Anne B Probable NDE

Experience Description

I was 17 years old. I lived with my mother, who had been depressed since my father had passed away a few years earlier. We weren't really talking to each other. I felt lonely and depressed. My only sister had left home to start her adult life.

One day, I decided to end my suffering and swallowed all the boxes of medications my mother had accumulated to treat her depression. I fell asleep very quickly, sinking into a heavy sleep.

At one point, I had a nightmare where I was alone in space. I was floating in an absolutely black void and the loneliness was agonizing. It was the worst feeling of loneliness I have ever felt. I felt like it was real. I thought I needed someone, that I couldn't stay alone for all eternity; then a friend's face appeared in a corner of that space and the nightmare stopped.

I woke up due to a strong, unpleasant and disturbing vibration in my head. But it suddenly stopped. Then I opened my eyes and found that I was stuck in front of the top of my wardrobe that is located in the corner of my bedroom. It was daytime. At that moment, I was sure I was awake. But I did not understand why my eyes were in front of the top of the wardrobe, around 6 feet above the floor. I sometimes wore glasses with little correction. Here, my vision was very precise. I could see much more detail, such as in the wallpaper and the wardrobe than previously. It seemed very real to me though, since I was in the room where I had fallen asleep. Then I saw myself in my bed, but I reacted almost as if it was someone else. I didn't panic but I didn't understand; I briefly entertain the idea that I might be dead but that was all. I didn’t pay much attention to it.

At that time and until a short time ago, I was convinced that the soul did not exist. I thought that there was only the brain that created thoughts, and that the degradation of the body would annihilated those thoughts. However, it was obvious to me that I was not dead. I didn't think I was dreaming either, because everything seemed very real. I sometimes had lucid dreams during which I knew I was dreaming, but here, this was not the case.

I quickly understood that I was floating and that I could move around like in a dream. I found the experience was magical. I thought of my sister; thinking I would like to show this to her because otherwise, she wouldn't believe me. She was supposed to be in her apartment that weekend. Yet, I found myself in front of the door of the room she occupied when she still visited at home. The door was slightly ajar, not enough to be able to enter without pushing it. I passed through it without touching the door. I think that's when I realized I didn't have a body. And then, to my surprise, my sister was at her desk working. I waved to her. I called her by her first name, but she didn't look up. I was in front of her, with my eyes still six feet from the ground. She didn't seem to hear me. I told myself that she was doing it on purpose, and that it annoyed me. The idea that I might be invisible started to creep in my mind. I was starting to realize that she really couldn't see and hear me.

A black hole opened in her room, in the air. I didn't quite trust it. Then it changed its appearance and became luminous. This reassured me, so I got closer.

I then arrived in a dark cave, about 7 to 10 feet wide and 7 feet high. I floated without thinking to the front of this cave. On the walls, there were thousands of sepia-colored photos of people I didn't recognize. When I approached, I saw that some of the photos were transparent tiles; behind which, the faces of people from another world approached to chat with each other, or just watch what was happening in that tunnel. I did not recognize those faces except for one: it was my father. He didn't look happy to find me there, and he seemed to be struggling to get close. It looked like something was holding him back. I worried about him. I kept moving forward anyway.

Then I heard a firm, 'NO!' in an unfamiliar male voice behind me. I still continued forward, and then I heard that voice repeat, but more authoritatively, 'STOP!' It seemed to me that the person speaking to me hesitated whether to address me in English or French. I don't know why I had this feeling. I am French and at the time my only English was whatever I had learned at school. At this point, the experience stopped and I came back to my body.

I woke up and felt bad. I inspected the top of the wardrobe; I wondered how I could have found myself there. I went to my sister's room and she was there. She had decided to spend the day there and had arrived in the morning. I asked her why she did not react earlier when I had called her and when I was in front of her. She answered that she was alone. I insisted I had been there. She told me that I had dreamed it. She looked rather exasperated that I didn't believe it was just a dream. I stopped talking to her, telling myself, 'I KNOW I wasn't dreaming.' I understood that she didn't believe me because the experience sounded so crazy. I wouldn't have believed her myself if she had told me that.

