Angela S NDE

Experience Description :

I woke up in the early morning unable to breathe unless I sat up. My husband took me to the hospital after a quick trip to our family physician. I was put through a battery of X-rays and blood tests, etc. Then I was wheeled into a room, an oxygen mask was put on my face, and I was left there to wait until all the tests came back.

As I lay there, my husband sat at the foot of my bed. Every time I lay down, it was harder to breathe, but I was so weak, all I could do was hope they figured out what was wrong with me, so I prayed silently to myself. I was inwardly afraid of what would happen to me. At the time this occurred, I had been given absolutely NO medication - only the oxygen had been administered.

I recall trying to draw a breath and it seemed like the hardest thing to do, like a weight was on my chest. I closed my eyes and then I felt 'free' suddenly. Not just free, but weightless and 'assured'. I wasn't afraid anymore. I was without a single care. I was like a child again and I marveled at the complete lack of burden.

Then, I felt two hands on either shoulder touch me. Even though I didn't look behind me, I seemed to know these two people standing behind me were my friends. I didn't have to look. It was as if I was not allowed to look, but it didn't matter, since I 'sensed' they were good and safe. I asked them if I was dead and it was time to go. They said no. They told me I was to go with them. They wanted to show me something. They did not ask me for my answer (which would have been 'yes').

Then, they pulled me out of my body by the shoulders and took me up through the ceiling, and through all the floors, and out of the building and into the 'sky'. I was flying and it felt exhilarating. But when we got high enough, things went black and there was this nothing place. Everything was quiet and there was no temperature sensation - just deep nothing and silence.

I asked where I was and they positioned me with a touch of their hands (which is hard to relate again because there was nothing relative to 'position' me, but I knew they were facing me because of their touch). They said to watch, so I did. In the vast distance, I saw something begin to grow. I am not sure if I got closer, or if it was getting bigger. There was nothing else around to compare it to. When 'it' got close, enough I could start to see these little 'beings'(?) wrapping ribbons of light around a central 'thing'. As the thing got closer, I could see all kinds of things that are part of creation. I saw cats, mountains, trees, rivers, people, stars..., there were so many things just 'bubbling' up and together. Like a soup of everything, but each thing thought out clearly in their bubbles only to 'pop' and join everything else.

I cannot begin to tell you the joy - jubilation - that I felt watching this happen. It was the most happiness I had ever felt in my life. They asked me, 'What do you see?' I said (as if I had no doubt at all), 'Creation.' Then they asked me, 'What have you learned?' I said (as if I always knew even though I'd never considered this philosophy), 'Everything IS everything else.' Then they asked again with a simple, 'AND?...' I was full of knowledge I had never known. I answered, 'What anyone does, matters to everything.' It was interesting hearing answers come from my lips(?) that I didn't know I knew. They said, 'Good.' The next thing I know they are pulling me away from the 'joy' and taking me somewhere else.

In an instant, we were standing in an all-white place. They were still behind me (I knew) but again, I had no need or desire to look back at them. No walls, no floor, no ceiling - this place was just all white. The only thing that stood out was a door. It was a plain red door, like a stage door - but nothing held it up. It just stood there, the only color in the place.

I presumed it was death's door and asked them again if I was going to die now. I did not ask in fear, just child-like curiosity. They told me no. They said I had one more thing to learn before I returned. They said to walk through the door. I politely countered (knowing it was death's door) that they had just said I wasn't going to die just yet. With a gentle shove, I went to the door, trusting in them totally, just slightly confused but content.

I walked through it - and felt absolutely nothing different. I told them nothing happened. They said do it again, only this time with shoes. I looked down for the first time and saw that I had legs and feet and was wearing bright red sneakers. Strangely, I had never considered my 'body until that moment except in the context of what I was seeing outside of it.

The second time I walked through the door; I again felt nothing and told them so. They said to look at my feet, so I did. The shoes were still on the other side of the threshold. They had never entered with me. Then they asked me again what I had learned. I answered swiftly that we could not take material things with us when we die. I was pleased with my answer, though I felt there was more because what I said seemed so obvious.

They persisted again with the same secondary question, 'AND?...' Then, the words rolled from my lips like it had always been there just out of my knowing and instantly recalled. I had felt nothing different when I walked through the door because I DIDN'T change. My LOCATION did. My sneakers were never a part of me. I said, 'We do not change when we die. We are always butterflies. We simply move to a different sky.' If I had tears I could not feel them, and yet what I had just said reverberated into my heart, soul, and very being. I knew I had 'learned'.

They said it was time to go back. I succumbed willingly to their navigation through and out of the 'wherever' place we were. We fell out of the blackness again, through the roof, ceilings and floor until I was in my room again.

I lowered horizontally as if I was going to settle into my body, but I hovered a few feet above. I felt their hands leave my shoulders and I didn't want them to go. I told them I was not in my body yet. They said I had the power to do that and I didn't need them. They did not say goodbye. They simply left.

I could see my husband still at the foot of my bed. He had fallen asleep sitting in the chair. I sort of 'relaxed' my way down and it worked! I got a few inches from being all the way in - and like a child with a new toy, I went up again just to see if I could do it - and I did!

I was about to try again, but I saw him stirring and my heart suddenly worried he would be afraid. I didn't want to scare him, so I went the whole way down. When I went back into my body, it all came back - the heaviness, the pain in my chest, the struggle to breathe. The one thing that was different was my attitude. I was SO unafraid - I was SO ASSURED. For the first time in my life, death was nothing to fear ever again. I had new answers and a new outlook and philosophy. What I did here mattered, and where I was headed, was a good place.

