Dawn T NDE-Like

Experience Description

I’m going to lead into this story with a bit of personal background, to shine a light on where I was mentally, spiritually and emotionally, so please bear with me.

It was late February, early March of 1987 when I was finally diagnosed and needed surgery. I had been battling a severe sinus infection for the previous ten months, the result of a failed root canal, performed by a poorly skilled endodontist. He punctured the end of a root, on the molar he had been trying to save, right through into my left maxillary sinus cavity. Yes, there are good reasons to fear root canals, because not all are successful. The tooth may be lost anyway, and some can lead to major complications.

After many months of antibiotics, doctor appointments and pain, my primary care doctor referred me to an ear, nose and throat specialist/surgeon. This doctor informed me that I needed surgery. After reviewing x-rays and my history, she went on to explain.

'The infection will not clear up permanently, as evidenced by the multiple rounds of antibiotics over the last year. Your nasal passage is much too narrow on that side and there is no drainage or adequate airflow. This infectious cycle will keep repeating. In the big picture, a prolonged infection that close to the brain is not good, could end up fatal if ignored and repeated rounds of antibiotics is not good for your overall health. You need surgery, to take care of it once and for all'.

Who knew these hollow, snot producing caverns in our skull could wreak so much havoc? Unbelievable!

At that moment all I heard was 'surgery', which meant general anesthesia. Which meant I was now completely frightened, as I had never had general anesthesia before. I knew people sometimes died from these drugs. My anxiety and catastrophic thinking kicked into high gear. I not only wondered what would happen to my three-year-old daughter and four-year-old son, if I should die on the table, how would they fair in life without a mom? After all, I did have that aunt who died in a dentist chair, after a fatal reaction to anesthesia, not even general anesthesia! However, I also feared where I might end up, if I did actually die. The 'what ifs' were driving a chaotic train of destructive thoughts, that I couldn’t seem to stop.

The thought of possibly leaving my precious children motherless was crippling, not to mention my fear of death itself. I know, there was nothing saying I would have any complication in surgery, let alone death. Although, that was the mental leap I had made at the time, for reasons I will soon explain.

I had spent 1st through 8th grade in a Catholic convent school, where we were taught by nuns and priests. I was conditioned to think I was horrible, as is all mankind, a sinner destined for hell. In the back of my mind as an adult, I could sometimes logically reason they used the fear and intimidation tactics as a way to control us. But still, what if they were right? What if this was our future, if we were anything less than a devout, self-flagellating Catholic Christian? I was scared and didn’t see a clear path to face this dilemma.

I had spent the years since leaving Catholic school, distancing myself as far as possible from the wrathful and vengeful god I had been taught to fear. The picture of god painted by the nuns and priests during those years was nothing short of terrifying and bordered on a monster bent on destroying us. It had only been in the previous 3 months that I ventured back to any form of faith or church, and it sure wasn’t a Catholic one. I remember being told stepping into anything non-Catholic was a supposed sin in and of itself. No Catholic would ever venture to a protestant church or it’s congregants, no matter how far they had backslidden from the perfect Catholic truth. Even the non-denominational churches were considered evil in the eyes of the Catholics, or so I’d been taught.

Some reading this may wonder, why look to any form of orthodox faith, after having lived through the trauma of Catholicism in the late ‘60’s? Analytically speaking, it wasn’t planned by any means and had life been the picture-perfect postcard, I probably never would have sought out any faith-based belief at all. But here’s why I did:

After the birth of my children, I began suffering from panic and anxiety attacks, when my daughter was about a year old and my son was two. These attacks were random and out of the blue. The only precursors to the full blown, hyperventilating, nearly losing consciousness episodes, were insomnia and some hand tremors. But realistically, what mother of small children doesn’t go through some insomnia, right? Maybe the hand tremors were that second cup of coffee, or maybe low blood sugar, right?