Later that day I told her that I was worried about our daddy because I had seen him in that dream and he didn't seem well. Of course, she told me it was just a dream. I felt that talking about him could help improve his situation.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2006

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose. Other: Medication overdose, probably insufficient to really endanger my life. Looking back, I think even a massive drug overdose was not enough to die, but that day, I thought it was going to be enough.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my sister in her bedroom even though she was not supposed to be there that day. That day when I got up, I saw that she was indeed in her room, since she had decided to spend the day at home. But that could have been a coincidence since she would come home on some weekends. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I felt really fully awake, aware of various details, which was all the more surprising since I had woken from a deep sleep (a total of 15 hours) following a massive intake of antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was floating at home because I not only had the certainty of being conscious, but also my surroundings were consistent with my everyday life. On the other hand, in the void and in the tunnel, what I saw seemed rather quite incredible.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was better, I saw details much better.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did not notice any difference.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes. I then arrived in a dark cave, about 7 to 10 feet wide and 7 feet high. I floated without thinking to the front of this cave. On the walls, there were thousands of sepia-colored photos of people I didn't recognize. When I approached, I saw that some of the photos were transparent tiles; behind which, the faces of people from another world approached to chat with each other, or just watch what was happening in that tunnel. I did not recognize those faces except for one: it was my father. He didn't look happy to find me there, and he seemed to be struggling to get close. It looked like something was holding him back. I worried about him. I kept moving forward anyway.

Then I heard a firm, 'NO!' in an unfamiliar male voice behind me. I still continued forward, and then I heard that voice repeat, but more authoritatively, 'STOP!'

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain. I saw my father, but I had some doubts whether it was really him, or an image of him? After all, there were pictures of other people nearby. Maybe it was just a more realistic image. Moreover, although I was aware of being in an extraordinary situation in this tunnel, I was still convinced that there was nothing after death. So, I doubted whether it was really him or just a picture of him.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain A luminous hole appeared in my sister’s bedroom, with white/golden edges.

The tunnel was not totally black, but I can’t remember from where the light came.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. A dark strange tunnel that would be surrounded by another unknown world.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? In the void : unbearable loneliness, anxiety. In my house : lightness, the feeling of doing something unbelievable, but also some uneasiness sometimes. In the tunnel : rather anxious, I was moving forward in any case, without knowing why.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Without knowing it, I was rather a follower of the materialist ideology that it is the brain that creates thoughts that are annihilated with the body during death. Now it was clear that I could not only move around without my body, but also see and hear.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain. I was so convinced by the materialist hypothesis that I quickly ended up no longer thinking about this experience, and convincing myself that I had dreamed it. It wasn't until I researched NDEs years later that I changed my mind.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Then I heard a firm, 'NO!' in an unfamiliar male voice behind me. I still continued forward, and then I heard that voice repeat, but more authoritatively, 'STOP!' It seemed to me that the person speaking to me hesitated whether to address me in English or French. I don't know why I had this feeling. I am French and at the time my only English was whatever I had learned at school.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists. When I saw my father, I wondered whether he was truly somewhere, still alive; even in a new shape, or whether that was only a vision in my experience.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life. I answered questions 43b to 49b by remembering my state of mind immediately after the experience. It made me a little more afraid of death but gave me more courage to live my earthl” life.

However, since then, I have changed my mind. Something clicked in my mind some time ago, following an anxiety attack about death. I did some research, that's when I realized that this dream I had when I was 17, might have been an NDE. Today, I think that there is indeed something after death, but not necessarily what I saw, which was perhaps only an illusion.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes with my sister, as soon as I woke up that morning. She thought I had a dream.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It seemed very real to me at the beginning, but my materialistic convictions eventually gained the upper hand over time, until I convinced myself that I had been dreaming. Maybe I also didn't want to believe it because it was quite depressing. This last point could explain the under-representation of negative NDEs.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real. Today, I think that leaving your body is possible even though I can't be 100% sure. The dark tunnel, the episode of the void seem less real to me. Those who have seen a light often say that it was love, but also truth / knowledge. Since I did not see any light, I think I must have experienced a delusion due to my negative mood. However, after reading all those NDEs, I see that there is a common real thread (but not physical, non-tangible), a bit like a canvas, but that different colors will appear depending on our mood.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Maybe ask what emotions a person felt right before the experience.