Bristol O NDE

Experience Description

I was thrust suddenly into the darkness of space. I could distantly perceive nebulae and other cosmic structures. I could not remember where I had come from, who I had been, or what my earthly identity was. I felt immense relief, bordering on a sense of luxury. I cannot exaggerate the bliss I felt in this place.

I was approached by an incorporeal being who communicated with me about my situation. This being had no form I could recognize. My ability to perceive it was emotional rather than visual. It occupied the entire expanse of reality. I got the sense that it was an amalgamation of everything. It gave me a gentle ultimatum.

I was on the threshold of life, and I had to decide if I was ready to be done. They explained how rare it was for me to have this choice. Most people are thrust into this space so forcefully that they do not get the option to remain living. They asked me to consider carefully; so, I inquired about my options.

They revealed the system of the incarnation cycle: we remain in stasis as immortal, incorporeal beings outside of animation when we are not living. Although we are distinguishable as spirits, the overwhelming feeling was of continuity between us. We are all energetically intertwined into essentially a big "us." The entity communicating with me described how we are given a turn at animation. Each of us is placed in waiting for animation depending on our length of stasis and the qualities of the time spent in our previous animations. If we had been in stasis for a while and had endeavored to make our previous lives significant, we would be more worthy of reanimation. The greater power indicated that spirits whose actions in their previous lives were so heinous, so filled with evil and destruction, were placed very far away. Effectively, they were suspended from reincarnation for a very long time to ponder their involvement in the cycle.

I inquired what would happen if I chose to remain in this place and not return to my body. I still couldn't remember who I had been on Earth. The being told me I was welcome to do that, but I would be placed "in the back of the line," so to speak. I would not get another chance at life for a long time. I wondered if I had to return as the person I had been or if I could return as someone else. The being informed me that we are not given a choice regarding the material identity we inhabit. When new consciousness begins in a new person, a spirit is wedded to that body. As spirits, we only have the choice to be wedded, not to whom we are wedded. Those who forgo the decision, return to the back of the line. As such, my "person" was not yet dead, and I still had a chance to be returned and wedded to her body again.

I inquired about this system. I asked many questions, such as: Why was animation so important? What was going on here? Why didn't we all just remain in this calm, blissful space all the time? What was the point of the violence of life?

The being showed me that life was important because it is how stories take place. They demonstrated points in the universe of intense warmth. I realized they were indicating planets that radiated intense heat in a way I cannot entirely describe. It was magnetic, filled with music and voices, and felt warm to the core. I saw many planets, very distant from each other and each with distinct forms of being. I immediately understood that there were definitely "aliens" occurring throughout the universe. I also recognized many other spirits drifting around these planets in rapt attention of the beings and their activities. The spacetime divide between us ensured that they could not perceive us and we could not interfere with them. We could only respond to intense emotion with our own. We were not allowed to speak directly to the beings currently living; music was the language by which we communicated.

The being told me these were the places that sustained us throughout the entire universe. We, as spirits, warmed ourselves at these "fires." Without them, we would slumber too long and never strive or struggle to achieve anything more. Living was about interacting with each other and discovering indelible truths about ourselves. We each get a turn to struggle and strive, nourishing one another; and in doing so, growing the cosmos. Part of the responsibility of living was to live in a way that enticed the slumbering spirits to want to struggle. This was one justification for why people who purposefully hurt and destroyed were relegated to extended stasis. It wasn't a punishment; it was a way to give rest to a spirit that clearly did not like life and needed more time to see for itself why struggle was worthwhile.

So, the being concluded, I had a choice to make. Would I choose to return to my person and continue to struggle for the remaining decades of her life, or would I leave early and enjoy the bliss here? Again, I couldn't remember who she had been, but I could recall that her life had been filled with intense pain. At that point, I felt an intense surge of empathy for whoever I had been. I realized the distinction between our selves and the way I, as her spirit, had done her injustice. I could feel how curmudgeonly, judgmental, and rigid I had been and how much I had tried to force her and everyone around her to be the way I wanted. I was overtaken by the sense that I was meant to inhabit her in a way that helped her connect to others, rather than push them away. I felt deeply about leaving her with so little to show for her time alive. I decided I wanted to go back.

