Bonnie K ADC

Experience Description

This was written in my personal diary. I copied and pasted it

This past November 2023, I had been upset for literally a couple of months. I always remember that every September, an event broke up my engagement to a man I loved very much. We were engaged to be married, and we were living together. That period of time was the happiest I've ever been. I was 25 and had just graduated from nursing school. I received my RN, my license, and had a job at the Children's Hospital Pediatric ICU in Cincinnati, in August 1974. The time before was stressful—finals, graduation, state boards, and starting a new job. Shortly after we settled in, I found out I was pregnant. I was in denial. It was confirmed, and I terminated the pregnancy against his wishes. This caused an irrevocable split in our relationship. We tried but couldn't move past it.

This past September, I once again remembered this and was very sad, as I am every year. However, instead of lasting a day or two, I had an overwhelming need to contact him and ask him to forgive me. At that point, although stressed, I wasn't crying; I was still sleeping and eating. I googled him and he came up—name, address, and phone number. I saw the address and wondered if it was the same one we lived at. I continued to search, and all that changed was the phone number sometimes. So I started calling numbers, pretty sure I would contact him. After several calls, they were all disconnected. The intensity of the need to contact him became overwhelming. I googled everyone in Ohio with his name—over 200 men. Since I've done tons of research for my graduate and postgraduate degrees, I could pretty quickly weed through them. I kept searching. All the sites with his exact name and birthday lived in the same place. During one obsessive search I found his name with a totally different number. His name, his brother Jim, and his father were listed as relatives. I looked back up at his name and, in larger block type under his name in red, was the word “deceased.” I couldn’t have missed that before. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach, and I started crying. I was frantic. I could never find that website again. That’s when the next three months of uncontrollable grief began. I couldn’t sleep, had no appetite, and wasn’t taking care of anything but my dog. I called Cincinnati Bell, and they had no listing for him or his brother. I called the Ohio Department of Health records division, and they confirmed his death in December 2014. I didn’t believe he had died; they must have made a mistake.

I decided I needed to go to a therapist, so I did. I told her this story and said I needed to go to a priest for confession (after 50 years) and talk to him too. She told me I had a delayed grief reaction and that touching base with my religion was a good idea. It was. About 2–3 weeks after I saw the priest, I had the dream. I was exhausted—not eating, sleep deprived—and my nurse practitioner had given me a low dose of Xanax to take when I started getting upset. It would stop me from crying for a couple of hours, and I didn’t want to use it a lot. The night or two before this experience, I was inconsolable. I prayed—real prayers—for the first time in my life. I prayed to St. Jude for intercession, telling him I was in a very dark place, isolated, very afraid, in despair, lost, and grieving; that I was getting physically sick; that I needed something that seemed impossible. I needed to speak to David in person to ask him if he could forgive me—not a dream that would dissipate over days with only fragments remaining, but to actually see, hear, and feel him, the real live him.

I went to bed after another night of tossing and turning with no sleep. I got up in the morning to let my dog out and make a cup of tea. I was crying a lot. Around 3 p.m. I went up to take a nap. I can’t remember if this was the day right after or the next day. I put my dog on the bed, took half a Xanax, and got into bed. I don’t remember anything after that—just getting into bed. The first thing I remember after that was standing in the airport with my cellphone in my hand. I was wondering if I should call the only number I hadn’t called, but I just couldn’t take one more disconnected number. I had flown in from Richmond and booked a room at the airport hotel overnight because my return flight was in the morning (it was about 7:30 p.m. that night in November 2023). So I decided to dial the number. I was shocked when a woman answered. Her voice was beautiful—soft and pleasant. I asked if this was the household of the person with the last name W, and she said yes. I asked if a David W lived there. “Yes! He does.” I asked if she would be okay with me speaking to him—I was an old friend from 50 years ago, and I was here overnight and thought I’d see if I could talk to him. She said, “Of course,” and called him to the phone.

He got on the phone, and I asked him several questions. He said, not in a mean but abrupt way, “Who is this?” I said, “Bonnie.” There was a pause. I thought my name had upset him, and he hung up. Then he said, “I’ve waited 50 years for you to call me.” I was a bit shocked. He then asked where I was. I told him I was at the airport and needed to speak to him face to face, preferably only if his housekeeper agreed. He started laughing and said, “Wife? I’m not married. That’s my housekeeper.” I told him that was unfair because I didn’t have one either. I said that if he was amenable, I’d take an Uber to his place, or meet him at a restaurant or here at the hotel for dinner and a drink. He asked me where at the airport I was. I said the Delta terminal at the baggage check. He told me he’d come to the airport and get me, but it would take about 40 minutes. I told him I’d sit and wait for him to pull up. He said he’d see me shortly. I didn’t ask him what kind of car he would be driving—it had been 50 years.

