August U NDE

Experience Description

I became sick when I was 33 years old with an autoimmune disease called ulcerative colitis. In my case, the disease progressed rapidly and aggressively. From being a seemingly healthy 33 year-old guy to a 34-year-old with no control over bodily functions, the transition was incredibly challenging. Over approximately a year and a half, I tried every kind of diet and medication available, but nothing made a difference. It was a very difficult time, and it took a toll on my mental health as well.

By Christmas 2019, I had already spent a total of 2 months in the hospital trying various medications without success. My stools became increasingly bloody, and I had to visit the bathroom anywhere between 50 and 60 times a day. I lost a third of my body weight, and at one point, I went over a month without actually eating.

At this critical juncture, I felt my life flashing before my eyes. I confided in my doctor, expressing that I would prefer an end to my suffering rather than continuing this ordeal. The doctor recommended a colectomy. Initially, they would remove the affected parts of my colon and create a temporary stoma. This allowed the less severely affected part of the colon and the rectum to heal before reconnecting them several months later.

Not long after, I was ready for my emergency surgery. The procedure stretched an astonishing 11 hours, causing considerable anxiety for my family in the Netherlands. They feared the worst, assuming I might not survive such an extended operation. Meanwhile, my wife, who accompanied me in the Mexican hospital where I reside, shared similar apprehensions. She clung to hope, reasoning that she would have heard something if I hadn’t made it through.

As fate would have it, the surgeon confirmed the complexity of the surgery upon completion. Emerging from anesthesia, I found myself in a vast, frigid recovery room around 11 PM. The room was eerily empty, devoid of nurses or any other presence. As I opened my eyes, I noticed that I was tied to the bed. I saw a long line of gauze stretched across my abdomen. Between the empty hospital room, the massive incision from chest to pubic region, and being disoriented, I woke up feeling absolute horror. The pain was excruciating, and my initial thought was sheer panic. 'Had someone stolen my organs?' I screamed, momentarily forgetting my illness.

A nurse approached me, gently reminding me that I required surgery to have my colon removed due to severe ulcerative colitis. Suddenly, everything came rushing back. I cried and contemplated how I would navigate life from this point forward. The recovery period seemed interminable; all I longed for was to see my wife and speak to my family in the Netherlands. Yet, only 30 minutes had elapsed before I was escorted back to my room. That journey back was the most arduous and painful ride I had ever experienced. Every bump, every slightly raised tile on the floor felt like hell. The transition from the surgery cart back to my bed was excruciating as the pain seared through me. But amidst it all, I clung to the thought that I survived. As I finally rested, I noticed something remarkable. My extreme abdominal cramps had vanished. The urge to rush to the bathroom was no more. In that moment, despite the pain, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness.

A little less than a day later, I felt great. I eagerly anticipated returning home to resume my life where I’d left off. However, fate had other plans. My abdomen began to swell. I asked the nurse to call the doctor. Their reassurance was that post-surgery swelling was normal, and my intestines were gradually resuming their function after a prolonged pause during the operation.

The following day, my breathing became labored, and I broke into a profuse sweat. My abdomen had ballooned to twice its usual size. Still, medical professionals insisted this was expected. Instinctively, I knew something was gravely wrong.

Desperate, I demanded further investigation. I was waiting for my wife to come to the hospital. During that agonizing wait, my condition deteriorated further. The thought echoed relentlessly in my mind, 'Today is the day I will die.' I clung to this grim certainty, convinced that time was slipping away, and no family member would arrive in time to witness the necessary medical procedures. Then, after what felt like an eternity, a family member materialized. Together with the nurse, they escorted me to the MRI scanner. Finally, the scan concluded, and I was wheeled back to my room.

I could hear the doctors talking in hushed voices that my small intestines had twisted upon themselves, creating a complete obstruction. In that harrowing moment, the doctors probed my ileostomy, attempting to manually untwist the knotted small intestine. As their fingers pressed into my flesh, I felt my life slipping away. The certainty of imminent death gripped me, though it remained unconfirmed.

Abruptly, I felt a sharp jolt surge through my body. I detached, as if pulled from my own skin, and hovered against the hospital ceiling. From this vantage point, I observed my prone form. I watched the doctors’ desperate efforts to unravel the twisted bowels. Beyond the frosted glass and walls, I glimpsed the faces of neighboring patients. Their faces were etched with fear over their silent concern. My body screamed, a desperate plea: 'I don’t want to die yet.'

