Deanna R NDE

Experience Description

Throughout the week of September 1, 2018, I had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I took antacids, laxatives, baking soda and water and it got continually worse. I was bloated and not well. Toward the end of the week, I could only lay on my right side to sleep. On the night of Sept 7th, I was finding it hard to breathe and spent the night sleeping while standing up and leaning over the kitchen counter. I found it more and more difficult to breathe and asked my husband to take me to the emergency room. My son is a paramedic in our city and I thought I had a bowel blockage and didn’t want to cause a medic unit to come to the house for something like that. As we went to the hospital, I became greatly distressed with my breathing and was gasping for air. I was very afraid. When we got to the hospital, I couldn’t get out of the car and had run out of air in my lungs. The hospital staff ran to the car, put me in a wheelchair, and brought me straight into an emergency room. I couldn’t catch my breath because I couldn’t get air into my lungs. I started to panic.

As I was on the gurney, about 6 or 7 nurses, doctors, and medical technicians were all around me. They started to undress me and attach IVs to my body. Then I was gone. In less than a blink of an eye, I was in the emergency room. Then I found myself immediately in a room that was made of stone walls. The closest I can describe this is a great hall in a medieval castle. There was a long wooden table in the middle of the room. On the table were three white plates; one on either side of the table and one at the end of the table. The settings were completed by eating utensils and goblets. There was no food on the table. The table was lit with sconces burning from on the walls.

I came face to face with our Lord, Jesus Christ sitting at the head of the table and facing me. He didn’t say a word. As I looked at him, I realized I could perfectly see every hair on his beard and head. He was wearing a plain white robe. He looked just like the picture my grandmother had that hung in her home when I was growing up. Jesus had dark hair, a beard, and kind eyes. Once I realized I could see perfectly, I took a big breath and realized I could breathe wonderfully too. I felt no pain either.

I looked over Jesus’ left shoulder to a door. The door looked like a wooden swinging door at a restaurant. Coming through the door was my father; my sweet dad who had died many years before at the age of 57 from a massive heart attack in his sleep. He looked so amazing. He was beautiful, glowing, happy, and restored to good health. When my eyes locked onto his, I felt the most amazing feeling of love. I have NEVER felt that kind of love on Earth from anyone. I felt love wash over me, and over every single cell in my body all at once. The light had the most amazing, pure love with light and warmth to it. As he came through the door, I glimpsed a glowing, bright light behind the door. This was secondary to seeing my father. I was about to scream'Dad!' and run to embrace him. Jesus put his palm up to me and said kindly but very firmly, 'Not now. Go back.' Jesus never spoke with his mouth, but it was loud and clear in my head. I instantly went back to my body.

I found myself about to be put into a CAT scan machine and completely unable to breathe. I was trying to pull at the tech and was holding my chest. He said, ‘Just one more minute honey, we’re almost done.’ Then I passed out. When I woke up a little over a day later, I was in the Cardiac Intensive Care unit and couldn't remember why I was there. I don’t remember being taken there; I just woke up there. I had some sort of mask on my face for oxygen and IV needles in my ankles, hands, and the crook of my arm. My family was all around me and they told me that I had heart failure. My heart, kidneys and lungs had started to fail. They told me the cardiologist on call said if I had gotten there ten minutes later, I wouldn’t have made it. I was in shock. I thought I had a blockage in my stomach. In my wildest dreams, I would never have thought that I would have heart failure. I was only 58, in very good health, and had never even had surgery. On Sept. 11th, they did a cardiac catheterization through the groin. The doctor told me that it was an electrical issue and not a plumbing one. I was diagnosed with heart failure, left bundle branch block, and pulmonary hypertension. I have since had an ICD pacemaker and defibrillator put in to regulate my heartbeats and I’m doing really well. I don’t have the pulmonary hypertension any more.

There is so much more to this experience since I came face to face with my Dad and Jesus. I feel that what happened after that was truly amazing and I would like to share.