Immediately, the being and my spirit sprang into action to find my body. We had to move through many spaces to locate Earth. I first recognized the Milky Way, then the edge of one of its arms, and finally the solar system. We found Earth. The being could manipulate material. Although we had found Earth, it was not Earth as it is now. The being had to manipulate the rotation and placement of the planet to arrive at the correct time period. It had me watch as it revolved Earth, and I was supposed to indicate when to stop. I watched the surface of the planet as if it were the size of a basketball. The landscape went through many permutations. I saw many continental configurations, from Columbia to Rodinia to Pangea to Gondwana to Amasia and Ur. I watched as mountains formed and crumbled, and oceans grew and faded. Eventually, the creatures on the land began to appear familiar. Strange geometric structures began to form on the surface, growing upward before collapsing. I realized I was seeing towns and cities being built. I saw great temples rise, and I saw ships on the water.

Oddly, I could not recognize the place from the arrangement of the land as I do now. It felt like I had aphasia. I could only orient myself by the shapes of the bodies of water. When the Pacific Ocean emerged in its current form, I felt a pang of homesickness and realized it was the time of my life. The being stopped moving Earth, and I was allowed to begin my journey back. I first "landed" in the middle of the ocean and proceeded east until I encountered the West Coast. I followed the coast, starting around Mexico, until I arrived at the Columbia River. I felt an intense squishing with each distinction, and the focus of spacetime began to collapse around me, causing me to lose the sense of "gigantism" associated with being a spirit. I crawled and swam up the Columbia River until I reached the Willamette River. I knew I was very close. I followed the Willamette River until it crossed the path of the Fremont Bridge and I-84. I knew that if I could follow this, I would find the hospital where I was. I had to cling to the ground to keep from flying away because the planet was moving so swiftly. Everything was silent and still, although I could see much activity. I was not yet living, so my perception was filled with a sense of rest and stasis.

I found her body as she was being laid on a gurney. I ran to her and jumped in, just as her head touched the bed. My consciousness returned. I was extremely hot and sweaty. The world was filled with intensity. I could feel a trillion fires in my body contrasted by the freezing cold of the rest of the room. I could feel cells burning to fuel my existence. The entire atmosphere was pressing upon me and into my lungs; the pressure of gravity pulling me down, and nerves electrically stinging my brain. I had forgotten how violent animation was. I recalled the union at our first birth and remembered how violent life had felt then. This felt like another birth. But this time, I knew my person, and I was elated to be back with her. I could distinctly feel the difference between my earth-person and "me" as a spirit. My earth-person was a fully formed woman with an identity separate from my own. I could feel where I ended and she began. She was wildly alarmed, but her brain was cool and tingly from the sensation. It felt like the best sleep of our lives.

Many things began happening. We were taken to the back and hooked up to machines. Eventually, our reality began to collapse back together into the way it had been, making it hard to distinguish one state from the other. A doctor came in to ask if we could use the restroom. She—we—felt that we were still capable of doing everything we normally could. We acknowledged and tried to stand once more.

Immediately, I was thrust back into the darkness of space. The being was there to meet me. This time, the tone of the interaction was more grave and intense. They told me I was not supposed to be back. They said I was very close to losing my chance. This meant that my earth-person was very close to death, and I needed to decide if I was going to fight for her or not. I assured the being I was more than committed. We found Earth again, and I went through the entire journey to locate my body—from the ocean to the gurney—but this time with haste, worry, and the efficiency of having done it before. When I found my body, she was being held by two men who were shouting. She was limp, and my heart broke for her as I saw her head dangling lifelessly backward.

I dove back into her body, and animation was once again thrust upon me as I felt the searing coldness of life. I was covered in sweat, and my heart raced in a way that truly scared me. I was put back on the gurney by a team of people quickly attending to my situation. I was given a catheter and experienced the odd sensation of organic tubes connecting with inorganic ones. I was rushed to a full-body machine for scanning, then hurried through hallways to an operating room. I remember seeing the operating surgeon and was relieved to discover it was a woman. An anesthetic was administered, and I was asked to count down. At the number seven, I stopped and asked her if she, the surgeon, had any daughters. She said, "Yes," and, relieved, I saw black.

