Angela B STE

Experience Description

In the middle of the night, I awoke with a severe migraine. I'd experienced occasional migraines since I was a teenager, but this particular migraine was extremely painful and I should have sought treatment at the Emergency Room. However, since I had very young children at the time, I didn't want to wake them or my husband, so I attempted to treat myself. I took my prescription migraine medication, but it did not provide any relief from the pain. Instead of waiting an hour before taking the second dose as the instructions advised, I waited 20 minutes and took the second dose. I also took two over-the-counter pills for migraine. I have always been very sensitive to medications, but at the time I did not consider this. I was only focused on relieving the intense pain. After taking the medications, I became very sleepy and returned to bed. When I drifted off to sleep, I would awaken by gasping for breath. I quickly realized that when I drifted off to sleep, I stopped breathing. I was fearful I would fall asleep and die. I said a very simple prayer, 'Dear God, please don't let me die. I want to be a mother and a wife.' As I said the prayer, I doubted God would hear me. At that time in my life, I felt insignificant. I was not sure God existed, and if He did, I didn't think he would know me. But I was about to be proven wrong.

Immediately after praying, I felt a presence come over my bed. I was lying on my back with my eyes closed, but I could sense a shadow had been cast as something moved over my body and then stood next to my bed. As soon as I felt the presence, I was frightened and I heard a Bible verse in my mind, 'An angel of the Lord stood by them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.' I realized I had received the Bible verse telepathically and an angel had arrived to help me. Then it felt as if the angel slipped his hand directly into my stomach. I felt a sensation unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Static was moving in my stomach and throughout my torso. I also saw in my mind's eye a vison of black and white static, as like on a tv set without reception. At the same time, I felt my deceased father's presence and I could hear him speaking into my right ear. He repeatedly said, 'You're going to be ok, you're going to be ok, you're going to be ok.'

As the angel stood to my left and my father spoke to me from my right, a very large, powerful presence hovered over the length of my body. When I noticed the large presence, my inner vision was changed to that of a crystal blue waterfall. The water was sparkling clear and the most beautiful blue I have ever seen. As I marveled at the sight of the water, the static sensation in my torso dissipated and was replaced with a sensation of liquid love rushing into my heart. The love was so pure and overwhelming that I immediately began to weep. The liquid love flowed through my heart and filled up my chest cavity to the point that I could not expand my lungs to inhale. I was aware of having difficulty breathing, but it did not concern me. I was so blissed out from the love, that nothing else mattered. I had the realization of, 'This must be God.' It was so large, infinite, and powerful, that I just knew it could have no other name than God. Once I realized I was in the presence of God, my next thought was, 'Oh no, God is going to judge me for taking too much medication.' I waited for the judgement. It did not come. I moved into the flow of God, searching for His judgement. No judgement was there. Not a speck. Only pure, adoring love was in the infinite flow of God.

At this point I lost awareness of my body. I did not recall I was a mother, wife, daughter, friend. I had no recollection of life on earth. I merged into an infinite presence that utterly and completely adored me. God did not speak words to me. The love said it all. I felt as if I was an awareness, a being without a name or identity, and I was expanding to the size of the cosmos. I was home. I realized home was where I wanted to remain forever and in my blissed-out state, it took all the energy I could muster to telepathically communicate, 'Take me.' With these two words, I was attempting to communicate that I wanted to remain in the pure love forever. As my presence continued to expand in a state of bliss, it felt as if I was nearing a point where I would explode into a billion atoms and forever be with God. I mentally prepared myself for the explosion and gladly welcomed it. At the very last millisecond before the explosion of my being and my total emergence into infinity, God pulled me out of Heaven and I landed with a shocking jolt into my body.

I lay in my bed, dazed and confused. My hair and pillow were soaked from the tears I had cried as the love consumed my heart and spirit. I have no idea how long I was with God, but when I returned to my body, it was completely healed. The medication had been removed. I was breathing normally. I was not lethargic. And my head felt normal. Usually after having a migraine, my head would be very sore to the point that brushing my hair would be unbearable. Now I could push against my skull and feel no pain or soreness. I attempted to process what had just happened. I knew that I had experienced something beyond any earthly experience I'd ever had. I told myself that I would allow myself to believe I had experienced a miracle, if when I awoke in the morning, I remained pain-free. Eventually I fell asleep and when I awoke in the morning, my body had no after-effects of a migraine or medication. I felt wonderful. I remember standing at the mirror, brushing my hair, and trying to accept all that had occurred.

