Cynthia C NDE

Experience Description

I had gone to a New York City hospital for a routine surgery but it was a new procedure. I received the shot of valium in the hall before I was wheeled into the room for the procedure.

While under anesthesia, I was watching the two doctors arguing while still in my body. The surgeon said to the anesthesiologist, 'You killed her! You gave her too much.'

I began to float outside of my body. I could see myself on the table and I saw the two doctors next to me. I felt really scared when I realized I was floating on the top of the room. Then I saw a blindingly bright light.

I heard a male voice say, 'That way.' I began pleading with this voice that I refer to as the gatekeeper. The place was dark, like a grotto. The gatekeeper kept saying, 'That way.' I did not want to go that way or remain in the dark-looking tunnel. I looked in the direction the voice was telling me to go; it was to the left.

There was a long line of people going into a brightly lit place. I locked eyes with one woman in the line. She looked so sad. I kept telling the gatekeeper that, 'I have to go back. I have to go home. My three children are waiting for me. Please send me back. Please.' The brightly lit place had a lot of voices coming out of there, overlapping.

Then the gatekeeper said to me, 'The next time you come no matter how you beg and plead you not will return.' Immediately, I was back in my body.

I began ripping out all the IVs in my arm. I was yelling at the doctors that they killed me. Then, I began to tell them what they were saying to each other. They looked startled. I also lost a lot of blood during this procedure and kept slipping in and out of consciousness in the room upstairs. I was so weak but I left the hospital anyways.

I fear seeing the gatekeeper again especially since he said no matter how I begged and plead next time, I cannot come back again.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 04/17/1983

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. Drug or medication overdose. While under general anesthesia. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function). Before the anesthesia I was given a shot of valium to make certain I remained asleep during the procedure. Then I was given too much anesthesia.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes When I saw the doctors, they were startled and looked frightened like I was. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal . I could see and hear everything simultaneously

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout it all

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was able to see myself on the table and felt myself floating

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard everything and could hear especially well in the dark tunnel. I heard those overlapping voices coming from the bright room they were all going into. It was horrible.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel is where the gatekeeper was trying to send me to the left where the long line was going into that brightly lit room with all the overlapping voices

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes. The deceased people were on the left going into that brightly lit room in that dark tunnel. The woman I locked eyes with had straight, short-brown hair and looked so sad. It was awful

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was blinding and that is why I could not see the gatekeeper

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. I was in a dark tunnel that looked like a grotto

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Terrified because I knew I was dead. I wanted to go back home to my three children.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I begged the gatekeeper to send me back to my three children.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I never believed in the bright light nor did I believe there was a gatekeeper who directed people to where they go in death

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know there is a gatekeeper now and death comes for us all. We all think each day we are returning to our home and lives, but that is not always the case.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify. The gatekeeper told me to go to my left. Later, he told me, 'Next time, no matter how you beg and plead, you won't be sent back.'

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I know there is a gatekeeper when I pass who directs me in what direction to go.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain All I know is the gatekeeper sent me back to my body.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes. The gatekeeper is a divine being

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Life is for the living and the gatekeeper I had no knowledge of before that day. The blinding, bright light prevented me from looking directly at the gatekeeper.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes Those going into the light were in human form

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes My love for my children was why the gatekeeper allowed me to return . I refused to move on that line and begged/pleaded to come back for my children.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I know next time the gatekeeper said I cannot return. I have lived to be a grandmother so far.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I made changes in my life after that

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes My words cannot express the place or my emotions enough.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I will never forget this experience. It was awful

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes. I always had psychic abilities and believed in God ...

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Most people felt I had a gift spiritually and psychically

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Well I had heard of Near Death Experiences but never had it happened to me before that surgery.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real . I could see the reaction of the doctors when I told them they killed me and what they were saying to each other.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I was grateful the gatekeeper sent me back to my children

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I always wanted to know who is the gatekeeper - what is his name ??

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No