When I woke the next day, I had retained all of my memories along with the exquisite feelings of eternal slumber and the unmistakable sense of distinction between my spirit self and my material self. I tried to contact the being and the "big us" that I knew was out there watching. But, I could not get a clear response. I knew there was a barrier. I gave thanks to it and to us and made a mental effort to send love to those watching. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," my ravaged, yellow, weak body said. And so began my new life with my material person. I have never regretted returning, and I have never since idealized leaving this waking world. I am so thrilled to be here.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 06/14/2024

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death An ovarian cyst burst when I got in bed to sleep. Unbeknownst to me, this cyst was freely bleeding into my abdomen all night. I lost over 3.5 liters of blood. I began to lose consciousness when I woke the next morning and tried to perform my usual routines. At the hospital, I lost consciousness two more times before I was put on a gurney, imaged, and taken to the OR. I was informed about my blood loss and how I should have technically been dead at this point. Emergency laparoscopy was performed to cauterize the lesion and remove the blood. My near death experiences occurred during the last two times I lost consciousness just before surgery.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw civilizations rise and fall, some that I had never seen before in textbooks. I saw very ancient people. I saw tall and short, dark and light, loud and quiet -- I saw all sorts of people. I saw buildings and temples and walls form and crumble. I saw wars on fields, with great scores of people clashing together. I saw a tsunami wipe out a village. I saw earthquakes swallow valleys. I saw farming emerge. I saw emigrating people moving across continents. I saw the flora and fauna evolve. As we neared the correct epoch of my life, I saw the nuclear bombs set off, I saw their mushroom clouds. I saw planes dart across the sky. I saw missiles. I saw an extreme intensification of cities. I saw populations explode, like mushroom spores, across the earth. I saw towers stack upward to the sky, then fall. I saw highways emerge. I saw so many landscapes changing, at such a pace. It was as if we were watching a timelapse. I did not see singular events that can be verified as having taken place while I was outside of my unconsciousness. Although the time spanned long between, I was unconscious for seconds, each time. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness My alertness was the same as when I was alive. I felt I had my full faculties, excepting only my memories.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was deeply alert of the entire experience. I can recall vividly every detail. I can remember the gases of the nebulae. I can recall the planets I saw. I can remember the music I heard and the foreign languages I heard. The least consciousness I had was in the transition from inanimation to animation.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time was nonexistent here. Time was clearly only a matter for the living.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw things as I usually do now, as in I could only see colors I currently see, etc. However, I could distinguish minutiae in a way I can't. I could see gas particles. And the scale of how I saw changed. When I was a spirit, planets were small and the people on the surface resembled dust motes.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. When encountering the being, everything was quiet, not entirely silent. The space was filled with a sound much like being underwater. But when we moved about the space and I saw the planets where living people were, I could hear great noise emanating from them. They were very, very loud. I could hear planets before I could see them. I could hear shouts and singing and talking and laughing and crying and moaning and singing. I could hear distinct signatures of music and language from the planets and one of the ways I identified earth as my own was by the drums and tempo of its rhythms. The music and language coming from the other planets were alien to me and I can recall hearing music completely to me.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw many nebulae and gas clouds and other such structures emanating light. I felt part and participle of these structures. Some of them seemed to enter me, touching where my eyes might have been. I realized that this is what is happening when we see -- light touches and enters us to create knowing. The light felt like information. The light had its own consciousness. It was not particularly blinding -- it was all soft, as if we were floating in space, with points of brightness and many more areas of darkness.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place There were many worlds or planets in our universe that held living, sentient civilizations that I could not recognize. There were clearly other lives and landscapes and life histories. They had structures and behaviors and music very different from our own. Some were very fine and elegant and beautiful. Others were even more jam-packed and intense and metal than our own. Some seemed quiet and slow. Others seemed hot and fast. I did not linger long at any and kept searching for the world I had come from.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? The first time I felt bliss and deep rest. The best rest I have ever felt. Deep understanding. Intense resolve. Brilliant motivation. Exquisite inspiration. The second time I felt deeply anxious. I was filled with dread that I would not make it back. Agony. Intense yearning. Frustration and fear and grief. Then relief as I was rejoined and we were delivered into the arms of safety.