Faith I Possible NDE

Experience Description

I attempted suicide by overdosing on drugs. I was in the back of the ambulance. The paramedics were telling me to stay awake, keep my eyes open, and to stay with them.

I felt a sense of peace and like I was letting go. It was bright everywhere I looked. The fact that I couldn’t see anything, didn’t seem to bother me. I felt like all of the energy in my body was leaving, like I was sinking. It was almost like a falling experience, although, I wasn’t moving.

My vision then turned to total darkness. All I could see was black. I started to panic but couldn’t feel anything physically or emotionally. I felt this huge sense of dread. I don’t know who it was, maybe it was one of the medics; but I heard, 'You can sleep now. It’s okay.' I remember just trying to see anything but black, but I couldn’t. I was thinking, 'Wait, hold on,' over and over again. The feeling of nothingness consumed me and I couldn’t think anymore. Everything disappeared.

I remember a brief moment of seeing the emergency room and the hospital staff.

It was like flashes of images; everything was fast and I wasn’t seeing it all. I think I came back to it, but had no strength. I felt like my body was sinking; sinking into itself and collapsing. I felt like I was being suffocated but in a way that I had no reaction to it. It was not in a sense of breathing per se, but just suffocating and crippling. I remember deciding to let go, and everything disappeared. Then I was surrounded by nothing.

I woke up the next day I believe, but honestly I don’t have any concept of how long things were happening. I just knew that everything was either super-fast or super-slow, or nothing at all up until that point. I remember the days in the critical care unit (CCU) afterwards. I felt like I was in a state of shock; just nothingness.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 12/9/2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt. Drug or medication overdose Life threatening event, but not clinical death Overdose, placed in CCU for days after

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal. No real sense of speed of the rate things were happening, everything seemed either sped up or went extremely slow

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Leading up to when the medications started to take effect. A moment in the emergency room when the doctors and staff were scrambling, and then when I woke up after the event

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Things I could see in the emergency room happened so quickly. It was like I was playing a movie sped up with moments cut out; like one of those flip books with pages removed. When feeling like the darkness and sinking, things seemed very slow to a point I felt like I wasn’t comprehending anything going on

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Moments of tremendous light or darkness that was blinding

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Ringing

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Leading up to the complete dark and nothingness, a left like I was sinking into it and it was consuming me

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain Things were blindingly bright

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. I have never felt a experience in my life that had even came close to the nothingness, or void of anything like I did then

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, distress, nothing at all depending at which moment

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I think when I realized there was nothing, and panicked I was almost like begging for it to stop in a sense.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain

What is your religion now? Do not know

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes More at peace or calm, or being unbothered was a huge part of my life in the months or years directly after.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain A feeling that nothing really matters in the end

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain I felt trapped. But that I was there, but it was nothing at the same time

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I struggle with the meaning of our day to day life. I am reminded consistently by thoughts or feelings of the void and darkness I felt. I am distressed from time to time, or have nightmares of the feeling of it.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I don’t think there are words to express how the feeling of nothing and darkness I felt actually was. How I was awake but was also nothing and anything around me was nothing at the same time.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I have never felt something so vivid

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Feel more strongly in touch with people around me empathetically.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The void

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was in complete shock

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I struggle with it a lot.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain. I think some trauma like episode of panic of possibly having that feeling of sinking happening

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