Brad NDE

Experience Description

My NDE Experience: Farm Accident. Circa 1992.

Although family farming has moved largely towards plant/seed harvesting in recent decades, hog and cattle raising operations were still fairly commonplace in Indiana well into the mid 1990's. As such, a farm's livestock operations normally required a series of open sewage ponds; these were sometimes referred to as lagoons, open air cesspools, or manure pits. This was done to hold the waste of dozens, if not hundreds, of animals. Each year, a few dozen farmers are killed working in and around these pits due to the emittance of deadly methane, carbon monoxide, and hydrogen sulfide gas.

When I was a boy about 8 years old, this is precisely what happened to me.

On a very warm, low-wind day, I was overcome by the smell of sulphur while walking between a hog 'finishing' barn and an open sewage pond. I can still recall a split second of diminishing consciousness as I began falling forward towards the ground. The patch of grass I landed on is exactly where my NDE began.

I found myself 30 to 40 feet high up in the air and looking down at the scene below. I can accurately judge it to be this height as there was a utility/telephone pole many yards in front of me. I remember wondering to myself many days later, 'How did I climb to the top of that telephone pole?' From the sky above, I began to fall towards the ground. As I fell, I noticed a black hole near the green grass on the ground below. The hole seemed too small as I fell towards it. As I got closer to the hole, I kept right on falling. There was no 'ground' to hit. The falling felt like I had pierced a veil of some sort as I slid through the tiny, dark hole and entering a tunnel within.

The tunnel was black inside and growing larger as I rapidly fell into it. I wasn't heading forward and towards any sort of light as others describe. I was looking back towards the entrance of the tunnel. My child-like humanity faded and I became older, and more 'adult' in my thought processes. I had a clear sense that I had been on this ride before, that I had died, and that I was returning to my wiser form of consciousness.

I had a few 'downloads' during this tunnel experience, some of which I struggle to remember to this day. This pains me a great deal as I can remember the circumstance but I can't remember the precise information I was gathering. One message, or feeling, I do recall was that this life I had just exited was similar to a game. There were many ways to play the game, and some ways were much better than others. I remember thinking to myself, 'Gosh, I wish I could do that life over! How could I forget that! I wonder how far I could get if I could remember to do life that way?' In these recollection moments of the tunnel ride, I was somewhat bummed that I didn't perform better in my short 8 year old life. But it was a happy-go-lucky kind of bummed.

At some point here, the speed slowed and I entered a space with panoramic screens all around. It was like multiple TVs butted up next to one another. This was the beginning of a brief life review.

I mainly saw images of my mother and sister, but I was very confused. I knew the time, place, and circumstance that I was witnessing, but it was as if I was experiencing it from a different angle in the room. It was deja vu but from another vantage point but I watched it differently this time. I will note that this was a deep emotionally, painful, life review in my experience. It was not a physical pain. I felt what my mother and sister had felt in those moments and how my young words had affected them. It was the feelings of shame, regret, remorse, jealousy, and sadness, but multiplied times a thousand. These feelings I took on, grew to a crescendo. Those feelings and emotions were pouring into me and I could barely take it anymore. I wanted so badly for it to stop. Suddenly, those horrible human emotions just fell away. The pain was over in an instant. It was as if I was cleansed, and in quick moment, I was spit right back into that dark tunnel. But this time, I was in a euphoric free-fall. I haven't felt that kind of relief on earth.

Somehow from here, I ended up walking in a meadow. I knew this place. I loved it! This meadow was one of my absolute favorite places, despite never experiencing this anywhere on earth. Still, I knew that I'd taken this walk before in these fields and this crisp air. It was like a long walk home. This was the first time I knew where I was headed during this experience.

Today, 30+ years later, I find myself sad because I cannot remember more of the above mentioned place and the happiness I had, and have had, in that meadow. Moreover, I cannot determine where the field led me, per se.

I found myself in a giant hall, or room. I had people who knew me here; they were family members and ancestors. It was as if they were lined up, like sitting on bleachers alongside a basketball court. I knew them all. Some were seemingly 'older' and more 'matriarchal' or 'patriarchal' than others. I walked back and forth speaking with many of them. Again, I will note that I cannot name any of these people that I knew. Perhaps this is because I had not experienced any death as of yet in my short 8 year lifetime?

I do recall one or two conversations that I had with a woman who knew me.

She asked 'Have you talked to him yet?' I just sorta laughed back and said 'Naw, he knows I'm going back.' Odd as this may sound to the reader, I believe this was in reference to God, or a god, of some sort.