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I understood the reason for living. I understood the relationship between animation and inanimation. I understood the significance of the cycle.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life As I described before, I felt an intense empathy for the material body I had been wedded to. I felt that I had not done her justice in life. I had not tried hard enough, gone far enough, and live large enough. I felt I owed it to her to give living my total commitment. I realized that struggle was the whole point. I realized I was rich in that experience and had so much nourishment to give the universe in my story.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist At this time, I didn't believe in any greater power than myself. I viewed my present reality as being the only reality and this reality held no evidence of higher powers.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I feel that I am responsible to a power greater than myself. I now feel I have a duty and seek to fulfill that duty.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I now believe in a higher power, the big 'Us', and a reincarnation cycle.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I did not think there was a god. In a way, there was no singular god. However, I did experience a greater power (an amalgam of all of us), encountered an incarnation cycle, and perceived of many other points of life in the universe. These all differed with my understanding of the universe at the time of the incident.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I didn't believe in a god before this. I still don't believe in a singular god but I do know there are greater powers than me. I endeavor to live a life befitting of the 'Big Us' I experienced.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I was visited by a being that was both an amalgam of everyone and its own distinct being in its own right. It did not have a form or structure -- there was a feeling of it being too big to be perceivable. I only recognized it was there by the communication it held with me.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain No one had a distinct identity in this way in the spirit realm. I recognized that there was an understanding that there were beings who had lived extraordinary lives and had done such great jobs at endeavoring to struggle in significant ways. These beings were important only in their helping motivate slumbering spirits into wanting to live. But outside of living, no names were ascribed to people. I remember trying to see if I could summon the memory of people I knew to be dead to see if we could interact, but the being ensured me that this was not how it worked. In stasis, we were all each other, with only our motivation and level of interest to distinguish us from the continuum. Spirits who returned from incredible lives were heralded with feeling of pride, as if we were had all simultaneously been and could choose to be that person.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes My spirit had definitely existed since the universe began. No one was younger or older than another. We all began together and we will all end together, at the same time. Some got more chances at living than others because they endeavored to live more interesting stories than others. Others had less chances at living because it didn't seem to suit them and they remained in stasis longer, essentially enjoying their rest. It wasn't good or bad. It just was.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I perceived all of the universe to be connected, with senses of identities emerging only as interest and motivation could be distinguished from each other. My spirit was a separate spirit only when wedded to an earthly body. When I was on the threshold to death, I could see that I was going to be rewedded to the spirit realm, where there was no separation between us. The being that I encountered felt like everyone, at once, as more than the sum of our parts. I was interacting directly with everyone.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The being impressed upon me the privilege of seeing through the barrier between the spirit and living worlds. Although it isn't unique, and every spirit knew about the importance of story, I feel privileged to retain what I learned there. I feel driven having encountered the priorities of the immaterial world.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes The meaning of life is to live interesting stories. Stories are the fuel that nourishes growth, expansion, and life. To participate in uncovering the endless ways of being was apparently that which warms the cosmos. Our stories and interactions in life literally warmed the cool, sleeping afterlife.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I understood that when people pass, their earthly body returns to the material cycle while the spirit is returned to the immaterial cycle. Our spirits remained in slumbering stasis until their next turn at experience. There was definite experience associated with that and it was unendingly blissful and beautiful. I cannot want to return, to enjoy coasting through the beautiful cosmos at will, feeling and enjoying and sending music to those that are alive.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Painful stories were deeply important to the spirit realm, perhaps even more so than happy stores, because they involved struggle. To struggle with each other to make immense connections and achieve deep understanding was the single most critical aspect of life. The extreme pain I had experienced on earth had made my experience seem deeply important and, in fact, seemed to be one of the reasons I was given a chance to return. Other spirits had approached a similar threshold after easy life experiences and the ultimatum was not given them because there was nothing to be really gained from returning, and these spirits seemed undaunted by the fact that they would get another chance at something more interesting. The fact that I had experienced already so much turmoil and pain was something of interest to the spirits. I felt I perceived the encouragement of the being and other slumbering spirits that I could endure and achieve even deeper struggle. They impressed upon me that I might achieve even more lofty understanding of life and might yield even more invaluable insights to this universe.