Anouk P Probable NDE

Experience Description

It was twenty years ago, but I remember crying as I was taken to the operating room for an abortion. I was too young to keep this child but I would have liked to keep it. It utterly saddened and upset me knowing that I couldn't take care of it properly.

I had been dealing with a deep depression for a few months, until then my life had been a mixture of very difficult events and at the same time beautiful things. I was absorbing the blow.

Spirituality had always been important for me. I searched from a very young age to learn and understand about spirituality. I was interested in past lives and altered states of consciousness. At that time, and under these circumstances, I had completely lost my faith. I felt fragile and miserable.

It was in this context and surrounded by a medical team that I felt was cold and judgmental, that I was injected with the anesthetic. The idea of letting go for a few minutes was a relief and I fell asleep.

When I regained consciousness, it was the same way we wake up in the morning. But I woke up in a dark and infinite space. I was floating there as in weightlessness. It was dark, empty, and endless. I was alone. At that moment, I was very scared.

I remember wondering how I could have gotten into this mess, and also knew that I had to find a way out of it. Almost instantly, as I was formulating this last thought, I saw a small light a long way away. The light was rapidly approaching me, through this dark and infinite space.

I understood that this light was two beings coming for me. They were two beautiful beings made of light. I couldn't see their faces; there was only light. They seemed almost surprised to find me there and I felt like I shouldn't have been there.

I felt the beings to be so beautiful and powerful; compared to them, I felt small, weak, lame and pathetic. I would have given anything to be like them. I felt so far removed from them, in every way; like a mouse next to an elephant.

The beings started talking to me telepathically. They heard everything I was thinking. They even got ahead of my questions as communication was instantaneous, smooth, and pleasant. It was more like they were showing me things rather than they were talking to me.

I seem to remember that they showed me that I was like them. It was that the earthly life had shrunken me. I also think I remember that it was not just about me, but that we were all like them initially. We made ourselves very small to experience our terrestrial world.

I think I knew them. One spoke more than the other and they had different energies. Each being took one of my hands and we started to fly through the huge, dark space.

As we moved around quietly, they started showing me the difficult experiences in my life. They showed me what they saw from their perspective. From my point of view things seemed serious and dramatic. But to them, it didn't really matter. I remember that this conversation surprised me a lot. They then explained to me why I went through all this, but now I forgot.

I believe they then showed me the answers to all the questions I had about life. I felt like I had access to all the knowledge in the world. As we communicated, I felt myself becoming like them. I was growing and turning into light. I was more and more happy and enthusiastic, as if I had never been on earth. I also felt their incredible love.

I think they then showed me the future and gave me a choice: stay or go. Certainly, it was with immense joy that I chose to return. I remember there was something glorious about being on earth. I wasn't doing it just for myself, but for everyone. That idea instantly and happily brought me back to earth.

I opened my eyes in the recovery room. Two people from the medical team were leaning over me and looked worried. I looked at them and the only thing said to them was that I loved them. I loved them as these luminous beings loved me. I wanted to tell them everything I had learned. But they looked at me suspiciously and started to walked away.

For a few moments I observed one of them. It was as if I was reading his mind, as if he was transparent. I saw how much he judged himself and hated himself. I also saw the absolute perfection in each of them, despite what they thought of themselves. They did not see the perfection; it was masked by what they thought and believed. I knew there was no point in trying to mention or tell them about my experience, that they weren't ready to hear it.

From that moment and gradually, my consciousness began to shrink again; as if from the size of the sun, I became a like a pea again. And I forgot what I was shown except what I mentioned here.

I often think about this experience, especially when life seems difficult. It helps me a lot.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1999

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related. Benign operation but under local anesthesia. I was also very sad and confused at the time, I cried a lot before the operation.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Normal consciousness at first, then more conscious.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the time I woke up in dark space, and all along afterwards.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual. It seemed like a very long time. But in reality, it only lasted a few minutes at most.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same, but no sound perceptions.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The two beings radiated a wonderful light.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. I was in a dark and endless place; like a nothingness.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear, courage, infinite love, joy, enthusiasm, liberation.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. Being able to understand everything about everything was exhilarating.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events. I revisited past events to understand them differently.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future. I know I saw the future, but I can't remember. My future and that of the world, we were all linked.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I clearly remember that they gave me all the information I might need to decide. I decided on my own and joyfully to come back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic. Born into an atheistic family, I was drawn to religious practice from a very young age. I was baptized when I was 8 years old. I was disappointed with the teachings given, so gradually turned away from it all.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I had read NDE stories before. This experience was not similar because I didn't enter a tunnel, but woke up in a dark and infinite space. It took years before I realized from reading other experiences like this that this was probably an NDE. Otherwise, it's like being reminded of what I already know.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. Two luminous beings.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain They showed me that I was like them before being I was shrunk by earthly life.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes At that level, everything seemed to make sense. We were all linked to one another.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain. Maybe, but it's too hazy

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes But I forgot. I just remember that we all really want to be down here on earth, despite the pain and the obstacles.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. They showed me that life is an experience that we all decide to have. They explained why, but I forgot.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes But I forgot.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Same as above but that knowledge faded from my consciousness.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life. I don’t know, it was a long time ago. It was hard to manage.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Difficult to mention, a lot cannot be described.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I feel people’s thoughts, but I can’t remember whether I had that capacity before, or whether it appeared afterwards.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes With those who are interested, but many are not. Sometimes I mention it to those who fear death or mourn a loved one.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes From books. But no, because it had nothing to do with what I had read.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real. Because it had nothing to do with what I knew about NDEs. But the experience was very real to me; much more than a dream. I was fully conscious.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain Meditation

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was wonderful