Anne W NDE

Experience Description


“Behold, the Kingdom of God is Within You, Ye are Gods”

MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

March 8, 2015

It appeared to begin the night before.

Did God have a divine plan?

I wonder, as I look back now a year later.

I was at a poker tournament with my boyfriend, at the final table (which I had been many times before) I mentioned to my boyfriend, something was up, I didn't feel right, I was sweating, experiencing high anxiety feeling, shaking. It wasn't nerves, I said 'I just don't feel right'

We went home, he fell asleep and as I cuddled up behind him spooning, I fell asleep in a dream so vivid. I woke up hysterically sobbing. It was Jesus SURRENDERED on the cross. The Romans crossed his ankles and were pounding a ROMAN STAKE through BOTH of his ankles on the cross. The excruciating pain I felt for him, I felt all his pain and suffering. I woke up sobbing, sad, grief stricken that another human could possibly do this to another.

I was very shocked and confused at the vividness of this dream.

I was hysterically sobbing.

3 am. My boyfriend leaves to go work an hour away where he lived.

12 pm.girlfriend brings a newspaper article over on adoption laws that had changed. I had been adopted 3 times when I was younger. Last time I was adopted was in a time frame where you weren't able to open any medical or family files. They had just changed the LAW and it was on the news; that now any of my biological family were required to register with the state and would have access to finding me. This seemed a little overwhelming.

My whole life seemed to be changing right before my eyes. It had been 50 years of living without them.

Didn't even read the article, she just briefly mentioned what it was about and then we began talking of my childhood, and.

It began with chest pains, I was holding my chest for a while as we sat and talked; it felt like my heart had clamped down tight.

I began hyperventilating and my heart felt like it was popping out of my chest. All the sudden I became weak and cold, said I need to lay down on floor.

The feeling of tingles/needles went through my arms as I went numb and cold; felt like a car was sitting on my chest; I was uncontrollably shivering. She went to get me the heating blanket, propped my feet up with pillows as I laid SURRENDERED on the floor in a cross position.

I was screaming in pain from my chest. My girlfriend went to get my phone to call 911 and for some reason RIGHT THEN I KNEW that something was happening, unfolding and I heard a soft, inner voice say 'LAY THERE AND TAKE IT' as I went in and out of consciousness and pain!

I went to go grab the phone from her and I was PARALYZED, I couldn't move; it really freaked me out. Shocked, all I could do is 'lay there and take it'.

I seemed to have this 'super' awareness of everything within me AND around me.

I wondered 'what's happening' and I realized that I was RESISTING what was happening and if I continued to resist (which seemed to be what a heart attack was) I wasn't getting off the floor.

She asked 'why don't you want me to call the medics, why won't you take care of yourself-

(she knew that I wasn't a fan of doctors, I've done everything naturally)

As she kneeled down on the floor beside me.

I said 'look at me,' because I knew I had to see her eyes for her to grant me my wish.

I said 'Can you be okay that NEITHER of us understand what is happening right now (not realizing SHE did) and just ALLOW it to UNFOLD.

As I began to feel this bliss and peace wash over me in such euphoric waves as nothing i had ever experienced before; I felt my 'clinging' and 'grasping' to the external world disappear,

There was a very deep surrender within me.

I said to her 'I am not afraid to die, just let me go'.

She reluctantly promised she wouldn't call and proceeded to call my boyfriend instead.

I can hear her talking to him in the next room as if I was standing right beside her, saying, she's white as a ghost, I'm losing her and I promised her I wouldn't call the squad, can you come?

At this point I am seeing memories of my life and having feelings and questions of HAVE I DONE EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO DO IN THIS LIFE? I had visions of my son and how he would respond to my death, as he was out on his own and just had his own son.

I felt at PEACE with leaving them. I felt totally at peace with leaving this earth.

In and out of the pain as waves of bliss and peace washed through me; it all seemed to be happening 'simultaneously'.

I was FULLY AWARE I seemed to be in 2 places at once, which was curious to me, I was outside of my body; yet still inside! I WAS EVERYWHERE, I could see inside AND outside of my house laying paralyzed on the floor.

My girlfriend was rambling on, angrily, I just wanted her to leave me alone.

I could FEEL EVERYTHING so intensely! I remember saying 'Wow, I feel Jesus on the cross' I remember my girlfriend yell at me and say I was talking crazy.

