Brandon R Probable NDE

Experience Description:

Prior to my experience, I was extremely depressed. I felt a deep-seated sense of failure and worthlessness. It was as if my life meant nothing and that I was a failure in every way imaginable. The sense of helplessness only grew stronger over time and so did my feelings of worthlessness.

I had been struggling everyday to make peace with that fact. I frequently failed to work adequately and was plagued with panic attacks and intense anxiety on the job. Over time, these problems only made my depression worse.

After losing my driver's license after police thought I was drunk, this was the day I wanted to die. I was not drunk. I blew double 0.00 twice on their machines and the blood test read normal. What actually happened was that I had an adverse reaction to my prescribed medication.

I planned my escape my life. I researched how best to commit suicide. Then I began slowly ingesting them. I had clinically stopped breathing for 10-15 minutes before paramedics arrived. They intubated me immediately upon arrival and worked 15 minutes to revive me. My Glasgow coma scale (GCS) was a meager 3. I had no responses to life. It hurts me deeply to talk about this.

I was rushed into the intensive care unit (ICU) where they put me on a ventilator and in an induced coma to protect my brain from the damages of hypoxia. I would spend 3 days in the ICU while they waited for the drugs to clear my body before lifting the induced coma and removing the ventilator when I started to breath naturally again.

At some point with all the chaos going on around me, I started to see black. At first it was just black, but quickly I felt as if I was moving rapidly. I was accelerating faster and faster. Then this beautiful orange-white light, of such intensity that I had never experienced before in my life, started to shine down on me. I was moving towards this light at an insane speed. This light was warm. It felt good to be traveling towards it. It seemed as if the light itself was emotions like the emotion of love. But I couldn't tell yet.

And just as soon as I started to fly towards this light, I was at the source of this light. It was a great, giant white ball. It was huge but small at the same time. It felt amazing. The light was pouring out love in all directions. And the love it did pour out was love that had no bounds. There was no judgment for what I did to get there. There was just endless pure, bright love. I quickly realized that the light was love itself; the manifestation of love. And the love it was, was perfect love that loves without conditions, without judgement, and without bounds. It was the perfect kind of love we all look for. Love itself.

Suddenly, the light started to communicate with me. It was not through a voice, but through what felt like an ethereal thought and consciousness link. It told me it was sorry that my life got so hard that I couldn't fathom living anymore. It told me that I didn't have to give in anymore,and that I could come home. It apologized profusely for my hardships on earth. This was strange as I didn't think love would apologize to me. It didn't make any sense to me. But it comforted me, and let me know that all things work out; that this would not be the end. There was joy and love with it. That I could move on and be with love forever.

Then suddenly, a figure appeared on the horizon. It was Peter. Peter showed up dressed in white clothes, and floated towards me. Peter asked me where I'd like to go, once again communicating with me through this ethereal consciousness link. He explained that it was my choice. I could become one with the light and one with love, or I could return home. He told me that either choice was okay and there would be no judgment. He said that judgment does not exist. I asked him what he thought was the right choice and he told me the choice was mine alone. He again repeated that either choice is good for me because there was not a right choice. Then he started to say that my wife and child need me. He kept repeating, 'Where should you go? Do you want to go into the light.'

Peter told me that this was the choice I had to make. If I chose to go into the light it was a good choice, but that I could not return to Earth. Then he told me if I choose to go back to Earth it was also a good choice, and that I would see him again. Eventually, I realized my wife and child needed me just as Peter had said. So, I told Peter that I would go back to be with them. Before departing, the ball of love, 'God', told me he would fix me. He told me to wait a little while longer while he fixes me. He said he had removed the depression and would allow me to wake up healed. Then the light told me, 'You will see me again, beloved.'

Then suddenly, I woke up in the ICU with a tube down my wind pipe. I spent 10 days in a psychiatric ward after I woke up and was moved out of the ICU. But just as love promised, I didn't feel depressed anymore. I haven't felt depressed since this experience. And although it hasn't been long enough to tell if I will get depressed again, I feel glad that I am no longer depressed today. I woke up feeling happy, and happy I remain to this day. The pain doesn't hurt anymore. I can recognize painful things and let them blow off me. I can recognize bad things and let them slide off. Things that use to bother me deeply are just thoughts, I don't have to let them control me or my emotions anymore.