It was when this anxiety became accompanied by an irregular heartbeat, that I began to think something was seriously wrong. I soon found out the irregularities were premature ventricular contractions. They were not painful, but easily felt and very disturbing. It felt almost like my heart was missing a beat and then starting up again, with an initially hard thud! These disruptive heartbeats added a lot of additional anxiety, to the free-floating stuff I already could not manage. I felt my mind and body were literally going haywire and I had no control. Mountains of cardiac tests, monitors, stress tests and blood tests revealed NOTHING.

In passing one cardiac doctor mentioned my thyroid hormone levels were a little off, but also quickly added 'but we are going to make sure your heart is ok'.

My response was 'Of course, yes! Please, make sure my heart isn’t going to stop or blow up, I’ve got little ones to take care of!'

The final diagnosis was a 'benign, electro-mechanical, cardiac dysfunction'! In other words, they didn’t know what was going on. Yes, they had performed all the cardiac tests and determined my heart itself was not the issue, and for that I was grateful. However, that’s where the testing stopped. The doctors gave it a label, advised no caffeine, prescribed a beta blocker to control the arrythmias, Xanax to control the panic and a referral to a psychologist to work out whatever deep-seated problems were disrupting what should otherwise be a young mother’s utopia! I was a stay-at-home mom, with two beautiful children and a comfortable home. Yet, in short, I was a total mess.

The panic attacks and irregular heartbeat condition was in fact a very complicated and rare thyroid condition that wasn’t diagnosed for another 22 years. The discovery of the grapefruit sized goiter compressing my aorta and collapsing my trachea, also has a paranormal twist via an auto accident, but that is a story for another time.

The combination of the prolonged sinus infection, the anxiety, the irregular heartbeats and the humiliation of talking with a psychologist about the details of a rough and sometimes abusive childhood, not to mention having to take medication to control this mess at 28 years old, made me seek something bigger than myself. This is when I began my journey back some sort of faith.

After a particularly difficult day, in which I couldn’t even drive my car, because of the panic, I felt like I was looking down a black hole and was losing my mind. I went outside to get the mail from the box and in it was a brochure from a non-denominal church in our area. It was approaching holiday season and they wanted to get the word out for their activities. There was a blurb about a women’s study group that was starting up and I decided to reach out to that women’s group and hope for the best. It felt like I’d been thrown a rope that day and it gave me hope.

Within a week or so, I began attending the study group, with about eight other women. Most were my age and the gal leading the group had two daughters that were the same age as my children. She was a bible college graduate, as was her husband. Together they had been immersed in this faith nearly all their lives, so I reasoned she was more than qualified to direct others on this path. Nearly everyone in the group could be called, what the born-again like to term, 'mature Christians'. As opposed to me, a definite newbie.

I actually look back on this with some ire. Mature Christian? Should there even be such a thing as a 'mature Christian'? Oh sure, there will be those that learn the 66 books of chosen scripture and repeat back what they perceive to be the intended interpretation. Who are usually parroting what they’ve heard via a pastor in a pulpit, that may or may not have an accurate grasp on biblical history? But, is that really maturity or is that conditioning to believe the orthodox agenda? The first century beginnings of orthodox Christianity via Roman Catholicism believed we couldn’t navigate any faith on our own, hence the priesthood. Centuries later, people are still being directed as to what to believe, taught by those called the mature Christians. How many actually dig deeply to determine what they are believing is the absolute truth? How many are willing to remain open minded where there is no possibility of verifying truth that has been lost to antiquity? How many are believing, what they believe, because they have been taught to fear the fires of hell, if they don’t conform to the prescribed belief system? Anyway, I digress, and this too is a story for another time.

So, I am part of this women’s study group and I began learning all the standard, orthodox Christian stuff, with less of a focus on the punishing, hateful god of the Catholic denomination and I find it did help alleviate some of the anxiety. I was taught, pretty much for the first time, that god was alleged to be caring, kind and loving. That his love for us was not conditional, but that relationship with him was conditional. If we wanted to be in right standing with him, we needed to be sure to believe the 'right' way, in the 'right' things, to attain this 'right' standing.