My husband reached out to touch my hand. His face was full of concern. I told him not to worry - that I wasn't going to die yet. Not from this anyway.

Ever since then, I have told only certain people. I try not to tell anyone unless I feel they need to know it and won't think I'm making it up. The only reason I am telling you is because my daughter showed me this site and I was inspired to share it with others who ARE looking for assurance of life after death.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: May 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death I had been rushed to the hospital with a severe case of bilateral pneumonia. Whatever virus that caused it was unknown and rapidly spreading. I was at forty percent lung capacity when I arrived at the hospital (but they didn't know that until the X-rays came back.)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I struggled with this answer. You see, I wanted to put normal, because it 'felt' normal, but the 'depth of emotion' from that alertness was NOT normal.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Although through ALL of it, I was very lucid and clear - I'd have to say when I looked at the big creation thing in the blackness, that joyous moment I was clear and also when I was floating above me when I returned.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Neither

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Neither The void was all black and there was no defined 'up' or 'down'. The white place had no walls, no floor, no ceiling - this place was just all white. The only thing that stood out was a door. It was a plain red door, like a stage door, but nothing held it up. It just stood there defying gravity in the middle of a white nothingness, the only color in the place. You could not even tell where the floor began under you.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More so than usual

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Sometimes I wasn't sure I was hearing them. I just 'knew' what they said. It was a softer sound. Like a soft voice at the back of my head, that didn't pound on my ears, it just washed over them.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Neither

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Well, I don't think you mean by this question whether I left the hospital and flew away. There was no tunnel. I went through that door they showed me, but I don't think that counts either. That's why I am uncertain.

Did you see any beings in your experience? Neither

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They stood behind me. There were two of them. I never looked back to see them. I had no need or desire to. I don't know why not other than that. I sensed they knew me, but I don't know who they were other than my friends. (Not friends I knew, just that they were friendly.) They may have been angels, but that's just me speculating. I don't know for sure about that. They talked to me a lot. Well, only when I asked them questions, or when they asked me questions. You can read that in the details I wrote.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? Neither

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was everywhere around the creation thing in the void, and it was all around me in the white place.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt 'free' suddenly. Not just free, but weightless and 'assured'. I wasn't afraid anymore. I was without a single care. I was like a child again and I marveled at the complete lack of burden. I was light and peaceful. Euphoria without the drugs.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? United, one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Neither

Did scenes from the future come to you? Neither

Did you come to a border or point of no return? Neither

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Although I had attended many denominations in my lifetime, I was a Lutheran (and still am technically) when this occurred.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Moderate Lutheran (though I consider myself very accepting of other forms of worship)

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Definite being, or voice clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Neither

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes They asked me, 'What do you see?' I said (as if I had no doubt at all), 'Creation.' Then they asked me, 'What have you learned?' I said (as if I always knew even though I'd never considered this philosophy), 'Everything IS everything else.' Then they asked again with a simple, 'AND?...' I was full of knowledge I had never known. I answered, 'What anyone does, matters to everything.' It was interesting hearing answers come from my lips(?) that I didn't know I knew. They persisted again with the same secondary question, 'AND?...' Then, the words rolled from my lips like it had always been there just out of my knowing and instantly recalled. I had felt nothing different when I walked through the door because I DIDN'T change. My LOCATION did. My sneakers were never a part of me. I said, 'We do not change when we die. We are always butterflies. We simply move to a different sky.' If I had tears I could not feel them, and yet what I had just said reverberated into my heart, soul, and very being. I knew I had 'learned'.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I tend to forgive more - friends I would normally become exasperated with, I now have more patience with them. Things like that.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Some of the things I saw, I had never seen before, so I had to relate it with things I knew about that were LIKE what I saw.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It was all meaningful and significant. I'm not sure I understand this question.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I waited a week. I wasn't sure if anyone would believe me, but I was so very anxious to tell it. On the day I left the hospital, as he was driving me home, I told him. He was very silent and then tried to pinpoint when it happened to test my memory of it. He was honestly skeptical, though I wasn't upset that he was. I expected him and others to be. Of the perhaps dozen I have told, most of them take it with tears of joy and acceptance. I am very careful whom I tell and let my heart lead me to tell. I have no idea what changes may have occurred after I told them. Other than my daughter, who led me to this website, she is elated there are others with similar experiences so that I can see not to be afraid to tell others.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Well, it was so real to me, that I knew I was going to have to tell someone eventually, even if it meant looking like I was crazy. It was too important a message to keep to myself. I never stopped knowing it was real. I just didn't know how to express a lot of it. I was infinitely concerned that my lack of definitions for what I'd seen would take away from its reality in others' eyes.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Each day I wake up, I am aware what I do matters. I think about what my smile will do on the other side of the world. I look at a tree and think how it knows a mountain. I see a dying person and can only rejoice when their suffering ends. When I say comforting words at a funeral now, I REALLY mean them. They aren't just said to fill the silence. When I say 'He's in a better place,' I believe with all my heart and soul he IS. Better still, I KNOW it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I suppose I want to stress again how CHILDLIKE I was during the NDE in comparison with what I am. I offered complete trust, playfulness, and curiosity - many things associated with a child's eye view. Even though there was a deep-seated wisdom that was inside me, it was tempered with a delightful sense of wonderment.