Estelle D NDE

Experience Description

I was 16 years old and born into a practicing, Catholic family. On Saturday in January 1982, I was walking to church to attend mass. I was very disappointed to not be allowed to go to a dance party with a friend. I had just left her house, saying this prayer inwardly, 'Lord, you see what this sacrifice is costing me, make it at least so that it’s not in vain!'

I crossed a bridge and came to an intersection, where I entered the crosswalk. The last image I saw was the horrified face of the driver in the car. Simultaneously, I heard a terrifying sound of brakes. I told myself, 'I'm going to die!'

I flew over the vehicle, and was dragged under the wheels of the car behind that one. At that moment, I saw the scene from above, in 360° spherical vision but without realizing that this scene was about me. I saw disturbed onlookers, a crowd, and heard the shouts and howls.

I was thinking, 'Why are they getting disturbed?' Then I moved and saw my parents run up to the bridge. I said to myself, 'Why is Mum in slippers? She looks distraught; there's something bad going on. Oh, hey, there's a wrecked car and some feet sticking out…” Then I saw a young man I knew who was watching.

I was able to tell him afterwards that I knew he was there on that day and I acurately described how he was dressed.

I was then suddenly sucked into a luminous tunnel. I saw an immense light. I moved toward the light, feeling intense Happiness and a fullness and peace I had never known. I felt my soul expand such the it felt like it encompassed the whole universe. It was wonderful as I was bathed in universal love. There were multitudes of people, but I couldn't see any faces. Instead, I 'felt' them. All my senses were heightened in an extraordinary way.

At that moment, I never wanted to go back or to leave this Happiness. Then a magnificent lady, who was dressed in a luminous, white dress, was standing in front of this great halo of light. I was sucked into this light. This woman was very beautiful, but above all because of the kindness that I saw in her smile and the way she looked at me. I knew I was loved. I thought then that it was my grandmother who had passed away shortly before this experience. She seemed to be fully listening to the person behind her whom I call 'the luminous star'. I wanted to move forward, but she stopped me by waving me back. It was a very painful rejection that stayed with me for several years. I insisted, without using words, that I wanted to stay with her. Words weren't necessary. She listened to the luminous star who seemed to speak to her but I couldn't hear it. Then she told me, 'You still have things to do on Earth; you must go back.'

At that moment, I saw, as in a kaleidoscope, a kind of flashback movie showing all the moments of my life where I had not loved enough. There were some very concrete situations, but I can't remember exactly. What I remember is that all of those moments were like hot mud thrown in my face. It was very painful, so I begged God to stop this torture. I made a last prayer in what I thought was the Kingdom of the dead, 'If you save my life, I promise to make up for all these moments and to love more.'

At that moment, I opened my eyes and saw the stretcher-bearers place me in the vacuum mattress. I was dazed and didn't speak. The police and firefighters yold me that I should have died under the circumstances. They couldn't believe that I only had a few broken bones, bruises, and head trauma.

For two years, I had nightmares upon hearing the sound of the brakes. But each time, like a reassuring hand, the memory of the lady soothed me. Then I wrote a note to my mother who told me that from what I had written her, she thought that I had seen not my grandmother but the Virgin Mary. I couldn't tell anyone else, as I feared that I would be mocked, except I did tell my husband ten years later.

This brief moment of a few seconds is unforgettable. It helped me greatly in the following years to endure significantly painful ordeals. I had another serious accident that resulted in multiple transplant operations and one year of rehabilitation. I experienced the loss of our first baby. I had two acute pancreatitis attacks two years apart during the period of post-partum. I had several hospitalizations in intensive care. I have experienced five births and the departure of my grandfather, and then of my father.

Before this experience, my life was a black and white movie. Afterwards, it was a movie in color.

Each encounter and the words of the gospel, took an unexpected meaning in light of this experience. My faith was strengthened. I even thought I was called to religious life. Then I met my husband who also had an intense inner life.

I understood that we would be judged on Love (as St John of the Cross says) and that our life is only a trivial passage, but especially it is not real Life. True Life is blissful eternity, but we can begin to live this eternity right now. As I understood a few years later, it is no longer necessary to die to know or relive this experience: by loving here on earth, we explore the Heaven of our soul and live the communion of Saints in the anticipation of the Kingdom of God.

I was able to relive those brief moments in the slums of Calcutta in 1987-88. I felt the sweetness of an extraordinary harmony among children who dying of hunger. They understood what True Life really is.