Hmmm, this smacked of the same things the Catholics taught, which bothered me. After all, who was right? If all the various beliefs teach that their way is the only way, who is correct? Did god actually have a single path? I asked this question and I was told yes, that is exactly the way it is! I was taught this is called the 'narrow path', as opposed to the 'wide path that leads to destruction'. I thought, 'Well sh#$. I don’t want to be on the wrong path! That wide path that leads to destruction and ends in hell, sounds reminiscent of the past and I have a surgery coming up! I better make sure I get it right! So, I reasoned I would and could do this. I could have this belief, in a caring, kind and loving god. Afterall, I hadn’t totally rejected the thought of a creator, had I? No, I hadn’t and maybe this was the right path and I had just not seen it before, because I had been so mired and traumatized by 'religion' growing up. I have to admit it was a comfort in the mist of the health mess and anxiety with which I was dealing.

The bible study leader that essentially 'led' me into the faith, focused on my sense of control, or lack thereof in my case, to show me that if I was not in control of my life, my health or the anxiety I was suffering, then who was? She used many scriptures to prove the point, that anyone outside of a Christian, bible believing viewpoint, was just lost and at the mercy of the world’s random misfortunes.

Her sentence, that literally shook my foundation and had me running to accept this Christian faith was: 'if you believe you are in control of your life, you are believing a lie right out of the pit of hell'! Did this scare me? Oh yeah! Was I afraid? You bet! I’m sure she was sincere and well-meaning in her quest to safe my soul from damnation. I also think that I was ripe for the picking, so to speak. I needed something to hang onto and she helped light that path, at that time.

It wouldn’t be until many years later that the confining, damning, fear-based and limiting beliefs of orthodox man-made religion, that for me, found their birth in the health issues that plagued me then, would be challenged, re-examined, torn apart and established anew. That is truly the amazing story of freedom, but once again, a story for another time.

My newfound faith helped me believe that someone bigger than me was in control and that I could appeal to him (patriarchal history) through prayer for my own fears and for the protection of my children. So, that’s what I did. I prayed specifically for comfort as I faced this surgery and that the worried thoughts of dying on the table would subside and that if I did happen to die, I wouldn’t be going to hell. Afterall, I was on the winning team now, right? But, more important to me, I prayed that my children would be safe, well and protected no matter the outcome.

The day of the surgery arrived, and I did have a sense of calm and I did feel comforted believing that I had appealed to god to look out for my children and myself. It would have to be enough. I was still nervous about the anesthesia, but realistically, I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to be alive, healthy and pain free, providing the surgery was a success and not like the root canal that began this saga.

At what point during the surgery I began to move through the tunnel toward the light I can’t say for sure. The last things I remembered were counting, as asked by the anesthesiologist, then darkness, then the tunnel and moving toward it, then into it. It was an amazing and unearthly bright light. The quality and brightness of this light is not describable, we don’t really have words for it. Without hesitation I stepped right into the light and emerged into a vibrant, beyond beautiful field, again there are no words. The light was more brilliant, more illuminated than that of 1,000 suns, but not painful to my eyes.

The trees, shrubs and field grasses were much more real than anything I had ever seen before. It was as though everything I had seen before, consciously in my body, was just a dull, colorless photo. I got the distinct sense that anything we experience 'in a body' will be dulled, because we have to interpret everything through organic systems. Once we escape the organic, is when we see the 'real'!

I was met by a man that I knew to be Jesus. But I also sensed he might be a different person to different people. That he was whomever someone needed him to be. In my case, he was Jesus, though no name was ever given, I just intuitively knew his identity. He was of average height and weight, dark hair that was somewhat short, definitely not long. A short dark beard and green eyes. He wore a light colored, roughly woven shirt and dark pants, very average. Except his smile, his smile was definitely not average! He smiled a lot and it was broad and big, always reaching his green eyes! It was infectious and contained a tangible warmth that is unknown on this planet. He was by far the happiest, most joyful, exuberant, bubbly and expressive person I have ever seen. Not all the smiling faces I’ve witnessed in my lifetime could come close to the love and emotion he expressed with his smile. His presence was as beautiful as the place I was in. And, in this place, there was peace, contentment, freedom and love. It enveloped me, moved through me and was everywhere.

