Birdie A NDE

Experience Description

I did see a flash of light. Then I was hovering over myself. I saw the scene from above. Time seemed to stop. I saw myself lying there from above and yelled at myself to wake up and move! I came to.

Then I saw the screwdriver coming down for my head. I saw this from my body on the ground perspective, in a very slow-motion way. I then saw a brief slideshow of my life. Even in the moment, I wished I could go back and see it again. I knew they were scenes from my life but they went so fast, I didn't totally catch them. I felt the slideshow was unnervingly short. Then I was above my body again and yelling at myself, 'MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!'

I moved somehow and the screwdriver slammed down right next to my head and shattered the tile.

Random thoughts:

Afterwards I didn't remember what was in the slide show life review. Something was so important it was transmitted to me that way, something to take seriously, and I didn't remember it because it went too fast and I wasn't paying attention!? Not good.

I felt that the fact I woke up the very moment I was being stabbed, meant I was supposed to be on this earth for a reason. At the time, this felt like a grand burden. I felt like I had had this grand moment of grace and needed to pay it back or I was saved to perhaps do something consequential but had no idea what that would be. I also felt my life was no longer mine in a way I didn't feel comfortable with.

I spoke about this very little but the people I did were very dismissive. I didn't realize my relationships were that shallow and it was a gut punch to me.

I sensed a kind of incompetence when it came to clergy that I felt was unnerving. I don't expect answers but expected to be taken seriously and some thoughtful or meaningful words.

At the time I felt I was really living life before but the brevity of the sideshow told me I hadn't really been living much life.

I felt having this experience was yet another thing that created distance between myself and my peers and didn't like that. I've always had plenty of friends but I felt things like this changed me and I was concerned about the impacts. Now I know it did make me different but am grateful for it.

I also felt right or wrong that between the normal limitations of my life and being the victim of a crime that I would never have the access or ability to ever make a grand sweeping change or really impact anything in a big way. But because of this experience, I was special enough to have it. I needed to take it seriously. In lieu of anything big, I decided I would look for small, forgettable ways to make things better for people in my everyday life.

I felt like a failure that my near-death experience was so basic. It also felt like a failure because I was lucky enough to have one according to society but I had no increased urge to become more religious afterwards. I felt like if I had reacted like I was supposed to, I would have become more religious. That is the way I felt back then. Now decades later. I realized it changed my life in incredibly profound and far-reaching ways.

I feel that advice about increasing the size of both my life and faith to handle a near death experience was the best advice I could have possibly been given. The good things in life that have come from this have been innumerable. I would have never gotten it or taken it that seriously if I would not have had a near death experience. So I now consider it a great blessing not a burden.

It kept me on the right path in ways. Meaning I didn't get as pulled in as many dumb stuff/arguments and nonsense because I felt I saw more of the big picture and long game of things. Like if you almost die, bad customer service or small slights is not that big of a deal in the scheme of things. Many people around me felt differently.

It definitely put me in a position to feel comfortable taking risks I would have not before and had more bravery. I felt it was a miracle I came to and moved out of the way. I was given a life back that by all means should have been taken. So I did things like travel to all sorts of places, approach all sorts of different people, let basic strangers in the middle class world stay in my home while they were getting back on their feet for 20 years. Also exchange students and all sorts of other guests. I stayed calm driving through storms and walking at night in bad neighborhoods. I was intentioned in what I did but now I see those things that were many risks. That ultimately turned out well.

At the time, I thought I would never have access to do big things so just did the small, local, often unseen. Just little things to make things better or small acts of grace. Until almost recently, I didn't think they had much impact. Now I know differently. Little things ARE big things and in a way they are even bigger because most everyone is focused on big sweeping ones, not the boring or hard stuff. That near death experience changed my life in profound ways.

Before my experience, I was of holiday mindset that holidays are a drag. Afterwards, I was the one showing up in the elf outfit. I realized that I have to enjoy things and not take them as seriously as I used to do.

It allowed me to have a more zen-like reaction to most things except for losing a baby.

The increases in my spiritual life have allowed me to weather many tough things with grace that I don't think many other people could. I feel like I was given a gift. I didn't have an urge to become more religious but it did increase my faith and reverence. I normally don't speak about this.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 5-7-2005

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack. Direct head injury. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal Highest level. I could see everything from above and had time to assess what was happening.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was in and out of consciousness. Also the situation was almost unbelievable and I was in a state of shock. It was someone I knew who had a psychotic break.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. The time from when the weapon was raised and hit by my head was seconds. The screwdriver coming for my face was moving in incredibly slow-motion.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. It was all very surreal and did feel like something mystical was happening to me, but I was in the present. I felt overwhelmed

What emotions did you feel during the experience? It happening made me realize just how serious the situation was. I did feel flattered and grateful my life was spared but it then felt like a burden.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I had reverence but was somewhat indifferent at the time. I also had a regular practice of taoist meditation for 10 years prior that has continued to this day.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain More open and reverent towards it

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant More reverent. Continued zen practice.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I needed to both increase my life and faith to accommodate.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I was going through life assuming something like this wouldn't ever happen to someone like me.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes At the time it happened, I felt like a I was a failure.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt I needed to either pay a debt for my life and was amazed this happened to me. I also needed to play it forward and be helpful, kind, and somewhat non-judgmental. I was pretty good before but more so

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain It was all surreal and overwhelming.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain. It took me a while even though I've processed the emotions about the experience years ago.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain. I had great intuition which I believed came from being smart. If you can recognize patterns, pay attention, be present in life occasional weird things happen but I attributed it to that not a psychic gift.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I tried to speak to three different pastors about this. I felt I was treated with overall disinterest and dismissal. Kind of a pat on my head and put me on my way but I really had a serious spiritual crisis based on the experience. What really helped was an older black sheep family member told me if my life and faith are so small it can't handle something as somewhat common as a near death experience, than I needed to get on getting a bigger life and bigger faith. Big enough to handle and embrace it. At the time I was thrilled I had someone take me seriously and an action I could take. In retrospect, I believe that's one of the best pieces of advice I'd ever been given. I want to go back and hug my younger self for taking that advise.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I believed the experiences were real but wondered if a flash of light was produced medically due to how the nervous system reacts.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It was a blessing. I don't assume one would be receiving help in these dangerous situations. I did and that feels good. The fact my life was spared continues to be profound to me.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I believe a lot of people have these but I guess I didn't really believe these types of things happened before. It opened my mind to a richer spiritual realm.

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