I noticed there were two pieces of luggage on the conveyor belt at the baggage station. It didn’t bother me that I was the only person in the airport. I heard footsteps and looked up. I asked if it was him, although I already knew it was. His face wasn’t completely in focus, but I recognized him. He told me he would recognize me anywhere. He said he was in the garage and wanted me to walk with him. We went into the garage, and I looked up. I was shocked to see a 1969 vintage blue VW Beetle parked there—flawless. I asked him if that was his car, and he said it was. I told him it didn’t have a scratch or dent. He said he knew. I asked if he and Jim had taken up restoring antique cars as a hobby, and he just smiled. He took my overnight bag, and I got into the car. I could smell the new car scent and noticed the interior was flawless. When he got in, I asked him if he ever drove the car. He said, “Yes, I have.” All during this dream he didn’t lie but would answer equivocally to some questions—so no lies.

We drove up I-75 toward Cincinnati. I know it was I-75; it was dark out. I asked why he didn’t let me take an Uber to his place. He said, “I’ve come to take you home.” I thought that was an interesting way to say, “Let’s go to my place and have a glass of wine.” Shortly after, I asked him if he could ever forgive me for what I did to him and our life. He told me he had forgiven me decades ago—another interesting phrase—and that he’d always loved me and still did. I wasn’t upset nor did I cry. We took an off-ramp in the city that leads up to the university. I asked him if he still lived there; he said yes. I thought some people just don’t like change. We pulled onto Clifton Avenue, then turned left onto Ludlow, and then right onto a couple of streets down. I asked him if this was the way to where our house was. He said yes. I looked up, pointed to a street sign, and asked if that wasn’t the street we lived on and if our house was about three houses from the corner. “Yes.” We pulled up in front of the house, and I was shocked. It looked exactly the same as when I lived there. Inside, it was even more eerie—it looked exactly as it did before. I looked to my right; on a telephone table was the black rotary dial phone we once had. I asked him if it was the same one. “Yes.” I asked him if it worked and if the local infrastructure supported a 50-year-old phone. His answer was, “Well, you called me on it.” I was shocked and asked him where his cellphone was. He said he didn’t have one. He didn’t need one. I thought to myself, how lucky can a person be? More exact things followed—the couch, the kitchen appliances, and so on. He made me some toast and tea, remembering exactly how I liked both. He said he remembered everything about me. I was shocked.

Then he took my hand, and as we walked toward the bedroom he said he wanted to make love to me. I said, “Absolutely not. That’s not why I came to see you.” He smiled and said, “I know.” We went into the bedroom, and lovely yellow sunlight was coming in through the window. It was warm, sunny, and perfect. I looked at the bed and noticed the sheets—they were the same ones he had bought me when I started staying with him, with tiny pink and blue roses. I looked up at him and, without shock, told him he looked exactly as he did at 26! He told me he was 26. I didn’t doubt him. When he told me I was 25, I said, “No, I’m 74 and an old lady.” He kindly asked me to turn around and look at myself. I was so shocked I turned around, pointing my finger as if to ask him what was going on. Calmly and lovingly, he asked me to look in the mirror. The first thing I saw was my graduation picture from nursing school—I had gotten him one and had it framed. Looking into the mirror, I was shocked. I looked exactly as I had at 25. I was perplexed. I saw him in the mirror, in the background, in focus. He told me again he wanted to make love, and yet again I said no—I was 74 and hadn’t come here to have sex. I came to talk with him about what happened and to ask him to forgive me. He said, “I know.” He picked me up, placed me in the middle of the bed, covered me up, got in next to me, and held me. I had an indescribable sensation. The room was filled with a filtered soft light—surrounding me completely. I could see nothing but the light and myself. I could hear and feel him holding me. I told him I never wanted him to stop holding me. He held me tighter, and the feeling was immense—love, forgiveness, acceptance, everything good and right. He told me I was pregnant with his baby. At that point I sort of told him no—I couldn’t get pregnant again and I was 74. He said, “Look at yourself.” I did. I was totally shocked—I literally looked 25. Next, we stood up. The light enveloped everything but us. He held my hand, and I sensed he was leading me somewhere. I could see only him and me; there was no sense of up, down, left, or right. He said he had a question to ask me. I said, “Okay.” He asked if I would carry our baby to term. In that split second, I knew I had a choice. I said yes. He told me we would be unbelievably happy raising our family. We were to be married that very night. I didn’t want this to stop—I didn’t want to leave. He told me there were a few small things I had to do first and that then we’d be a family and I’d never have to worry about anything ever again—not even money. I would experience a type of love I can’t imagine, one that is immeasurable and forever.

