Beverly F Possible NDE

Experience Description

I arrived to the hospital with my mother for a scheduled out-patient surgery. I was worried about having surgury and had the fear of dying under anesthesia. I also dislike the IV process because I can always taste the plastic and fluid. I also, still dislike needles. My doctor was a very sweet and soft-spoken man. Once in the surgery room, he visited with me and assured me everything would be fine. I drifted off and I remember the experience like it was yesterday.

I woke up during the surgery and could hear my doctor and the others quietly speaking. I didn't feel anything and was not worried at that moment about moving or opening my eyes. I was fully conscious and very aware that I was having surgery. At first, I felt like I was lying down and that I had a body. But then I felt like I was only in this space in my head. I remember questioning, 'Why can I hear them? Why am I in here awake? It's a mistake. I will drift off back to sleep soon.' But I didn't. I began to question really hard, 'Why can't I hear them?' For a moment, panic set in.

Everything started spinning really fast inside my head. I swear I saw my brain, the pathways, and loops. It got very loud, fast-spinning and rumbling. Then, I started flying very fast through a tunnel. I was moving so fast that I couldn't see, but thought I saw the tunnel. It looked tan and brown with specks. There was light with more light toward end of the tunnel. I was going so fast. I felt like I was lying down then was upright in the tunnel. Then, all of a sudden. I was in silence. I was up high at the ceiling and I felt someone or something near me on my right. I didn't feel like I had a body; it reminded me like I was the childhood character, Caspar, the friendly ghost. I remember not being told by whomever was next to me, but knowing I was to look down. With a big gasp coming from me, I giggled quietly and said, 'Wow, I can see that.' I giggled some more with my hands over my mouth.

I saw my body lying below with my doctor and others around me. They looked so far away. I remember having to look around the surgery lights to see below. I could see that my pelvic region was being held open in a triangle shape. I remember knowing it was my body, but having absolutely no emotional connection to it or anything else. I wasn't aware of who I was, my life, children, or family. I do distinctly remember feeling like I was a child around age 6 or 7, full of bubbly joy. I often wonder about that or was I a free soul full of child-like joy? In this space there was an incredible feeling of joy and overwhelming love. I can't even explain the warmth. I still had something staying very close to me. It was watching me, protecting me and even letting me know to be very quiet when I giggled. I remember feeling ready to go on. I was so incredibly happy and joyful. I felt there was more behind me. As I began turning around to look behind me, I knew somehow that I had to go back. In a flash and a loud thud, I was back in my body.

I heard my doctor say clearly,'Okay, let's close up now.' I drifted off to sleep and later woke up in the recovery room with my doctor bending over me that everything was fine. He said, 'You won't be able to have anymore children. I couldn't do laser surgery. We had to open you up.' After that, I slept and woke to a very worried looking anesthesiologist staring at me intently. I was kept in the recovery room for six hours. My mother waited many hours before being told anything. I was kept overnight for observation because my blood pressure was too low.

My experience was beautiful, joyful, full of the warmest love, and it changed my life forever. Everything in my life was sweeter, tastier, clearer and more colorful. But, the fact that I was most likely close to death, I'm very fearful of possible future surgeries. Though I did have an outpatient surgery a few years ago and let the doctors know of my concerns, everything went fine. For that surgery, I run joyfully through fields of huge, tall flowers in the sunshine where I laughed, felt warm, loved and joyful again. Thankfully, there was no tunnel or watching.


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: November 2007

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Surgery-related. While under general anesthesia. Other: I was told 6 months afterwards that a new anesthesia drug had been used and maybe I was taken too deep. I believe something happened to me during surgery as it was to be a quick outpatient surgery to have one ovary removed. I ended up in recovery for 6 hours and when I woke up several times the anesthesiologist was watching me intently. I was then kept overnight for observation. Months later I shared with my surgeon what happened to me and he said, 'Oh you're so lucky, I wish that would happen to me.' He said he would speak to the anesthesiologist and get a report for me. They concluded that a new drug being used may have taken me out and then too deep during surgery. Also, my blood pressure was super-low after surgery.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my body during surgery below and I saw my pelvic region held open and later my doctor confirmed he had to open me up instead of laser surgery. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. I don't think it was any different

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Probably, when I first woke during surgery

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. When everything started spinning in my brain and speeding through the tunnel

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same. However, once home everything was brighter and more colorful

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. All senses were right on

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was tan and brown. There was light and then light toward end, but not a brilliant light. It was actually dark when I arrived at the ceiling, but bright over my surgery.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Loved, joy, Happiness, and calmness

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Occasionally, I went to church as a child. I attended more regularly as I had children.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I practice prayer and meditation almost every day

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant. More spiritual, liberal and free. Though, I do understand now very clearly - God, Jesus and Holy Spirit are real. And, angels exist.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I wasn't sure what happened after or if we were alone.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. I didn't hear a voice. I just knew what to do from the unseen Being next to me

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I experienced that we are and continue to be.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I somehow knew that love is the most important

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt tremendous love and care of me

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. During sleep, waking moments and during meditation, I have connection to the other side by means of bloops of information, visions and random words that I have to look up their meanings. We all have troubles and forget the big picture, but I try to be joyful, loving and kind.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I love and cherish more. Although I have trouble with mean people.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's hard to describe the feeling of warmth, love and joy

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The love and warmth

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes 6 months afterwards I shared with my doctor because I wanted to know what happened to me. I told my mom a day or two after. Once, there was a group speaking on NDE and I briefly shared mine.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard of it before

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. At the very first I asked myself, 'Did that really happen?' But soon after, I knew it happened. At times I wonder, 'Did I make myself leave my body or was I in fact close to death?' I only question because my doctor said everything went fine when I questioned why it happened.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Absolutely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I seem to be able to travel in that same kind of effortless, body during dreams

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I still wonder today what happened to me during surgery. All arrows point to something being withheld from me.