Dr. Cornelia T NDE

Experience Description

I felt bad and I only remember what happened immediately before this from the account of my husband. My own memories are very fuzzy but I know that I was in a bed, my husband was at my side.

Suddenly I saw a small light amid darkness. Like being on a kind of silent escalator I moved closer to the light that became bigger, brighter but was in no way dazzling or unpleasant. Then a thought passed my head:” Wait a minute, you have already heard of this kind of pictures. This is the way to death.” At that moment it was completely clear for me, even though I was curious and in no way scared, that I didn't want to go that way.

This opened a discussion with a being that I didn't see - as far as the light was no being, what I can't say exactly - but the memory of this discussion is still very awake until today. It's hard for me to reproduce this discussion as I didn't have the feeling to talk. But what I can say is that it was the most eloquent discussion I ever had in my life. I disclosed my reasons why I didn't want to continue, and each time the escalator stopped and my arguments were carefully accepted and pondered and with much comprehension. Actually even more, I had the feeling that my opposite knew myself almost better than I did myself, and answered. As soon as I stopped talking I started again to move to the light. After a few 'stops' I heard very gently: “You are allowed to come”. And my discussion continued. The closer I came to the light the stronger was my wish to continue with this life on earth, and the clearer was my motivation. But now this gentle invitation was repeated again :”You are allowed to come!”

I expressed my last argument very short and succinct, but unfortunately I can't reproduce it in the way I told it my opposite. In the sense it was that I 'said', if I was dying now so my three small children (3 years, 18 months, and 10 days old) wouldn't remember their mother and they would never experience the love of their mother.

I felt a movement, very short, and opened my eyes. There I saw the extremely relieved face of my husband saying to me: “Just now I thought you were dying.” As of that moment the therapy started to work and much to the amazement of the doctor I survived that night until today. Initially I thought it a dream. But the quality was much clearer, the memory much more present and permanent, than I ever had after a dream. Yes, until today I remember it very distinctly. It's less the optical impressions, but more the emotional experience that makes this experience so unforgettable.

Afterwards I wasn't the same as before. Already as a youth I got occasionally a dream that you could call clairvoyant, but what happened after this experience was enormous. Every night I dreamed very vividly about things and I knew, there was an unexplainable certitude, that the contents of my dreams pictured scenes of the future. The best way I can describe it, is like watching a movie, then a fast forward and you see a scene which is completely out of context. These dreams properly overwhelmed me, not always having a nice content. Even though they didn't scare me directly, they kept me preoccupied during the day, my sleep was disturbed, and finally I started to doubt my sanity. Therefore, I saw a friend a Female psychiatrist for a test and she certified me a 'strong mental health'. Nevertheless, my stamina was weakened and I was fervently praying to God, to take this phenomenon away. With this it was gone and I had more calm - at least for now. Because little by little my dreams became reality.

As an example I want to tell about a row of dreams, that happened exactly in detail as I experienced them: I was dreaming of a house and I recognized this house in our town. Except that the house of which I dreamed looked differently; it had a greater extension, whose details I remembered exactly and I described them to family members. Then I saw in this house a man and a woman quarreling at the stairhead and the woman was falling down the stairs head forward and died on the spot. I felt immediately the feelings of the man: On the one hand a big fright with sorrow about the fall, together with a great portion of relief and release. I asked myself the question of the guilt of the man and answered it myself: He is not guilty; it was but an accident. So far my dream.

Now to reality: I didn't know it but the house was the parental home of my English teacher. When she married they had been building the extension to the house in which they have been living and in which many years later this accident happened. The police had an investigation and concluded for an accident.

Those dreams had been a big strain for myself. But when they stopped, I wondered if I had not been passing a chance, maybe rejecting a talent. From my today's view I find that it was right this way, because I could again 'gain ground' in this realm, 'grounding' myself. Years later I realized that this 'aptitude' was not completely lost; if something is very important for me I still can get information without too much strain.

So my NDE was not only incisive for the moment. It gave my life another direction.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 12/20/1989

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Life threatening event, but not clinical death 10 days before, birth of my third child with complications: rupture of Symphysis, subsequently Lochial congestion and finally a sepsis. The attending doctor expected me to die during the same night.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I outdid myself.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the time on the 'escalator'.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I believe that I was more tolerant, more detached and I had a much more encompassing view about things than in an everyday situation.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. That's difficult to answer because I couldn't separate the 'inside' from the 'outside'; the 'voice' of my opposite was more in my head that I didn't feel, and also everything was quiet, maybe also just completely focused?

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Like a kaleidoscope; outside dark but not cramped, where the kaleidoscope had it's facets it was just bright, but not dazzling, and this light was coming closer and with that became bigger.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Just imagine the ideal light - that's what it was.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. A tunnel that doesn't restrict, darkness that doesn't scare, a bright light that doesn't dazzle, an opposite who could be myself, thoughts creating space.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Normally I'm rather impulsive. During the experience I was completely serene, although I was at all time aware that here it was going about my life.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life My responsibility towards my children, not wanting to let them grow up without the love of their mother.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I was thinking that I needed to earn love, but during the experience I realized that Love is always a gift of the lover and that I am loved, accepted and understood the way I am. At the time I didn't assume this about my person

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I had an opposite with whom I was communicating. It was the ideal communication, there was language and feelings and everything was at once: The thought - the word - the reaction. It was much more plastic than just a 'voice'.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes To love is very simple.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes My wish to return was fulfilled when I mentioned my love for my children.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes It was totally clear that it continues.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Had it been a card game, so love would have been the trump beating everything. Sorry, but I can't describe it in a better way.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Clairvoyance started.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I have been loving my husband and my children before and after. Afterwards I was maybe more grateful that I was allowed to experience this love.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes What I described with words, is picturing the feelings only very imperfectly. The communication was more intense, more direct, less subject to misunderstandings. The feelings have been more pure, closeness was closer without being restrictive, as I can describe it.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.e experience I was thinking that I needed to earn love, but during the experience I realized that Love is always a gift of the lover and that I am loved, accepted and understood the way I am. At the time I didn't assume this about my person.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Clairvoyance started.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I knew that NDE exists, Literature: Kübler-Ross, but I didn't consider it a reality. Had been thinking for a long time that I imagined this, could only talk about it decades later.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Studies, literature. I hardly could believe when it happened and was happy that I had been hearing about before.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I doubted myself, my mind, didn't dare to talk about, had to cry when I was thinking about.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have been reading accounts of the NDEs of others, I know that I'm not crazy.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No