We began walking though these beautiful fields, a slow and casual pace, much like a stroll. He was communicating with me telepathically. Though I can’t remember specifically what was being conveyed, I know it was like small talk, a light-hearted, easy flow. An exchange that was neither rushed nor pointed, rather just existing in one another’s presence. As we were walking, a question came to mind and I stopped, he stopped as well and faced me.

I looked into his face and spoke verbally, asking… 'how do you do a life'? Those were my exact words. He broke into the happiest smile ever and chuckling said… 'it’s so simple….. like this'! Those were his exact words.

At that, he brought his hands in front of his chest and then spread his hands and forearms in a horizontal arch, waist high, palms up, coming to rest at his sides. In that microsecond, after his words and gesture, EVERYTHING 'EVER' made perfect and complete sense. Absolutely EVERYTHING and it was so very simple! At that moment, the feelings that washed over me were so far beyond words, I can only cry as I type a description of this event. The freedom that came was accompanied by relief, love and indescribable joy. These feelings were the FACTS of our true life, it’s who we are at our very core. He was chuckling and downright laughing as he watched me come to full understanding of what was bursting forth into my consciousness and the understanding I was absorbing.

I came to know at that moment, there is such a thing as full knowledge! It was humbling, breathtaking and so very simple. Nothing is complicated on the other side.

I remember thinking 'how do we not know this', we homo-sapiens occupying this planet? It is so utterly simple and is always all good. I knew in that second, the answer to any question my mind could conceive. It was so beautifully simple and completely effortless. In that space there was a total absence of fear, because all was known, nothing was hidden. Every aspect of life was in complete and perfect harmony with what was chosen and intended. I had been given a glimpse into the eternal. I knew at that time, that in the end, all that transpires in life, is as it should be. The deep core worry and anxiety that drives our daily lives with 'what ifs' is not only unnecessary, it is destructive and robs us of peace and the ability to live in the present moment. I had never felt so free, content and happy.

We began walking again and he continued telepathically communicating. Basically, he was now expounding on his perspective of a life, using mine as an example… telling me about my life, from an eternal perspective. Though I can’t remember the exact details, as they flowed from him, I did know the answers to life questions that I had encountered and pondered during my life. It was always for my good, it always made sense and it was a collaborative effort that was chosen and of which I was a part.

Eventually, we came to a stop and he telepathically let me know I needed to go back, via the dark tunnel, through which I had come. While I did have a feeling like I wanted to stay, I knew that this was not my time to stay. My children came to mind and it was intended that I be there for them. So, I felt no reluctance when it was time to travel back. I knew it was exactly as it was meant to be, and I felt like I had been given some inside knowledge and it was wonderful. He was smiling and happy as I entered the tunnel and was watching me, as I began to move into it.

I got a short distance down the tunnel and my hearing came back! I could hear the nurses talking. I heard one nurse say, 'I don’t know why she isn’t responding, she has vitals'. When I heard this, I wanted to shout, 'I’m here, I’m right here'! However, I didn’t have the ability to speak. I wasn’t actually 'in' my body and I had no control. A little further along, my eyesight returned, and I knew I was in a brightly lit room, as I could sense the light through my eyelids. Further still, I began slipping back into my body and I was slammed by the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced. I thought 'oh my god, I can’t be here' and I wanted desperately to back up and return to where I had been. I could feel him gently nudge me forward and assure me that I could do this.

Then with a rather hard jolt, I was there! Back in my body and all my organic senses functioning. At that moment, a nurse at my side said 'there you are! You had us worried, you’ve been unresponsive for a very long time'!

Through the blinding pain, I asked her, 'am I on earth'?

