Don M NDE

Experience Description 3892

It was snowing big flakes. Around 8:00 at night, we were underway to tow two barges to Toronto. As we pulled up to the barges, I jumped off to connect the batteries to the running lights and I heard a yell back at the tug. The engineer was looking down, and that's when I saw Rick coming up to the surface. As the decks were slippery with snow, as soon as I grabbed him, I was in danger of being pulled in. The first mate grabbed ahold of my legs. The tug was getting closer and, as Rick's head was going to get it, I couldn't let him go. I squared my shoulders and thought that maybe I'd just break a shoulder.

Well, the tug just kept on coming, and I knew it had to stop soon, but by then I realized I couldn't get out if I tried. At first, I thought my ribs were going to cave in and then I said goodbye to my family and I thought my head was going to pop off.

Then, a friend from back home in Glen was right beside me. It was Bruce, and he said, 'It's okay. Relax. You're welcome.' He was guiding me towards the most brilliant light and a roaring tunnel. In my mind, I asked what was happening. A voice came. A male voice just matter-of-factly said, 'You are drowning.' Instantly, I saw my mother and my two little sisters, Mary-Lou and Lorna, crying at the kitchen table. I never want to see anybody like that again. I yelled out 'No!' and, not knowing where I was, just started kicking.

I don't know how, but when I hit the surface of the water and took my first breath, I still didn't know where I was. As it was still snowing, all was dark. I must have been facing south towards Lake Huron, east towards Bush, north twenty miles up south by southwest, and I could make out a bit of light. I dog paddled toward the light. Getting near the stern of a tugboat, I read the name Flo Cooper. I swam up the side and could hear the engines. I realized I worked on it. Swimming around the bow, I heard voices and the chief yelled out. Rick was holding onto a ladder that was tied off to the barge, but he couldn't get his feet up to the first rung. So I reached up to grab the ladder. This was the first time that I felt pain in my shoulders. I got ahold of the ladder and, with my head under Rick's butt; I boosted him up to the barge. I climbed up after and just remember looking up into the snow coming down through the lights. The captain was giving me shit for going in the water and we changed our gear and went back to work. As I was on shift until midnight, the only thing I remember was how hard it was turn the big steering wheel.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: DECEMBER 15? 1973

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident CRUSHED BETWEEN A TUG BOAT AND BARGE Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) A fellow crewman had fallen in the water and was going to be killed as his head was the only thing that the tug was going to make contact with.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I said goodbye to my family.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I said goodbye to my family.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes A friend of mine, Bruce, just off to my right. He said, 'It's okay. Relax. You're welcome.' and was guiding me into the light. I found out on Christmas Eve as we were driving home and my mother told me that Bruce had drowned a couple of months ago. I couldn't say a word.

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The most welcoming glow, like going back into the womb.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? 'So that's it' as I said goodbye.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate CATHOLIC

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes The light is there for everyone. The light is love and death is love.

What is your religion now? Moderate KNOWER

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes The light is there for everyone. The light is love and death is love.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I've had problems with employment because I can't seem to get interested in anything.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Yes, because of how much I wanted to go into the light and how I couldn't.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Sometimes we are given a choice. I just don't know why I made it back here and Bruce didn't.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes In 1991, when I was becoming suicidal, I went to talk to Bruce's brother and told him about Bruce and how he was there for me. I can't remember, but we both shed a few tears.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real It couldn't happen because I was down the bay 300 to 600 yards? How long was I under water, 15 minutes or 30? No way!

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real There is life after death. But then again, there is no such thing as death. I think a part of me is in that light and I've been only partly here on earth since 1973.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to see near death experiences taught in schools, and not under any religious connotations. They happen all the time. I feel horrible that I had a hard time understanding my experience, and so much pain could have been avoided if I would have been honest. I worked on tugs for another 25 years and drove myself and others insane. I was still in denial.


