Cynthia C Probable NDE

Experience Description

I experienced a NDE in 2015 after attempting to commit suicide.

I was in my early 30s and a single mother to a beautiful little girl. My relationship with her father was volatile and abusive from the start and only worsened throughout the years. By the time my daughter came along we were no longer together. As they wheeled me from the hospital with her in my arms, a social worker slipped me her card, she was a domestic violence advocate. I'll never forget that moment.

Needless to say I've raised her alone and it's been hard. At age 1 year-old, she was diagnosed with hydrocephalus and had to have emergency lifesaving surgery; she also has a mild cerebral palsy and later developed epilepsy. I've been struggling with crippling depression since.

At the time of my attempt, my daughter was about 7 years-old. I was living with a friend, and working overnight in different clubs as a dancer. Something I am so ashamed of but it allowed me to be present during with my daughter during the day and work while she was asleep. Most local daycares were not equipped to care for her and I didn't have family support. My life was a mess and I was tired and totally drained. Long story short, after a fight with her father turned physical the humiliation and frustration pushed me over the edge.

I remember dropping my daughter off with him and giving up. I didn't believe he would ever treat her the way he did me. I thought she'd be safe. My memories from that day are like that of a slideshow. I was sitting in my car and I'm not entirely sure if I saw myself swallow the entire bottle of pills in the reflection in my mirror, or if I actually watched myself take them. All I know is that I watched the tears stream down my face and the next thing I knew, I was in total darkness. I remember looking around and there was nothing; no time and I had no body. Yet, I was conscious and aware. I could think and I was more like energy or a spirit.

Although no words were spoken, it was communicated to me that something evil was coming from an even darker place below me. This thing was crawling up to get me and drag me down with it. I didn't hear or see anything, but I knew it was coming. I also knew that if it took me, where I was going wasn't good and I would never be able to return. I was terrified and immediately began to pray. I screamed, 'Yeshua, Yeshua, Yeshua' over and over again. I've never referred to Jesus as Yeshua before.

Then, I woke up on an air bed in my friend's house. I have no recollection of how I got there. When I went to stand up, I stood for a few seconds and then fell to the ground. I was unable to walk, so I crawled into the hallway and tried to go down the stairs. I'm still not sure why or where I was trying to go, but my friend saw me and picked me up. He called 911. I didn't know it at the time, but I had experienced a mini-stroke that left me unable to walk for 24 hours. After recovering, I was sent to the psychology ward where I was prescribed more antidepressants. During my time there, I remembered that I had left my daughter with her father. Although I was weak, broken and tired, I knew I needed to get to her.

I was eventually moved to a crisis center. When I would call, my daughter's father would insult me, speak harshly to her while she was speaking to me, and I could hear the brokenness and fear in her voice. She would whisper to me, 'When are coming to get me mommy?' I would fall completely apart.

I don't know where the strength came from, but I got better. I took whatever medicines they offered me and from there, they were able to get us into a local Domestic Violence Shelter. Although it was the absolutely most terrifying decision I have ever had to make, I went.

The moment I was released, I went straight to my daughter's school to pick her up. I pulled up right next to his car, ready for war. But he just looked at me and pulled off. He never wanted to keep her, he never wanted anything except to hurt me.

Our experience at that shelter was one of the most beautiful experiences of our lives. I made friends, held babies and learned so much about myself and the strength God has given me.

Before attempting to take my life, I used to sit and watch NDEs on Youtube for hours, hoping that someone would say that they saw heaven. I was taught that those who commit suicide go to hell and I was looking for a way out. I am grateful, understand that calling his name, and being given a second chance is a blessing, I couldn't help but feel rejected. I had watched so many NDEs where Jesus greeted someone or their deceased family members were there with a smile. Then there was me, basically in hell.

With everything I had been through, all I wanted was a hug and some encouragement, but instead I saw darkness and felt fear. I came back with so many more questions than answers. But, I'm still here. My daughter will be age 16 in June. I've been teaching her to drive. I remember her neurologist looked me in my face years ago and said that she would never ride a bike. My baby tried every summer for hours on end. Some days, she'd fall down and she would cry. Then I'd cry and we'd both just sit there crying together. I'd be praying she didn't break a bone; praying that God would heal her. Her hydrocephalus made it so that she is unable to fit a helmet in the store so it was extra scary. But guess what? She's been riding since the age of 13. I made sure her neurologist was the first person I sent the video to.

Lately I feel like I'm back where I was in 2015. Sometimes I just blurt out that I want to go home, and earth is not the home I am longing for. The only thing tethering me to this earth is my daughter. I love her more than anything and I know she needs me. All we can do is take things day by day. I don't know where to start. But I do believe that the Happiness I've longed for is tied to pulling others from that dark place.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2015

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Life threatening event, but not clinical death Abused by ex-boyfriend- Led to depression/suicide

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Felt more real and permanent than this world, in a place of no-time.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? the whole time

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning no time

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. everything felt more real.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't hear with my ears it was more like a knowing, communication straight to your mind, no voice.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place a void. Darkness, no time/

What emotions did you feel during the experience? terror and desperation.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life i cried to yeshua several times and then was back in my body

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I was more confused and angrier than before

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. It was consistent because I believe in God, Jesus, the devil and demons. It was inconsistent because I was taught that God is love and that heaven is our home, but I was rejected.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe that life is about more than the superficial things we focus on.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify no voice/telepathic

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes calling out to Yeshua is what saved me.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I've had prophetic dreams that come true. The last was in October of 2022 about the trains/toxins. I posted it to my facebook page.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes Our body dies but our spirit continues.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I've had more prophetic dreams.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I don't develop relationships with others. I am very closed off.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Hard to talk about because I was communicated with telepathically.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember it like yesterday.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes prophetic dreams

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? it was pretty horrifying

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my sister right after but it took years to tell anyone else. Not easy to talk about the time you nearly went to hell.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I used to watch NDE's on youtube looking for someone who saw heaven after a suicide attempt but didnt see any. I was looking for a way out.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real more real than anything I've ever experienced.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have a terrible memory, yet I remember this experience in detail.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? no

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? no