She responded, 'of course you are, where else would you be'?

I told her, 'I wasn’t here, and I have ALL the answers, but I hurt so bad'

She said, 'oh, I bet you do'! She then yelled, 'can we get some pain meds over here'?

At that point she covered my nose and eye area with a cloth, because my sinuses were still bleeding from the surgery. I desperately wanted to tell someone that I had the answers… Why we are here, what it all means and that it is all so very simple. As I struggled with the pain, the effects of the pain medication and the covering on my face, I couldn’t talk and didn’t even want to move. I also couldn’t grasp all I had been told on the other side, I felt the knowledge slipping away, as though my organic brain could not hold the magnitude of this information. It reminded me of water slipping through my fingers, I just couldn’t hold it, no matter how hard I tried. At the same time, I could telepathically hear him chuckling and saying, 'you won’t remember… you won’t remember'.

As the nurses where getting me ready to take me to my room, they had replaced the cloth covering on my face with a smaller bandage and I now looked at my surroundings. It was a brightly lit room, very brightly lit as surgical recovery rooms are. However, it seemed gray, dull and dingy, nearly foggy compared to where I had been. The light in this room was nothing close to the light on the other side. The realization hit me, 'oh my god, we live in this'! We live in this murky, foggy, soup of a world. There is no clarity and it is as if we are walking in the dark. We can’t see our next step and everything here is shadowy, vague and colorless.

There is so much confusion and we are existing with such limited knowledge. I was horrified at the stark contrast to where I had been. I felt sad and somewhat lost.

I spent that first night in the hospital. The pain was horrible, and the pain medication caused so much nausea and vomiting, it was difficult to sleep. However, when I finally did fall asleep, I had the exact same experience as during the surgery! The experience was also in the same order. I slipped out of my body, which was wonderful, because I left behind the pain. I traveled through the tunnel, leaving behind my eyesight, then my hearing and arriving at the bright light and stepping through. He met me once again and we picked up our walk and telepathic conversation, right where we had left off. It was as if we had just hit 'pause' for a brief period of time. When it was time for me to wake up, I traveled the tunnel in reverse, much like the time after the surgery. I left the bright light, with him joyfully bidding me goodbye, my hearing returned, then my eyesight and finally back into my body and the blinding pain of the surgery. It was now early morning and I would be going home this day.

Once home, it was a monumental effort to minimize the pain and the nauseating effects of the pain medication, while taking care of my young children and trying to rest. That night, right after my then husband was home from work and I’d tucked my kids into bed, I determined to get to sleep as soon as possible. I was exhausted and despite the medication induced nausea, I was able to sleep. Once again, I had the exact same experience, in the exact same order! He once again met me stepping into the bright light and we resumed our walk and telepathic connection, just as before. This time, after walking and communicating for a while, he asked me to pick a number. I know that sounds crazy, but there was some profound significance to this, which I cannot remember now. I also believe I remember, there being others in the periphery of where we were, during this number picking. If there were departed loved ones present, they were at a little further distance. The beings closest, were possibly angels or maybe teachers and guides. I lean toward teachers and guides, because I know they were definitely interested in what I picked, as it had meaning for them as well, yet I can’t recall how or why.

I sensed that the number picking was somehow related to belief paths and understanding. Prior to making a choice I felt hesitant, almost as though fearful of making a wrong choice, like a throwback to religious dogma, in which each religion is the ONLY way. However, he reassured me there are no wrong choices, just different choices. Some were more advanced or quicker than others and would either alter or enhance the belief path. Either way, paths are always moving forward, despite their differences. When contemplating what number, I would choose, I remember seeing a grid or graft similar to an Excel spreadsheet, I know pretty crazy, right? It made sense at the time, though I have no idea how this correlates now. I remember the number 5 seemed visible, but I knew it wasn’t the one for me. The other numbers seemed fuzzy and not in focus. It was the number 9 that I knew I needed to choose.