I heard her say she needed to go home to take her blood pressure medicine as she laid the phone by my ear on a pillow with my boyfriend on the other line! I could hear him talking, but wasn't sure if he could hear me, or if I was even speaking.

I was AWARE of the pain at some moments and then there would be moments of bliss and peace wash over me and I could no longer feel in my body or in pain!

I was curious about how I could see EVERYTHING as if I was 'not in my body' yet I could also hear everything and the pain would disappear.

This bliss and peace would wash over me as I would move in and out of consciousness, I was mesmerized by this. It was NOTHING I had ever experienced before. WOW, was this God? Was this me? What was this incredible, delightful bliss and peace I was experiencing?

Then I was given 'It's me minus my conscious mind' Ahhhh, I just wanted to stay in this place.

I thought, wow, this must be what drug users are trying to get to, this high, peace, euphoria; as I would move in and out of consciousness I felt curious about it all.

I FELT This DEEP SURRENDER within me as my body layed paralyzed.

I could only ALLOW what was unfolding to have it's way with me.

I was surrendered; I was totally at peace with dying.

Before she left me, I remember her picking up my wrist, crying hysterically 'why would you do this to me'

IT WENT DARK, nothing but blackness everything became 'totally quiet'

Next seemed to be a life review; as my life in memories were passing before my eyes.

I began the journey, I was SHOWN energy patterns. I was presented with a shadow of a person when i was younger that I had hurt.

Energies showed me something I did to someone when I was young. There was no face of the person, it was an essence, energy or shadow. That's the best way to describe it

I hurt this someone and they FELT HURT=PAIN and they in turn energetically; I received the energy back to me as HURT & PAIN & I received the hurt; it was a circular energy that automatically returned what was given.

This energy was circulating back and forth, back and forth-as if it had intelligence and was 'showing' me what was true.

We were just exchanging this energy between each other and if we wanted the energy to change, ONE of us had to be conscious to change the energy.

Hmmm, whatever was projected out, was sent right back, as a circular motion from the sender.

I was the receiver AND the giver.

It was very clear to me.

The energy showed me there was no difference, we were just projecting it all; projecting the energy back and forth.

We are all transmitters AND receivers of this energy.

I was shown the energy of GIVING and RECEIVING were the same energy.

There was no seperation or difference in this energy.

I REALIZED in the moment that we were ONE, that the meaning of GIVE and YOU SHALL RECEIVE was in this energy that we exchange with each other, whether love or hurt; that whatever I gave another, I was TRULY giving to myself.

It's alot to comprehend, I know, but I was actually shown through an energy exchange of how it works and it wasn't anything that I was taught on earth.

I was EXPERIENCING the same energy that the other one was and I KNEW this.

(Later I would realize, that when our HEARTS are blocked, we are unable to give or receive love: ALSO

I would have a realization, If I'm not able to give another a million dollars, how am I going to be OPEN to receive a million dollars.

We are one, there is no difference in the giving and receiving, it's a flow of energy when left unrestricted.

If I'm open to give a million dollars then I'm open to receive it.)

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF,

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU!!!!

This was soooo clear to me.

Once I began to deeply understand it within, the energy would move to a new 'lesson' of 'wisdom'.

This energy swirled within and was showing me more patterns, then.

I was SURROUNDED by blackness; and SHOWN this EVER PRESENT PURE INTENSE ONE POINTED FOCAL POINT OF AWARENESS where EVERYTHING was HAPPENING NOW, in the only moment there ever was. This pure intent of awareness.

I WAS (AM) this NOW awareness, this one point! This focal point of awareness was 'me'. Simple as that.

There was NO OTHER TIME BUT NOW and where I was in this point. Everything was happening 'simultaneously' in this focal point of NOWNESS.

It was so clear to me, that to HAVE anything was NOW. There was nothing else. This was presented and so perfectly clear to me in my experience.

NOW I UNDERSTOOD & DEEPLY EXPERIENCED it.

I SAW EVERYTHING was happening in the Moment of NOW. A place of complete, pure silence of perfection, a void, ,blackness of everything and nothingness!

Everything existed in this place, yet my pure attention of awareness was only Now.

My point was purely aware of now, as everything was flowing around me. As if I was the center of the Universe. I was in the Universe, but I was this one point; where everything flowed around this one point; THIS ONE POINT BEING MY AWARENESS!

