Cathy L Probable NDE

Experience Description

I was a mother with a young daugher and miserable in an abusive relationship. I surrendered because I was unable to leave the relationship. It wasn't healthy for my daughter, so I flew her from Newark to Tulsa to stay with my mom until I could get healthy. That made the depression so much worse.

One day I couldn't take it anymore and took every pill I could find in our apartment. I laid down and waited. There is a gap in consciousness and everything was dark. I'm not sure how much time passed.

Then I heard extremely loud, beautiful music that has no words to describe it. The music was all around me. The closest I can find to the music I heard is maybe from an orchestra without sharp tones, pianos, or etc. I was not scared and don't recall having a body or being in a place. It was just darkness. It felt immense love and joy all around, but those words are too limited for the experience. Somehow, I know the loud music kept me from losing consciousness. I felt like I was in universal knowledge and expanded to understand so much. Then I had a knowing that told me to wake up NOW for my daughter. I resisted and felt a sense of urgency to make a choice. It was so beautiful but I accepted the thought of going back and it happened in that instant. I felt compressed into my body.

It hurt in a way, like when you lose a loved one. After spending quite a bit of time vomiting, as I tried to crawl to the bathroom only a few feet away. I realized all the information that I just had, I was forgetting it. I grabbed notebooks and kept trying to write it all down. I never was able to go through those notebooks. I was ashamed and threw them away. I felt healed, healthy, and strong, like being born again. I was able to leave the relationship and move across the country to reunite with my daughter. I have always been curious as to what that experience was. I read a study by Hamerhoff about 2 years ago and bought a brain monitor and doppler to recreate the experience, but I'm too skeptical. I feel a draw to understand and my curiosity has always been growing. This is what led me to a youtube video and to your website from another NDE.


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2007

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Suicide attempt

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I can't explain it. I felt so much information and understanding (knowledge). When I came back, I was compressed and my brain wasn't able to process what I had just experienced. It's hard to put the experience into words. I became 'consciousness' during the experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the entire experience

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Not sure how to answer this question. Time wasn't relevant to me.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't recall any change

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't recall any change

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I don't know what answer to put here since I don't know where I was.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? love, joy, peace, understanding, knowledge

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. I wish I didn't lose it all when I compressed in my body. I was in universal knowledge and understanding.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I felt urgency to wake up IMMEDIATELY or I wouldn't be there for my daughter.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe we all are connected and everlasting.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths - Hard to put into words or a category.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Knowing there is more to life than death.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify. Not really a voice, since there was loud music. It was a voice that wasn't a voice (can't explain). It was a knowing to wake for my daughter. I resisted since it felt so amazing, then had an urgency to leave as it was told to me somehow.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Before the experience, I tried to understand life scientifically. So from my education, I was pretty sure I was going to be nothing after death. After the experience, I became unable to reconcile my analytical mind and my experience.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain I felt like I was part of it all and it all made sense.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Everything was clear. I felt like the music flowed through me (even thought I didn't experience a 'me') and I was immersed in knowledge and love.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Everything was 'love'.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. Curiosity in understanding where I was or if it was just a typical experience as the brain shuts down. I have a very strong curiosity and now study my brain waves with EEG and try to change them with a doppler. I have a strong desire to just feel it again.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I left an abusive relationship and became healthy and independent. I felt born again.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes When I came back, I was compressed and my brain wasn't able to process it. It's hard to put the experience into words. I desperately tried documenting all the information before losing it. But it just wasn't right after I put it in the notebooks

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I'm a skeptic unless I can quantitatively measure it.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, I am doubtful by nature, but I do NOT doubt that experience.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Just in the last year after I told my daughter (she is 19 now). Before, I carried a little guilt or shame for being so selfish.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I'm starting to feel less connected with it now that I have started sharing.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? So many questions...