Carmie S STE

Experience Description

It was the year 1992, that I turned 40. I was married with two young children; one was an infant and the other was four years old. I had recently moved for the fourth time in six years. This last move was very stressful. I relocated from New York to Illinois, a long distance away from my family and friends. After a year of renting, my husband and I decided we would like a home of our own. So, we searched and found a custom builder in the area to work with us. Having to care for two young children and deal with construction workers all day was very draining was difficult. I had been working very hard to make life perfect for my family, and now I was hoping the new home would be perfect for them as well. As time went on, I started questioning why I was always trying to make everything perfect. Was it really worth the extra effort because in the end we all die. This thought got me wondering about the meaning of life. I wondered what is life really all about? Why are we here? Was there really a God? etc. In my quest for answers, I went to the library and brought home numerous books on the mysteries of life. I stared at this huge pile of books sitting on my kitchen table, and then grew frustrated. I would probably be dead before coming to any conclusions. Wanting a deeper understanding of what life was all about, I decided to say a short prayer asking God for enlightenment.

The next night I was busy with household chores, and not particularly focused on the big questions of life. I stepped into the bathroom for a moment to retrieve a towel, and caught myself in the mirror. Suddenly, I felt a frightening presence in the room directly behind me. It scared me as my heart started racing. I could feel my heart escalating to a point where I thought it would simply cease to function. At that moment, I believed I was about to die.

This sudden extreme fear of death launched me into a realm where I had a life review. This convinced me further that I was dying or dead as I associated a life review with death and judgment. In this review, I was never shown even one kind deed that I had done. I was only shown things that were hurtful to others. It is difficult to understand how I could see so much of my life in such a short amount of time, but somehow I did. As the life review slowed to an end, I mentally heard a calm, male voice. He spoke to me in a manner similar to a doctor informing a patient about the consequences of not maintaining proper healthcare, or a teacher helping a student understand the consequences of skipping classes or not completing homework assignments. I believed this was the voice of God. He asked me three questions. His first question was, 'Do you understand what is happening to you?' I thought I had died and this was God speaking to me, so I answered, 'yes'. His second question was 'Do you understand the consequences of your sins?' Because I only saw how I was hurting others and believing this was God judging me, I answered 'yes.' I assumed that I was going to be sent to hell based on the life review.

The final question was, 'Do you understand you will be eternally separated from your children?' I was astonished when I heard this because I always wondered whether or not we really reunite with loved ones after we die. Now that I knew the answer, I felt that I was going to hell. Yet, I knew that I could have gone to heaven and spent eternity with my children. I wanted more than anything to return to the earthy realm to be with them again. I felt that wasn’t going to happen. So with great sadness, I answered the question with a 'yes'.

As soon as I officially accepted my fate, I started falling down a dark void. I was frantically trying to find something to grab hold of, but there wasn’t anything there. I kept falling into deeper darkness. The speed at which I was dropping gradually slowed, and eventually I came to a stop. I found myself suspended in the air and hovering over flames. I heard the sound of a soul from within the flames screaming out in torment. I was frightened beyond belief, knowing that I would be dropped into that same place. Horrified, I called out for help. I called for my mother, my husband, and a neighbor; but no one was there to hear me. All I had was the pain of being separated from my family in a place so awful that it is impossible to describe.

I was completely alone, and the loneliness was overwhelming. At that moment, I realized how much we all depend on one another. I understood how I might have taken people for granted who were there for me when I needed them. I wanted another chance to show how much I appreciated everyone. So, I prayed to God to give me that chance. As I prayed, I saw a tiny pinpoint of light, piercing through the darkness. Then there was another pinpoint, then another. Soon there were thousands of pinpoints of light. They grew larger and taller, taller than the tallest of skyscrapers. I could see the lights spelled out the word 'Jesus'. I looked at this huge display of blazing lights but was not sure what to make of it. I thought, 'Jesus? What does he have to do with anything? He was probably just a man anyway.' Suddenly an image of a sign I would drive past each day on my way home came to mind. The sign read, 'Are you saved? Only Jesus saves.' I thought about those words for a while and had a feeling they were important.

I was raised Catholic and always lived in predominately Catholic neighborhoods. It would be unusual to hear the expression, 'Are you saved. Only Jesus saves.' So, I did not understand what the question was asking, I only remembered being taught that Jesus died to open the gates of heaven for all of mankind. I struggled with this for a while, then began to put words together like 'Jesus, savior.' I thought, 'savior from what? for what?' Then the whole thing just hit me, 'JESUS. SAVIOR!!! OH MY!!! Maybe Jesus can save me? So I screamed out, 'Jesus save me!'