It was this place of incredible, quiet, timelessness of PERFECTION that I felt so intensely.

I became AWARE of what we call miracles are just manafestations within this place of awareness 'beyond' the CONDITIONED mind.

Where in this quiet, peaceful place; there is a KNOWING everything is NOW perfect; this is a place where nothing is lacking, in which EVERYTHING exist.

Everything is this PERFECTION!

Perfect as it is in the moment, I felt it so intensely. I KNEW in that moment I HAD EVERYTHING, I WAS EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING was me, EVERYTHING was already HERE NOW, there was no lacking, no wanting for anything; there was only a HAVING, a total NOWNESS, a ONENESS of total perfection, total knowing that ALL was provided for always in this place!!!! WOW!

(Be ye perfect as your father in heaven, your father knows your need before you ask)

After digesting this wisdom deeply within , then suddenly.

I became ENGULFED and EMBRACED by this LOVING GOLDEN LIGHT.

This loving light, totally surrounded me; completely engulfing and embracing me;

as a mother would wrap her arms around a baby. I was IMMERSED in this LOVE~

circling my body round and round.

This love held me in a very indescribable, incredible, intimate, loving embrace.

I experienced a very, very deep knowing in every fiber of my being that I was loved; totally accepted and PERFECT as I was, who I was, where I was. I was totally comforted!

As I deeply rested; surrendered within this liquid loves embrace; it lovingly, patiently held me in all that I was experiencing in the moment; allowing me to assimilate the experience deeply and completely!

The light was sooo comforting and held me as i was afraid.

I asked what the light was, it answered in a telepathic way; total acceptance, unconditional love-God! PERFECTION of all that is.

As I rested deeply within the embrace of love, it had begun moving through my body in figure 8 flow, again and again it moved in this fashion; as if it was rewiring my body

The love began to move 'through' me, and held me; it moved through my body/being and embraced all of my fears, it embraced all my judgments of life, about others and myself. Also, anything I had did or felt I didn't do for others or myself was being embraced in this love.

The golden love continued to embrace all my ideas, beliefs, memories, stories of myself, expectations, fears and disappointments.

As all these arose within my 'awareness' they dissolved into this love; all was seemingly engulfed into this loving embrace and no longer existed. They were all being 'DISSOLVED'!

As the loving light continued to embrace itself around me, I was aware the light seemed to KNOW what was happening 'within' me and 'around' me. The golden LOVE knew me intimately. This was intriguing.

The golden light, lovingly held me, totally embracing me until EVERYTHING had dissolved into this love; and I DEEPLY resonated; MERGED with the loving embrace of LOVE itself.

After everything was dissolved into this love I was at total peace; there was a deep sense of surrender; trust.

As I understood what was happening, I asked the question is that God?

Soft voice said 'Yes, that's YOU, GOD, LOVE, LIGHT'!!!!!!

You are the light of the world, God is Love, Let your light shine, Don't hide your light; all these bible verses came to me.

Peace, be still and KNOW that I AM GOD!

Return to the fathers house, Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and ALL things shall be given to you. Love is the greatest of all, out of the mouth the heart speaks, Love casteth out all fear.

On and on these verses flashed before me as confirmation.

I had a deep inner 'knowing' I was being shown what to do for myself and others.

To hold this loving, embracing, accepting sacred space for myself and others; through the human minds judgments.

As I deeply integrated the loving, light experience; energy began flowing again, back and forth, back and forth again.

(I was off to the next adventure, as if it was divenly orchestrated)

I was shown the expansiveness of the universe and the energy of it all; the vastness that was WITHIN me.

I was the UNIVERSE in expression, and the Universe was within me, I was shown this, I KNEW this intimately.

I was shown through energy that I was ONE with ALL THAT IS, ALL THAT EVER WAS and ALL THAT WILL EVER BE. ALL THAT EXISTED was within me.

I was shown this and experienced this within every fiber of my Being.

EVERYTHING WAS CONNECTED. I WAS EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE; omnipresent, omniscense!

I KNEW in this place of ONENESS that I was connected to everyone and everything.

There absolutely was no seperation.

I was shown we are all one energy connected within and expressed externally in our environment to reflect this oneness.

As the messages were downloading within me, I would 'get it' and deeper wisdom would continue to unfold.

