Carolyn R Probable NDE

Experience Description

This memory did not return to me for many years. So, I will describe the events first and then I will describe the memories that came to me after many years of study and meditation.

I was a 24 year old x-ray technician, living in the 1970s. I was very emotionally damaged growing up and found freedom in the thrill of skydiving. I was living with my boyfriend, in a rocky relationship. I had nowhere to go and could not see any way out of my predicament. I wanted out of this life and made plans to die. I gathered up all the drugs from my boyfriend's recent back surgery and whatever else was available. I took them late at night and went to bed to fall asleep.

I woke up the next morning and looked out the window. I saw a blue sky and my boyfriend was asleep next to me. I hadn’t vomited and was fully conscious. I remember thinking that if I'm still here, there's a reason for it. I decided that I needed to move within a few days. I packed up my belongings and got out of that situation. Unfortunately, I walked into another situation that was much less healthy for me.

Many years later, I moved to Hawaii. In 1980, I met a doctor who taught us many things about energy and energy work. From there, I went on into deep meditation. I had a full-blown kundalini experience that blew off the top of my head. It connected me with everything around it. At that point, I still had not remembered my experience that night of the overdose.

I wanted to work closer with people than what I was doing as an x-ray technician. So, I went to nursing school. I moved back to California and took another course in energy work called therapeutic touch for nursing. In the intensive care unit, I could practise therapeutic touch and observe my patients on the monitor and their physiological reaction to what I was doing. I had already taken courses from Elizabeth Kubler Ross and gone to her LDT transition workshop.

In 1983, I became pregnant. My son was born in 1984. I focused on creating a life with him and for him. I forgot many of the things I had been taught and entered as fully as capable for me to be present in this physical form.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Early spring, 1976

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose. Other Probably close to death. I intentional overdosed, and as many drugs as I took in dosage and quantity should have been successful.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness I can’t really answer this question completely clearly. I was surrounded in my mind but was not thinking creatively. I was only standing by the shadows. This is really hard. I am remembering that I was given a choice that came without judgement. Once I made my choice. I think I went to rapidly back to sleep.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The memory of what happened after I fell asleep that night returned to me many years later after meditation and a kundalini experience. I remember standing next to what appeared like a well. There was light coming from the well, but I did not look into it. Around that well, were a number of shadowy figures with long, hooded robes. I did not see the faces of anyone. I recall being told that I still have work to do. I could go back and do it in this life or I could choose to do it in another life. It was up to me. I hesitated. I did not know if I could go on with my earthly life. But then, I heard the voice tell me it wouldn't be as hard as it had been. I thought, 'OK I made it this far. If it isn't as hard, I can continue. I never felt love or saw loved ones. I only felt a place of respect and acceptance. I am absolutely certain that if I felt the love that people describe in their NDEs, I would not have come back. I would not have chosen to continue this life.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I did not have a sense of time

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to thyour everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was very dark. The only light was what was coming from the well. That light revealed shadowy figures that moved in and out. I could not see faces

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard the voice in my head but that is not completely unusual for me. I have consulted my guidance many times during my life when I was very young. I used to think the bees talk to me, but that’s a different story

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I did not identify the cloaked beings that were around the well or near me. My sense was that I needed to listen to them. They were there as teachers but that was not the word I had thought about at the time

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Perhaps not mystical in the light sense. It was a very dark place with a well that had sides. Over the well, was a structure that a pail could hang down. But I did not sense the pail. There was light coming up from the well. It was unlike any place I ever imagined here on earth.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? My emotions were deep despair just prior to the event. I wanted to leave this life. I don’t know why I believed those people at that time that I had to come back. I had work to do but they were the authority at that moment. There was no real emotion, but there was a certainty that what I was told was truth. I had an understanding in my heart and my soul that if I had made it that far I could continue with my life.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No It was not as if my memory was directed to events. It was only as if I knew my life and that I had so much pain in my life, I did not want to go back to it

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I was told I had work to do. I could do it in this life or I could do it in the next life. I chose to come back after I was told that this life would not be so difficult.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated. I had communication from otherworld beings/voices much of my life. Also, I had no idea where I began and others ended. I wanted a 'religion' that would tell me how to be, but I couldn’t accept the teachings that were against my experiences

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated. I believe with all my being in divine perfection. We, the drops in the ocean, cannot possibly 'know' the ocean. There is a unifying energy of love and also many other energies available on this planet. I choose love. I do the best I can after years of not making loving choices for myself.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I had no concept of God. I had no firm beliefs about life. I knew that things I experienced and knew about the universe around me. Most other people did not have these experiences or beliefs.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. I first became aware of one being put it in cloaked standing near me in the darkness. As I became aware of the well and the light that came up from it, I sensed and then saw other dark shadow figures standing near The voice came from the being next to me, but it came into my head.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain There was no specific information I was aware of, but I knew beyond questioning that what they said was true

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I was told I had work to do. I did not ask or understand what that meant. But, since I’m still here - apparently I’m not done.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes Of course. I knew the experience was not of this life. I knew when they told me that I had work to do and that I had to do it sometime.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I was told I had work to do in this life and if I chose to stay in this life, it would not be as hard as it had been before.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I picked myself up and moved 1000 miles away. I worked on getting myself physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. However, I walked into a hill again with a boyfriend that ended up smashing my head against the floor in a fight. So, I left that situation and moved back south. I was still working on becoming healthier. Within a few years, I moved to Hawaii.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I left the situation I was in. Other than that, I still bumbled along with poor choices and extreme lack of self-esteem for a number of years. It was only within the last 10 years, that I was able to release my biggest wound.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The memory of this event came back many years later and it was many years after my first remembering that I realized it was probably the recall of a very close near death event.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. My memory of this event did not come back for many years. I have no doubt that my memory is accurate. I should have been a vegetable, at least for a few weeks even if I hadn’t died. But, I woke up as clearly lucid and healthy as I had been prior to taking the drugs and alcohol.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I could choose and there was no judgment in that choice

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain I have shared this with a few people but never to this degree of detail. I shared it in the context of teaching, uplifting, and helping others to deal with their fears. In my nursing career, I was a hospice nurse as well as a critical care nurse. I counseled patients and families

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I had no memory of the experience for many years I only know I woke up when I should not have This form is asking for an answer that is not accurate to my experience but I have to push a button to get through

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It was a choice I could have died. I don’t know what the next life would’ve been like, but I’m satisfied now with the choice I made to come back to this life.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No I can’t really say that anything else has been equivalent to that shadowy place

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? It is important because, at this point, our world needs more love, more acceptance, and more grace

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