Austin W NDE

Experience Description

For years, I was an obnoxiously militant atheist. I was deeply nihilistic, believing in no life after death, and no real purpose to life. I found myself suicidal with constant self-destructive impulses. I started doing heroin when I was 13, and at 19 it killed me.

I was in the back of an establishment with two friends, when suddenly my high faded and I had a sensation that was reminiscent of a panic attack. I felt, deep in my core that I was dying, that then and there was the time and place. However, unlike a panic attack, instead of a feeling of fear and distress, I was overcome with bliss and immutable acceptance. I knew then that I was going to die, but it was utterly and entirely okay. I told my friends that I needed to lie down, so I got onto my back, and died there.

I suddenly experienced, all at once, everything and nothing. Rather, 'I' was dead, I didn't experience anything, instead experience simply was; all there was. I experienced life as every living thing, from birth to death, and every iteration of such. That is to say that, whoever reads this, I lived your life, and again with one extra hair on your head, and again with three arms, and again one centimeter to the left. Every variable, every possibility of every unique experience was as real as any other. I knew everything, and existed as everything, in complete unity. And all knowledge, all experience coalesced into one singular principle; 'I am.' Those words reverberated throughout the entirety of existence. I witnessed the birth, death, and rebirth of every universe in an infinite loop, all in an instant.

At the crux of it all, I could see the entire multiverse; universes of raw potentiality stacked on one another from the outside. I saw the whole of spacetime from the outside. I could see the universe and every subsequent variant as a singular hypersphere, a shape beyond human comprehension, and existence was one conceptual thing.

The last thing I remember of the experience is reliving my own life. I found it incomplete, began to struggle to come back. I was shortly after resuscitated at the hospital.

When I try to describe my experience to others, I find literal descriptions impossible. What I experienced was beyond human languages and conception. So I use allegories for most part. One that I often use is this;

Imagine an artist, say a painter, who is immortal. He works on a painting, and has nothing but time to perfect it. This painting will be his magnum opus, a work of perfection. So, with every minute detail, he spends decades, centuries, millennia. And while he's working on the detail, he gets so absorbed by it, after 70 years, that he forgets what he was working on to begin with. Then, when he's finally done with said detail, he can take a step back and see the whole of the painting and say, 'Oh! That's what I was painting!' That 'Oh!' moment is much the same experience; it seemed as though I took a step back from the attachment to my own life, and remembered the absolution of it all.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: November 2016

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Drug or medication overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) I overdosed on heroin and ceased breathing.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I was hyper-aware of the sensation of bliss that overcame me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just prior

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I existed outside of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was all-encompassing

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was all-encompassing

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Light is one word I would use for essence or source

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Fourth-dimensional perception?

What emotions did you feel during the experience? All of them

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. Everything and nothing

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control. I felt immense remorse for all of my wrongdoing

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future. The multiverse's future, rather. Earth was pretty insignificant.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. After finally reviewing my own life, I found it incomplete and decided to come back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist I was raised Roman Catholic, but lost my faith in God around the age of 13. During my teen years I was a heavily militant atheist; obnoxiously so.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I'm a Buddhist now.

What is your religion now? Buddhist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I went from nihilistic to pantheistic; meaning that I went from seeing no purpose to life to seeing overwhelming purpose.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The only mystical being I witnessed was a shadow-person with white eyes and deer antlers; no idea who nor what he was.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes There was no separation between me and everything else.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Everything was one complete thing

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The whole of everything was God.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes To learn and grow, to be the eyes and ears of God.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes Existence simply is, it doesn't begin or end.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes That suffering is in fact a net positive.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was beyond human language

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I experienced severe amnesia after the fact, and to this day remember little about that period of my life.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Immediately, everyone thinks I'm nuts now.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard about tunnels and visions of heaven or hell, my experience was unlike anything I could've conceived.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was objective, much more so than any subjective, singular experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

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