I then realized our seperation is at birth when we are born into the human condition and develop a human mind, where we lose our 'awareness' of the Truth, our oneness and unconditional love self that we really are; the one point focal point of 'awareness' in which everything simply passes through.

The WITNESS; being the creator of our creations! We are love itself flowing through a physical vehicle; called a body.

I deeply realized we are the love of the world.

We are it all, reflecting it all; whatever is within us, is being projected onto the screen of our mind.

Whatever we project is being reflected, mirrored back to us through our external world, so called reality in which we get to 'experience' ourselves as in the energy of giving and receiving.

I could have a thought and INSTANTLY be somewhere and KNOW where someone was or how they were feeling, as I deeply received and integrated this message, I was then presented with.

A movie reel appearing in front of me.

Again, this swirling energy appeared as flowing, dancing shadows, moving in a dancing, flowing motion.

Watching this was entertaining for a while.

Curiously I remember asking 'Hmmm, what is this' 'Why am I seeing this' and INSTANTLY the movie reel STOPPED'.

It stopped with the sounds of loud screams and crys. What appeared were shadows of 3 people. One woman, one man and a baby (about 6 months old) the baby was resting on the woman's hips.

I could hear adult LOUD screams of NO.NO.NO and baby crys.

Curiously I asked 'Hmm, what is this' WHO IS THIS, and WHY AM I SEEING THIS.

INSTANTLY, I KNEW-I was shown that the woman was my biological mother, the baby was me and the man seemed to be someone from children's services.

WOW, ASK & IT SHALL BE GIVEN INSTANTLY!

I REALIZED that my THOUGHTS were INSTANT and that i could ASK anything and get a INSTANT response.

Fascinated by the INSTANT responses I was receiving, I wondered WHY we can't do this on earth? And then I was given the sense that we can, but our unconscious mind is in the way, blocking the flow.

As I observed the screaming cries and the shadows, I KNEW and understood it was the moment when my biological mother gave me up for adoption and there was alot of pain and RESISTANCE to what was going on for ALL who were involved there!

I KNEW this deeply within.

There was NO language, everything was shown to me in energy and KNOWINGS: telepathically i was given the answers, knowings.

As I was continuing to be curious of this still point movie reel in front of me.

I REALIZED that I had been resisting, fighting, and saying NO to what was my whole ENTIRE life.

As that REVELATION deeply resonated within me, and I digested it; I had a KNOWING of great clarity that this was true and I came to understand this on a very, very, very deep level; that my judgment of how my childhood had been; foster homes, orphanages, adoptions, abuse.

my resisting and fighting WHAT WERE my life experiences; my life story,; all the memories I held is what had caused all my pain and mental suffering for 50 years and possibly why I was laying on the floor,

I was the ONE who had been SCREAMING 'NO' INSIDE my entire life.

I had been saying NO to my childhood and everything that happened, judging and not liking any of my early experiences and which the NO continued on into my adult life with all the judgments.

I had been doing this my WHOLE entire life. WOW, what a REVELATION to see this.

I was and had been creating my whole life through this 'internal fight' that I had WITHIN me and I was projecting it onto the 'external' world around me;

I was actually shown a movie screen and then shown what I had been doing; living my life.

Like a movie screen; the movie screen is black-blank=perfect until you begin to place PROJECTIONS onto it, then whatever you project onto it is an 'EXPERIENCE'.

(WOW, just felt like I got hit with a WAMMY upside my head)

I had a curious thought 'I wonder if I had said YES to everything' and accepted my life experiences; would my life have been different?

I received a very distinct 'KNOWING' that it would have been very much a different experience. I could feel it through EVERY fiber of my being.

It was such a deeply profound REVELATION.

As I knowingly understood it clearly, there was a loud POP or CLICK WITHIN me

(like Dorothy clicking her heels-lol)

as if I GOT IT and I was back in my body, raised up off the floor, PATTING myself down 'SCREAMING, I'M ALIVE' 'I'M ALIVE' meanwhile SIMULTANEOUSLY my girlfriend is walking back into my house (which I already knew cause i could see her coming) as I raised off the floor, she was ASTONISHED & ASKED 'WHAT HAPPENED'?

In excitement to share my experience 'I asked her to come sit down and i would share.

She wanted no part of me, she was angry, and kept saying WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND what you did to me.

