Chenguan NDE

Experience Description

Let’s go back to the day when it happened! We went to lunch after an important conference meeting. The dining table could accommodate ten people and served more than ten dishes for each table. Among all the dishes there was a fish cuisine. I am allergic to seafood since when I was 12 years old, and the intensity of being sensitive to it became worse gradually. I was very careful not to eat the fish dish during the lunch that day. However, I began to develop rashes on both arms, neck, and head during lunch, and they were spreading to my whole body when I got home. Meanwhile, I realized the reason why I had an allergic reaction was because the foods that I ate had been cross-contaminated with fish dish when someone using chopsticks to eat fish and then having other dishes with the same chopsticks.

I sat on the couch at home for a while; slowly, my breathing became deteriorating. It had become unbearable that I couldn’t not sit down, neither could I stand up. Then I went into the bedroom to lie down hoping I could breathe better in a supine position. Though, it did not work so I tried different positions – fowler, sim, and prone, but none of them were working. Still, I could barely breath and at the same time it felt like my throat was choked by a hand. Instantly, I was split into two. One floated up close to the ceiling, watching another “me” who looked like being hooked on a fishing pole, struggled vainly. Concurrently, my soul had left my body, and I did not know it was a near-death experience at that very moment until after the incident.

The one on the bed was despairing. It happened so sudden that my body arched in a fetus position, and I thought, “I am dying.” I couldn’t talk due to my lung was enlarged so big to be exploded. Besides the deafened roaring sound, the air also filled with anger. It seemed like my heart, liver, and kidney were disappeared inside of me! Yet, my body was still expanding, from every muscle to every bond and they were bursting in pains to a degree that I was not sure where the pain was from. When mother walked in to check on me to see if I felt better, but she was shocked when she saw me and yelled to Dad said, “Hurry up! Hurry up! she could not breath and her lip had turned purple.” I tried very hard to gasp air, but I could not do so. Finally, I fainted. I was piggy-back on Dad when we were walking downstairs, and mother hastily tried to lock the door. I passed out again.

It seemed like I was brought to the hospital. I could not open my eyes while I was lying on a hospital bed; however, I knew there were doctors who tried to resuscitate me. One of the middle-aged, female doctors screamed, “Hurry! bring an oxygen tank!” There was a young female doctor or a nurse who brought an oxygen tank that was bigger than a fire extinguisher, who was rushing back to the ward with the tank. That middle-aged female doctor shouted again, “No, not this size; bring the biggest one here!” Then, there came a cannon-like, tall oxygen tank on a dolly was wheeled into my bed side and connected it to my pain-free body.

I was not sure how long I was unconscious, but suddenly, I was covered with a shield of bright light and every inch of my body became so softened that they were melted to vanish. I felt as light as a balloon, floating gingerly. This was my second out of body episode. I was shapeless, but I still could sense, hear, smell, and touch. I was not aware of how I came back to my body of prior out of body experience though. While I was hovering, I quietly watched those frantic doctors who tried to save my life, yet I was indifferent toward the “body” lying on the hospital bed, even though I knew that was “me,” but it felt like that was someone else. I was detached from her completely, additionally she looked like a wax figure.

