Fabian G NDE

Experience Description

My Near-Death Experience (NDE) took place when I was around 4 or 5 years old. I can't pinpoint the exact age, but I was in kindergarten at the time. It was a very sunny day, typical of those in Quito, the city where I was born and raised. I remember playing in the schoolyard, going down the slide, and running around with the many other children who were there during the break. Suddenly, as I sprinted through the middle of the yard, a kid bumped into me, and our heads collided violently. When I looked at him, frustrated and angry, he was staring back at me with the same shock, which made me realize that it had been an accident and he wasn’t at fault.

By the time I got home after school, I was feeling nauseous and had a bad headache. It was lunchtime, but I wasn’t hungry. My mother’s cousin was visiting, and both she and my mother became concerned when I told them how I was feeling. My mother asked me what had happened earlier that day, while my mother’s cousin insisted that I be taken to the doctor immediately. In a blur, I recall being driven in my mother's cousin's car and being told frantically not to fall asleep. That is the last memory I have before my NDE.

My parents later told me that I was diagnosed with a concussion. My mother explained that I slept for a whole week at home while recovering from the blow to my head. I have no recollection of that time, except for one of the most amazing and puzzling experiences anyone can go through.

I woke up in a pitch-black place. I knew I wasn’t in my bed anymore. Unlike my room, this space was much wider, unconstrained, and bounded only by a darkness like the clear sky of a moonless, starless night. I told myself I must be in my parents' bed. Although I couldn't see anything, I assumed the closet was to one side and the door to my room on the opposite end, as their bedroom was laid out. I was, of course, trying to make sense of it all. Yet, I found myself in unknown territory, in an unusual "place"—a word I must use because I don’t know how else to describe it.

Waking up in a strange setting can be distressing for anybody. I found myself alone in a mysterious, inky space, but strangely, I wasn’t afraid. Instead, I felt secure, comfortable, and curious. A light shone in front of me, which baffled me because neither my parents' bedroom nor mine had such a light at night. The apartment where we lived had a small garden next to our rooms, but it was unlit. I wondered who had placed an electric lamp outside.

I began to focus on the light. It had a bluish-greenish hue, and it wasn’t just a simple bulb. It formed a kind of tunnel, and its glow seemed to shift and turn, like a slow-moving, uneven vortex. It also emitted a sound—like the murmur of many voices. When I tried to listen more closely, the sound intensified, almost becoming deafening. That was the only moment I felt uneasy. However, it seemed I could control its loudness, and I was able to quiet the sound until it faded back into the indecipherable whisper of an enormous, ghostly crowd.

Most of all, looking at the tunnel of light, I sensed a complete harmony. I felt welcome and at peace. It was an enveloping sensation of warmth and kindness. As I contemplated the light, it either grew closer or I approached it—I’m not sure which. I did not walk toward it. I didn’t stand up or move, as I was pure consciousness and no longer had any recollection of having a body.

As the tunnel of light drew nearer, four dark figures suddenly appeared before me. It was as if four shadows had abruptly arrived. They stood in front of the light, so I could not discern their identities, features, or expressions. They almost seemed to block my path, but I felt completely tranquil in their presence.

I do not know who they were, yet I was fully aware of how they felt. Two of them radiated a motherly love toward me. I tried to identify them, but I couldn’t tell which of the two figures was my earthly mother. The third presence seemed to care deeply for me, and I recognized that they were concerned for my welfare. I decided it must be my father. The fourth figure, standing close to the light at the center of the tunnel, had a protective, authoritative aura. I concluded it must be the doctor.

Throughout my experience, I tried to interpret each occurrence through the mind of a young child. Recollections from my physical condition helped me make sense of what I was confronting in this timeless, alien place. At the same time, I was distinctly aware of what I was trying to do—how my reason was describing each element based on some past experience from the physical world. Nevertheless, I knew I was not in my parents' apartment. I fully recognized that the four figures were strangers. I understood that I was in a magnificent realm—one that was eternal because time did not exist there—and that this place was our origin, a realm of intimate, all-encompassing love, one that felt unmistakably familiar. It was home.

Then, a deep, powerful voice began to speak. At first, I thought it was the fourth figure—the one I imagined to be the doctor—who was addressing the others. However, the voice had no specific source. Perhaps it came from the light. What was strange was that it conveyed a message I could understand, even though it had no words or distinguishable language. Soon, I realized the message was directed at me.

The echoes of both the murmur of the light and the powerful voice still linger in the back of my mind. I can close my eyes and listen to them. In contrast, the message I received during my NDE has become less distinct over the years. I can only recall bits and pieces. I may have been told that I was meant to forget most of it, especially the details about my future back on Earth.

Although it could be disheartening to admit that I wasn’t able to recognize the four figures or remember in detail what I was told, I don’t feel frustrated by it. Instead, I remember my near-death experience with fondness, happiness, and deep curiosity. It is a puzzle I continue to try to solve. Sometimes, I think of it as a true existential privilege. For most of my adult life, I have been able to inquire into and explore human existence with a sense of meaning, purpose, and wonder—feelings I attribute to the wisdom of the deep, powerful voice that guided my NDE.

The message I associate with my near-death experience stems from both direct recollections and memories I had as a child about the NDE. For example, at some point, I was told I had to return to this world, which seemed like a bad idea to me. That recollection comes directly from the NDE itself. On the other hand, I also remember learning never to be violent, a lesson I believe was imparted to the child I was during the near-death experience.

