Bonnie W NDE

Experience Description

I woke at 3:15 on the morning of the 20th in intense pain and called an ambulance almost immediately. It was a cold and snowy night. I insisted the paramedics take me to the Hospital since that is where I had a tumor removed in July of the same year. I remember telling the paramedic to get a move on or else I would die in his ambulance. I got to the resuscitation room and the nurse asked me if they could remove my clothes. I had gotten dressed while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. My last conscious thought was ‘why are they cutting off my bra? I would have removed it if they had asked.’

When I came round I asked the doctor how many times I had gone, he held up three fingers, and I went again. I found myself in a black void completely at peace. I had no self-awareness, no memory of who I was but I somehow knew that I was separate from the void. I cannot describe the feeling of completely peace: no pain, no worries, no sense of self, it was fantastic.

I came back to my body with a huge bang. It felt like I had dropped back in from a great height. I said something to the doctor; I don't remember what. He told me to keep talking so I rambled on about my famous brother and told some jokes. Then I was taken to another room where I had a stent fitted. Later on that morning, the doctor told me that I had been very lucky. He said that there had been a number of contributing factors to my survival. He said that I had been very fit; I had called the ambulance very quickly; I had insisted on being taken to the Hospital, which has the best record for patient surviving heart attacks in the entire county, and the whole resuscitation team was already in the hospital having just unsuccessfully trying to revive a 30 year old.

I didn't feel very lucky and was really angry at being back. At the time, I really would have preferred to stay in the void.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 20/12/2010

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Heart stopped 5 times over the course of 1.5 hours

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was a different sort of alertness and a different sort of consciousness and therefore incomparable with those states whilst alive. (I just ticked more so I could explain here)

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Not sure since neither of those words really have any meaning in the context of my experience. While I was in the void, I was aware that I was somewhere but not aware of me. There was no ‘me’ or ‘I’. No awareness of having been anything before the void but I knew I was separate from the void and was travelling through it.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I somehow knew that I had been there for a while before I became aware of being there. I drifted around being peaceful. There is no concept of 'time' in the void.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was nothing to see, just a complete void which, although I describe as 'black' was actually nothing so I don't know how to compare it with human vision. I could 'see' that I was somewhere but not with my eyes because I had no form.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Again, there were no sounds in the void. My human hearing is fine.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A vast, never-ending void where, although I was separate from the void; there was no earthly ‘I’, just peace; blissful peace

What emotions did you feel during the experience? It was total peace in a way that cannot be described; just total peace.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Only if, by the question you mean ‘understanding what everything’ is, in fact, ‘nothing’ and that nothing is fine; more than fine: nothing is the optimum state of being ( or should that be 'not being'?!)

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Buddhist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain After the heart attack I was talking to a Christian friend of mine and said that I didn't know if I was a Christian whether I would have seen the stairway to heaven with St Peter at the top saying ‘you're not coming in!’ But the experience I had was entirely in line with my belief system. I somehow cannot believe that. Had I been a Muslim man I would have been greeted by a mass of willing virgins though. SO, maybe, religious beliefs have little to do with the actuality of being dead.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Buddhist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience After the heart attack I was talking to a Christian friend of mine and said that I didn't know if I was a Christian whether I would have seen the stairway to heaven with St Peter at the top saying "you're not coming in!" but the experience I had was entirely in line with by belief system. I somehow cannot believe that, had I been a Muslim man I would have been greeted by a mass of willing virgins though. SO maybe religious beliefs have little to do with the actuality of being dead.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know I should be at the center of my own universe and am making the changes, slowly but surely, to ensure that I put myself first. I know this sounds selfish but actually we should all put ourselves first, for how can we really help others if we are not whole?

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I had always been scared of death and dying - having been dead and experienced the complete peacefulness of it I am no longer afraid. I don't particularly want to die just now but have told my friends and family that if I do die not to worry - that it is

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain Probably - if what I experienced as the void is the sum total of being dead then we are all part of the same great nothingness

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I wasn't there long enough to find out but somehow I am sure I would have found out if I had stayed there longer.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? Unknown

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain it just served to confirm that 'life' has no meaning - but that doesn't mean to say that we shouldn't try to do no harm while we are here.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists Uncertain I don't know if the void was just the brains way of easing into death or whether it demonstrated a way of continuing after death - but either is fine with me.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain Only that, since life is meaningless and after life there is nothingness we shouldn't take what we experience through life too seriously.

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain In the void there is nothing but it is a peaceful, one could almost say, loving nothing

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life I have stopped putting everyone else before myself and have stopped trying to please everyone all the time. I think being in the void will continue to change my life for the foreseeable future. Slight changes in my life.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain Uncertain I probably view some of the people I know, quite differently post the void, whether or not they have noticed is not my concern. They must paddle their own canoe.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no words to explain the sense of peace and it is certainly difficult to explain there being no sense of me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience When I came back the void seemed more real to me than this life and I really wanted to go back. I felt as though I had been dropped on the wrong planet amongst weird human life forms that were hard to comprehend. That feeling has faded over time.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being (or rather not 'being') in the void was blissful and peaceful in a way that no words can really, usefully describe. I had always been scared of death and dying; having been dead and experienced the complete peacefulness of it, I am no longer afraid. I don't particularly want to die, just now, but have told my friends and family that if I do die not to worry, that it is fine on the other side. In the void there is nothing but it is a peaceful, one could almost say, loving ‘nothing’.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told everyone from the moment I got back: all the nurses, doctors, cleaners, other patients my friends, family and work colleagues. The only person who seemed to be affected in any way was my mother and it seemed to bring her some comfort.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I knew some people who experienced near death experiences: (I hate that term). When I came back from the void, I knew I had been dead in the human sense of that word.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The experience was real in that I definitely went to the void, whether there is a 'life' after death or whether the void is part of the process of dying and the brain shutting down is a moot point. Who cares? I don't.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real As Above.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I don't know if the void was just the brain’s way of easing into death or whether it demonstrated a way of continuing after death, but either is fine with me. I wasn't there long enough to find out if there is a God or Supreme Being, but somehow I am sure I would have found out if I had stayed there longer. Probably, if what I experienced as the void is the sum total of being dead then we are all part of the same great nothingness. If life is meaningless and after life there is nothingness, we shouldn't take what we experience through life too seriously. When I came back, the void seemed more real to me than this life and I really wanted to go back. I felt as though I had been dropped on the wrong planet amongst weird human life forms that were hard to comprehend. That feeling has faded over time.