My girlfriend worked at assistant living and had witnessed many things, including heart attacks.

Later, found out, her father had passed of a heart attack in her arms. She knew I was having a heart attack and was dying, she felt helpless.

These were her feelings.

When I came too everything seemed brighter, clearer, fresh as if I was seeing things for the first time like a newborn baby.

I had been to this loving, peaceful, blissful, beautiful place and NOW seemed so depressed to be back on HELL, seemed to be; wow; what was I doing back here?????

It was very confusing for me.

A few days later, I mentioned to a friend and asked him to 'please take me to a mental hospital, I said I don't feel right, I feel screwed up, nothing makes sense anymore'

He said 'NO, I'M NOT, they won't ever let you out' and we both had a great belly laugh, I was serious and I think he was too. lol

I feel like I went to heaven and returned to hell.

The next day and for some time after, my body felt as if it had been SHOCKED by a 220 volt, I felt so AMPED inside, ungrounded, spacey.

Took me a while to seem to come back to earth!

I had mental, physical, emotional symptoms.

I wasn't able to work on any of these levels, the experience had impacted EVERYTHING.

I had nothing material after I returned, except my experience of this INCREDIBLE feeling of LOVE.Hmmm

I lost EVERYTHING in this material world, my fiance left me, I had no car, no job, no money and became homeless and yet;

there was this LOVING energy, loving space present WITHIN me, and I could still FEEL The LOVE SURROUNDING me and deeply within me; which was quite incredibly comforting.

I could FEEL this EMBRACING, ENCOMPASSING, WELCOMING, LOVING ACCEPTANCE of myself for where I was, and what i was going through; just as if the golden, liquid love was still surrounding me and running through me!

As if this UNCONDITIONAL LOVING EMBRACE was still with me.

Hmmmm, has it always been here and is with ALL of us, yet we are too occupied in daily responsibilities and human societial conditionings to OBSERVE it is there?

Is this liquid, love energy we call 'GOD' everywhere, at all times (omnipresent, omniscense) WOW;

a bible verse continues to verbate within me.

GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4:8)

I had no car, no material posessions, no money, no job, no place to live; I had lost my apartment; my finance had left me and I became homeless.

I felt I had lost my mind.

One thing I still had with me was my 20 yr old cat who had experienced his own death experience right after mine (which seemed ironic)

(I looked at him one day on his last night and decided I was done suffering over whether I was going to find him dead when I got home)

I realized I had alot of fear about HIM dying and didn't want him to. I wanted him to stay with me. As I observed this going on 'within' me, I realized that perhaps my fear of him dying, was affecting him or maybe had something to do with his sudden illness.

His kidneys had shut down and he had a stinch so bad from his body of death.

I decided to prove and try out this knowing of this perfection that i had just experienced.

I looked my cat in the eyes through my eyes of loving perfection.

I said 'I love you, you can go if you want to, YOUR PERFECT whether you stay or you go'. I was at peace either way he chose.

I chose to see his perfection through his seemingly imperfection in that moment.

I connected to the black void within myself; the place where I FELT the perfection.

Unbelievable. I swear, he became PERFECT as I CLAIMED.

Now this only created more questions!

That night he ate and drank. He has been totally 'perfect' ever since.

Was he reflecting what I was experiencing, or was he reflecting what I was projecting?

What was really happening?

Am I PROJECTING everything onto this screen of perfection of the seemingly imperfections.

He was mirroring, perhaps giving back to me what he had received?

I had more questions, inquires than ever now.

I know it's deep, we were in an energy exchange of life and death with each other and I guess we both DECIDED to stick around for a while longer.

I've shared my experience with several people when it has arisen (not intentionally, the conversation would just arise)

Most people are fascinated, others think I'm crazy, at times I'm confronted with suicidal feelings, just wanna go back to this place and other times,

I KNOW that I returned for a very distinct purpose and I'm pretty sure it has EVERYTHING to do with LOVE.

So I may as well just embrace the ride while I'm here, cause it ain't gonna be forever.

One thing I'm aware of now.

NOTHING IS FOREVER!!!!!

EVERYTHING IS CONSTANTLY CHANGING.

Only one thing is constant; God- love which is creation of all things on this earth-INCLUDING YOU!!!!

I was having a challenge being here on earth, experiencing all that I had and not feeling like anyone understood. I WAS VERY SUICIDAL.