As my four children (ages 26-39) and my husband gathered around my hospital bed, they told me that two doctors had argued about whether to intubate me or use the oxygen machine with the mask over my face. The doctor that didn’t want to intubate me in the emergency room won the argument. He later told me it was because once you’re intubated one time, if you ever have to be intubated again that your lungs get very weak. I was grateful that he had been able to get me back with oxygen and loads of diuretics. They flushed about fifteen pounds of fluid from around my heart, lungs and kidneys so that I could function again.

While my family was gathered around my bed, crying, and scared, I felt the most unusual peace that enveloped me for almost 8 months after the experience. This was something I had never felt before in my life. I felt calmness all through my mind and body. I had been a smoker and had no desire to smoke. It was like I had never been a smoker. The nurses asked me if I wanted a nicotine patch and I said, 'No, I don’t need one.' The kids went on and on about how afraid they were for me and I kept telling them I was fine and would be fine.

I didn’t tell them Jesus had sent me back because I was still in shock over the whole experience.

I absolutely knew in my heart and brain that I would be fine. But the strangest thing was, as they were gathered around my bed over the three days that I was in the intensive care unit, there was another guest in the room. A man had come in, dressed in jeans, biker boots and a tee shirt. He was around my age, close to 60. He brought a step ladder through the door and moved it to the wall. Then, he stood up on it and began writing sentences across the wall with a pencil. He would write a little bit, stop, think about what he wrote then he would continue writing. This went on for the three days. I couldn’t see what he was writing but I felt what he was writing. He was preparing to die and as writing down every decision that he had made in his life. He was analyzing them to determine if he had made the right decision since he didn’t think he was worthy of going to heaven. On the third day, he nodded his head. He was satisfied with all of the life decisions he had made. He smiled, took the ladder, and walked through a door. As he walked through, I noticed the room that mine connected to wasn’t used as a hospital room with a bed. It had tables and a chair in it.

I couldn’t understand why doctors, nurses, my family, or the cleaning people didn’t pay any attention to this man. I saw his face clearly as well as his clothes; he was just another person in my room. Everyone kept asking me why I was staring and the wall and I couldn’t answer them.

Four days later, before I left the room, I asked the nurse why they didn’t use the room attached to mine as a hospital room. She looked at me oddly and said they used that as a break room and that it had been a regular hospital room. My son asked me how I could have known that. I told him about the man in that room who was writing on the wall. I told him that when the man opened the door to that room, I was able to see in. My son got very upset with me and told me that I couldn’t talk about it anymore. He thought I had intensive care unit (ICU) psychosis. He told me to keep my mouth shut or they may put me on the psyche ward. I took his advice and was later sent home.

I read our local newspaper obituaries every day. When I went home, I looked online at the obituaries. I saw the man that was in my room and he was in the obituaries with his picture. It said he was a biker, and had died in our other area hospital from a motorcycle accident. He died on the third day I was in the ICU. I was absolutely stunned.

I have felt a strong connection to the other side since I had my NDE; and like I have one foot in heaven and one here on Earth. I don’t get rattled by much anymore and I don’t tolerate people that waste my time with foolishness. I don’t know why I was sent back by Jesus. I certainly haven’t contributed much since my hospital stay. After my heart attack and for a few months after, I had very bad memory issues. I would go to start a sentence with someone and couldn’t find the words to say. I was so upset by this and asked the cardiologist what was wrong . He said that I had lost oxygen and blood to my brain when I was unable to breathe. He said that’s what caused the memory loss and I should start to regain my memory. It took about three months, but I finally got my memory back. That said, the only memory I retained, crystal clear, was my trip to see Jesus and my Dad, and the man in the hospital room.