All of a sudden, I was pulled up and out of the darkness and into another realm where I felt like a super, high-speed computer being downloaded with all of the answers to life, including the ability to understand complex mathematics. It was as if I had a filter blocking me from the realm where all knowledge exists, and that filter had been removed. As this information passed into my being, I was amazed because the answers to some of life’s most perplexing questions appeared quite simple. I saw years of biblical history pass before my eyes including the crucifixion. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. I thought to myself, 'Wow, this stuff really happened. Get me out of here. I have to go tell the world.' Then I returned to see myself once again looking into the bathroom mirror.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: June 1992

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Heart attack Other: I did not die, my heart went into tachycardia and it made me feel like I was dying but then it stopped. I felt like I was dying and that fear triggered the out of body experience.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness Was not different.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I don't understand the question. I was conscious the whole time, both in and out of my body. No difference in level of consciousness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Telepathic communication was much faster than earthly communication. The life review and going through biblical history was Incredibly fast.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Everything went completely black, could not see anything, then descended downward inside of this void.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place The dark void.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Off the charts fear and then relief when I was saved from hell.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I was downloaded with all information about the universe, "all knowledge", was able to understand the most complex of mathematics, beyond what we know about it. It seemed very easy to understand.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I had a life review, saw only negative things that were hurtful to others that I had no idea about, but they really did happen, was not shown any positive things that I did in life even though I did many.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic Non-practicing catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Less catholic, stronger belief that Jesus was God or the son of God. I believe there is the power in calling on the name of Jesus.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I do not go to church but I believe in God and Jesus.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed in heaven and hell, but was not sure Jesus was God. I was more convinced that he was more than just a man after I was taken out of hell and saw his name in blazing lights.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I questioned the Catholic Church's teaching about indulgences (erasing sins) and didn't think a lot of their ceremonies were necessary. Did not believe the bread turned into Jesus's body.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I heard a calm Male voice, who asked me three questions, I believed this to be the voice of God.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I saw blazing lights that spelled out the name Jesus. I did not see Jesus or any other bings.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Knowledge about the universe.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes We often take people for granted without realizing how much we need them.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I heard but dd not see God who asked me questions.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was downloaded with all of the answers to life.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes Hell is real, so I would assume, heaven is real as well and maybe purgatory and we go there when we die.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I saw the earth breathing, I was shown it is a living organism. Saw a battle between good and evil (strong sensation not visual)....goes on around us in real life all day long, evil trying to bring us down so they can have our souls. Saw people living in pods but was not sure what that was all about.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Even minor or petty things were shown such as stealing a bag of potato chips in third grade. I was not a bad person but seeing all these minor incidents made me feel extremely sad.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Appreciate others who are there for you was the message.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. For approximately one week, I could see a shadow on people, most had a dark shadow, there were only a few bright lights in a crowded place such as a mall. I was very sensitive to any kind of foul language. It was like throwing acid at me and even mild remarks stung. I read all of the New Testament and at least 50 Christin books, included any near-death information. There was not much on hellish experiences at the time, so I called Kenneth Ring and Howard Storm and read Maurice Rawlings book "To Hell and Back". My life became all about learning about God. I could not tell a lie.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes, very much so. Time was different. For instance, this only took one second to happen but what I saw takes much longer to verbalize, as you can see when you read it. Degree of fear was too intense to describe. Screaming from soul in fire was beyond words. Depth of loneliness, cannot express. Saw all of biblical time and crucifixion, cannot explain how that could happen

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It was an experience I could never forget although I cannot access any of the information in the download. I just remember it happening and understood what was imparted to me at the time.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Dreams often correlate, a lot of synchronicities and I am able to know exactly what my husband wants to eat when meal time comes around (I know that sounds ridiculous but it happens every day).

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The message to appreciate others who are there for you, do not take them for granted.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it with anyone I could right after. I was told I needed a psychiatrist by my father-in-law. Half of the people said they got goosebumps when they heard the story.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I knew about the book Life After Life but had not read it. This did not influence me in any way.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Years later I questioned if maybe it was just something that my mind conjured up but it keeps coming back that it was real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real It came out of nowhere and was so real and after it happened I learned that people had similar experiences.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No