Anelia G NDE

Experience Description

I was one year old and fell from the metal climbing structure at the playground.

All my life, I have regarded this very unique experience as my very first memory. It is my oldest memory and yet it is very vivid. I don't remember the events leading to my experience but I remember the experience very vividly.

I was not unconscious but I would rather describe it as being super-conscious. It felt as if I perceived it through a mature consciousness/mind/awareness rather than the toddler brain. I don't remember how I fell but I remember I felt absolutely no pain, nor did I feel the impact with the ground. It is hard to explain, but it felt as if I levitated upwards but somehow knew my body was on the ground.

Up above me, I saw this beautiful warm, gentle, yet bright white light. The light had depth to it as it was brightest in the center but there was also a spectrum of very beautiful and gentle colors. It was somewhat similar to the sun. But our eyes see the sun as a white, flat circle that is painful to look at. This light did not look flat, nor did it hurt my eyes to look at it.

In that moment, it felt as if time had stopped or just didn’t exist. I felt that the light was protecting me and nothing could ever reach me or harm me in it's presence. I felt super-calm and loved. It wasn’t like the love between humans which involves various different emotions. This love was unconditional and serene. I was levitating towards the light. At the same time, I had knowledge that I was dead. I did not have a word for the concept of death. I had this strong perception that my life had ended and I was returning to where I originated from.

I saw my life on earth as a split second and a tiny fraction of what I was supposed to live. I thought to myself, the equivalent of ' was that it? No, this cannot be it.' At that moment, I had a clear understanding of who I was on a fundamental level. I am not talking about earthly attributes like gender, race or ethnicity. I am talking about the spirit me, for lack of a better term. I wasn’t a human form nor did I have an age. I just was. For the sake of explaining this experience, I am writing everything in linear order, however all of this happened simultaneously. It is hard to explain.

I saw a preview of the life I was meant to live. It all made sense but I don’t remember the details. I had a choice to either go towards the light and enter right through it. But, I would have not been able to return. As pleasant as this place was, I wanted to continue my earthly life. I was supposed to become someone and was aware that I hadn’t even started this yet. As per my wishes, I returned.

Then the light started to fade and I saw two men walk towards the jungle gym. I initially saw them from the perspective of an observer on the side. A moment later, I was looking at them from the perspective of my body which was on the ground. The one man was my father and the other one was a family friend. Oddly enough, I could tell that they weren’t too worried, but they felt a bit guilty. Although a toddler I could understand just how young they both were, they seemed as just boys to me although they were in their late 20’s and early 30’s. I was conscious when my father picked me up but after that, all my memories fade. I do not remember anything after that until I was a bit older. The experience felt as if I awoke for a short moment from toddler consciousness but then 'fell asleep' (for lack of a better term) into toddler consciousness again.

Later on, when I was about 3 years old, I started experiencing dreams. The dreams were a unique experience for me. All of a sudden, I remembered the moment I saw the light as a memory of its own category. It was neither a dream nor a waking-moment memory. It was as real and even more real than real. I didn’t know what to do with the memory but knew that somehow I would ask about it when the time was right.

As I was growing up, I didn’t think much about death but I have always known about it, despite the fact that people assume children are not aware of this reality. For many years, I didn’t know what the experience meant. I could not understand why I had such a clear understanding at that age but had early toddler memories from the following years.

This became increasingly confusing to me and as time passed I developed this belief that I must have been reincarnated. If I had been an older child who died and was reincarnated that would have explained the chronological issue. I had started to doubt that maybe I got the part about the men confused, and maybe that was my father from another life. I was determined that one day, I would figure out who fell, and if a child indeed died after falling at the playground.

I am now 34 years old. Only last year, I had decided to ask my mother if she remembers the event. I described it and named the people who I thought were there. She confirmed the event and said that I had fallen and hit my head. On earth, this would have amounted to seconds. Yet, I felt as if I was out for a unmeasurable amount of time. What I witnessed and experienced does not match in duration to the duration of me falling and being picked up. I received the confirmation that it was me who fell and that I wasn't reincarnated.