I also relived this experience during certain Eucharistic communions. Each Eucharist brings me closer to those who have left. Finally, 7 years ago, during another experience of being comforted, while, discouraged, I was driving my car.

These experiences, that for me are signs from Heaven, have strengthened my faith. I am now 54 years old, a committed Catholic, mother of 5 children, ages 13 to 26. I have a traveling companion in the form of a luminous being, the God of Life, who is always with me.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: January 1982

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I was a pedestrian walking in a crosswalk. A car going at 56 mph hit me head-on, causing me to fly over the vehicle. Before I landed on the road, another car that had not seen me, dragged me under its wheels for about 55 yards. According to the police, I should have died.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I was above the scene, as if hovering in the air. I saw onlookers gathering around the crash site, heard them commenting, saw my parents come running and cross the bridge. I saw that mom was wearing slippers (I told her that afterwards and she said yes, that she hadn't taken the time to put on her shoes). A little later, I saw my friend whom I had just left. She had heard the fire engines and was telling her parents that she was going to go to the scene of the accident to see what it was about. She lived some 550 yards away from the site. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I had an extremely sharp perception of reality. I had never been so clear-headed and so aware of fully living what I had been created for. I was in the fullness of my being.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was outside of my body and then in the tunnel.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Time was not in the same dimension as here on earth; there is no before or after. Everything seems suspended, like 'Time out of time ...'

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw everything in 360° vision and with great acuity. I seemed to see inside the people I had left behind, such as my parents, my friend whom I had just left, and her parents.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don’t remember any difference.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes A luminous tunnel through which I was sucked in at a crazy speed, as I imagined the speed of light to be. I felt the presence of beings on each side of me who greeted me. I was like family, as if I was coming home to the harbor. I saw the radiant, light being at the end of the tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain. I felt and glimpsed beings who knew me, but who I believe were already deceased. They all seemed to know me anyway.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A dazzling and benevolent light in which I bathed in great softness

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. A luminous world, very peaceful and calm. There was an impressive silence. The world was soft like felt, where LOVE reigns and where everyone loves each other. There are no more barriers between people.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt great joy. The dilation of my heart as it reached the dimensions of the world, included the whole universe. It was wonderful, divine! Then when the being of light, the lady, told me that my time had not come, I felt acute suffering, heartbreak, and intense regret.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others. I saw all at once, all the times when I had been selfish, centered on my personal pleasures, on my well-being and especially all the times when I had not LOVED enough. I felt in specific circumstances the suffering that the people I had hurt by my behavior had experienced, and I understood that I had to love more without expecting anything in return. I needed to love for free.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes My Faith increased, I wanted to experience the Love-gift and I left for the slums of Calcutta at the age of 20 to see whether I was called to religious life as a missionary of charity. Then I practiced my religion more, since at each Eucharist I reconnected, more or less intensely, with the eternity that I had felt during my experience. I went to mass more often, including during the week. I tried to read and listen more to the Word of God, the Gospel, and to put it into practice the promise I made to God during the NDE.

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Before my accident and this experience, my beliefs reflected what one learns from one’s parents. This is what is transmitted and not simply experienced. I had a rather weak faith because I was 16 years old and like St Thomas, I needed to see in order to believe. So I had the answer to my questions quite simply. Yes, God existed. Yes, He wanted my Happiness. Yes, He loved me madly. Yes, Love with a capital “L” existed. Yes, there was life after death. Yes, death shouldn't scare me anymore.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes My Faith in God was strengthened and enlightened by this experience. Having a Cartesian mind, I finally had proof of the existence of God

