Evelyn D NDE

Experience Description

I was 6 years old and living in California. I became ill with a virus or something. I was in my bedroom and in my bed. I had been sick for several days and had a headache with terrible aching; all the symptoms associated with a high fever. I felt exhausted. I remember my mother being there trying to get my fever down with wet cloths and trying to get me to take sips of water. I was sweating a lot and began shaking all over. She called the doctor.

This was back in the day when doctors made house calls. He happened to be just finishing with another patient relatively near to us. I remember hearing the relief in my mother's voice as she told me the doctor was on his way.

The doctor arrived, examined me, and tore off my clothes. He ordered my mother to get trays of ice cubes. I rose up out of my body and up to the ceiling. I saw him carry me into the hallway and I followed while still on the ceiling. The doctor carried me to the bathroom and began to fill the bathtub with cold water. He set my body into the water even as it was filling up. I was seizing. My mother came in and they put the ice all around me.

I don't remember what happened directly after that, but eventually I was carried back to my bed. My body was no longer seizing, it was just limp. The doctor was doing something to me and my mother was sitting at the foot of the bed looking really worried.

I think at that point, I don't remember because I began to rise above the ceiling and then I went into another realm. There was a lot of light. A young woman with long hair dressed in a beautiful, flowing whitish-blue gown was there close to me. She emanated complete, loving kindness and I thought she must be an angel. She communicated with me through our thoughts, not by speaking. There was light behind her and I was so drawn to that light that I began floating toward it. She stopped me, put her arms around me which filled me with light and love, and said, 'It is not your time yet. You're going to have to go back.' I knew she meant go back to earth, to my bedroom and my body.

I really, really, really, did not want to go back. With her, I had no pain. I was filled with love, joy, and light. I told her, 'No. I want to go with you.' She smiled and gently said, 'I'm sorry, you must go back. You still have things to do.'

I didn't know what she was talking about. I remember thinking, 'What things?' as I resisted going back.

I repeated, 'I want to be with you.' She still had her arms around me and said quietly, 'You will see my face among the Grieved. Then I had a vision. I could feel that I was much older and I was in a place where people were milling about in shock. There was rubble and chaos everywhere. I had no idea what it meant and I didn't particularly like it.

Then I was drawn back down into the room and back into my body.

Coming back into my body was horrible. I felt pain, while my body felt very small and restrictive. I felt really sick. I did not want to be there, but didn't have a choice. I was unable to get out of my body. I was drenched with sweat and the doctor was still working on me. I remember him turning his head to my mother and telling her that I was going to be OK and she began crying.

I remember thinking, 'This is not OK. I feel horrible and I want to go back to the woman of light.'