That middle-aged, female doctor said, “We are losing her. Have her family come.” As my Mom walked into the patient ward, she jumped onto the bed holding my body, rocking and calling my name out loud. The whole room was filled with her voices that could bring down the ceiling, and the doctors and the nurses had stepped aside. I answered her, yet she could not hear me except that she was still rubbing my body feverishly. At this point, I could not do anything else, then I floated up involuntarily that I was going to hit the ceiling, and I was afraid it might bump my head with a nodule, or it would be very painful. To my surprise, the ceiling disappeared unexpectedly. I felt relieved, then I continued on floating up smoothly. There came another ceiling that made me worried again, but it went away once I reached it. Then I realized that I should not be panic about the ceilings because I was like a cloud moving freely. The green-golden metal frame of hospital windows was making “bi”, “bi,” noises when I was flying through them at full speed. it was very interesting that all the green-golden window frames merged into one piece. Now, I totally forgot about the “wax figure” was still under resuscitation below me and my desperate Mom as well. Instead, my eyes were wide-open like a curious young child. Eventually, the hospital had vanished while I was flying away. When I was stopped, for not knowing how I was stopped unpredictably, an enormous, boundless ocean appeared before me. The ocean was greyish, blue under a sunny day. It was not suppressed, but was subtle, rational, equanimous and emotionless. The ocean was immense, extensive, emptiness, and still; it’s preceding and receding along the long seashore created pulsating waves where leaving a beautiful lace impress. I pondered why I could not hear the sound of waves? Hereafter, I was up a few inches above this quiet ocean; I was bird-watching the whole scenery in a preoccupied, timeless, observing, calm, and unemotional mood. Vaguely, I heard Mom calling my name at the other side of the ocean. I answered her, but she could not hear my response. While I was replying her, I sped up abruptly and my speed had gone faster and faster like an airplane. It might have been more than ten times of its speed, and I watched the clouds went by quickly. I was not sure how many layers of clouds I had passed through, yet it felt like I flew by thousands of layers of clouds.

Suddenly, I stopped in a secure, splendid environment although it was not colorful the light would not hurt your eyes and filled with a feeling of wonderfulness. This place was edgeless. It seemed like it was covered with mists but not likely to be misty, of where there was nothingness, people less, except for sole silence. It was hard to describe the warmth and coziness. I strolled along, extremely relaxing. I loafed through whole day like a fop. After I walked around for a while, I felt like I should sit down, and immediately there was a sensation where a chair was under me, so I sat on “it.” In reality, there was not a solid chair besides it felt like I was on a comfortable chaise lounge. Then, I was lying on it instead of sitting down and, man, it was marvelous! Its warmth embraced thousands, thousands of staggering layers of harmonic colors. I had no choice but immersed deeply in this affability. I was enjoying the pleasure that I had never experienced before; however, when it came to the blissfulness yet it was not quite as you thought about it because it had a magnificent al soft and ease vibe, additionally it felt like you were soaked in an aroma wine - sunken, sunken, sunken that I never wanted to get up and leave. No time and space, no exuberances, no worrisome, thoughtless, no right and wrong, only the unlimited expansion and euphoria.

Melodic music emerged from afar to nearby me, which it was the most delightful music that I ever heard – easy, lovely, and mellow. I listened to it carefully and would like to sing along with it. Nevertheless, the whole piece had not finished yet, instantly the chair below me went missing. I began to fall down, and I screamed out loud, “I don’t want to go back! I don’t want to go back! I don’t want to go back.” But it was completely futile. The descending speed was the same as when I was ascended where I went through multi-layer clouds, where every cubicle was thousands of miles in size. I saw every layer of cloud was mixed with white and colorful soft shape building panels, as I passed by them. I didn’t want to end up going back, so I cried, “I don’t want to go back.” Along halfway through, then I realized that the situation was irreversible now. I sighed!

I had descended close to the ground but a few inches up in the air, then I stopped incidentally. Once again, I was drifting above the same ocean. The ocean was still, calm, and quiet. I stared at the ocean in mindless. Forgetting about the unwillingly falling back that just happened prior. I only gazed at it with desireless.

Subsequently, I found out the allergy had spread to my lungs and caused edema that resulted in breath difficulty and finally to suffocation. According to medical definition, I was on the edge of death but was brought back through resuscitations. Personally, I experienced my soul had given up and left my body, but because of Mom’s strong will so my soul, re-entering into my flesh, came back alive at last, The forceful descent was due to Mom’s persevering determination to pervade. If it was not for her crazy persistence calling out my name, I probably would stay in the other realm, consequently my body would be deteriorated.

The ocean meant a lot to me. Many years later, I still don’t understand why the same ocean had appeared in both of my NDEs. What does it mean? What message it intended to convey to me? I had experienced a spiritual awakening in 2012 and also, it had something to do with the ocean as well. As I learned more about consciousness, I had come to understand that the ocean is a metaphor: We are in an ocean of consciousness, and even more we are the ocean of which the ancients named it - the sea of sex.