I don't talk about the experience much because I find that people just don't get it or they get frightened by it. They hold on to their limited, materialistic view and try to explain my experience as an optical illusion. To that extent, I understand them because they can't possibly imagine it. I know it is not an optical illusion. I am, however, very willing to share it with people who are open-minded enough to listen.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1987 according to the confirmation of others

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain. Direct head injury. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I was a toddler and fell from the metal climbing structure at the playground. I think that is potentially life threatening, however I did not sustain severe injuries.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It was like the waking-moments of life are like a dream and that moment was me waking up from it.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was facing light and surrounded by it.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Everything seemed to happen simultaneously, in the sense that it was multidimensional rather than linear. It seems to have some chronology to it, given the fact that I experienced the option of a choice. But it is more complex that the earthly order of past, present, and future. Everything was intertwined.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't have memories before the experience as I was just a baby.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't have memories before the experience as I was just a baby.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes. The light was deep, white and warm with the brightest part of it at the center. It had many colors to the periphery or ambient. The light felt like it was a conscious Being. The light did not hurt to look at.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I entered a place where time did not exist but I was only at the entrance. I had the knowledge that if I went all the way through the light, I would never be able to return. It was a place of transition where I could receive a perspective of my past and future earthly-life. I was only my consciousness; I wasn't a body and that didn't bother me at all.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt serenity, love, peace, security, owe, comfort, admiration of beauty, and acceptance.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I understood everything about myself but not all others. I had understood what I was, and what life is and where it had come from. I knew who I was and I wasn't the body. It is like I had always been the consciousness but the body was just my capsule for my life, which had the purpose of experience. Rather than being goal-oriented life, I seemed to be experience/process oriented. To give a silly example, people go on a holiday to a beautiful destination to have an experience rather than to have an achievement. That is the best comparison that I can think of.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. I know that I acquired the knowledge that I had been a toddler who had lived just a fraction of the life meant for me, but I don't remember the details now.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future. I don't remember the details and that is a good thing considering that I was a toddler and my life was just about to be lived. I remember I was blessed with good health until the end and my life wasn't too difficult but it was also not the usual life pattern that the majority of people follow. I did something of particular significance but don't remember what it was.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I felt that I could go through the light but I would miss out on the life experience I was meant to have. Also, I had that feeling that this choice would hurt my loving parents.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? No comment. I was a toddler and did not have a concept for religion at the time, otherwise my parents and grandparents are Orthodox Christian.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? I am constantly learning and growing spiritually. It is not my experience but rather the understanding of its meaning that is changing my perspective on everything.