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1958

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I was 6 years old, at home, and had contracted a virus that had me very ill. My fever was very high and they couldn't get it down. The doctor was called and he came to the house and was having difficulty getting my fever down as well.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw where the doctor was sitting, what he was doing to me, how they took me to the bathroom to the tub and put in ice when my body was seizing. Later the I saw the doctor sitting beside me on the bed again and my mother crying when she heard I would be alright. When I was well enough to talk again, I told my mother everything I had seen and heard. She confirmed that all that I saw had happened. When I told her about the woman of light telling me I had to come back and there were things I had to do; she didn't say anything. My mother just hugged me, but I knew she believed me and was glad I was back. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. When I was with the woman of light, I didn't have the constraints of a body, so I felt free and expanded. I felt in the presence of someone truly spiritual and loving. I felt aware of life being interconnected and that this realm I was in was very closely tied to the world that we lived in every day. There was no Time and there was no Space.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was with the woman of light.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. There was no Time, just All Present. I felt that I could have traveled to a different time or place if I wanted to do so, but I didn't want to because I just wanted to be with the woman of light and go into the Light.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't experience seeing with just my eyes. It was an experience that went through my whole being.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There were no sounds, only the experience I was having. Our speech happened in her and in me; there was no separation.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes There was a light that emanated out of the woman of light. It was yellow, maybe golden and bluish and white. It is hard to describe. Then the Source of Light was behind her and it was in everything; it was in all of us and it felt like Love.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. It was a realm that was closely tied to the physical world, but was not earthly. It consisted of Light and while I was talking with the woman of light, I had the awareness that there must be other Beings like her, but she was there for me. I was very happy about this because she was so beautiful, kind, and loving. There was no Time or Space. Everything was like an Eternal Present. I sensed that if I wanted to, I could travel to anywhere or any time just by thinking of it, but I didn't want to because I just wanted to be with the woman of light and go into the Light with her. It was like the Source of Light was everywhere, in everyone and everything.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt love and being Loved unconditionally, Acceptance, Freedom, Relief, Joy, and Peace.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future. The woman of light had told me that I had to go back and I really didn't want to. I was protesting, not verbally but she knew what I was thinking and feeling. I wanted to be with her and go into the Light. At some point, I remember thinking or saying, 'I just want to be with you. Will I see you again??' She replied, 'You will see my face among the grieved.' I then saw myself among people milling around in shock and there was rubble all around. I didn't really know what she was saying or what this meant. I thought maybe I was going to be around a war. I actually hadn't thought about this until filling out this questionnaire, but this is incredibly moving to me. I ended up becoming a Clinical Psychotherapist with a specialization in PTSD, working on a national level with Red Cross, the US Government and Military.

I was flown in on many assignments after a disaster, where there was severe devastation and large numbers of people in shock. My job was to triage, refer people to the help they needed and talk with them to get them to some level of functioning. The thing I valued most about my job was that it was an opportunity to bring love, comfort and help to people who were fragmenting and suffering. I have just realized that the woman of Light saying 'seeing' her 'face,' which was a face of complete love and compassion, 'among the grieved' was exactly what I was did. I always felt that disasters and traumas come and go. When you work them, they are all very similar, but the Love, Compassion, and Physical tangible help is the constant that sees it through. I don't know if I'm articulating this very well but this is an amazing insight to me that brings tears to my eyes. I never linked her words with my profession before. I actually did work in situations of people milling around in rubble. I'm really touched by this.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? I do not know. My mother had me attend a Presbyterian church but all we did was play downstairs while the actual service was going on upstairs. My father was a scientist and a strict atheist up until when he was near his death. In his last few weeks of dying, he retracted all he had said earlier about death and reported to us that it appeared our life appears to extend beyond earth. He said that 'the veil between the two worlds is very thin.'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I believe in something. I guess you could call it God. It is a loving energy that permeates and links all life. It is the Source. I believe there are different levels beyond the Physical. I believe there is a purpose to life on earth, although I'm not always sure what that is. I believe Time and Space are constructs of men seen only from a three-dimensional view.