In this experience, I recognized God as being, off to my right, but he was simply there as a bright, shining light. I saw no physical, or human-like manifestation of him whatsoever; nothing Jesus-like either.

Then, I remember chit-chatting with a few other people and I told them 'Yeah, I'm going back.' There was an understanding that going back would be difficult and I nodded along. Unfortunately, that is all I can remember of this great hall and ancestor experience.

Finally, I ended up in a smaller room or area within a large building. The architecture was very Greek in design, with columns and white marble. Here, I met with a love interest; a romantic, twin-flame sort of relationship. We spoke to each other at length, and I recall discussing with her that we'd be 'gone' for a while, meaning gone from each other. I was going to be heading back to my body and she would not be reincarnating back into waking life for quite some time. There was a knowing that our lives' on earth wouldn't exactly overlap, but that she would be much younger than I in this earthly realm. We said our goodbyes and she knew I had work to do.

I surely wish I could remember more of her, and more of this portion of my NDE, but I simply cannot. I have no idea if I'll meet up with this person in this life or not. But it has made dating interesting, and sometimes I chuckle when I run into someone new and a little younger than me.

BOOM. I was back in my body and on that patch of grass. My NDE was over.

I was not found by anyone and nobody witnessed me unconscious on the ground that day. I simply 'came to' on my own. I got up slowly, dazed, and walked towards our house about 50 yards away. As I walked back, that was the first time I stared up at that telephone pole wondering when and how I had been able to climb up there and look down at the ground.

At the time, I spoke nothing of this NDE to my parents, or to anyone. I was 8 years old and didn't understand any of it myself. I didn't wrap my head around the experience until I was well into my 30's. Much of it would be what you'd recall later as the memories came back in waves. I had never heard of the term NDE before, nor had any formalized idea these experiences reportedly existed.

Many other NDE experiencers have reported wanting to stay on the other side, or not come back. For weeks following my NDE, I would go outside when my parents were gone and lay down on the exact same spot of grass that I had my experience. I'd close my eyes and try so hard to go back to that place. Shortly after that, for whatever reason, I buried much of the experience in my psyche. In fact, I refused to even walk near that area of the farm at all. I'm not sure why, but I became scared of it, causing me to bury the memories even further in my mind. As I did so, I began having intense dreams for weeks following the NDE. These were vivid, out of body dreams with some of them being quite nightmarish. Eventually they dissipated, as did many of the NDE memories.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1992

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Methane/Carbon Dioxide/Hydrogen Sulfide Asphyxiation

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I entered the tunnel, my true childlike age was replaced by an older soul with a higher level of consciousness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual. Time seemed very slow during the NDE, but could have been in an instant in real life time. I have no idea how long I was unconscious, out of body, dead, etc.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Saw very different colors, fractals, and depth that normal everyday experiences. The meadow was is more beautiful than I've ever seen on earth.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No change.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I passed through a black tunnel at warp speed. My tunnel did not have a light at the end of it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw members of my family, ancestors, and a twin-flame like love interest.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a knowing of God in my NDE. God was a bright, white light and not a man or Jesus-like figure.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I walked in a meadow I had been before. I later entered a great hall or room with Greek architecture.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Deep, excruciating, emotional pain during the life review. Melancholy. Some humor. Some internal knowing.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. A clarity of life shown through early in the NDE. Life was a game that one should try to play well.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian. Christian in family description and origin, but almost never attended church. We had no family prayer or devotionals of any sort.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I had no beliefs at all during that part of my childhood.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes But they came decades later when I was able to recall the experience as an adult.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. Family members and ancestors, a seemingly romantic love interest. God was a super brilliant white light.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain. No name, per se. Just 'god'.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain Just a feeling of deja vu that I had been in the tunnel and meadow many times before.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God was portrayed as a bright white light. He and I had a joking, buddy-like relationship in the NDE.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain. Only what I viewed as the experiencer. No further information was disclosed to me.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I partook in an ayahuasca ceremony that had many similar elements as the NDE I had at 8 years old

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I had a very unusual romantic love experience in my NDE. Very weird for a pre-pubescent 8 year old boy. But during the NDE experience, my consciousness was more like an adult man and not like a young boy at all.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain. It was, but it has become much easier to describe in recent years.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Following the NDE, I had vivid dreams that were closer to the ayahuasca experiences. These were very shamanistic style, out of body dreams.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only with a few. They haven't taken it super well and I always feel somewhat dumb after sharing. I keep it to myself mostly.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I was young, but knew it was real and wanted desperately to leave earth and go 'back'.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. More real now than 30 years ago when I went through it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Ayahuasca- unlocked memories of the event I had forgotten about.

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