Cleo D Probable NDE

Experience Description

I was 34 weeks pregnant with my second child. Unfortunately, I experienced an undiagnosed placental abruption with a Couvier uterus. Therefore the blood leaking from the abruption went into my uterus rather than out of my body. It was hours before the hospital realized what had happened. By then I had lost a large portion of blood. They put me under general anesthesia and intubated me. I remember counting backwards and looking at the anesthesiologist.

Then, I was in an endless, black void. I had the sense of infinity and I had no body. I was just pure consciousness. Suddenly, there was a knowing that I was dying, and I was o.k. with it. All attachment to earthly material was just gone. As if to answer my question, a voice said 'All that remains is love.' The voice was not a sound, rather it was just a kind of knowing. I understood this to mean that when I die, all that I bring with me is the sum of love I had given and received on Earth. Next, I was being sucked backwards through a tunnel.

I was suddenly aware of my body. I woke up and tried to pull out my intubation tube. The anesthesiologist put me back under. I was later told they were quite freaked out by me waking up and trying to take the tube out.

After burying my stillborn daughter, I became obsessed with getting her back. I literally ached for her in a way only a parent who has experienced loss can understand. We were given the green light to conceive 6 months afterwards. It was Christmas Eve and I went to the church near our home town. They have a little chapel dedicated to Mary. I went in to pray, and said, 'Mary, you know what it feels like to lose a child. Please bring my daughter back to me.' At this time, I was taken back to the void. It was in the form of a big, dark lake. I was in the lake, and small bubbles of phosphorescent light were swimming about. I found the one that was my daughter and merged with it. I was aware of my body in the chapel, but for those moments I was in a very different place.

I confirmed via ultrasound that I was pregnant a month or so later. The following September, I gave birth to a healthy, baby girl via C-section.

I wish I could say I spent every moment after this experience storing up love and that I changed in some way. It took me 15 years to come to terms with the experience. I told no one. As a logical, down-to-earth person, I just couldn't accept it. But about 2 years ago, I started going through a spiritual awakening. I started asking questions about what happened to me. Since then, I've finally caught up with the idea that love is truly the most important currency on earth.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: May 18, 2003

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth. While under general anesthesia Life threatening event, but not clinical death

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. Same

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While in the void and hearing the 'voice'. I was very alert. It was not dreamlike. I've had lucid dreams and this was still more alert than that.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual. It all happened very quickly, despite knowing that I was in surgery longer than the experience

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In the void, it was just blackness. In the lake, it was very acute. For example, I could see very far even though I normally am near-sighted in current life.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing the voice was not like a sound. It was like knowledge that appears in your mind, but I knew it wasn't my own thought. Hard to explain.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes On the way back, I was sucked back through a 'tunnel' and into my body. I didn't have a tunnel feeling on the way there. I just was there.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. A black void of infinite boundary

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, even though I thought I was dead or dying.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now attend Buddhist services, rather than Catholic services. But that's a long story.

What is your religion now? Buddhist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I was never sure there was life beyond the physical body, but I held space for the possibility. I had read about people walking tunnels into light, meeting dead relatives, etc. None of that happened to me. I had even known someone who had been clinically dead for a few minutes and asked her what happened. She said 'nothing, I was here, gone, and here again.' So, I had a lot of confusion on the subject.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes More tolerant of others and more interest in what might be beyond the reality we perceive

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. I wasn't aware of a being, but that 'voice' that told me 'all that remains is love' was not mine

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain The awareness was that after death all that remains is the love that you give and are given. That what passes on and is linked to others' love as a unity experience

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes At times, when people would say there is no life after death, I would think, 'Yeah there is.' I've experienced it. I didn't tell them out loud.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes the awareness was that the only thing that matters in life is loving everyone as much as possible

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife probably does not exist. Yes the voice very specifically answered my unspoken question about what happens now.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That's exactly what the awareness was! All that matters at the end of life is the love you generated on Earth.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes. In my life, I don't believe in a God, as much as I now believe in a unity consciousness that we dissolve into. That is entirely of love. I have become much more aware of the life force (thoughts, feelings) of others; and much more at peace. I have changed my life so I can be more authentic and with less interest in things of the world, and more interest in living, helping, and healing. I've made deeper connections with people than I ever had before.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain. Some people yes, others not as much. But overall, yes. I was always kind and loving, but now am more sensitive to other's feelings.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes the expanse of the void and the lake is hard to explain. The OBE at the chapel was also hard to explain. It was very different than normal imagining, which feels like a screen on your mind. This consumed me. I was in the lake, the bubbles all around me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I remember very vividly, and have everything I've thought about it over the past 15 years. It is like it happened yesterday.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I'm still looking into that. I would describe it more as synchronicity, since they do not originate from me, and are not always for my benefit.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I got my daughter. I feel that I went to another plane and brought her back to me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Had a friend who died, told me she remembered nothing, and heard some stories about lights and dead people. My experience was very different from theirs.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I was consumed by grief over losing my daughter. The experience was on my mind, but getting her back was even more so.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I actually have a framework now for what happened, compared to years ago.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes meditation can feel a bit like the void, but nowhere near as immersive.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Love everyone. It's all that matters in the end. You can't bring money or fame with you. Only love.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I would be interested to know if other people talk about their experience. I never really did.