Upon choosing the number 9, it was relayed to me this was the very best choice! Though, it could be considered contradictory to my present beliefs, on the human plane. Again, I did not know what this meant. However, I got the distinct impression that the limiting beliefs, which are the foundation for religious faiths / churches were incorrect in their premise, but sometimes beneficial as the human construct that they are. As a rigid and constructed path, they had purpose, for those that needed the rigidity and constraint. These various faiths can give a framework for belief, even though the belief is not entirely clear, and none are completely correct. There are bits and pieces that are relatable to the truth, though none really capture it all and, how could they? Our comprehension is so limited on this earthly realm. I sensed they could be used as a steppingstone for some and a place of attainment for others. I sensed also, there is no judgment associated with being mired in a religious belief system, though growth can be limited or stalled. We can fall victim to judgement or ridicule by those sharing the religious beliefs we hold, should we ever dare think on our own. I could feel in a very real way, this would happen to me, if I shared this experience, given the spiritual path I was on at that time.

At the conclusion of this number picking, it was time for me to go back once again. It remained the same as times previous. Although this time, once I slipped back into my body, it startled me upon waking, because I realized while in my own bed, I had not really been there, not in essence.

What would have happened if someone had tried to wake me and I didn’t respond, would there have been a 911 call? How would I explain to paramedics where I was? It was an eerie realization. I began to wonder if I should ever share this experience with anyone. How could I ever explain this and not look crazy?

The next day upon sleeping, I had the same experience, for the final time. Exactly like the previous two days, I navigated the tunnel. I left behind body, eyesight and hearing, arriving through the bright light and he met me once again. Picking up where we left off, we once again set about walking and communicating. This time seemed a little different, a bit shorter and not the volume of information. Not long after, he stopped and looked at me. I stopped as well and turning to look at him, I knew.

I reluctantly verbalized the words 'this is the last time, isn’t it'?

He took my hands in his and with the warmest and most exuberant joy he smiled wide and said, 'it is, but you have been comforted'!

The enormous significance of these words, spoken just for me at that time, turned a page in my life. This had been my original prayer, to be comforted in my fear and uncertainty and I had been heard! It was more overwhelming than I can express in words. I had actually believed my sense of calm before the surgery, was the answer to my prayer for comfort. I had no idea that this multi-level experience, of spectacular magnitude would be the gateway to a lifetime of rich spiritual journey and the eventual support and coaching of others in their spiritual journey.

I didn’t want to leave, but knew it was part of my path to go back and live my life with new knowledge. My simple prayer had been answered in the most stunning way possible and ended up being an impetus for the path I am on today. I knew as well, that I had been given a glimpse of the other side and what awaits us. I felt privileged to have been given this gift, while at the same time, not knowing exactly my next steps… after all, we are groping in the dark on this side!

I didn’t speak to anyone about this experience for a long time. I instinctively knew the community of Christian women that had helped me find a small ridged faith, enough of which had caused me to utter the prayer in the first place, wouldn’t understand. I wasn’t wrong in this. The ones I did venture to tell, did not understand and a few even attributed the experience to something demonic and evil. Some were just quiet and said nothing at all, refraining from giving an opinion one way or the other, but they kept a distance none the less. A couple were intrigued and were open enough to believe there are things we know nothing about and that anything is possible.

I continued to traverse an orthodox Christian path for many, many more years than I wish to admit. Because I am a 'jump in with both feet' type of person, I immersed myself completely. I was part of a women’s ministry, a bible study leader and I took seminary courses, in which I ended up accumulating all the criteria to become an ordained minister. Embarrassingly, through it all, I tried very hard to squish my 'out of body or near death' experience into the confines of a Christian framework, but it never really fit.

