Ben B NDE

Hellish imagery and disturbing content. Reader discretion advised.


Experience Description

I remember my near death experience like it was yesterday.

I was struck with severe PTSD, and full blown depression. I was tired, tired of living with my own demons, and thoughts.

I didn’t feel any way out of it. I wanted to be with God and in a better place, a more peaceful serenity than this hellhole of life. My past was extremely dark. I was molested and sexually abused at a very young age. I was in psychiatric care most of my childhood. I tortured and killed animals, and was always having the police called on me with officers finding me ripping up a bird. As I grew up I felt like I wasn't loved or being watched by and God (even though I was raised Jewish).I was a very violent kid, 14 suicide attempts.

Back to the experience:

I proceeded to take 32 100mg of Seroquel and I was finally like 'yes this is it'. I proceeded to slit my arm, and blood starting pouring out, then I slowly sunk into my shower where I was laying, and entered the tunnel I so desperately wanted all around me. I knew I was home. In the distance I saw a group of people. They looked to be firefighters. 7-8 foot tall firefighters!! Their faces were so perfect, and masculine, they did not look in my eyes, they did not talk. I looked down and was covered in blood, and suddenly I was lifted up by these beings. they were carrying me to this warm place, they were so tall and as they were carrying me they looked straight on towards this light. I was suddenly dropped and felt like I was slammed onto a concrete floor. I saw these beings in the distance. It was a group of men who wore long capes, and looked to be very wise, and smart. One of them said to me or some voice told me in my head telepathically.

'You’re here, didn’t I tell you not to come , you’re not ready.' I thought and spoke with my mind, I knew I didn’t have a physical body anymore. 'But the demons, and what I have been though are consuming me, sir I am tired of it'.

Suddenly a booming voice full of anger, but full of love and compassion said 'WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO HATE, WHY DO YOU ABUSE YOUR SOUL THAT I CREATED MY CHILD? DO YOU KNOW WHAT REAL PAIN IS?'

I suddenly got sucked into a darkness . I saw a man who I recognized, he seemed dull, and to my horror it was the man who molested me and sexual abused me and different children in a daycare center . (He died in prison from being stabbed, he was sentenced to 67 years). He kept screaming for help, he had teeth marks on his Body, and what looked to me claw marks.

'Ben help me, I am being tortured, and I am lost, please help me'.

For years I wanted to kill this man who destroyed my life and other people’s lives for his own pleasure.

The booming voice one again.

'You can’t help him; he is where he needs to be. He has hurt children, he has burnt bridges, he has manipulated others, and he will remain here for eternity until the day he can accept the love, and light. You are here because you think your life is bad!?'

I did not feel pity, I felt a sign of relief, warmth hit my heart and mind. I thought I was sick, I thought I was the victim. I am a survivor. I asked this being if he forgives me for my horrific torture and killing of animals. It paused and told me.

'My children who are weak, and suffering from another man's hands is to be loved regardless, and as long as you work on yourself I will always be there for you.'

'Do you forgive me?' I asked. then with a booming voice that shook my body, and felt like the whole universe itself being told very deeply and slowly 'only if you move on and forgive yourself'

I got this sudden pull feeling, I was being sucked, back into this tunnel. I slammed back into my body and woke up in the shower. My arms clotted and I felt this amazing feeling of warmth like it was a breath of fresh air, and pure love.

Last Christmas marked the 4 years of no self-harm, or hospitalizations. Coming up on 5 years no suicide attempts. I have had my depression, and ups and downs, but I use my coping mechanisms. Therapy has saved my life.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 12/25/17

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose cutting of artery on arm Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was dealing with my demons and mental health issues. I was struck with severe suicidal thoughts

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It's like looking through a camera lens at your own life. I did not remember who I was and my physical body back in the shower. I was in another realm.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? when I had no body and felt like everything and seeing everything was crystal clear, and amazingly vivid.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. normal vision and normal physical sensations

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was communicating through my mind. Hard to explain, I was hearing without my ears.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes when I passed out it was like going through a water slide but i was floating away at incredible speed.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes a warm light that is like staring into the sun, and a darkness blacker than every color of black. It wasn't even black; it was a space of nothingness.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? joy, sadness, fear, love, and confusion

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others we all deal with the ups and downs in our physical life. we all are not perfect, only if we can forgive ourselves and our past then we shall be free. if you choose to live a horrible life you will be stuck even after your physical dies.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Jewish

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I learned to accept my past and mistakes, move on, forgive myself and others. Respect others, and you.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin people but beings. the firefighters were not human, they were soul form. the group of people together were dark energy. they were souls, not physical beings either. Even though they had physical characteristics.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes this being felt like everything!! he was so powerful, and so massive. Full of love but sternness. He was everything. His voice shook me and everything around, but it was a vibrational sense. I believe I was talking to God.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes the horrible things I have done, I know I am forgiven. I was a child and i had no control of my emotions. I am human like the rest of us. grateful I got the help I needed.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes we love and live life to the fullest, move on from your mistakes, and life is a journey. If you're uncertain know that there is a path and a good place if you choose to live your life in your own way and be happy.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes life sucks at times but all the pain and sadness are not permanent. You are watched and loved by someone even if they are from another realm.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes forgive yourself, forgive others, and learn from your mistakes. you take them with you when your physical body dies if you choose to live a negative life.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I accept people for themselves and I take care of baby birds and animals now.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am autistic and I have a hard time explaining things but i remember the whole near death experience like it was yesterday. Only action and being where I was you will really understand.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I feel good energy and dark energy around me. I've always been sensitive but now I can feel and see being that are not on the physical plane. I was in the city and was going to get robbed but something told me to go in the store and I did. I believe I was protected and told to go in the store because i was inched from being held up.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No