being showed that there is life after death. I realized that Jesus relates to our difficulties, challenges and hardships. Since the experience, my feelings towards others and natural empathy is very profound and beyond my understanding.