In 2010 I lost three family members, the hardest and most tragic, being my oldest son. I had spent the previous 25 years praying for the continued health and safety for him, my daughter and my youngest son. And now my firstborn was gone, to a freak and tragic accident and I felt betrayed and very hurt. I knew prayer wasn’t a magic formula, dispensed by a god tallying who is deserving and who isn’t, or was he? Or, was he even there? This tragedy and a couple of paranormal instances in my home, days after his passing, made me realize I didn’t know what I believed anymore. I sure didn’t feel like that mature Christian person I’d been studying to be for the last quarter century. I felt lost, wounded and very confused. I also hadn’t thought about my out of body experience for quite a while either. Not being able to fit it into the 'Christian mold' I had put it to the back of my mind.

Eventually, as I navigated the grief and began unpacking what I knew to be true, such as my out of body experience and the paranormal experiences I had experienced first-hand, I was able to become open minded enough to look at what I had believed and what I was willing to believe going forward.

I was able to look at new possibilities and study at a new level… why we are here, what is our purpose and how does that look. I find that I like mental order and to know where my starting point is, what will guide the train, per say. My starting point is simple, it’s my first 'article of faith' so to speak and everything else has been built from here…

If god(s)… universe, energy, spirit or creative force is small enough to be fully understood by the minds of incarnate humans, occupying a small amount of time, in each life, on a single planet in the vast cosmos, then he, she, they or it, is NOT big enough to 'BE' god.

That’s it in a nutshell! What I believe at my core. Everything else is ever evolving as my journey continues and my commitment to that growth strengthens. My goal is to remain teachable, to grow in self-awareness and committed to always learning from others, as they pursue their individual path. I do feel that part of my purpose is to help others find their unique path and encourage them as they do.

Interestingly, some 28 years after my out of body experience and the redirection of my spiritual journey, I was watching TV one night with my husband and there was a random program featuring a young prodigal artist named Akaine Kramarik. The program went on to show some of her paintings and one of her most famous paintings is a picture of Jesus.

To say I was absolutely stunned at seeing this painting, would be an understatement. I nearly fell out of my chair! I hadn’t seen this face in nearly 30 years, yet here he was, in her painting….. 'Jesus'.

I had never heard of this young artist, nor seen any of her work. To this day, I have no idea who she is. But I do know this, her painting of Jesus is exactly who I saw, communicated with and was comforted by, in my out of body experience.

I began crying uncontrollably, startling my poor husband, who didn’t have a clue what was happening. Once I regained my composure, I went on to explained why I was so overwhelmed and told him in more detail what I had experienced back in 1987. My journey continues and I am more grateful than ever to have had this experience.

Thank you for reading my story!

Dawn T ©2019

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 3/5/1987

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain While under general anesthesia Other Could not be brought back to consciousness after general anesthesia for a prolonged period of time. I know I had vital signs, as I heard the nurses discussing this, right before I arrived back in my body. I don't know for certain how 'non-responsive' I was or what that meant. Apparently, this had gone on for hours, according to the nurses.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes After my hearing came back, I could hear what the nurses were saying, but my consciousness had still not returned to my body. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I had full knowledge of everything. Any question my mind could conceive, I already had the answer.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was on the other side, having passed through the tunnel and through, into the light.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Much more vivid and bright.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing seemed more acute.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Upon leaving my body, I immediately began traveling through a dark tunnel. It wasn't black, but dark, like twilight.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I also believe I remember, there being others in the periphery of where we were, during this number picking. If there were departed loved ones present, they were at a little further distance. The beings closest, were possibly angels or maybe teachers and guides. I lean toward teachers and guides, because I know they were definitely interested in what I picked, as it had meaning for them as well, yet I can’t recall how or why.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Brighter than anything we have on this planet, brighter than our sun.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? An incredible sense of relief, love, peace, calm..... knowing EXACTLY what our purpose of life on this planet is.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe At that, he brought his hands in front of his chest and then spread his hands and forearms in a horizontal arch, waist high, palms up, coming to rest at his sides. In that microsecond, after his words and gesture, EVERYTHING 'EVER' made perfect and complete sense. Absolutely EVERYTHING and it was so very simple! At that moment, the feelings that washed over me were so far beyond words, I can only cry as I type a description of this event. The freedom that came was accompanied by relief, love and indescribable joy. These feelings were the FACTS of our true life, it’s who we are at our very core. He was chuckling and downright laughing as he watched me come to full understanding of what was bursting forth into my consciousness and the understanding I was absorbing.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No He/Jesus used my life as an example to explain the purpose and perspective. He covered all aspects of my life in great detail from a point of full knowledge.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Please see the story I have written, as the detailed explanation is long.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe all religions can serve a purpose, but all fall short of the actual truth.