What is your religion now? Buddhist. While the Buddhist faith appeals to me more than others, I'm not attending any services and do not subscribe to the belief of the many realms Buddhism describes. I am a strong believer in Quiet Mind, Mindfulness, and Compassion.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I was only 6 years old. I hadn't really formed a well-thought-out belief about God, the nature of the Universe, or the meaning of LIfe. I know that I did not see God as a man up in the clouds. I think I certainly would have been exposed to the idea of angels and what they might look like from living the white-concentric community that I was raised in. I had no exposure to the concepts of 'no Time' and 'no Space,' life being Interconnected, and Energy of Light and Love running through everything. I know I had NOT been exposed to the idea that you could go out of your body or meet Beings in another realm. Again, my father was an atheist scientist. I was raised to think fairly concretely and when I asked questions, they were answered realistically, usually correlated with physical science.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes At the time, I came out of it believing that there were angels, that all of life was connected, and the Light and Love ran through it. That there was a purpose or something I had to do in life. That being in a body and on earth was not as nice as being out of a body and going into the Light.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. The woman of light seemed like an angel. We were both floating but she was of this realm we were in. She emanated light, love, compassion, and kindness. I knew she knew everything about me. She was young but seemed very wise. Everything was beautiful - the woman, the light and the light behind her. There was no Time or Space and everything was connected by the light. She and I communicated telepathically.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes All connected by Light or Energy that is all knowing, all loving, all life giving, all present, eternal, the Source, with no Time, no Space and no Separation.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes If asked, I would say that God is Light. It is an all-knowing, ever-present, eternal Light that permeates all of creation.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I answer this question as 'Yes' because I was shown a purpose by a Being that was clearly more wise and spiritual than I. But I also would say 'No' because I did not feel special and I did not know what the vision really meant or what I had more 'to do.' I just wanted to continue on with the woman of light into the Light.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Even though I didn't know what it meant at the time, I received a vision of myself with people in shock milling about in rubble and was told by the woman of Light that I would 'See her face among the grieved.' I saw her face as Loving, Kind, Compassionate and Wise. This was not an awareness regarding the 'purpose' or meaning of life, but the things she said to me. It was like I had to go back because there was more I had to do. This gave me the awareness that I, personally, had some things to do. I had no idea, at the time, what those things might be and even when she showed me the vision, I still didn't know what it really meant. It has only been in filling out this questionnaire that I realize that I actually had a job where I was often in rubble and people were often wandering about in shock. So I'm kind of amazed that I never put the two together.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife probably exists. Physical bodies were left behind, and at some point, I knew that even the forms of the woman in light and my own kind of soul form would be left behind if I continued into the Light. It is hard to explain because everything was interconnected by the Light. At the same time, the woman of light appeared to live and function on this level or realm we were in. I had the sense there were others like her helping other people but I only saw her. She was there for me.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Even though I didn't know what it meant at the time, I received a vision of myself with people in shock milling about in rubble and was told by the woman of Light that I would 'See her face among the grieved'. I saw her face as Loving, Kind, Compassionate and Wise. This was not an awareness regarding the 'purpose' or meaning of life, but the things she said to me like that I had to go back because there was more I had to do' all gave me the awareness that I, personally, had some things to do. I had no idea at the the time what those things might be and even when she showed me the vision, at the time I still didn't know what it really meant.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That Love is like an Energy that runs through all things. That it is connected to Light. That it goes beyond Time and Space. That it is universal and there is a wisdom to Love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. It surely expanded my view of reality and the nature of existence. I was young and innocent, so did not have many preconceived ideas about they meaning of life or the purpose of life on earth. I also did not have many thoughts, let alone fears, about living or dying.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain I don't know because I was so young.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The light, the love and the beauty and the joy permeated every cell, every thought, every part of me and the woman and all that was around us. It is hard to describe how I knew there was no Time and no Space, but I did. It is hard to find words to describe what that felt like. The closest I can come is Expansive, Inclusive, and Ever-Present.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I have vivid recollection of certain memories in my childhood. I would have been in second grade. I don't really have many memories of that time. I have a vague notion of who may have been in my class as I was in that school with the same kids until 8th grade. I would probably remember my teacher and impressions of them if I knew who my second grade teacher was. That's about all I remember from that time.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes After this experience, I was much more Intuitive. I guess you could call it psychic. I perceived things in people that went beyond just being empathetic. I had dreams of things that would happen. I saw people who had passed over in dreams and had conversations with them. Sometimes, I could know what people were thinking. By the time I was 8, my mother told a neighbor that she thought I was different or special. That neighbor suggested she take me to the Theosophical Society. The Theosophical Society took great interest in me and I went there every week to talk to people and take tests. They were mostly conversations and questions. Then they began introducing explanations of why this was happening to me and telling me that I was 'special' and that I had a mission in life. I did not want to be special. I did not want to see and know the things shown to me.

I learned quickly I couldn't talk to most people about what was happening to me. By the time I was in high school, I was uncomfortable. I did not want to see or hear things and did not want to be considered 'special.' I actually felt like Frankenstein or a freak. I did not have a clear sense of myself. I stopped any affiliation with the Theosophical Society. It is difficult for me to discern what was a genuine ability on my part and what was something they suggested to a young girl who had not formed an identity yet. I feel in some ways they stole my childhood from me and should have let me evolve into my own beliefs and abilities on my own, in my own time.