I’ve wondered over the past few years why I didn’t have a classic NDE, with a tunnel, fields of flowers, a bright light, etc. After four years, I’ve come to realize that as someone of Italian descent, everything revolves around the table and food. We break bread, we talk, we laugh and we cry around the table. As for Jesus putting his palm up to me, like giving me the hand, he knew that was something I’d understand. I had used the hand to let my kids know I’d had enough. As for telling me, “Not now, go back.” He knew I’d argue to stay, especially when I saw my father. Jesus was firm enough in this that I didn’t argue and went straight back to my body like a child. Since this experience I have had extremely vivid dreams that consisted of very detailed conversations with my deceased father, grandmother and my yet to be born grandson. These are much different than a normal dream. I’ve received important information and have not forgotten these conversations as I would if it were a regular dream. I’ve spent the past four and half years since this experience, pondering over it from every angle. I was happy that I had the experience and anxious that I wasn’t accepted into Heaven. I still worry if this means that I won’t be able to join my father and Jesus in Heaven when I come to my final day on Earth.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 09/08/2018

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was in respiratory failure; kidney failure and I was suffering with heart failure but didn't know that when I entered the emergency room.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes During the NDE I did not see or hear earthly events going on. However, after the event I clearly saw a man transition from life to death. This was confirmed after my release from the hospital when I read the obituaries.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I was completely clear of mind, able to sense and see everything so much more keenly than I could ever have on Earth.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I immediately went from my body lying on a gurney, to the room with Jesus and my father who had passed away many years ago.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Much more accurate. I wear glasses and I could see with the most amazing detail from about 8 feet away from my father and Jesus.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard nothing actually. It was peaceful, but absolutely no sound until Jesus told me to go back telepathically and that was clear as a bell, in his voice, in my head.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My father entered the room where jesus was seated at the table. My father had died at age 57 twenty six years prior.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light, which was more of a soft glow, shined behind the door as my father came through the door into the room with Jesus. I knew that behind that door was heaven. I knew that with every fiber of my being.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place In less than a blink of an eye, I went from the gurney, immediately into a room that looked like a great hall of a medieval castle. The room was lit by sconces burning on the walls. The walls were made of stone, as was the floor. The room had a long wooden table and chairs in the center and was set as a dinner table. Jesus sat at the head of the table facing me as I just popped into the room. It sounds like the room was cold and damp but it was warm and homey.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Shock, curiosity, compassion, and empathy for the man writing on the wall, and then joy when he was satisfied that he lived his life as best he could and he was ready to meet the Lord.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will Jesus kept me from going further. He held his hand up to me and said 'Not now, Go back'. I obeyed immediately as a child that obeys their parent. No questions asked because I knew that he really meant it and wasn't going to take any flack.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I didn't cross over through a tunnel with an angel or deceased relative. I didn't see a very bright light, (just the glow in the crack of the door), I didn't have a life review, I didn't have a heavenly body, I came across as me in my earthly body, but much healthier, but I did come face to face with Jesus. Absolutely.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I always had blind faith in God, Jesus and Heaven. Now I know without a doubt that God, Jesus and Heaven are there for us when we die.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The being I encountered, was Jesus. I knew as soon as I saw him that it was Jesus. Not an apostle, not a saint, not an angel. It was Jesus and every fiber of my being told me that as well as my eyes.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes The being I encountered, was Jesus. I knew as soon as I saw him that it was Jesus. Not an apostle, not a saint, not an angel. It was Jesus and every fiber of my being told me that as well as my eyes.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Jesus greeted me (without words). He was in absolute command of my entire NDE. He exits, without a doubt, he exists and I want to shout it from the rooftops. I always had blind faith. Now I have seeing with my own eyes faith. I also was able to glimpse ever so slightly, that little bit of light from what I know was Heaven.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Jesus greeted me (without words). He was in absolute command of my entire NDE. He exits, without a doubt, he exists and I want to shout it from the rooftops. I always had blind faith. Now I have seeing with my own eyes faith.