Carrie B NDE

Experience Description

I have a memory/vision of viewing my unconscious crumpled body on the ground from ~15-20 feet above. I recall no sound; I was just floating above observing the scene. Everything was very still and silent. No one else was present, not my friend, our horses, or the helicopter and EMTs who came to get me. It was just me in my jeans and pink shirt, laying on my left side crumbled and unconscious. A second memory, later in the day I suspect, of observing myself from above on a gurney in a hospital hallway with warm golden or orange lights or walls near a nursing station and later in CT. I’m sure plenty of people were there but I saw none other than my lifeless body. Both memories are very quiet and serene, I was just floating and observing. It was sad, frightening and peaceful. I was just watching myself or, my body, so still and lifeless. It was if I was given a choice or pondering as to whether to return or move on. Or just put there to observe myself.

I was in a coma for 10 days and woke to hearing loss and brain troubles. My life which had been at its peak, finally, just before the accident crumbled and I became withdrawn, angry, erratic and struggled in school, with self-esteem and in friendships. I went from being voted 'friendlies' and 'cutest couple' in my senior class to becoming a social pariah. I struggled with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem since then.

25 years later (a year ago now), 6 months in to recognizing and working on my PTSD and exactly 25 years after the accident, on a beautiful walk in my current state of Massachusetts I found myself on a beautiful street with lovely little old (at least 100 years) houses near my home that I’d never seen before. I felt so comforted and cozy there, as if I was meant to be or live there. The feeling was so comforting and spiritual, unlike anything I’d even felt. Then, a few minutes later on another more familiar street, I felt a sudden rush of joy and exhilaration hit my chest. It was if my spirit had retuned. I suddenly felt strong, confident, and happy as my 17-year-old self had felt prior to the accident and all the turmoil it has caused in my life.

Maybe a few weeks or days after that walk, on another walk in a nearby beautiful cemetery on a cloudy afternoon, a sudden spot of focal golden light on a gravestone caught my eye. I retraced my steps and the grave, ~100 years old and one I’d never seen before, was that of a woman with my same name and last initial, Carrie B. She had died young; I think in her 20’s or 30’s. As I retraced my steps to confirm what I’d seen, ravens in the trees above started cawing and rustling leaves and I realized that was identical to the fall day in Missouri exactly 25 years ago when ravens spooked my horse on the trail minutes (seconds?) before my accident. I got the same feeling with being connected to my true self/ spirit as i had the week before on my walk. My whole body was humming, thrilled and comforted. I could not look away.

Can a spirit leave the body and not fully return for 25 years? Since then, I have felt more myself (unlike I’ve felt in 25 years) and the circumstances of my life (I’m finally engaged in living and pursuing my dreams again) have improved immensely.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 10/07/1995

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death Galloping through a field on my horse with my best friend, my horse slipped and fell. I fell and, not wearing a helmet, experienced a traumatic brain injury resulting in a 10 day coma.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was able to observe my lifeless body on the ground at the site of the accident and later on a hospital gurney and again in CT scan. None of this was confirmed, I’ve not asked anyone, but I was taken to the hospital for care of coma. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness I’d say a different, quiet consciousness. Just as an observer. And again, 25 years later much more alert. A sudden feeling of wholeness which eluded me for 25 years.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I’m not sure. The first vision from above at the accident site leaves me with a sense of confusion, fear, curiosity and nurturing. The vision in the hospital hallway felt more like resignation. I can’t say I was particularly alert, just observing either curiously and nurturing or resigned. The high levels of consciousness occurred 25 years later with the sudden encounters on my walks after recognizing PTSD related to the accident as the cause of the 25 years of distress, confusion, and disconnectedness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual Things may have been slower.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Oh, totally different. Prior to the accident on the trail ride I was fully in my body, engaging all my senses. After the accident, observing from above I felt nothing (sounds, sensations, pain, smells, other) only humming in my chest and head. Maybe I was only love I felt. I felt totally disconnected from my physical body but part of something bigger.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I used to have EXCELLENT hearing. I head EVERYTHING. During the experience there was extreme silence. Upon waking from the coma and ever since I have had constant tinnitus and hearing loss. However, since starting treatment for PTSD (I think mostly the EEG Neurofeedback) my hearing has improved although I have not documented that yet with an audiologist.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Stillness, maybe peace, curiosity, fear, resignation, nurturing.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic Raised Catholic, not practicing. Life-long interest in Eastern and native traditions.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Atheist before and after experience until 25 years later. After the experiences 25 years later, I am definitely spiritual and believe in Universal connectedness.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I guess that Spiritual best describes my thoughts. I believe in a higher power related to creation and energetic relatedness of all things.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was a young atheist biologist. I had had interest in Eastern and native traditions and knowledge but no experience at that time.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I was more negative, pessimistic and lost after the experience until the experiences I had 25 years later. Now I’m more optimistic and believe there is something greater than and connecting all beings which is comforting.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain Well, reflecting now, maybe that our time in these bodies is just temporary and we can/ could have existed before and after what/ who/ where we are now. And that there’s a certain circularity to existence. Like I was meant to find that neighborhood and the grave 25 years later to help make myself whole again.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain Just that I or my spirit can exist outside of my body. That there is something beyond the physical. And, perhaps a connection to greater consciousness or energy or being.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain I was just out of my body, observing it from above. I guess that could indicate awareness of a potential for separateness of mind/spirit/soul and body.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes That we can exist or be conscious outside of our body. And, that part of my whole went missing, like it was separated and floating about maybe looking for me, for 25 years.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain Maybe just self-love and caring for that poor lifeless body, person.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I went from a conventional western Newtonian view of life which lasted 25 years until my reunion with my spirit 25 years later. Now I believe in a higher power which is involved/ responsible for life/ existence. We are all beautiful, recyclable cosmic fractals.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I was disconnected from myself and had poor relationships for 25 years after the experiences. Then, 25 year later, reuniting with my spirit I am more myself and my relationships and confidence have returned. Although, as an empath, I still struggle but am happy to have learned about that and what I can do to not get enmeshed in others’ negative emotions so much.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Both. All experiences, the overhead viewings when I was in a coma and the reunions with my spirit 25 years later, are very clear in my mind and create visceral feelings in my head and chest. I guess I feel there isn’t need for many words. Just floating and observing with extreme quiet and no other people in the viewings and sudden elation joy and wholeness on the walks 25 years later.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. These are very clear, visceral, timeless experiences. Other events around that time are more thoughts or words, which I cannot see clearly, only fragments and images with little sensation.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I’ve always been a sensitive empath and have predicted events/ social movements/ others nature.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Observing myself outside my body and feelings of both compassion and dread. And, 25 years later blissful reunion with full spirit and body.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my stepfather a few months after the experiences 25 years after the accident of reunion with spirit.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I’d head they existed but didn’t believe them. I didn’t recognize my own as one immediately.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I’m not totally sure of this one. I’d been in a coma and had TBI which left me rather fuzzy for many months and even years afterwards. The memory only came later. Not sure exactly when.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real After the experiences of bliss and joy on the 25 year anniversary of my accident and other 'odd' coincidences which occurred at that time I am sure what I saw and experienced at the time of the accident and 25 years alter are completely real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The experiences described above which occurred on the 25th anniversary of the original out of body experience.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Reuniting with my sprit 25 years later has given me my life back.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? None. Questionnaires are likely difficult to make and I really hate managing logistics of things. I’m a Veterinary acupuncturist/ herbalist/ food therapist and I work best with intuition not linearly. (And that’s been the case even since prior to my left-sided head injury ;)