There is only one experience that I remember having before my out of body experience. It started when I was very young, maybe 2 or 3 years old, when playing in the sandbox. It recurred off and on all the way through high school. It's hard to describe, but in the daytime, I would suddenly have this vision or be transported into an experience, like a daydream. I would walk up these steps to two enormous ballroom doors that would swing open. The doors opened into a deep black void. The sheer immensity of it, would pour through the doors and over me and it frightened me. It felt like I was being engulfed by it and it was staggeringly huge. I would jolt myself out of the experience and be back in the present moment. Often when it started, I would see the steps and the doors and get a feeling of dread because I knew what was going to happen and what lay on the other side of the doors.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It is very meaningful to me to sense the Oneness of Life. Now in later years, facing a limited number of years left to live and a decline in my physical abilities and health, it is meaningful to me that the life of our soul extends beyond and farther than our physical body. I find comfort that there are spiritual beings who may meet me again to show the way. It's meaningful to me that there is an Intelligence or an Order to life. And while it may be illusive sometimes,(in light of all the suffering there is on the earth, it is still nonetheless there. It is comforting to me to believe there are beings wiser than ourselves that 'help' us. It is significant to me that I could have an experience at the age of 6 that I did not particularly understand and that it could possibly influence the direction of my life and foretell my future.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes At the time, I told my mother and she just hugged me. I knew she believed me and was just glad I was 'back'. It came up a couple of years later, in the questions with the Theosophical Society and I don't remember their exact words but they seemed pleased to hear my experiences. I don't think anyone was influenced in any way by my experience. Maybe my mother who, after attending meetings with the Theosophical Society people, became deeply involved in their version of Spirituality. But maybe she would have done that on her own without me telling her what I experienced. I don't know. I do want to say that I was not comfortable sharing this experience with just anyone. In fact, I think after the Theosophical Society, I only told a few people: My sister, my best friend, and my two husbands.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It was real. I could see and hear what was happening in the rooms when I was on the ceiling. I had a conversation that gave me an understanding far beyond what a 6-year-old could have been exposed to. I was not allowed to go further into the light and was sent back against my will. That was very real. And I had things said to me from a being of Light that came true in the future.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It was real. I could see and hear what was happening in the rooms when I was on the ceiling. I had a conversation that gave me an understanding far beyond what a 6-year-old could have been exposed to. It was real. I was not allowed to go further into the light and was sent back against my will. That was very real. And I had things said to me from a being of Light that came true in the future.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? After filling out this questionnaire and looking at the course of my life, I believe I sought to recreate that experience. I sought out Truth, studied many religions, traveled around the world to learn about other cultures. When I was young, I sought to have the experience replicated with Theosophical teachers prompting me, gurus, respected intellectuals with a spiritual bent. I looked for it in literature and devoured everything from Thomas Payne to the Bhagavad Gita. In junior high, I was visited by 3 people repeatedly who taught me things in my dreams. They would make me repeat them in my dream so I would remember it when I woke up. There was nothing I could find that had the depth or the power or the genuine absoluteness of that original experience. At best, I could find fragments here and there. I wove threads of spiritual truths I found together to form a belief of this planet that worked and didn't work for me. I'm still open to discovering.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I thought your questionnaire was well thought out. It caused me to reflect and connect things to that one experience I hadn't done before. It gave credibility and was revealing to me. It felt good to touch in with all those parts of me again. I found some of the questions, as I mentioned before, leading in a direction I didn't feel fitting for me. The word 'God' has so many definitions and images. And while I've experienced Intuition and a Knowing that isn't considered 'normal', I'm not sure the conclusion is that it was directly linked to an experience I had out of body at age 6. Maybe it is. I don't know and may never know. I appreciate so much that you created this platform of inquiry. You had me delving into questions about this one experience that I had not really gotten to. It brought out strong feelings in me. Brought new realizations and made me feel I was not alone. Thank You.