What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age Please see the story I have written, as the detailed explanation is long.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Upon choosing the number 9, it was relayed to me this was the very best choice! Though, it could be considered contradictory to my present beliefs, on the human plane. Again, I did not know what this meant. However, I got the distinct impression that the limiting beliefs, which are the foundation for religious faiths / churches were incorrect in their premise, but sometimes beneficial as the human construct that they are. As a rigid and constructed path, they had purpose, for those that needed the rigidity and constraint. These various faiths can give a framework for belief, even though the belief is not entirely clear, and none are completely correct. There are bits and pieces that are relatable to the truth, though none really capture it all and, how could they? Our comprehension is so limited on this earthly realm. I sensed they could be used as a steppingstone for some and a place of attainment for others. I sensed also, there is no judgment associated with being mired in a religious belief system, though growth can be limited or stalled. We can fall victim to judgement or ridicule by those sharing the religious beliefs we hold, should we ever dare think on our own. I could feel in a very real way, this would happen to me, if I shared this experience, given the spiritual path I was on at that time.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I eventually embraced my non-belief in 'religions' and accepted the spiritual as the journey.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I perceived the man I met to be Jesus to me. However, he could have been someone different to a different person. He was whomever someone needed him to be.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes I was met by a man that I knew to be Jesus. But I also sensed he might be a different person to different people. That he was whomever someone needed him to be. In my case, he was Jesus, though no name was ever given, I just intuitively knew his identity. He was of average height and weight, dark hair that was somewhat short, definitely not long. A short dark beard and green eyes. He wore a light colored, roughly woven shirt and dark pants, very average. Except his smile, his smile was definitely not average! He smiled a lot and it was broad and big, always reaching his green eyes! It was infectious and contained a tangible warmth that is unknown on this planet. He was by far the happiest, most joyful, exuberant, bubbly and expressive person I have ever seen. Not all the smiling faces I’ve witnessed in my lifetime could come close to the love and emotion he expressed with his smile. His presence was as beautiful as the place I was in. And, in this place, there was peace, contentment, freedom and love. It enveloped me, moved through me and was everywhere.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes When asked to pick the number, I sensed unified with everything, while I knew I was to continue my earthly journey.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes When I asked 'how do you do a life' and I was shown in full detail, with full knowledge.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was given full knowledge at that time and nothing was unknown.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I was given full knowledge at that time and nothing was unknown.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes The experience itself and having full knowledge.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes The full story is included/attached.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I was given full knowledge at that time and nothing was unknown.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the ALL in ALL.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I believe there is a creative force that we can call god that made the spark of life. I do not believe in religion, but spirituality. My creed is: If god(s)….. universe, energy, spirit or creative force is small enough to be fully understood by the minds of incarnate humans, occupying a small amount of time, in each life, on a single planet in the vast cosmos, then he, she, they or it, is NOT big enough to 'BE' god.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Overwhelmingly difficult to put into words.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience, I remember the experience itself EXTREMELY accurately. However, the FULL of everything was more than my mind/brain could hold.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I am definitely an empath, clairvoyant, claircognizant, clairaudient, clairsentient.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire experience was profoundly meaningful. The story explains it all.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was months before I talked of it and the reception was not good. Unfortunately, I shared it with a group of Christian women and some attributed it to evil or demons.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was consumed with how incredible the experience was and how non-real our world actually is.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real More real than what we live day to day on this planet.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I've explained in great detail.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I can't think of any presently.