Caren M NDE

Experience Description

An ex and I were arguing in his mom's and his apartment. I had been kicked out of my family's house because of a disagreement. I didn't want to leave home. It was an abusive relationship. We were arguing about ridiculous things and I decided to start packing to leave. He then started pushing me, so I pushed back to get through the bedroom door. He flung me onto the bed and started choking me. I tried to speak but nothing came out. I was fighting him to get him off me. I remember kicking him in the ribs and him squeezing tighter and putting his weight on me. I couldn't fight anymore. I felt my muscles flexing but I wasn't moving anymore; I didn't even feel my muscles flex. I felt this really irritating numbing feeling all over my body to my finger tips and I was cold.

I stared off to the light in the room. I remember it looking so pretty to me. My vision seemed to revolve around that light. Then it went black. I felt light, like I was a feather floating up towards the sky. Then I saw the color baby blue. At this point, I didn't feel anything. I was fine. Then I stopped floating, I was stuck. In that baby blue setting, my sister appeared like a photograph and I started hearing voices. After I saw her, my emotions took hold of me. I was sad and determined to stop going up. I kept saying to myself 'No! I'm not done yet'. I felt myself fall down, I saw black again.

When all this was happening, my eyes were open the whole time, so my vision came back and I started gasping for air. I wasn't able to move for a couple seconds after that. The tingly feeling was all over and my head hurt so bad I felt like vomiting and my heart was hurting. My ex was threatening me to stop gasping, with tears in his eyes.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: It was fall 2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) My boyfriend at the time flung me on the bed in a rage and started choking me. I was kicking and throwing punches, and then he put his weight on me.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was more alert than conscious I believe. After I saw her face, I wasn't okay with it anymore. I was trying to come up with how I was going to get back. After that I fell. I knew I had to come back; I wanted to see her grow up.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I saw my sisters face I realized what was going on.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It felt like time stopped. I was by myself in that baby blue scene until the picture of my sister came into view.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was like the sky, just like this background actually. I was not outside before then.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Actually there was some ringing in my ears, and then I heard nothing. Before the experience, my hearing was normal.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? At the beginning I was fine, I was floating, and it felt nice. Then I started feeling strange when I stopped going up. When I saw my sister's face, I was overwhelmed with emotion.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Before this happened I didnt believe in a higher power. I felt. If god was so great why did I have to go through so much at such a young age? I felt cursed. When I was little I had to go to church with my family. But I never thought like a catholic. After hearing those voices I kind of feel like something else is out there watching my back in extreme cases. Unless it was just my many voices trying to reach out to myself to go back down.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I believed in the afterlife before this and I still do, just a little more than before. I know I lived at least once before but not because of this experience. I value my life and love more than before.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify I don't know what the voices said. There were a lot of voices, I could barely hear them and they were all whispering out of order from each other. I don't remember what they were saying, they were in low volume and there were a lot.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? I am uncertain if God exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I realized despite me and my sister not getting along, that she meant everything to me and I had to be there for her.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I was stressed out and Depressed. I was suicidal for years before this happened. When I saw her face. I realized that I have to live. I have not mutilated myself since, and I try to look more towards the positive aspects of my life.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I realized despite me and my sister not getting along, that she meant everything to me and I had to be there for her.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I am closer with my sister than ever before. I am back home, things aren't the same but I feel cared about again. I was quiet even when I needed to speak, and I wasn't social. Now I am independent. I have a hard time trusting now though, but I have had healthy relationships since then. Moderate changes in my life.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I am harder to approach now. My sister and I are really close.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I feel I came back because I was reminded of what matters the most. My little sister needed me. She still does, but I think since I didn't see her for so long, seeing she was a memory I would have lost.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I know of NDE because I cheated death twice. The first time was a suicide attempt to hang myself when I was 15. These experiences were far apart, I had actually forgotten about my attempt until now.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I tried to stay with a mutual friend we had, after that. But that started to involve her and her mom. They were so sweet my ex easily took advantage of them. They helped me run away from all I knew. I moved half way across town to avoid seeing him. I was just so determined to get out of there, I didn't think of anything else.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Before this happened I didn't believe in a higher power. I felt: if God was so great why did I have to go through so much at such a young age? I felt cursed. When I was little, I had to go to church with my family. But I never thought like a Catholic. After hearing those voices, I feel like something else is out there watching my back in extreme cases; (unless it was just my many voices trying to reach out to myself to go back down).

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? There are a lot of repeated questions asked in different ways.