Hence, the message I received is an amalgam of precepts and impressions that, nonetheless, are compatible and coherent. I was told that life is an opportunity we are given to learn and to be kind to one another. We are not to accumulate wealth, but to share it, and to ensure we leave this world with the same humility and simplicity with which we arrive. We need to take care of nature, just as nature takes care of us. We are not to fear death, evil, suffering, or loneliness, because their harm is limited and temporary. We are also not to expect judgment and retribution, because we are all part of a unity that is compassionate and all-forgiving. We must open our minds to laughter, artistry, travel, and change, because they enhance the learning experience.

As I confessed earlier, I did not want to return to my body. The pitch-black place I found myself in was more beautiful, caring, and awe-inspiring than anything else I could imagine. Thus, it seemed that it took a bit of convincing. I distinctly recall the deep, powerful voice telling me I had to return to take care of two of the figures standing before me. It didn’t make sense. As a child, I was accustomed to being looked after by adults, not the other way around. I thought it would be safe to go back to my bed because the two beings would take care of me. In my attempt to interpret it, I distorted the information to fit my understanding and accepted my return. I turned as if to settle in, ready to sleep, when I heard a swishing sound and the vision disappeared.

A few days after I had recovered from my concussion, I approached my mother seeking an explanation. I asked her if it was true that I had slept for an entire week. I also wanted to know who had come to visit me. My mother looked at me strangely. Yes, the doctor had been at our house to check on me (I didn’t mention it, but I found it peculiar that they would come under the cover of night). Then, I asked if my grandfather had also come to see me. My mother stopped what she was doing, stared at me, and suspiciously asked why I was asking such questions. Of course, the whole family had been concerned. “Why are you asking?” she insisted. “Nothing, forget it,” I think were my exact words. I left in a hurry. I also visited the small garden outside my bedroom, looking for the electric lamp that had shone like a vivid, mystifying vortex. It was not to be found.

It was difficult to make sense of what had happened. Even today, almost five decades later, I still cannot find the right words to describe my experience. It is understandable that, as a child, I could not find the proper way to communicate it to my parents, or even the strength to accept that I had “died” in another realm, only to return to a “reality” that lacked the same truth, love, and transcendence.

As a result, for many years I kept that experience hidden—from others and from myself. I would think about it occasionally, as I noticed certain changes in my character. After my near-death experience, I became more sensitive to other people’s emotions, avoided large crowds, interacted more deeply with smaller children, and had an enhanced intuition. I observed these changes in complete solitude. Like many other children who have had near-death experiences, I also struggled with sleeplessness, distress from violent news, a constant craving for knowledge and spirituality, and a reversal in learning, where the abstract became easier, and the inward became more authentic.

To make matters worse, at age 14, I was exposed to philosophical materialism. I began to conceptualize reality as the sole product of interactions between physical processes. Considering my NDE, I explained it to myself in terms of the concussion and a probable decrease in oxygen levels in the brain. It had been a hallucination, I concluded. Someday, physiology or psychology would explain it. In the meantime, I chose to dismiss it altogether.

For the next ten years, I repressed my memories and embarked on a treacherous journey of apathy and substance abuse. Philosophical materialism filled my life with dread and rage, most likely because I read all the wrong books and lacked appropriate guidance. The transition from childhood to adulthood is never easy, and I made it uncritically and evasively. I was yet to discover authors who would challenge me to think for myself, and anesthetizing myself helped me cope with a corporeality I found meaningless, superficial, and contradictory in every way.

I was in my 20s when two seemingly trivial events led me to revisit my near-death experience. I went to a laser show and was mesmerized by a colorful tunnel of light. It bore a striking resemblance to something I had witnessed as a child. The second event occurred after taking psychoactive substances. I was feeling quite relaxed, anesthetized from reality, when I imagined myself at the age of four. It didn’t classify as an out-of-body, spiritual, or sublime experience, but rather as the plain acknowledgment of a child who was furious and disappointed with the person he had become. I had disregarded my near-death experience, but above all, I had set aside its message. These two events marked the beginning of a reevaluation of the past, a revival of spiritual interests, and a constant exploration of intellectual attentiveness that aligns with the value I now place on existence.

I am 53 years old. I am happily married and a father of two wonderful children, whom I take care of and who are my pride and joy. It has required this long to come to terms with an experience that, only now, I can narrate with some ease.

I can certainly testify that my near-death experience was more real, radically transcendent, and deeply existential than any other insight I have gained in this world where the body I occupy lives. I have found NDERF, IANDS, and the works of Raymond Moody, P.M.H. Atwater, and Bruce Greyson. I have read hundreds of near-death accounts and acknowledge that there is a community of people with whom I share an extraordinary occurrence, its aftermaths, and the issues of reintegration. I have been to counseling and joined support groups where I have learned the meaning of validation and acceptance. I continue to recall details and try to fulfill the message of my NDE, which has stayed with me through both my highs and lows.

The deep, powerful voice did share with me certain elements that I keep to myself, because I believe they have yet to come to fruition. I also regard the message as a personal quest, not something to be imposed or preached upon others, because each of us must find our own, often arduous, path.

As for death itself—if it is the only immortal thing (after Heraclitus), and if, as Egyptian mythology suggests, one who does not die does not exist—then it is an illusion.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1975

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Accident Direct head injury Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I had more intellectual awareness than a typical child.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? There was no time, and I was alert all the time.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Same.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Enhanced.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I do not know who they were.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, transcendence, tranquility.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am not religious anymore.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Prefer not to answer.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I was 4 or 5 years old. Even today I cannot find the correct words to express it.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain

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