Carole BC STE

Experience Description

I had atrial fibrillation secondary to a past Covid infection. I opted to have a catheter ablation. The catheters enter the venous system in your groin. They travel to the right atrium. They need to puncture the septum to do the actual ablation in the left atrium. The day before my surgery, I texted everyone I had a relationship with and told them how much I loved them and how much they meant to me. I also told a friend that something was going to happen in that room (the EP lab) and that those people would remember me for the rest of their lives.

In the morning when the anesthesiologist came to see me, I told him that if something catastrophic happened in that room, he needed to promise me that if he could not return me to the way I was that he need to promise to let me go.

During the procedure, they found that my septum is floppy. When the needle punctured my septum it buckled and pulled the needle through the wall of my heart. This caused bleeding into the pericardial space. This compressed my heart and decreased my cardiac output. My blood pressure dropped significantly. Despite fluids and pressers, I did not improve. A needle was inserted into my chest and the blood was drained out. I recovered.

I partially woke in the EP lab and wanted to cover my eyes because it was extremely bright; painfully so. The room was dark actually. I was told only that my ablation was not performed and that they had to put a drain in my chest. My doctor came in a bit later and told me that my ablation was not done and why. He didn't tell me about what went wrong, like the punctured heart or my blood pressure going down. I had no idea what had happened to me.

As I continued to wake up, I saw the image of an extremely bright door way. It was like the back of a movie theater, with four sets of double doors. The last single door on the far left was open. Standing in front of the door was an extremely close friend who passed away two years ago. She was my longtime therapist, who was like a mother to me, who had passed in 2011. I also saw my little dog who was my soulmate dog who died in 2019. The word I heard was "sentinels". They completely ignored me. They were looking straight ahead and would not engage me in anyway. I was overjoyed and so excited to see them. Initially, I was very upset that they wouldn’t interact with me. I clearly had a sense that they were guarding the door, though I could go around them to get to the door if I wanted to do so. I knew that it was my choice whether I went with them or returned to my body. I also knew that if they had been friendly to me, I would’ve gone with them.

I have hated it here and have wanted to die many times even though I never would have killed myself. I always say that I could go at any time. My therapist told me she never met anyone who had no joy in their life, but that was me.

Much to my surprise, I chose to come back. I was overcome with a feeling of unconditional love. It’s very different than the human experience of love, which is tainted with ego. This was an indescribably, magnificent feeling. I also experienced an overwhelming sense of joy, belonging, peace.

I learned that there is no fear or anxiety. The universe continually works for a greater good, and there are no coincidences. I’ve come to understand more things about that experience that are hard to articulate. I have always been aware of how much I loved my family and friends. I have come to really feel their love for me and return. I came back.

I am profoundly different and profoundly transformed by that experience. I am so grateful to be here. Every day is a gift and I live joyfully. I look different. I am different. Everybody around me are different people and look at me differently. It’s been an absolute miracle and the greatest blessing of my life. I also was told that the only reason that we are here is for love. We are love and we are all one; all connected to the divine. We are divine. I have been told to 'be the love'. I do know what that means and I do know what that feels like. I live that every moment. While every day is not a joy, every day is a gift. I did return to have another ablation on May 30 with the same doctor and the same anesthesiologist and the operation went well.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 3/18/2024

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Surgery-related Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It’s hard to explain. I had a knowing.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I think so.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The same

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No words, just a knowing

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes John who was my dearest friend. Kathy who was my long-time therapist who was like a mother. Buddy my soul mate dog. All deceased

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Extremely bright-golden yellow doorway.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Overwhelming love. Surprise. Some sadness initially. Peace. Joy

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. I had a deep knowing about love and that we are all connected. I know who people here on earth are to me. I know we are all ‘of god’. I was told to be the love. There is no death. I know so much. It’s hard to put into words.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I don’t know why I decided to return considering I’ve hated it here. Hated it. I just knew. It was almost like I had done what I had come to do and now I got a reward to enjoy and in return I had to be the love. There was no hesitation. I chose to return. Maybe to help others who hate it. To help them feel the love. I’m still so overwhelmed. I cry all the time; not from sadness but from overwhelming gratitude and love.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I’m certain we continue. I meditate more.

What is your religion now? Buddhist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes No fear of death. Knowledge that we do go on in some way.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes There is no death. There is no fear or anxiety. The universe continually works for our greater good. There are no coincidences. I also KNEW something was going to happen to me and I got on that table anyway. That’s clear to me. My friends told me after it was like I was saying good bye in those texts. Every day is a gift. We are here to love this and each other.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain See above

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I had a sense of the divine. A knowing without actually encountering anyone.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Be the love

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes See above

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes There is no death. We are all of the divine.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes We are love. Be the love. See previous writings.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I am completely different. I do not recognize so much of myself. In a good way. I am calmer. Happy. Joyful. Fun. Loving. Peaceful. I want those things for everyone else too. That’s the main thing. I want them for everyone. I want everyone to know and feel what I feel. There’s nothing to worry about. We are here to enjoy this wonderful gift of life. To love it and each other.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? More loving. More fun. More joyful. Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. It was the most real thing that’s ever happened to me. I can describe everything about it. Even what they were wearing.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain, I feel things. I can think of someone and they show up. I ask to see someone and they are there. Things like that.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? That I was ignored by these people I loved and loved me. I’m still amazed I chose to return. Amazed. I am also overwhelmed that I KNEW soy was going to happen to me. I also wasn’t sure that I would live.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A week or so. Many people sob with me. It’s changed how we relate to each other. More love between us. Many have said it’s changed their lives. A few had no reaction. One person told me they didn’t believe it. Mostly everyone is entranced and they tell me they’re so glad I chose to come back.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I am a physician and was a resident with Bruce Greyson MD in the 90s. I’m familiar with his work.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I was lucky I met a man who’d had a near death experience He’s been helping me sort this out. His was different but the messages were the same. I just felt completely overwhelmed by the entire thing. Very emotional. Full of feelings of love and gratitude. I was also quite ill with pericarditis and lots of a fib after that experience so that was part of it. I was in shock I think.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It was the most real thing about my life. That’s the only way to does it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

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