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes Oh yes. Jesus greeted me (not with words, but his presence), and my father emerged from someplace in heaven to join us. I knew heaven and all its glory was behind that door he came through because I glimpsed a beautiful, warm, loving and inviting light peeping through the crack in the door when he opened it halfway to come through.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt love. Not earthly love. I felt heavenly love. I felt this love in every single cell of my body all at once. It felt like a warmth and a vibration of every cell in my body. Almost impossible to describe. It's as if all of my cells, molecules whatever makes up me were dancing to the love that emanated when my Dad came into the room with Jesus and me.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life I am secure beyond any doubt that Jesus exists now. I met him. I can feel and sense things now. I have a knowing that is just a feeling deep inside myself. I know when trouble is coming, I know when good will happen. I have extremely vivid dreams and conversations with my deceased father and grandmother, but only when important information needs to be divulged to me. A conversation I had with my father in a dream told me that I didn't need to worry about the unborn as of yet grandson, that he was there with him until the day the baby was born. Nothing to portend the worlds future, only things concerning our family. I'm a mother of four and my whole life has been devoted to all of my family members and I think that's why I'm getting this help.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Everything was feeling based more so than visual, and the feelings were so profound and strong that I thought I would burst from the inside out. The love I felt, I felt with every single cell of my body all at once. It was breathtaking and I wish I could feel it again.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember very little of my one week hospital stay. I was so out of it. It took a while to be able to breathe well again and I had a real problem thinking. I just couldn't follow conversations and have them make sense and I couldn't remember my words. They said I didn't have enough oxygen and blood to my brain. The whole week was a blur that I was in the hospital and to this day I only remember very small snippets of conversations with my children and very little with the doctors. However, the NDE is burned into my memory. Absolutely as clear as could be, everything I saw, the sound of Jesus' voice in my head when he spoke telepathically, the exact placement of the plates and silverware on the table, the light from the sconce reflecting off of the goblets on the table. The texture and color of my father's face and Jesus' even though I stood about 6-8 feet from them and I don't normally have good vision at all. This is all etched in my memory, my heart and my soul forever. I can't stress how crystal clear the NDE was compared to my memory of the weeklong hospital stay.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Just the extremely vivid and detailed dreams I have when my deceased relatives come to me in my sleep.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Joy. Pure joy. I can to this day feel the joy and love that I felt in that short period of time on the other side. I know to die is so easy. It's easier than stepping through the threshold of a door. I found out later on that the ER nurse said I could respond a little when they were hooking me up to all the tubes and wires in the ER but my real self was on the other side and I was feeling no pain or distress. I know that my soul and body are separate and I can be in two places at once because I was still alive on the gurney yet I had crossed over. I never felt any pain or anything at all when they hooked me up to everything because I was crossed over when all that went on.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes About a week later I told my children. They were receptive except for the son who is a paramedic. He just thought I was psychotic and now he just acts like he plays along with it. I don't believe when the NDE happened they had given me any drugs in the ER that would have made me have a hallucination because they didn't know what was wrong until after the CAT scan and I had the experience as they were putting me in the CAT scan tube.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I have read Raymond Moody's book and also regularly visit NDERF. The reason was because I lost my 23 year old brother 30 years ago and I stumbled upon the NDERF website a few years ago and the stories gave me such hope that my brother was in Heaven. However, my experience was unlike any I've seen on NDERF. I do not think this knowledge affected my experience because I had no control over leaving my body and going to where I was going to. I had very few of the classic NDE experiences during my NDE.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Absolutely so real that I was in shock. I really had to process it. I still think about it every day even though a few years have passed.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real My experience was so much more real than my earthly life. In every way. The NDE was real. Earth seems dull in comparison.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I feel that I would like to see a counselor about this experience to help me sort it out because it is such an emotional experience as well as physical. I tried to talk to my priest and told him about it but he brushed it off and didn't as me questions, just sort of let me talk about it. I was afraid to tell my doctor because I didn't want him to put on my medical record that I was a lunatic. I would just like to talk to someone like a therapist but I would want to speak to one that specialized in this. Not because it had any bad effects on me, but because it was so much bigger than I am and I'm still processing this.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think it was very thorough. I have nothing to add.