E.A. C FDE

Experience Description

I wrote of my experience in a 2019 story for Medium, as follows:

I Know Something You (Probably) Don’t Know

But I’m going to tell you what it is.

When I was a kid, I decided that I didn’t believe in anything. I was a complete non-believer, an atheist. Yep.

I had good reasons, too. The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus had long-since been revealed as total frauds, and I figured that to mean there was another old Guy with a long, white beard who wasn’t all he was cracked up to be either. In addition, nothing interesting or extraordinary had ever happened to me at all. Nothing! I’d never seen a ghost, or heard voices, or footsteps at night. I’d never been able to read someone’s mind, or make a pencil fly off the table, or bend a spoon, or guess which card was going to come up next. I was just a normal, ordinary, boring kid.

I went on like that for quite a few years, thinking that if just one time something amazing happened to me, then I would believe that strange and miraculous things were possible. But nothing ever did.

As I approached my twenties, my status as a skeptical non-believer was pretty much entrenched. You couldn’t pull the wool over my eyes with psychic slideshow and your woo-woo mysticism! I was too smart for your tricks.

Then, around that time, I remembered something that had happened to me many years before. I had thought about now and then, over the years, but the importance of it had never really sunk in.

I grew up in the East End of Toronto, in the 1950s and 60s. The winters lasted for months and being outside in the cold was almost unbearable…unless you were going sledding. My Dad used to take me and my little sister to a park right on the Danforth near Woodbine, where there was a steep hill all along one side that sloped down into the centre of the park. He’d have to pull my sister along on the sled because my Mom would pack her into so many shirts, and pants, and sweaters under her snowsuit that she wouldn’t be able to walk!

I had to wear a padded, nylon snowsuit, too, but I was old enough to get dressed by myself, so I still had enough freedom of movement to walk. I made sure I was wearing heavy leather mittens over my woollen gloves, because my fingers were always cold and I was afraid they’d get frostbite and snap off. I had an extremely long knitted scarf wrapped several times around my neck and over my lower face, to keep my breath from freezing before it could get from my nose to my lungs. There was another, shorter scarf around my forehead to keep my brain from freezing. (I had a vivid imagination.)

But absolutely the worst, most awkward, inconvenient, butt-ugly part of my entire ensemble was the pair of enormous brown plastic snow boots that I had to wear over my regular shoes and two pairs of my Dad’s thickest socks. I mean, my Dad’s socks were over my shoes. The boots came up to mid-calf and had a strap and buckle arrangement that pulled them tight to your leg to prevent the snow from slipping down inside. (It never worked; the snow always got inside.)

The time I’m talking about I would have been seven or maybe eight years old. It was a Saturday, early afternoon, bitter cold, but sunny and very bright, so Dad finally succumbed to my pleas to take us to the park.

We arrived at the park, and it was packed solid because of the beautiful weather. There were what looked like hundreds of screaming kids and teenagers, slipping, sliding, and racing down that steep slope on sleds, sleighs, toboggans, garbage can lids, and just about anything they could get their hands on—it was chaos! I could tell by the look on my Dad’s face that he was about to turn us around and head home. No way! I hastily pointed out that, if we walked down to the far end of the park, there was still some room at the top of the hill. Dad reluctantly agreed to give it a try.

When we found an open spot to establish a take-off point, the only problem was that the downward trajectory would bring me pretty close to the park maintenance shed at the bottom of the hill. This was a small, solid, brick building that housed the equipment and supplies for the guy that kept the park tidied up, on one side, and washrooms for Men and Ladies on the other.

I wasn’t worried about running into the shed, because our sled had a separate wooden bar across the front that acted as a nifty steering mechanism. There was a rope attached to each side of it that allowed you to steer the sled in either direction. If it looked like I was coming too close to the shed, I would just steer away from it, or so I assured my Dad. He held the sled steady while I settled myself on top of it, seated upright with my legs straight out in front of me, one of the steering ropes in either mittened hand. He gave me a solid push in the back, and I was off!

Man, it was great! I had warmed up as we trudged along the side of the park, so the only part of me that felt the cold was the only part of me that was exposed—my eyes. They started to tear up with the wind from my rapidly accelerating descent. I didn’t care. I was flying!

I don’t know how steep that hill would look to me today, but at eight-years-old it was my own personal Everest.

Right at the height of my wild ride, in the middle of the slope, with the wind screaming past me, disaster struck! The right steering rope suddenly snapped off in my hand, and the sled swerved violently to the left, directly toward the brick shed.

I panicked. No way could I risk running into that shed. I would surely be killed. I had to save myself! So I did the only thing I could think of: I rolled to my left, bailing off the sled, and into the snow.

For a split second, I believed I was safe, but then I realized I was still moving. I struggled to clear my eyes to see what was going on, and the horror became plain—the rope still attached to the sled was caught around the buckle of my snow boot! The weight of the sled was dragging me closer and closer to certain death. I envisioned it clearly, my brains smeared red and grey across the pristine snow. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to scream.

And in that very moment, I kid you not, my entire life flashed before my eyes.

Everything I had ever done, or said, or seen, or thought, or worn, or eaten. Every person I had ever known, every kid I had ever played with, every book I had ever read, every TV shown I had ever watched. Every puppy and kitten and hamster I had ever petted and cuddled. And I understood everything. I know I’d had a relatively short life up to that point, but the experience was still earth-shatteringly weird.