In the next breath, darkness enveloped me. I traversed a tunnel. It was a jagged, transparent shaft that felt like it was drifting through space. Faint glimmers of stars or some celestial essence flickered through its walls. At the tunnel’s distant end, some 300 meters (900 feet) away, a feeble light danced. It was like a campfire in the void. Recognition surged in me, 'This was home.' Yet, I was still so afraid.

Then I heard somebody talking to me inside my head. I looked around in the tunnel but couldn’t see anyone. However, I felt the presence of a Being or energy on my right side. The Being It assured me that I had absolutely nothing to fear and that everything would be all right.

I responded, sharing my fear of dying and how it would hurt my family and wife. I told the Being I couldn’t leave all my unfinished matters for my wife to handle. Again, the Being reassured me, 'There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of, and everything will be fine.'

I squeezed my eyes shut and suddenly found myself above my own body, pressed against the ceiling. The view was negative, painful, and horrifying as I watched myself dying. I flinched my eyes again and returned to the tunnel. Once more, I communicated with the Being. I expressed my desire to leave my body and to go 'home' toward the light. Once again, the Being responded: 'You have absolutely nothing to fear, and everything will be alright.'

As I thought about moving toward the flickering campfire light in the distance, a colossal hand emerged through the tunnel. It was like a massive train hurtling toward me. The hand was as large as my upper body. With tremendous force, it pushed me out of the tunnel and back to the hospital ceiling.

I woke up near the surgery room. The doctors informed me they would put me back to sleep to fix my twisted intestine. After another eight-hour surgery, I woke up feeling remarkably well and free from pain. The harrowing ordeal had finally come to an end, and I was relieved to be back to normal.

Two years passed before I could even acknowledge that this extraordinary experience had truly happened to me. Initially, I identified as a Christian, but my beliefs were shaken. I might as well have been an atheist, as I didn’t subscribe to anything spiritual or the concept of life after death. Even after those two years, I grappled with doubts, wondering if it was merely a product of my mind, some strange glitch in my brain.

While browsing YouTube, I stumbled upon a documentary about Near-Death Experiences (NDEs). To my astonishment, the accounts shared by others resonated with my own. Suddenly, I knew that what I had witnessed was not a mere hallucination; I had indeed come face-to-face with death. Despite this newfound certainty, sharing my experience with my family took another year. When I finally confided in them, I felt a mix of relief and trepidation. But then, something unexpected happened. I spiraled into severe depression. The weight of my encounter with mortality weighed heavily on me. I attempted to take my own life three times; each attempt was unsuccessful.

Desperate for relief, I turned to my psychiatrist, who introduced me to an experimental treatment: Ketamine infusions. This unconventional therapy had shown promising results for individuals with treatment-resistant depression. During my first infusion at the hospital, something shifted. I felt a connection to something beyond my current existence. I felt a hint that there is more to life than meets the eye.

I used to detest reading books, but something changed within me. I discovered the wisdom of remarkable philosophers like Alan Watts, Jiddu Krishnamurti, and Eckhart Tolle. Their teachings completely transformed my life, guiding me toward a spiritual path (distinct from religious dogmas, which I avoid).

I underwent a series of Ketamine sessions, and afterward, I independently explored other psychedelics such as 5-meo-dmt (Bufo Toad Toxin) and Psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms). During these experiences, I felt an overwhelming connection to the universe, akin to the Near Death Experience I had. These moments are etched in my memory as some of the most precious and profound encounters of my life.

Despite the daily pain I endure and occasional bouts of depression, I’ve come to understand that there is nothing to fear. It’s all part of how this universe 'works.' These experiences serve as a lifeline, pulling me out of my mental struggles day by day. I hold the unwavering belief that someday, when the universe deems it right, I will truly find my way 'home.'

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 6/Jan/2020

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Surgery-related. Life threatening event, but not clinical death After my proctocolectomy (removal of the colon and rectum) that I required due to an illness called Ulcerative Colitis, which ultimately led to Toxic Megacolon, an ileostomy was created. After the surgery, my small intestine experienced a complication because it twisted upon itself inside my abdominal cavity, resulting in a complete blockage.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my father-in-law who came to the hospital that time, go into another room and speak on the phone to my wife, I could hear the conversation which would be impossible as this room was much farther away and due to about having like 6 doctors around me could never have seen or hear a thing because of the chaos and my laying face up. I heard doctors discussing things that I later verified with them and my father in law. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Normally you´re not focused on the detail, in this case I saw faces of people in the hospital change, I felt they were afraid of the situation, even though I could not have seen them. I saw detailed actions that the doctors were performing on my, I remember the tops of their heads, etc.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the transition out if my body, I was able to observe all little details around me and myself, the hospital I was it, I was able to float around (As much as I wanted I believe, although I kept wanting to focus on my body)