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian I was baptized at the age of 5 and I wanted it. I am of the belief that the entire truth is not to be found complete in any text written by man. One needs to look at the totality of information, including other spiritual teachings, religions as well as nature to get a better idea of the bigger picture. I find that Christianity better than any other religion explains the human problem resulting from the disconnection from the Divine.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Since I was a toddler I didn't have any beliefs; in fact, I couldn't have known about death. Yet during my experience I had this strong awareness that I died, but not completely as I hadn't gone through the light all the way. Basically, I knew about earthly life and earthly death and spiritual existence.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I was too young to have had established values and beliefs.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. The light was a like a presence of a spiritual being or like the source of life itself. It communicated with me but it was telepathically, I didn't hear an audible voice and I didn't know any human language well enough at the time but I definitely had concepts and knowledge despite the fact that I had not learned them during my life prior to the experience.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I felt that I had existed for eternity and was not created but at the same time I did not have a past. It is if I had the properties of something eternal and that is why I had the feeling that I was never created. I had no memories of past lives. Remember also that during the experience time didn't have the same meaning. It was as if I was a copy of the eternal consciousness but at the same time I wasn't the source itself.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Yes I could telepathically communicate with another being and there weren't the boundaries that exist between living organisms in different bodies. I experienced the being as all-knowing and for that reason I had the perspective into past and future event.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The supreme loving source of all life was represented by the light.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I had a feeling but unfortunately don't remember any special knowledge. Or maybe not unfortunately, I am sure I will learn that again.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Like I mentioned earlier the purpose of life seemed to be to have an experience and the point was to live for the process rather than for the end result. I don't know whether that is all there is to it.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Unknown Yes On a fundamental level I was life and consciousness while the body on earth was just a capsule for the earthly experience which is one of many possibilities. Life on earth was like a dream from which I woke up to remember who I was. The materialistic view is that the body creates life while what I experienced showed me that life was what made the body alive.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes From that point of view the earthly challenges seemed insignificant.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I experienced unconditional love and was aware that my human parents were also capable of unconditional love. It is hard for me to describe it because at that time I had not known the opposite of love. It was as if only love existed. It is really on earth that we learn the meaning of lack of love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Unknown I don't know really, but I will mention a few things that are specific to me. I started drawing when I was at about that age, I don't know if it was before or after the experience. All I know is that I have been drawing since I can remember. I used to do better in art than the kids. I was absolutely terrified of sports and of climbing ladders and catching balls. I did not associate my fears with the experience, but always felt inferior to other children who didn't have any fears of sports. The only thing I was good at was swimming. I was very quiet and did not like to play with large groups of children as I couldn't understand why they had to make so much noise. I had an issue with saying a basic hello to people- it seemed stupid and embarrassing to me when I was a child. I did not understand the point of that verbal ritual. As a child I used to ask my parents difficult philosophical questions such as what is nothing and asked them if they can imagine it. I used to ask them if they felt the way I did- meaning I can control my body but I don't feel it- it is as if I don't have it. I had this strange belief that everyone is born twice, first when they are born and then a confirmation birth at the age of 4. As a child I could stick utensils to my hand like a magnet. I am highly intuitive and have a strong connection with nature so without having studied about plants I can figure out what they need, even when the plants are very difficult to grow. My dreams are exceptionally vivid and if I had any musical skills I could have recorded the original music I hear in my dreams. From time to time, I have strange incidents of instant knowledge that something is about to take place. For example, when my younger brother was in primary school and I was in high school, I had that bothersome feeling that something happened to him and he was sent to the sick room and my parent were called. It bothered me the whole day. When I returned from school, my brother had indeed been picked up from school early because another kid had thrown a stone and hit my brother's head. I have had out of body experiences that start with vibrations not of physical origin. They feel like energy flowing from the end of my limbs and being collected in my skull. There they are amplified and the out of body experience follows. I don't like those to be honest but when that happens usually I am shown something in a dream. Just to be clear- I have never taken recreational drugs, never been drunk, never smoked and I hardly ever take medications. Medications usually have severe adverse effects on me. I consider myself very blessed and I've had some very interesting things happen to me.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes First of all there is the coherence issue. Yes there was the event, in this case the falling, which lead up to the experience and being picked up after I fell, but everything that happened during that experience happened simultaneously. It is like this reality is one dimensional whereas that reality is multidimensional. Also, one cannot use appropriate words to describe more conscious than conscious. Words are sufficient to describe earthly objects and phenomena but when one attempts to describe that kind of an experience, words are only descriptive but not definitive.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I don't have other memories from that age. The life memories I have are from later on. People tell me about events that had happened to me at about that age but I remember none of them. They tell me how I got sick from a certain food that I ate and yet I remember nothing of it. I am certain that the only reason I remember the experience is because it was an experience of super-consciousness.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have claircognizance from time to time. Like I mentioned earlier an example is when my younger brother was in primary school and I was in high school, I had that bothersome feeling that something happened to him and he was sent to the sick room and my parent were called. It bothered me the whole day. When I returned from school, my brother had indeed been picked up from school early because another kid had thrown a stone and hit my brother's head. I am very intuitive but I don't know whether this is due to the experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire experience is highly significant to me. That was the experience that showed me who I was and the fact that I had had it at an age far too young to have any prior knowledge, to me it shows that I am not my brain. The brain is the processor of the physical senses received though the body and communicated to consciousness. The brain is like a transmitter, it can receive but it is not responsible for perception. My experience was not a product of my brain only, as my brain had not received any of that information through life. From the materialistic point of view, a mere hit on the head can never inset all that information.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Family members and I asked my mother and she verified the event. I posted a few comments on YouTube videos about NDEs. I want to share it with others but chances are they won't get it just like some of my family members don't. I am noticing that the idea of consciousness not being a product of the brain upsets a lot of people.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Initially I did not remember it as I started perceiving the reality through the toddler body. The memory was stored as a separate category and not that of earthly memories or dreams. When I started experiencing dreams I realized that I had a memory which did not belong in the dream's memory section nor in my life's timeline memory section.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It is very real, but since it did not turn out to be a memory from a past life, the memory of death can only be explained as a near death experience not a death experience. Keeping in mind that it happened before I was taught about death and yet I had a concept of death, but it symbolized a transition rather than end. The fact that I wasn't clinically dead does not invalidate my experience, it only suggests that consciousness can detach from the body prior or post physical death.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I haven't told everyone yet but I will see how some individuals will react.