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love was the gravity between stories. It was almost a material thing that I could see driving living people together, to make story happen.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I feel so motivated. Even when things become painful, terrifying, or strange, I feel that my experience is important. I feel excited to grow. I feel excited to be disrupted. I feel excited to encounter new people. I feel excited to know and experience. I have never felt suicidal again. I have never languished in depression, as I did before. And, most importantly, I feel deeply connected to everything. Sometimes I talk to the greater power, that "Big Us", out there watching, and send my love to the spirits yet waiting their turn. I try to live in a way that compels them to want to be part of this. It feels like my life is an advertisement for living and I get to participate in finding reasons why this experience is worth it. Because of this, every day is rewarded with a rich and diverse understanding. I feel so deeply lucky to be part of all of this.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I have more grace and mercy for others. I feel like giving people far more berth than I did before. I want to give more understanding. I want to be more hardworking. I sacrifice more. I love harder. I am less inhibited in communicating my feelings. I don't feel hampered from making things happen with people. And I no longer feel like people are strangers -- I am everyone and have been everyone and will be everyone at some time. I feel immediately warm with everyone.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience The experience is more vivid and feels more real to me than most of the living ones I have had. Those life experiences that verge on extreme significance and connection are the only living experiences I have that carry the same weight of realness that my near death experience had.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Uncanny and serendipitous things have occurred since. Interactions with animals and people have been strangely familiar. Strangers have come up to me to say they recognized me from a dream they had. Wild animals have shown familiarity with me and resided in my presence. I have accidentally stumbled into places I have dreamt of. Deja vu is almost a daily occurrence.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being able to traverse the spirit realm devoid of an earthly identity was so intense. I lost all sense of earthly being, could not recall my life, did not see a single life experience, and could not even remember my name. The feeling of that distinction between my spirit self and material self, upon waking, has remained with me. It guides my internal experience now. I approach my selves as distinct and immutable forms married for what time has been given me. I feel like a couple, where I used to feel singular.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It took years for me to tell people about my experiences because of the abuse. This particular experience was very intense and perhaps psychedelic and I didn't want to be dismissed. However, when I did finally tell family and friends, they were deeply convinced by it. They felt that what I experienced was real. Some were even envious of the consequences of it. My deeply religious father started to interact with me about religion. I daresay it even had the effect of causing him to expand his sense of his experience with god. His faith has since blossomed into something far more flexible and encompassing than it had been when he was convinced of a singular god.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Sadly, my biological father was prone to violence. In fits of hysteria, he would choke me until I lost consciousness. I emerged into a similar void and threshold as a child many times. I remember having to make peace with the fact I might not make it back. These were not nearly as vivid as I only had enough time to encounter the being telling me I was approaching a decision before I regained consciousness. My experience with losing consciousness as a child was extremely insignificant compared with the experience I had when I lost blood. And I also heard all the tropes about seeing one's life flash before one's eyes before the NDE -- curiously I had no such experience. I could not even recall who my earthly self had been, let alone see any chapters from our life together.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I felt I had been reborn with a peak behind the curtain. My experience remained vivid with me and I can still recall each detail of it, both imagined and unimagined, even the feeling of the blood as it percolated through my brain upon waking.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I still recall each detail as if I was really there. It felt so deeply real. Sometimes I miss it and I visit it in my dreams. I can spend time with the spirits if I sleep deeply enough.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes When I fall into a deep enough slumber, I can revisit these places. I have entertained the spirits and soared among the nebulae and sent music out into the spirit realm.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Aliens exist!!! Life exists outside this planet.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I can't think of any other questions!

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