Nothing made sense to me anymore, I felt this incredible love but I Had ABSOLUTELY nothing in the material world (no job, no money, no place to live, no car and I still had health issues)

Walking a few steps, I was totally EXHAUSTED and out of breath, my body was still showing signs of having heart attack.

It's not a normal experience to die and return, I needed someone to talk to.

So I knew I needed to find support; surely there must be others who have had this type of experience AND THERE ARE!!!!!

Finding the support in IANDS encouraged me to write this experience out and share it, as i integrate the wisdom within myself.

The whole experience seems surreal.

I feel in between worlds most of the times.

Fascinating to me, I have no desire for material gain as I did before. I feel total CONTENTMENT.

My only desire seems to be to understand my experience and use it to live more fully and loving on this earth and help others in a way of knowing the truth of who we are and living totally from my heart.

So much wisdom was revealed to me as I laid on the floor 'surrendered', 'laying there and allowing life to have it's way with me!

I could feel a'TOTAL TRUST' in life devloping; a knowingness which continues to deepen to this day.

I REALIZED that the green stuff I chased most of my life after, was just green pieces of paper; in of its own worthless.

It was the heart behind the green paper that had meaning! Nothing else. Yet I had attached my identity to this green paper and had given it the value. As I saw that, what a joke.

I REALIZED that when we pass, the only thing we will take with us is WHAT'S IN OUR HEARTS!

THIS IS THE MEANING OF LIFE and purpose; to live as if we were dying! To live with no regrets and to live with passion and purpose from the heart!

Death and birth I realized are simply entry and exit points of experiences within time; yet we are life itself; aware.

The size of a poor mans grave and a rich mans are the same size and depth; no difference.

There's only one difference; what we take with us in our hearts, cause that's ALL we will be taking with us.

There was no fear of dying anymore and NOW It was time to face any fears of LIVING FULL OUT!

Embracing both life and death, celebrating them both.both exist and must be honored and cherished as the cycle we all will flow through.

We celebrate a birth, we need to learn to celebrate death as well!

Death seems to be the awakening of who we really are and birth seems to be the forgetting.

A year later, I'm still digesting everything.

I feel this has been a place of deep inner rest and integration period as my bodymind assimilates all my experiences.

I feel as if I must LIVE and BE who I am to share in the world. Not by book knowledge but THROUGH TRUTH & EXPERIENTIAL wisdom!

I know that my experience has a great purpose.

The ONE theme that was GIVEN to me was SURRENDER in love!

There was nothing for me to do but Surrender.

I had to SURRENDER all that was happening, TRUST in what was UNFOLDING was for my highest good.

I was SURRENDERED in a cross position as Jesus in dream night before!

I KNEW SURRENDER was the key to life and i was learning how to SURRENDER everything in LOVE,

To OPEN up and ALLOW the unfolding of the flow of unconditional love; through me as loving awareness.

TRUST THAT I AM held and surrounded in this loving golden light, which supports me and loves me always; this love is me;

I have simply incarnated in a physical body to express and experience finding my way back to remembering what I really am. I AM THAT!

I KNEW this.

More than anything I AM INCREDIBLY CONTENT with what i have which is my cat, a roof over my head and a few clothes.

I have a friend I am staying with at the moment.

I fell into living here with her. It was amazing how it all worked out. I am so grateful, it's been an amazing journey. It's lovingly benefited us both; although funny, I wouldn't have consciously'chosen' to be here.

Sometimes the people you love, you think would be there for you when you need them aren't able to;(fiance) everyone has different coping mechanisms and ways they handle things;

sometimes a person you thought was just an acquaintance turns out to an incredible soul; that the relationship just needed time to develop.

She stepped in with her heart and gave it all she had with me.

I am forever, deeply grateful.

I realize how much expectations we humans place on ourselves and others JUST TO SURVIVE A BODY that is NEVER GOING TO SURVIVE!

We are not getting out of here alive.

This whole earth is set up to STRIVE, SURVIVE and to try and survive this human body that is going to DIE.

accepting the fact that we ALL are moving through the transition of life and death everyday.

To honor and respect this journey we all are moving through is sacred.

So I realize SEEING the end in mind of what's most important.

