Betty R NDE

Experience Description

I worked on a horse farm as well as having horses at home and being a lifelong rider. I 'took the rough out' of thoroughbred horses who had started at the track, and this particular day was no different: I was taking a young horse out under saddle for a ride. About a mile from the house and yards he threw me headfirst ( by injury and marks on the road, I landed almost directly on top of my head) onto the hardpacked travel and clay road. I seemed to become aware of everything very acutely-- the sun, the wind, the grass blowing in the fields-- from where I was; I was far from the barns and house, but somehow I could see what was going on there. I saw everything that had happened that day from getting up at home several miles away , to starting my day at work feeding and mucking, saddling the horse I'd been riding, all as if I were an observer but I could see up close from above, see even myself, heard the conversations I had with others, everything.

I saw, as if watching from my , nowhere; everywhere-ness, myself riding out away from the house and getting thrown. I saw myself lying in the road and was curious and calm. I saw the horse make the additional 2 miles around the road back to the barn lot and another worker catch him; mind, this was miles from other houses. I saw my friend and employer look the horse over, look out over the fields for me, and get in the truck to head out on the road looking for me. I was not sure how this was possible but it was not distressing. I was glad that the horse went home. I remember watching myself be found and thinking that I must have died, yet I felt no pain. I saw people at my house miles away get a phone call, I saw the ambulance, and I just moved effortlessly from one place to another. I didn't seem to question why I wasn't in my body at all. I apparently started having difficulties in surgery and went somewhere.

I was on the road where I'd been thrown again, but I was walking and the sky was getting dark. A friend of mine who was deceased was walking with me, talking about my life and I knew that we were going together somewhere. The road became unfamiliar to me and the landscape desolate and cold. A lady of unintelligible age that I did not recognize sat at a crossroads; she told me it wasn't my time and that I had things to do before I could go any further. My friend went past this woman and told me that when it was time, she would be waiting for me. This lady I understood to be some kind of gatekeeper or something. She was not impatient but was firm with me. Suddenly I was seeing myself on a bed, my parents, and medical personnel and I could hear what was said.

My body was 'asleep' but my consciousness was alert. I went into my body and could feel pain and seemed to enter a dream state. I came around at some point and eventually told what I had experienced, which was validated. I had terrible difficulties with my memory for months after the accident but the things I had seen stayed clear as a bell even when I couldn't remember what I had heard in conversation a few minutes before. The emotional aspects of my experience while observing have never left me in the 27 years since. I had a lot of trouble with my vision, memory, headaches, and did a lot of physical therapy , and by the grace of God I wasn't paralyzed as initially suspected that I might be.

I eventually got back around to working with horses. I couldn't risk another injury so breaking and rough riding were out of the question. I can't do a lot of things I could before. But...I have been different since my experience. I can sense others' emotions, human and animal, and especially animals respond to me differently. They are soothed by my presence.

I have found that I have the same effect on human patients and for some time after becoming a nurse I chose hospice care to provide whatever comfort the dying seem to sense within me. I haven't talked about that with anyone ever because almost everyone I meet notices something they can't name but some are made uncomfortable by it, and for the first several years I felt like a freak. So much so that I spiraled downward in my late teens and attempted suicide. I was again spoken to by the same entity and assured that I had some purpose to fulfill. I'm not crazy, I don't have brain damage, and I'm not psychotic. I have had psychological tests done for my own peace of mind and understanding. As I have gotten older and experienced life more fully I have accepted that something extraordinary happened to me and it cannot be explained by the rigid narratives of organized religion. I have a deeply held spirituality of the interconnectedness of all life.

NDERF: Additional comments from Betty from email communications:

Yes, I told what I had seen, and what I saw was what happened while I was obtunded . My friend with whom I talked, and she had appeared beside me on the road, was a horse in life whom had died a traumatic and unexpected death a few months beforehand. She had attempted to jump a fence and impaled herself on a steel fence post, eviscerating herself. I had felt very responsible for what happened to her ( and I was a young 15, had only shortly before had my birthday); she assured me that she was well where she was and that I was not at fault for her death. I seemed to understand that we were going somewhere together, she as my guide. She was allowed past the being, the ageless, ancient lady. I so wanted to go with her and remain in that calm and blissful place. The dream state that I felt I entered after going back and feeling pain, I have rationalized, was likely due to the head injury and medications I was given.