My eyes popped open, and there was my Dad, slithering down the hill on one foot and one hand. (For those of you wondering about him leaving my little sister alone at the top of the hill, this was Toronto, in public, in broad daylight, in the 1950s. Nothing was going to happen to her, okay?) He collapsed when he reached me and asked if I was okay.

'Dad. My whole life just flashed in front of my eyes.'

'What?'

'I just saw everything in my life. All at once!'

'Don’t be silly.'

'Yeah, but remember when Butch Castle said I stole that dime and…'

'Come on, get up. You’re going to catch cold, and your Mother’ll kill me. We have to get back home and now that the sled is broken, I don’t know how…' His voice kinda faded out as he stomped back up the hill, dragging the useless sled. Later on, I tried to tell my Mother what had happened, but her response was basically the same: don’t be silly. I think now that they probably believed I was parroting a cliché I had read, or heard on TV. Someone had said that their whole life flashed before their eyes, and I thought it sounded mysterious and cool.

But that wasn’t it at all. It had really happened.

When I remembered the event in detail, at almost-twenty, I was struck by the absolute impossibility of it. I mean, that cannot happen. And yet, I have since found that what I experienced is quite familiar to most of those who have had a Near-Death Experience, or NDE. It’s called a Full Life Review.

Neuroscientists and other scientific materialists hold that all the phenomena that occur during an NDE are explained by processes within the dying brain. The thing is, my brain wasn’t dying. In fact, it was in no danger of dying at all.

When that sled stopped moving, I was still a dozen metres away from hitting the brick building. All my red and grey matter was perfectly safe, but I didn’t know that. I believed I was about to die, and that was all it took to start the Full Life Review. An impossible event had occurred in my life because of something I thought was going to happen. Wow.

That realization completely changed my entire outlook on reality. I used to think there were only two kinds of people: those who believed there was something more behind everyday reality, and those who knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there wasn’t.

Now I know there are four types of people:

o Those who know there is something more. These are people who have undergone a transformative experience like an NDE, and it has forever changed them. They have gained wisdom through gnosis. This type of knowledge is true.

o Those who believe there is something more. They have not had a transformative experience, but they’ve heard about them or read about them and believe they are true. They may be anywhere from Fundamentalist religious to SBNR ( spiritual, but not religious).

o Those who aren’t sure, one way or the other. These are the people usually referred to as agnostic. Some are curious; some don’t care.

o Then there is the fourth type—the physicalists, the empiricists, and the scientific materialists. They know that reality consists of matter and nothing but matter. None of them the faintest clue how the qualities of an experience like the taste of a ripe cherry, the scent of an heirloom rose, or the pain of grief could possibly be generated by matter, but that doesn’t seem to bother them. They don’t know how the physical brain creates consciousness, but they’re darn sure that it does.

What else do I know that you probably don’t? I know that there are other ways to discover the truth than the use of the scientific method and empiricism. Some truths aren’t scientific; they are spiritual. When someone has had an experience that reveals a spiritual truth, they have achieved gnosis, spiritual knowledge. Gnosis is every bit as valid as science, and possibly more necessary to the survival of humanity. It is past time for us to stop ignoring or mocking it. Both types of knowledge must be combined and work together to allow us to understand our Universe, and ourselves.

Or maybe you do know that?

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: January 1960

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death I thought it was life-threatening but it wasn’t.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Everything was crystal clear and made perfect sense.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the instantaneous life review.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning My whole life review happened all at once.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw everything perfectly as if from a distance while I am normally short-sighted.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don’t remember hearing anything.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Amazement, awe, confusion, gratitude

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I understood my own motivation in every instant of my life and the motivation of everyone I had ever interacted with.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control My entire life to that point flashed before my eyes in an instant.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I went to United Church Sunday School

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I was an atheist as a young person. I now have definite spiritual beliefs, but they still don’t include a God.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Former Wiccan, now SBNR (spiritual but not religious

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience At the time of the experience I had never heard of an NDE or a full life review.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes While I still did not believe in the Abrahamic God, I did believe in a sort of Universal Consciousness that had always existed and of which I was a part.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I was too young to think of it in those terms at the time.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I understood my own and others motivations throughout my life to that point.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain I was very young, but understanding other’s motivations I believe made me more tolerant thereafter.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Changes occurred several years after the experience when I became old enough to investigate what had happened to me. I discovered near-death experiences and as a result lost all fear of death. I began serious study of the philosophy of consciousness.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I suppose I may have less tolerance for fundamentalist religions of any kind, and those who adhere to them. Uncertain

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember events surrounding that experience in fatal BECAUSE of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? What is still significant to me was the complete dismissal of this experience by my parents.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I first shared this in detail almost 60 years after the experience. Some comments indicated that Medium readers had similar experiences.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I never lost the belief in the reality of my experience, but I did forget about it (temporarily) over time.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I recall my experience more clearly than anything else that occurred at that time in my life and for decades afterward. I consider it was a gnostic experience, completely real and true.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I have had two or three other transformational experiences. One was an out-of-body experience.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes. If physicalists believe that NDEs are the result of processes in the dying brain as it shuts down, I would not have had this experience. My brain was in no danger of dying or shutting down.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No, the questionnaire seems very thorough.