LIVING FROM MY HEART and ALLOWING the UNFOLDING of life as I DEEPLY SURRENDER INTO the 'infinite' Universal love surrounding and permeating this body mind called Anne.

Knowing the divine has a plan and my only responsibility is to live from this open, surrendered, available space in my heart which connects me to the Universal field of love; permeates all;

When the time has come, we all will be faced with OPENING our hearts and living from our hearts instead of our heads; and I believe that is our individual and global journey.

My heart was literally and figuratively ripped open to help me face myself.

The very essence of love has a plan for your life and always supports you.

We must trust and surrender that whatever is happening in each present moment is unfolding EXACTLY as it's suppose to.

Our responsibility is to just ALLOW it to happen with a loving, open awareness, open heart in curiousity and celebration.

My life is UNFOLDING amazingly in so many new, miraculous way!

As I open up to allow all possibilities, knowing that I am ONE with all of life. I am life, love itself!

Each moment is anew as I open to life and allow love to continuously flow through my vessel, my body; as I continue to SURRENDER and open my heart; consciously saying YES to what is, what has been and what will be in each unfolding moment of this adventurous, experiential journey called life, here on earth!

May we rejoice and celebrate together in our 'knowing' that we are loved, JUST AS WE ARE, ALWAYS and FOREVER!

5 years later April 26,2020


3 years later (June 17, 2018)

Revelation; My near death experience was a KNOWING of God IS LOVE (1John 4:8)

Hell was my resistance to my lifes experience; the journey coming back would be to FACE & EMBRACE EVERYTHING within my bodymind that would arise; (memories, emotions, stories, resistances) and to do this CONSCIOUSLY and WILLINGLY!

Through my experience; a heart attack is when your HEART is being broken WIDE OPEN; my WILLINGNESS to allow ALL things to flow through my HEART ! A simple YES allows the energy of resistance to dissolve; allowing discernment of speech and clarity of action! GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4:8)

I had to make the DECISION after my near death that nothing else mattered but honoring EVERYTHING through my heart as the liquid, love energy-God showed me!

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: March 8, 2015

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was going in and out of consciousness; I was OUT OF MY BODY and I didn't realize it, I saw my girlfriend in another room and i could hear her talking to my boyfriend on the phone I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? I was 'super' aware of everything. I could see, feel everything, I could hear everything, including the next room, I could see outside my apartment

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Not sure what this question is asking.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Everything seemed to be happening at once when I was going UNCONSCIOUS, but after I lost consciousness, I thought ALOT of time had passed, but it hadn't.so I guess that answer is time seemed to go faster!

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In my near death there were dancing shadows, I didn't see any real people.Not sure why this is, but I heard from an IANDS leader that everyone experiences it differently.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was 'super' aware and could telepathically hear and sense, I had INTUITIVE KNOWING of what things meant, when I would ask a question, it would come back through KNOWING.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I KNEW the shadows of people, for some reasons I saw dancing figures, shadows. I know my biological mother had passed and she was there, I was there as a baby

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain at one point in the experience, I am engulfed, immersed in what I call 'liquid golden love' it had a liquid like texture look and it swirled around my body like an aura, circling around and around, until I began to feel peaceful; then it began running through my body (not sure if I was aware of my physical or astral) not sure, i sensed it was surrounding me and moving THROUGH me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt afraid, fear mostly; but for me the bliss and peace began to come in waves as I was losing consciousness, so I could FEEL the pain and then I would FEEL this incredible bliss and peace like waves coming over me, my body.It was sooo euphoric that at that point, I didn't care if I died.lol I didn't know I was dying at that moment; but I didn't care.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I write about it in the typed near death in prior page

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control i explain it all in my near death that I typed out.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I didn't seem to have a CHOICE.I got a HUGE REVELATION and then I heard a LOUD POP or CLICK and then I was literally snapped back into my body patting myself down, screaming.'I'M ALIVE, I'M ALIVE, I'M ALIVE' patting myself down as I sat up in shock; my girlfriend was walking into my apartment at the same time; but before she walked in PHYSICALLY, I saw her coming.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age spirituality

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? I sit with myself and I ALLOW whatever comes to my mind to become PRESENT in awareness and I ask 'IS LOVE HERE NOW' No

What is your religion now? Select LOVE

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience We are taught about giving and receiving in a TOTALLY different way than I experienced it in my near death experience. Truly it is very different than what we are taught, I explain it in my near death experience Also, money was something else that was shown to me.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes A KNOWING that I AM LOVE and that all else will be taken care of.Everything is made of the substance of Love and every being, person, animal is LOVE, we are LOVING AWARENESS, which has been trained in society to have a CONDITIONED MIND=brain; which has lost it's connection to TRUTH!