My best friend called me and I told her I had experienced a miracle the night before. Fortunately, she believed me and she advised me to go to the bookstore to find a book about healing. I did as she suggested and as I was walking into the bookstore, I realized I had no idea where to find a book that would help me. Then an image appeared in my mind. It was a poster of the cast of the tv show, 'Touched by an Angel'. I had never watched the tv show, but I decided to go to the section of the bookstore where there were books about angels. I grabbed some books which caught my eye and I randomly opened one of the books. The first paragraph I read was about a woman who experienced a healing from an angel. She described feeling static in her body as she was being healed. I was shocked. How had I walked into the bookstore and opened a book that described what I had experienced the night before? My mind was blown. It was too much to process. I spent the next few days reliving the experiences in my mind. After a few days I accepted I had been touched by an angel, comforted by my earthly father in heaven, held in the infinite arms of God and miraculously healed. My life would never be the same again.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: October, 2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Drug or medication overdose Life threatening event, but not clinical death I accidentally overdosed while attempting to treat my migraine.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal At my highest level of consciousness I was one with the cosmos. I was eternal. I had merged into God and was in a state of total love and bliss.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the end of my experience, right before I was put back in my body.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time lost all meaning. There was no existence of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had strange visions during the experience. I had a vision of black and white static and I had a vision of a waterfall. The water was very pure, very clean, and the most gorgeous blue I have ever seen. I haven't seen water like that on earth.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing occurred internally, telepathically. I received a telepathic message from an angel and my deceased father. When I merged with God, there were no words or sounds.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My father's presence was to the right of me. I did not see him, but I heard his voice. He knew I was frightened and he attempted to soothe me by repeatedly saying, 'You're going to be ok, you're going to be ok.' He was calm and I felt better knowing he was with me. He probably told me I was going to be ok at least 20 times. He wanted to make sure I knew he was with me.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was in the cosmos. I did not see forms of any type. No bodies, no light. It was completely dark, but I was wrapped in eternal love and I expanded into the cosmos.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Bliss, joy, never-ending love. Pure Happiness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I understood that we are all One. We are all joined together in God. We are equally loved by God. We exist in eternal unity.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will Prior to being returned to my body, I was in a state of bliss, joy, and love. It took everything I could muster to telepathically communicate two words to God, 'Take me.' I wanted to remain with God forever. I knew I was home. God continued to allow me stay in Heaven and expand into the love. I got to a point where I felt that if I were to expand much more, I would explode into the bliss and merge into infinity. The millisecond before my being could no longer be contained as a singular presence inside the whole, I was sent back to my body. If I had been allowed to expand beyond that brink of existence, I would have completely merged into God and lost realization of being a singular entity.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I find that most churches in America do not actually teach what Jesus was preaching during his lifetime. He told us not to judge others, to love our neighbors, and to love God. I find that many churches preach judgement and separation instead of Unity. I have been a student of A Course in Miracles. This book has helped me immensely. It beautifully describes some of the spiritual experiences I've had. I have also studied other religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism. I like to find the commonalities among religions.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I consider myself to be spiritual.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Prior to my experience I was not sure if there was a God. And if there was a God, I had been taught that he could get angry with us, judge us, and send us to Hell for eternity. My experience with God showed me that none of this was true. I can longer attend church and hear these messages. So much harm has been created out of these false teachings.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I don't judge others as I did prior to my NDE. I used to be very self-critical and very judgemental of myself and others. Judgement, ironically, was taught in the church I attended. I can no longer attend churches who preach messages of judgement, the wrath of God, etc. I only know God to be loving.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I felt a presence come into my bedroom. It telepathically spoke a Bible verse to me, 'The angel of the Lord stood by them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.' I was too frightened to open my eyes, but I felt a presence standing next to my bed. It had flown into the room, moved over my body, and stood next to me. It felt as if it put its hand into my body and sent healing energy throughout my torso. The healing energy felt like static.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes The experience of God I had is where we all exist prior to any lifetime. It is the Source of ALL THAT IS.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Universal unity and oneness exists. We are all ONE. We've been taught on earth to judge others based on their beliefs, their race, culture, etc. Judgement causes separation and division. In Heaven we are all love. There is no anger, resentment, or fear to divide us. We are equal and we are equally loved.