Gary S NDE 9284

Experience Description

I had just finished a year of teaching kindergarten at a private school in southern Arizona, and was living alone out in the middle of the desert without a phone. My plan was to travel for the entire summer, so no one was expecting me to be around. However, the day after school ended I woke up sick and kept feeling worse day after day. In those younger years I could be exceptionally stubborn, and I didn't believe in going to doctors then so I just kept resting and waiting to feel better. I would later learn that I had a severe case of valley fever, an illness that can be fatal if not treated.

After almost two weeks, when I began feeling dangerously ill and knew that I needed to do something, I decided to make a medicinal tea out of desert marigold that I had collected and cured earlier in the spring. In my condition I failed to notice that this herb had not cured properly and was completely covered with mold. As soon as I drank the tea, my entire body went into panic mode. I heard a roaring sound like a train inside my head as my body convulsed, and I passed out on my bed.

My last thought was wondering if I was dying. But then I woke up to a heightened state of awareness without my physical body. I realized that I must have died, and it felt unbelievably good: the same euphoria that I've described above. With me was a spirit being who guided me through the process of reviewing everything that had happened in my life, from very early childhood right up to that present moment. It seemed that my life memories formed a circle around me, like being inside a panorama. I relived my entire life, even long forgotten and seemingly insignificant memories.

But now, with help from the spirit being, I had a sense of the larger picture that enabled me to see how my actions affected others and why certain things happened to me. There was no sadness or regret; rather, everything seemed absolutely perfect, just the way it all needed to be. I understood that things happen for reasons we seldom know at the time, and that our choices in even little everyday situations may be important. I also understood that it was not my time to die now because I had much yet to learn and experience. Actually, what the spirit being said to me was, 'You haven't really learned anything yet' (this was intended with humor in order to emphasize the point). Then I lost consciousness again.

I awakened with a jolt and with the knowing that I was healed. I was still quite weak, but my whole body told me I was no longer ill. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 9:30 at night. I figured I had been unconscious for a few hours because I drank the tea in mid-afternoon. Later I would learn that it was actually the night of the next day; I had been unconscious for 30 hours. I don't know if this was a spiritual healing or if I may have synchronistically treated myself because the mold in my desert marigold tea could have been the perfect antibiotic for valley fever. Either way seems equally meaningful to me.

Every day of my life since then has been different. Now, in addition to my ever-present array of flaws, I live with a deeper appreciation of the gift of human life, I am more aware of and more thankful for the moments of each day, I view others including nonhuman beings with more respect and awe, I am more conscientious about my interactions with others, I find more humor in life, and I live without fear of my own death. I should mention that this near-death experience happened in 1980 before I had ever read anyone else's account of a near-death experience. Also, the next day I drove to a medical clinic in Casa Grande, Arizona, because I was curious what illness could cause an experience like this. They ran tests, and a few days later when test results were in, I returned for a consultation with a doctor who looked puzzled at me and said, 'Are you sure you didn't receive any treatment? You've had a severe case of valley fever, and that could have been fatal without treatment.'

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: June 1980

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death severe case of valley fever

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Everything was more vivid in my perception, and I felt better than I ever remembered feeling.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time was a heightened level.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time as we know it didn't exist because I relived every experience of my life while not being aware of the passage of time. I know that doesn't make sense.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw the spirit being as clearly as I had ever seen anything. My vision while reliving my life experiences was twofold: it seemed like I could see a panorama of these experiences surrounding me, and I could also see each experience exactly as I had lived it.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I could hear each of my life experiences exactly as I had lived them. I heard the spirit being perfectly, though we weren't talking.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My mother, who was living at that time, came before me when the spirit being said I had to go back and learn a whole lot more. I understood that we had a dynamic that needed to be healed.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Euphoria until the spirit being said I had to go back; then it was utter disappointment.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I felt that I completely understood why certain things had happened to me and to others, and how my actions had affected others. There was no regret or shame or guilt; it just all made perfect sense. What's interesting is that after I recovered from this experience, I could not remember any of the understanding that was so clear to me during the experience.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events As I've described before, and as irrational as it sounds, I relived every experience of my entire life.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was told by the spirit being that I had to go back because 'I hadn't really learned anything yet.' The last thing I wanted was to go back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age I followed the path of Self-Realization as taught by deceased guru Yogananda.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Before that experience I really wanted spirituality to be real. After that experience I know spirituality is real.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated I consider myself to be a spiritual person, in no small part because of my near-death experience.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Although the teachings of karma and reincarnation were part of the spiritual path I followed, I was fairly new to that path and hadn't made any conscious decision about whether such things could be true. During my near-death experience of reliving my life, it was completely clear to me that everything happened for a reason, and that those reasons extended well beyond my 27-year-old life. On other words, we're part of a web of interactions with others that could be interpreted as 'past lives' or as 'karmically influenced.'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I live with a deeper appreciation of the gift of human life, I am more aware of and more thankful for the moments of each day, I view others including nonhuman beings with more respect and awe, I am more conscientious about my interactions with others, I find more humor in life, and I live without fear of my own death.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I've previously described my experience of interacting with a spirit being.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes When I relieved my life experiences, the understanding I had as to why things happened the way they did clearly seemed to involve more than the actual experiences of my 27-year-old life. But as I mentioned, I can't remember any of this understanding.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes When I relieved my life experiences, the understanding I had as to why things happened the way they did definitely involve an interconnected oneness.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt that we are here, at least in part, to learn to express our best potential.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I encountered a spirit being who was there to guide me. Clearly, there was a new existence that I was on the threshold of entering.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I understood clearly that we are here, at least in part, to learn how to express our best potential, and that difficulties play a role in that.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Just that love is part of how we express our best potential.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Every day of my life since then has been different. Now, in addition to my ever-present array of flaws, I live with a deeper appreciation of the gift of human life, I am more aware of and more thankful for the moments of each day, I view others including nonhuman beings with more respect and awe, I am more conscientious about my interactions with others, I find more humor in life, and I live without fear of my own death.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I view others including nonhuman beings with more respect and awe, and I am more conscientious about my interactions with others.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I can't rationally describe how I was able to review every detail of my life up until that point, or how I seemed to relive those experiences. I also wasn't talking with the spirit being, but we were communicating more clearly than often happens with talking.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Because of my heightened state of awareness, what occurred during this near-death experience is etched in my memory in a way that regular life events are not.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I fully journaled this experienced soon after, but 41 years later I still have not fully shared it with anyone else, one on one, because it feels too personal. However, I have published my experience here, https://www.integralworld.net/stogsdill6.html, and I have shared that essay in an online class I teach at Prescott College. I did this to possibly be helpful to others. Several students and others have expressed appreciation that I wrote this and shared it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I'm convinced it was real because of how heightened my awareness was.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I'm still convinced it was real because of how heightened my awareness was.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No