Debra G STE

Experience Description

When I was 8 years old, my parents took me, my 7 year old brother, and five year old sister for a drive. We brought along a picnic lunch. We could not find a place to eat, so my father pulled into a parking lot in a mostly residential area. The parking lot was sort of divided into two by some trees. We ate our lunch in the car, then we children got out to stretch our legs and play. My parents remained in the car talking. We ran past the trees and out of sight of the car. We saw a big pile of gravel and thought it would be so much fun to climb and play on it. We began to run toward it.

As I was running, a strange feeling came over me and I stopped. I don't know what it was, but I felt as though I should stop and stay where I was. My brother and sister ran on ahead. I was very confused about this strange feeling. As I stood there, I became aware of ‘Beings' around me. Although I could not see them, I felt them there. I think there were three of them. They ‘told' me telepathically, not to go to the pile of gravel. They told me to stay where I was. This was so strange to me as I had no idea what was going on. My brother and sister were now on the pile of gravel, laughing and playing. They called out to me to come join them. There is no reason why I should not go to them.

I brushed off the telepathic ‘voices' and took a few steps. That's when I came up against something that I can only describe as an ‘invisible' wall, or a force field. I honestly can't describe it. I only know that I could not move past it. I was very confused and a little frightened because I did not understand. The ‘Beings' did not frighten me. I had no idea what or who they were, but I knew they were benevolent.

I was feeling anxious because I did not understand what was going on or what would happen. I began pacing around inside the little ‘box', taking only two or three steps in any direction. My brother and sister called out to me again. I really, really wanted to go play with them. They were having so much fun. And what could I say to them about why I didn't join them? That invisible Beings had put me in an invisible box that I couldn't get out of it. They would think I was weird. So I simply told them I didn't want to play on the mound of gravel anymore. I pretended to be interested in the stones on the ground. I would bend down and pick one up and examine it, so I would seem more convincing. All the time, I was listening to the laughing and shouting of my brother and sister having fun on that pile of gravel, wishing I was there.

As time passed I became more and more anxious. I had a growing sense that something was going to happen. The Beings were still around me, circling me. I could sense them there. Then, in an instant, and all at once, I realized that a nearby dog had been barking the whole time. I KNEW that dog was going to hurt my brother and sister. It was like a sudden flash of knowledge and the instant I had this knowledge the wall that had enclosed me disappeared and I began running toward the pile of gravel and shouting to my brother and sister, 'Run! Run! The dog is going to attack you!' Just as I began running toward my siblings, the dog that had been tied up in a nearby yard, broke free and charged toward my brother and sister. They began running but the dog jumped on my sister, knocked her to the ground and bit her on the back. My brother had to beat the dog off her with his fist. We ran to each other, then began running to our parents car. My father heard us yelling and got out and beat the dog off.

We had to take my sister to the emergency room. She needed a few stitches but was fine. I, on the other hand, took almost 60 years to recover from that experience. I did not tell anyone what I had experienced. I didn't want them to think I was weird. But being a somewhat spiritual kid, I immediately began to question it. Why was I saved from being hurt, but not my sister? I was a troublemaker. She was the sweetest kid in the whole world. I was the big sister. It should have been me, not her who was hurt. I had survivor's guilt.

I could not reconcile this with the God I thought I knew. It was not as if this had been a random event in which the dog simply decided to bite one child and not the other. God actually went out of his way to interfere in earthly events in order to save one child and not another. Either this experience did not happen, or God was not the God I thought I knew. I decided to go with the first option. I analyzed this experience from every possible angle. I spoke to therapists and read books on psychology. I wanted to believe that it hadn't happened the way I remembered it; that either the trauma of the event caused me to not recall it correctly, or my survivor's guilt caused me to ‘rewrite' the memory to make it more acceptable, or I had some sort of mental breakdown. But none of these added up because my brother and sister remembered the event exactly as I did.

I could think of no reason why I would not have climbed on that gravel with them. So, the problem must be God. I went on a life-long journey to understand the theology behind God, good and evil, free will, etc. I read, I studied. I even went to seminary. I spoke with theologians and spiritual directors and priests. No answer satisfied me. Finally, a few days ago, I came upon this website and began reading about NDE. People were describing how they had ‘died' and were brought back to life because it ‘was not their time', and the realization hit me. God had not saved me from being hurt, he had saved me from being killed. I was saved from death. My sister suffered a dog bite, which required a few stitches. She had no lasting trauma. She is not even afraid of dogs! But I believe, had it been me, I somehow would have died and it was not my time. It was that simple. This took me almost 60 years to understand, but it's all about the journey and I learned so much along the way. Thank you for providing people with a place to share their experiences.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1968

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes This is an ‘Other' experience precipitated by a threat of bodily harm or death. It is not an out of body experience or NDE. There was the threat of bodily harm from a dog attack

Did you feel separated from your body? No

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt hyper alert, like you do when you are very anxious.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I felt the presence of Beings but could not see them. I had a sense that there were three of them. I didn't know what or who they were. At the time, I speculated that they might be angels or ghosts. I knew they were benevolent and I had no fear at all of them. They communicated with me telepathically. They circled me in a protective manner and erected an invisible ‘wall' around me.

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I was able to receive telepathic communication.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Anxiety, fear, confusion.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future. I only had knowledge of the immediate future and it came to pass.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Catholic/Methodist

What is your religion now? Liberal. Very liberal Episcopalian/Celtic Christian Spirituality. I am a member of a monastic community.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes After this experience I believed that we share this world with unseen beings. I also believed that these beings, angels, the deceased, God, play an active part in human history. God is not the clockmaker. Heaven and earth are continually interacting.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Yes This one and others I've had.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was that none of us were seriously hurt and I felt I had been given an opportunity to warn my brother and sister which perhaps saved them from more serious harm. The worst was my survivor's guilt.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it when I was an adult. The response ranged from polite acknowledgment to disbelief. i don't think people understood it, which is ok because neither did I.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I had an experience PRIOR to this one in which an ‘invisible being' saved me from dying as a toddler, and an experience AFTER this one in which I believe I was saved from a drug/alcohol overdose.