I remember the events of that night, including my time with the love, very clearly; clearer than day. They are perhaps the strongest memories I have. The intensity of the love, I can feel to this day. It has forever changed me, because now I want to love without judgment, just as love loved me without judgment. I want to be a replication of love. I wish I could love more openly like that now. It's what I strive to do. I can never love as intensely or brightly as love itself, but I do my best to try and love all people as much as I possibly can.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 2019/02/12

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I felt more present and aware than I had ever felt in my life. I could see for light years and I could feel emotions stronger than possible.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was within reach of the light.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Time lost all meaning. Some events seemed to happen at the speed of light, while others seemed to be taking an eternity. Time did not exist and was meaningless in my experience.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was crystal clear and I could see for light years. Everything was bright and brilliant; I could see patterns and colors that are not normally possible.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could hear clearly and with more depth than normal. Sounds were easier to hear and had much more detail than normal. I could hear individual frequencies that I could not do normally.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I flew through a tunnel at incredible speed. At the end of the tunnel was love shining a brilliant bright light. I traversed the tunnel quickly. It felt like I was only in the tunnel for a fraction of a second.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Love was shining a brilliant, orange-white light that was incredibly bright and beautiful. The light itself was love, and love was the light. The light was the embodiment of love.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. The entire experience happened in what felt like the stars. All around us were stars and galaxies of amazing beauty. It was clear that this experience was not happening on, or around, Earth itself.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love and more love. All I felt was love. It encompassed me entirely. It was so strong I felt like I was going to burst at the seams from so much love. It was the most intense feeling of love I had ever felt before. I felt like I could not contain all the love. The love flowed so strongly and freely.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I felt like I could finally understand everything that led me to my choice, and everything that might lead me to having a happy life. It felt as if I would finally be able to understand my life and make better choices if I chose to return to Earth. The information seemed to flow in the light of love. It was offered to me without question and I could absorb as much of it as I wanted to.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I was repeatedly asked by Peter where I wanted to go. He seemed to be the adjudicator of this. Even though it was my choice, and my choice alone, he seemed to be the one to ask the question.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian Unitarian Universalist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I became more 'universalist' with a belief that all will see the light.

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian Unitarian Universalist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed prior that God was Love and that there was no judgment. My experience reaffirmed this.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes My beliefs towards living a happy life were changed dramatically. Before the experience I was scared of living, felt depressed, and was unhappy with life. Now I find peace and love in even the smallest of things.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw both the light as an orb and Peter. Peter was dressed in white and floated without moving his feet. Peter talked to me through an ethereal consciousness link. The love also communicated to me through consciousness link.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I met Peter. Peter showed up to deliver the news that I needed to make a choice about where I wanted to go. He told me I had to choose and that choice was my choice alone. He was wearing bright white clothes and talked to me through a consciousness link. He was very peaceful and caring. He sort of floated around and didn't walk like a normal person. He had his arms crossed in between his white clothes. He was kind, caring, and sweet.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I was told all can join the Light and be with Love. It was explained to me that all join together as one in Love with each other.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Yes, I talked with God (Love itself) in this ethereal consciousness connection.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I could access any information I wanted to, though I chose not to for the most part. I had an overwhelming sense that I understood the universe.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I was told I could join the light and pass into love to be with love forever. There was an obvious existence after death, however the details of which I am not certain, just that life does continue in a different direction, without human suffering.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Yes, it was explained to me that Love is what we call God and that Love binds us all together. That Love is the supreme being. Love is what we are trying to strive towards so that we can be with this unifying Love again.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I have been striving to become more loving to all people, especially my family. My fear of life has been reduced so I feel more comfortable being here on Earth than I did prior. Prior to my experience, I was greatly fearful of living, was very depressed, and felt like life was not worth living. However, now I find great joy in living life in the smallest of things.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I cannot express how beautiful, loving, and awesome it was to both see and feel. There are no words for it.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I can remember it in great clarity and vividness that exceeds any other memories I have had. I remember better than new memories as well.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Meeting the Light, and meeting Peter, were exceptionally positive experiences with lots of Love. The whole experience is very important to me, but I felt most loved when I was first arriving towards that great white light of Love, and I remember the conversation with Peter very well which brings me love and peace.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have shared it with friends, doctors, and family. My first experience with sharing this was with my Wife and Doctor present in the hospital after I woke up from the induced coma.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I knew they existed, but I did not know what the general experience was like, nor did I read about NDEs online or in books. I was aware they're usually peaceful, but I was not aware of any real examples.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was real. Plain and simple.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was real. The memories are so much stronger than any other memories I have.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No