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. There was this magnificent, sweet, and beautiful Lady whose gaze showed me how much I was loved and she spoke to me. I didn't hear any other voices. I felt the other people and they seemed familiar to me. They knew me and I felt like I had joined my family, having finally arrived at the harbor.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes The luminous presence was Christian, undoubtedly for me it was Jesus. But, I cannot describe him because I only saw his luminous silhouette with one hand (the right one I think). The hand had two raised fingers. I couldn't make out his face precisely, although I was trying to get close to Him at all costs. He was too dazzling.It was the Lady, the Virgin Mary, in front of me who stopped me. She was extremely beautiful and sweet, with a look full of love and her beauty was due to the kindness that could be seen in her eyes. She was tall, with a white dress. I think she had long hair, but I'm not sure because at the time it didn't matter to me. Only what she told me mattered. She seemed to speak as an extension of the words Jesus was telling her from behind; like an echo. So, she waited and then spoke to me.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes A mystical unity which consists of invisible links between beings linked by Love. It is as if we were all responsible for one another; that an act of love could uplift the world, like the same way an act of hatred could lessen it.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God exists. I met him during that life-changing experience. He was (in) the great dazzling light at the end of the tunnel.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I did not receive any precise knowledge but had a better understanding of others, of my relatives, and of the meaning of Life. I think my mission is to tell what I have lived through, but also practise my faith in God, and the need to live in harmony with one another that I call the mission of unity.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Life is made to learn to love, it is a foretaste of Heaven, and is a kind of anti-chamber of real Life. It is a test to check-out our capacities to love one another.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists. It was certain that there is an eternal life, a life after earthly life.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes The difficulties and challenges, the trials of this life are allowed to teach us to surpass ourselves, to offer and to remain humble in the face of adversity. This is how we learn to trust God despite everything going on around us.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the ultimate goal of our Life. God is Love and Life; he gives us this life to teach us to love one another as God loves us. We must not waste time before loving more and not be afraid to go to the end of love, even if it means sacrificing our life if necessary.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. After my experience, I understood that I had a mission. But, I had to discover it. Time was more limited and that we could not waste a minute to love. Our attitude affects our future in the hereafter. Eternity and Hell exist. I wanted to be a nun. Then I understood that this was not my mission and I got married to start a family where one could live this divine and human love at the same time. I gave birth to 5 children. I believe that I developed more humility. I committed myself to many more associations, I was less afraid to give all I could. I fought against cancer, then for the interests of families and for the Catholic Church as well. I became more optimistic, more confident in God and in Providence. I had the certainty that Life is a fantastic gift and that it deserves to be protected, especially that of the weakest, that unity is strength. That we must avoid divisions etc. In addition, I developed a greater sensitivity and I managed to perceive the intentions of the people who approached me. I sometimes guess ahead of time what they want to tell me.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I developed more empathy and compassion. I have become less selfish.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes No words can describe such a reality because our language here on earth (which therefore uses words) is not the same as in the hereafter. Everything down here is more bland than over there and nothing can fully describe it, so it is a very limited echo of a larger and indescribable reality.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. This memory remained etched in my mind much more than any other memory of that period. So much so that 38 years later, I relive it with almost the same intensity and it makes me cry with Happiness.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I would guess ahead of time what someone was trying to tell me even before that person would speak, as if I could read his/her mind. It remains frequently the case as of today.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My promise to God and the fear of not being able to fulfill it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I spoke about it a week later to my mother who was impressed and told me that I had probably seen the Virgin Mary and that I had to tell a priest about it. I could not. Nine years later, I told my fiancé about it. Then during a conference three years ago, I mentioned it to a doctor, who was the ex-Director of the office for the identification of miracles in LOURDES, who wanted to include my testimony in his latest book : 'Experiences of Near Life' (p.82 to 86) published by Editions Artège.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The experience was extremely real. I knew very well that it was not a dream, but a sign from the beyond.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. That experience was truly real and had a goal, which was to help me believe more in eternal life, in God, and trust myself and others.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes it happened to me and it sometimes happens to me during masses, at the time of Eucharistic communion (when the mystery of the gift of Jesus Christ is reproduced on the altar), I relive this intense communion I felt in Heaven, like a foretaste of Heaven in fact. It's strange, but it's as if Heaven is coming down to earth. I also rediscovered this feeling once behind the wheel of my car when I think I had a mystical experience, following a disappointment due to a misunderstanding and precisely after leaving a mass. It was like a consolation given by God: I was holding the wheel and I saw a huge rainbow. It was beautiful, I prayed and then, the car moved inside the rainbow! Of course I thought I was dreaming so I told myself that I must be warm, that I had to open the window, which I did while driving, but again the car was still inside. So I stopped on the side of the road with my warning flashers. There, my heart expanded in the same way it had during the NDE. However, I would like to point out that nothing on the human level could have predisposed me to this since I had just felt a huge disappointment but on the other hand, I had indeed been communing with the body and the blood of Christ. I got back in my car and then I was able to go home, the rainbow had disappeared. In addition, I had another very serious accident at the age of 24, during which I did not have any experience of this type. I remained in a coma for 21 days.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I wish everyone would have such an experience!

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? To improve this questionnaire, don’t say it will take 45 minutes to fill out, because it takes much more time, at least 1½ hours and for me, much more. Thanks