If I may, and please understand that sharing this has been far more emotional than I imagined it could be...my friend, Miss Diamond, appeared and _smelled_ as she would have at that amount of time since her burial, when she appeared with me; as we walked her appearance improved to her healthy condition of life and the odor dissipated commensurately. When we reached the point where she went on and I was not allowed to go, she was beautiful again.

Jeffrey, Jody, thank you both for affording me the opportunity to share my experience. I wasn't sure what to expect but just the kindness of your communications has done a lot for me in overcoming the anxiety over telling my story. I'm double majored in psychology and metaphysics and I've not seen or read anything remotely like what happened to me. I've been reading the experiences of others on your site since I submitted mine and I don't feel so different now. Thank you, thank you!

NDERF in email to Betty: Did you talk with others to check out the accuracy of what you saw while you were obtunded? If so, was it all accurate? Were there any inaccuracies? If OK with you, I would love to post your additional comments in this email when we post your NDE (anonymously) on nderf.org.

Yes, what I saw was accurate, and validated by those who were present. Absolutely! Post any of this that you would like.

I definitely knew after that, that animals go where all things with a soul do. We are all energy and animals do not question their maker. Maybe someone else who has been reluctant ( or unable) to share their experience can. :-)

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1995

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Direct head injury Thrown from horse onto hardpacked gravel road, fracturing neck at base of skull and resulting in clotting. Life threatening event, but not clinical death Severe head and neck injury

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Please read my narrative. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I wasn't simply aware of things and emotions of others, I felt everyone and everything.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? It had to be at the time I was closest to death.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Everything was the present, there were no bounds of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Before: binocular average vision. During/after: stereoscopic, telepathic, acutely vivid effortless telescopic vision.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Before: slightly better than average During/ after: incredible awareness of every sound even those miles away, yet not intrusive or mixed up. Everything was clear.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I could describe the 'getting dark' part of my experience as some sort of tunnel. I definitely passed through a darkness.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Please read my narrative. I walked and talked with my friend who was deceased, who happened to have been a horse in life.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain There was illumination unnatural to the environment I saw. It was extraordinarily clear and bright but not blinding.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place Please see my narrative.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Mostly calm and deep peace. No pain.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I was part of everything and everyone and understood all.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control My life leading up to this event seemed to flash very quickly, and nothing I saw was inaccurate.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was told that I had important things to do before I crossed.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian I had stopped going to church a couple of years before.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I know that organized religion is not fully accurate.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths. Spiritual in a highly individualized manner.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I saw/ felt/ learned on such an intense level far above what I knew of life. It was comparable in energy to an atomic blast.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that there's more to our existence.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I encountered an entity of extreme age but also ageless, of supreme knowledge.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I WAS part of the connectedness of everything. That connection has not ceased either.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The ageless lady was some kind of barrier keeper, a protector of what lies beyond. I sensed more than I saw.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes But I'm not entirely sure what it is.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I was told that I have things to do. I understood that part of my experience was part of whatever that is. I'm still trying to figure it out. Studying metaphysical science is helping.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. There is something beyond the barrier. My friend went through and I was told that I would When it was time.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt the love that went into the creation of all being.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I put it in my narrative.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Some people think I'm a freak. Everybody seems to feel something emanating from me that is different. Not a bad different, but it does frighten some because I guess I'm unnerving at times.I have mostly positive interactions though.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I am fairly articulate but I have difficulty finding words commensurate to describe the depth of my experience.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Please see my narrative.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can feel others, animal and human. I've had numerous precognitive episodes, I can feel things coming, I have a strange awareness of or sensitivity to any kind of energy change however slight. I know things unknowable by the basic senses.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The assurance that I have a purpose.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I know what I experienced and things I saw were verified by others. It was the clearest experience and memory I had for a long time and it's still clear.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It's been reverified and the effects are present in my life.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Attempting suicide.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It changed my Outlook on the existence of all things. I am more at peace knowing what I know as a result.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think it's been pretty thorough. Maybe ask if anyone else has had difficulty feeling different since their experience.