Experience Description 2230:

I was working as a deckhand on a tug-boat and as we tied up to the barge I jumped off to connect the batteries to the running lights. While I was doing so, I heard a yell from the tug from the chief, Bill. I ran back and Bill was looking down. I looked and saw Rick was coming up. He was in the water. As soon as I could, I grabbed for him. With the snow that was falling I was close to slipping in too as I was reaching down at least four feet. The tug was a couple feet off and by that time the first mate was kneeling on my legs so I wouldn't slip in. The tug was getting closer and as the rubbing fenders were the only things that were going to connect on Rick's head I couldn't let him go; so I squared my shoulders, held his hand, and let the tug start to squeeze me.

All I can remember is I was scared because I couldn't get out. Then I thought my ribs were going to mesh in with each other and I kept thinking the tug would have to stop soon, only I didn't know why it wasn't stopping. I thought my head was going pop off and then Bruce (a friend who had passed away two months earlier) said, 'Hello Donnie,' just like the way he did in high school. I said hello and trusted him completely. I was then drifting beside him. He guided me to a beautiful white light and a swirling tunnel.

Things seemed to speed up and like a flash, my whole life seemed to go by. I saw a body on a beach and I knew it was mine. I asked what was happening. A voice came back and said, 'You are drowning.' Then I saw my mother and my sisters Lorna and Mary-Lou crying at the kitchen table and I screamed out, 'No!' I didn't know which way to flail but when I hit the surface of the water I took an awful big breath of air.

It was probably close to ten o'clock at night and snowing heavy. The visibility wasn't too good so I guess I looked south first. All I could see was black, east, same thing, same thing north, and then west and I could just make out a bit of light. I don't remember much from that point, only as I got closer to the light I read the name on the back of a boat 'Flo' and as I swam up to the side of it I heard the engines and with a shock said, 'You work there.' As I swam around the bow, I heard voices and Bill the chief engineer yelled out, 'Donald!' My name came back to my mind and as I got closer, Rick was hanging on a steel ladder. He couldn't get his feet up so I reached up, first time I felt any pain, and with my arms grabbed onto the ladder. I put my head under Rick's butt and we both made it onto the barge. There were big snowflakes and I was on my knees looking up, all I could see was snow. Then I was embarrassed in front of all my co-workers. I don't remember anything after that except when I was on a shift, after we got left with a tow, and my shoulders could barely turn the wheel.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: December 1973

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was trying to save someone from getting their head crushed and instead got myself squeezed until the last thing I remember was my head was going to pop off. My co-worker and friend had fallen in the water off a tug-boat and was going to be crushed between the tug and the barge we were tied up to. I tried to rescue him and ended up in the water myself, drowning.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Frightening

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I thought my head was going to pop off.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening all at once When I came up out of the water I was wearing work boots, coveralls, leather jacket, and my shoulders were not working. I don't remember swimming back until I read the name on the boat. After all these years I would say I drifted two to three hundred yards under the water before I came up.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Neither

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel was open and I was going but after asking and seeing my mother crying I yelled no and I woke up under the water.

Did you see any beings in your experience? Saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Bruce was on my right and said hello like he would in high school as he was a couple of years older. I looked up to him and when he said it's okay I trusted him with my life. Then he motioned with his arm and I was going into this white tunnel.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Bruce let by him and said it's okay you are welcome and the white light and tunnel was there.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Neither

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Trusting Bruce and the peace and then seeing my body on shore and my mother crying and in horror I said no.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? Neither

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? From personal future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? A conscious decision to 'return' to life

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist None

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I know that there is an afterlife.

What is your religion now? Moderate My own I do know that the light is there.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that there is an afterlife.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Definite being, or voice clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Twenty years after seeing a friend of mine who had passed away two months before my experience I finally went and told his brother that Bruce had made it.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I know that even when I was twenty-one I was welcome to enter the other side.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I think it was close to twenty years before I told Bruce's brother about how I believe that Bruce made it to the other side. It was hard and I think Robert handled it as well as he could.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real I didn't believe.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real By not believing it possible for twenty years I continued to work on boats until, after many nervous break-downs, I have Post traumatic problems and manic depression. I wish I could have been able to talk about it earlier but thought people would think I was insane.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No