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I was getting ANSWERS to my curious QUESTIONS, but the answers were coming THROUGH me, as they were INTUITIVE KNOWINGS.no one was giving me them.so I heard a voice EARLY on when I was losing consciousness.say 'LAY THERE AND TAKE IT' when I was scared! It was a gentle voice.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I wrote it all out in previous page, please go there and read again, it's way too much to keep retyping, there's soooo much there

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Please read my near death experience, It's ALOT and it's all there in very specific detail from beginning to end

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Yes, I had a KNOWING that I was here to help MYSELF and Others return to the Truth of what they are. Being of Love, vessels for expression of love to flow through

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes again, please read my near death experience IT'S ALL THERE.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Unknown Yes My whole near-death experience was about this, I typed it all in previous page

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Read my near death experience, it's all there

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes please read my near death experience I typed out in previous page

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes please read my near death experience, IT'S ALL THERE

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life It's been 5 years and ALOT of changes in the physical world.My whole world fell apart physically when I returned to earth, I got deathly sick again 2 years later with sepsis and doctor said 'I was a lucky girl, that God had a plan for my life to make it alive: doctor didn't know about heart attack 2 years prior lol, I have been homeless since my near death, because of all the health issues and unable to work, so the Love i feel WITHIN is what has kept me moving forward as i allow Love to guide the way through. I KNOW that I am here to share my experince and to LIVE LIFE IN LOVE, AS LOVE, and allow LOVE To flow through me guiding me where to go; I was guided here to write and share with you.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. It's been 5 years, and whenever I talk about it, I FEEL as if I'm reliving it, I feel so connected to the experience, it truly changed my life and how I SEE life

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I KNOW THINGS< I play cards and I can SEE-FEEL what cards are coming, It was really strong year or 2 after, where my friend would sit beside me and I would tell him, THIS CARD IS COMING and it would.he would get mad at me, because at the casino they will think I'm cheating lol.BUT I KNEW as the cards were coming across the table what I was getting, it was weird, sometimes BOTH cards I WOULD KNOW, or sometimes only one card, then I began KNOWING when they were going to BE GOOD and HIT. I KNOW things about my friends and can tell them things, I also can FEEL things a certain way and KNOW It's the TRUTH, I can sense when something is going to happen at time

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? ALL OF the experience was incredibly meaningful, mind blowing, yet deeply meaningful and heartfelt.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I was VERY SUICIDAL when I came back to earth and I had told a friend and she thought I was crazy, crazy.I was at her house staying and she had some PRESCRIPTION drugs in her cabinet and I seriously contemplated suicide.THAT THOUGHT scared me because I had just came back to earth 4 months earlier and I FELT & KNEW there was a DEEP PURPOSE for my dying, I didn't even know there was such a thing as I experienced, I wasn't sure what I experienced, I had to look it up and I REALIZED, I needed help. I've always been WONDER WOMAN, and did everything myself because of my childhood, so it was a GREAT LEAP OF FAITH for me to reach out. I began looking online an found IANDS group, I contancted her in email and told her what happened, she asked me to come share in front of a bunch of people and to write it out.So, I DID, she told me that's what I needed, I needed someone to understand what I went through AND boy was she right.Writing it out and speaking , sharing in front of alot of people who were either interested in near death experiences or HAD one themselves were able to LISTEN without judgment, totally curious and present! IT WAS VERY HEALING for me, after I shared, I KNEW that I was going to be ok and I wanted to LIVE and find out how I could help the world through my near death experience.IANDS saved my life. It's been a long 5 years.but one of the greatest gifts I've experienced was my near death, it OPENED me up to what I AM, what we all are and have simply forgotten and I KNOW and i KNEW in my near death that I was to help myself FIRST and then OTHERS return to this love that we are! I KNOW THIS!

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It's so hard to describe, best thing to do is re read my near death experience, it says it all

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain Help awareness of my near death experience

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I am very understanding, less judgmental. I used to BE very, very judgmental of my life and others. Harsh judgment I would call it