I felt like I was pulled back and then was wide awake. I looked around my room because the last place I was had been at David’s house. I looked at Molly and asked her, “What just happened to me?”

This whole six-month-long experience has given me a totally different perspective on my life. I’m not afraid of dying anymore. I realize there is an afterlife. I instinctively know what those “little things” I need to do are. I went back to my church. I’ve learned that I have to forgive myself, forgive several other people, and stop trying to control things I have no control over. I will be with him and our baby, and he’ll be there so I won’t be alone—and we’ll walk home together.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 11/28/2023

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Extreme grief Other Grieving

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I mean I saw the expressway and our house the car etc No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. Not really. The only thing I noticed the sameness of things from 49 to 50 years ago; starting with his car in the airport

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was always alert and conscious in this event

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Not different. Except his face was slightly out of focus until a bit later

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Normal until when the light was all-encompassing. I think it was more telepathic

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A sun-like light appeared in the bedroom when we entered; it was around 10:30 pm. The house was dark except for the living room lamp, and then a soft, luminous light appeared when he put me on the bed.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Happiness, joy, safety. Some incredulous feelings especially seeing things like his car, our house, and the telephone

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I realized I had a second chance to make the right decision

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future. Where I would be with him and our baby and dog

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. He took me far enough to see what I will have after completing those 'few little things' I needed to do before he would take me home

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic Returning to catholic church after 50 years; 2 weeks prior to event

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I practice my religion. Which hasn't been done since 1974. At that time I was excommunicated without the possibility of reconciliation so I didn't practice. This event for some reason made me seek reconciliation because it's possible now

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic Still catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I never teally believed on an afterlife. It was a remote possibility. I never believed in 2nd chances. ive also ne er believed in nde

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know there's an afterlife. I know we are given every opportunity to live our afterlife in love and security with those we love most

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify. The lady who answered the phone. Her voice was absolutely beautiful, soft, kind

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I could be forgiven and loved regardless of past transgressions

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I knew what I needed to do to go back, which involved forgiveness

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I will be walked home after I die to live in the house we discussed a lot; with our baby and dog

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life’s difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It would be everlasting and unimaginable (without strings attached) I would never have anything to worry about

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I know there's an afterlife. I don't know how it's structured for everyone but mine will be like it should have been if I'd made a different decision than I did

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I'm kinder and more forgiving of all my friends peculiarities

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I can remember it almost verbatim and visually as well, down to the flowered sheets, the horrible couch. Antique kitchen appliances

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I've had several out-of-body experiences, one in particular that was verified. I've had premonitions of life events, and I have an uncanny ability to guess exactly what others are thinking, but these were from before my experience, when I was in my late teens and early 20s

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes The ability to have a second chance at the life I truly wanted with someone I deeply loved, who forgave me and always loved me. He never married, which makes me very sad.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with my therapist and asked her if I was crazy or making this up. She said no, and when I told her about the light, she knew it was true. I also consulted my priest for a spiritual perspective; interestingly, he mentioned that the 25-year-old me needed forgiveness, not the 74-year-old. My therapist conveyed the exact same sentiment before the priest did. My best friend thought it was PTSD, but I told her that she doesn't have a PhD in psychology and I knew it definitely wasn't PTSD.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had heard of people seeing things when they died before resuscitation, but I brushed it off as a neurochemical burst during resuscitation. I was a total non-believer.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I remember it clearly. It was sequential and organized. I could think clearly and even had snarky thoughts. I could see, hear, feel, touch, and experience emotions.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I can clearly remember it, its meaning, and its message. It is neurologically impossible to remember a dream or event so clearly after such a long time.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It's interesting that before the experience began, I was searching for David on Ancestry. A woman was also searching for her birth father; her mother did not know his name or where he was from. This was in the 1960s in San Francisco—following a couple of drug-fueled encounters. He lived in Cincinnati. The woman had listed David's last name as a possible candidate for her father's name, though the possibility was uncertain. For some unknown reason, I reached out to her and gave her permission to view the tree on my site with his last name. Fast forward to February: she believed there was a real possibility that her father was either him or one of his brothers, and I told her I would help. By the end of February, his brother was still alive, and she flew to Cincinnati to see him. He allowed her to take a cheek swab for DNA. The chances of her and I meeting were 6.7e-12—almost impossible. The likelihood of both of us knowing him was nearly zero, which reinforces my life motto: there are no coincidences. For some reason, our paths crossed. She most likely found her father, which has given her much peace and comfort, and I received some pictures of him from his youth and before he died at 66.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Questionnaire is great.

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