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Immediately prior, my vision was completely dark and only had a pinpoint vision. After that I was able to see through walls and frosted windows, it felt more like I was hovering against the ceiling and the that the walls weren´t connected to the ceiling and I count expand my vision to the nearby closed off rooms.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had no hearing differences, at least never noticed it.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Inside a very dark tunnel in a space environment. Walls of the tunnel were uneven and semi-transparent.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw a campfire-type of flickering light at the end of the tunnel. Since the tunnel was semi-transparent, I could see the stars through it.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I only was allowed to be in the tunnel, which in itself was very unearthly and mystical. I was not allowed to advance to the light, to 'home'

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was absolutely scared to die when I was looking at my body. The last time in the tunnel was absolute bliss and peace. No pain, no sadness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Yes, important life event flashed by just before I popped out of my body. I have not specifically verified with anyone if these events were real, but in my mind those actually did happen yes.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I had a specific feeling when the hand came to push me back in the body that my life on this earth is not yet over, that I still have lots to learn. I was never told why, but I can infer that this was done because I was not spiritual, didn´t believe in anything spiritual. Which strangely enough has become my number 1 interest in the last year.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I'm officially a Christian Protestant, but was and am not practicing since I was about 11 years old.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now meditate, study scriptures, read a lot and focus a lot on philosophical questions that life brings us from day to day.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated I have delved quite deep into spiritual teachings of Christianity, Hinduism and Buddhism however I do no affiliate myself with any religion but have become very spiritual in a non-religious way.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience My visions, had a specific lack of information I received from the being/energy I met there. But as I was a complete atheist, the thought of having something after this life was absolutely ridiculous. I now know there is more after this, but I have not gotten the privilege to receive that information, nor I was able to reach 'home' base. I was told I had not finished here on earth and there was more I was to learn. I believe I know what it is now, but I wasn´t told anything.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Before I was very against humanity in general, things have changed, I have become very empathic with living beings in general, including humans, I think we are all from the same source and should respect each other.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin It was a definite being but was not visible in my vision. I felt he/she was more of an energy, definitely unearthly and extremely kind and peaceful. He spoke to me not in language but in telepathic feelings.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I knew that I came from where I was heading, that I have been there before. I just did not get any visions of what it was that was behind that light or what kind of life I had before this. I was not privy to that information.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I was absolutely aware that at the end of the tunnel where the light was, there was 'home', that is where I originally came from.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I became very spiritual, but not with any specific religion, my fear of death has completely vanished, and now I understand the whole message, I deal easier with pain, depression and anxiety and know that I will never be able to finish learning about life.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was an experience as nothing you will ever experience in a normal day of life, things you could never see, hear or feel while in a 'normal' state of consciousness. Specially, the telepathic conversation I had with the being/energy was not done with words or any language, it was a feeling, something that was transmitted somehow to me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience My story hasn´t 'changed' in my head or me telling the story to other people, it was such an absolute shocker for me, that I will never ever forget this experience due to the impact it had in me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Not particularly. I´m though very happy to know this is not the end. Whatever is coming after our death, is at least not an eternal blackness.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only with family members and close friends, they were all very shocked in a positive way as they did not expect this to ever hear from me. One of my friends actually became very spiritual after I told him this, I am unsure it is actually because of what happened to me, but at least it opened up something for him I believe.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I knew my experience was somehow real, but I felt crazy afterwards, I knew it was real but at the same time, I thought, how could this have ever happened to me, am I becoming crazy, I've been such a non-believer, atheist and even laughed at things like this, and now it happened to me?

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was definitely real, and the more I read about other people´s NDE´s about teachings from the bible, Hinduism and Buddhism in general as well as all the great explanations of the great philosophers I am 100% convinced what I witness is real. Do I 100% understand it, no definitely not, I believe we as a human race only understand a sliver of what 'this' is all about.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Psychedelics, specifically 5-MeO-DMT (Bufo Toad Toxin) and Psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms) brought me in a similar state of becoming one with the universe. I had some interesting times during the time of my severe depression with Ketamine as well, however they were not particularly spiritual.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? N/A

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I though the questionnaire was great! It even helped me a lot structuring everything for myself. Thanks!

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