Brenda H NDE

Experience Description

First of all I will NEVER fear death. Maybe the pain of death, but not death itself. When I floated around that cubicle in the hospital. I felt the real me and where I was going. I wanted to go there. All the compassion in the world was in me and with me. My spirit was all knowing, and goodness poured through me. I knew what the older and the younger nurses were thinking. The older nurse was barking orders but I felt her thoughts. I floated to one side of my curled up body from the ceiling and willed the shell of me not to hurt too much.

It's been a lot of years and it was before anyone had books or TV interviews about such things. The hospital wouldn't help me with info neither would my doctor. My child was very ill and I couldn't go to hospital and demand to see files. My husband, sister and mother wanted to believe, but said it was the drugs. I wanted to scream at them ‘this was not drugs.’ No one will ever convince me that I wasn't in the presence of a spiritual being (doesn't matter what name you give him, I choose God), and that was death and it was wonderful. I envy the people who went to the light and experienced more.

Years later, I felt wonderful when it came out about others like me. I am a spiritual person but have never found a church that works for me. I've traveled all over the world and study many religions. But I know that God was in control of my spirit and he was all around me. I don't think it matters what name you call him (Jehovah, Allah or Buddha, etc.) he-she-it is there. I live my life being the best person I can be because of the experience and knowing where I will be going. How lucky can one person be?!

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2/26/79

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Clinical death giving birth to 3rd child Complications during birth.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain My body was just the shell below me. Not the real me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Completely conscious. Nothing was cloudy except the essence around my seeing. Looking down was clear as a bell.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No It was all real time, except the split second when I left my body. I had a slow and reluctant return to my body.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Just machinery, alarms, nurse barking orders mixing with a clear understanding of their thoughts and emotions.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain My spirit was all light. A sort of bright cloud. Very bright. But no light or tunnel to light. I didn't get to go.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Hearing was there and I could hear their thoughts, but not that I had a body with ears. Just the spirit. I didn't touch anyone but I could still feel them. I don't remember smell of any sort.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Warmth, knowledge, euphoria, excitement, all-consuming love.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I knew everything that is of value. Mostly kindness, compassion, love, understanding. Language hasn't created words to describe my feelings at that time.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I moved my spirit self around the room to get better view of the shell. I felt I should stay over the shell. It was a small cubicle and could see top of machinery.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No Future events came after, but not during.

The experience included: Boundary

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain I don't think I could leave the cubicle although I don't remember realizing it. I don't think I was supposed to leave the shell.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No Just that I didn't want to go back. I didn't know I was going to return.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist

What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I became a kinder, gentler, more empathetic, spiritual person. Less lost and more compassionate.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No words that describe the feelings as I floated. My spirit or the essence of me was floating above my body. Euphoric, ever knowing, wonderful, - no words I've ever seen describes it. No one believes or understands it. Loved ones have tried. I looked down upon my body (my shell) that had held me for my years and only felt pity for her pain. I also felt the emotions of the two nurses and wanted to tell them it was o.k. I could see the tops of their heads right down to their shoes. Like sand in an hour glass, I went back. I did not want to go.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I marked ‘yes’ first but am uncertain. Especially since what happens to me now I have named ‘certainties.’

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? No worst part. Just good parts.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Loved ones and friends want to believe and some say they do. I’m not sure they do. But that's alright.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have only one problem. Why was I not aware of the unborn son? He never was there in this experience. It really bothers me.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I just am so glad that I am not alone anymore with this. I get to say to loved ones ‘see, I tried to tell you guys.’ I watched documentary where children were telling people. I saw where doctors/scientist give valid answers and it is funny to me. Even ministers saying that we are products of our childhoods. They are too much alike to be that.