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God definitely exists. I had been raised in the Baptist church and I was told that God was a man. The God I experienced was neither Male nor Female. God was infinite, pure love. I had also been taught to believe that God judges us like a Santa Claus who lives in the sky and determines who has been naughty or nice, who gets to go to Heaven, and who should go to Hell. The God I experienced in my NDE did not judge. God has never judged. It is a presence of overpowering love and joy.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes We are meant to become aware of who we are. We are children of God, aspects of God, having a human existence. We are meant to realize we are One. We are meant to love one another and love God.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I encountered my father who had passed away a year before my NDE. When I was with God I knew that our spirit exists forever and we merge with ALL THAT IS, which is eternal.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is unity. Love is not a romantic love. It is a love that binds us all as ONE. In Heaven we are connected and joined in the Unity of Love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life My life is significantly different now. My spiritual life is very important to me. I want to serve others with kindness and compassion. I work to continue to grow spiritually. Ten years after my NDE, I divorced my husband. I was very much changed by my NDE and subsequent STE's (Spiritually Transformative Experiences). He could not accept how I changed and that I no longer believed in some of the teachings of the Baptist Church.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My marriage did not survive. I divorced my husband of 20 years. He could not deal with my changes. I grew tired of being called 'crazy' when I attempted to explain my STE's or my Kundalini Awakening that followed my NDE. He was very materialistic and I became very spiritual. We no longer had mutual interests. I also lost friends who could not accept my changes. I now have new friends in my life. They are spiritual and they are open-minded. I am thankful for the personal growth I have experienced, but I've learned that others in my life were not pleased with my growth. I used to lack confidence and I was a people-pleaser. Now I love myself. I know how to set healthy boundaries and participate in healthy, loving, and respectful relationships. Overall my life is much better now than it was prior to my NDE.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words can't come close to describing the experience. There are no words that are adequate to describe infinite love. The love is so pure. Here on earth love often comes with strings attached. In Heaven the love pours out for eternity, wanting nothing, but to give love.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.e experience I am 50 years old now. At the time of my NDE I was 38 years old. I can remember every single detail of the experience. I often cry as I talk about the experience. I remember the feeling of being home and sometimes recalling the NDE makes me feel homesick.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am clairaudient, clairvoyant, and psychic. I occasionally receive messages of what is to come (precognition). I also experience the spirit of loved ones who have crossed over.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I am grateful to have experienced a miraculous healing. Prior to my NDE, I doubted there was a God. Now I know angels and God exist and miracles are possible.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared the experience with my best friend the day after my NDE occurred. Fortunately, she believed me. I attempted to tell my husband about my NDE several times and he told me I was 'imagining things'. Unfortunately, since he did not believe me, I attempted to suppress my memory of the NDE for several years. But, I was unable to permanently suppress my NDE. I would go on to experience several STE's and a Kundalini Awakening years after experiencing my NDE. I am integrating all of my experiences.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Since I had a miraculous healing during my NDE, I was forced to come up with some explanation of my experience. Within a few days of my NDE I had accepted that I experienced an angel, my deceased father, and God. There was no other logical explanation as to how I was healed. I did not learn about NDE's until 6 years after my NDE. Not knowing who to talk to or where to go for information prevented me from integrating my experience. I felt so alone and misunderstood. I wish I had known there was help available.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I know my experience was real. I know I was healed. And I have since become aware of other individuals who were healed during their NDE. I have been able to access spiritual teachings that have helped me to better understand my NDE. I've learned that many individuals have experienced God as I experienced God. I am thankful for my NDE, but the journey since my NDE has not always been easy.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes While meditating, I will often see light and experience profound stillness and peace. When I had a Kundalini Awakening 6 years after my NDE, I experienced being in the cosmos again. This time I had access to a lot of information. I've since had experiences with angels and deceased loved ones. While reading 'Autobiography of a Yogi', by Paramahansa Yogananda, I spontaneously went into a state of euphoric bliss and heard, 'Shiva, Shiva, Shiva...'. I later found out that Shiva is the foundation of universal love, where I was during my NDE. The bliss and the love I felt was the same love I experienced during my NDE.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am very grateful for my NDE. I no longer fear death. In fact, I look forward to when it is my time to transition. I know we do not die. My life has been profoundly impacted by my NDE and subsequent STE's and Kundalini Awakening. My life is now devoted to God and my spiritual awakening. I hope to eventually help others who are on their journeys of spiritual awakening.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? The questionnaire was very thorough. Thank you!