Hayden D Others

Experience Description

There are a few incidents to recount which all happened in sequence from the time I as placed into a coma on 17 October 2021.

Background:

I had returned from a business trip to find all in my family ill with Covid. We all tested positive and my youngest sin, mom, wife and I got steadily worse of the coming 10 days.

On the about the 12th of October, I sent my wife to the hospital in an ambulance. She later called for me to collect her. They had refused to admit her. She came home that night and by the next morning I observed her oxygen SATS were in the 70's. An ambulance took her again and this time she was admitted. By the 14th or so my mom and I were collected by ambulance to also be admitted leaving my 16 year old son home alone. His older brother was isolating at university a couple of hours away.

My mom refused treatment in the ICU. I decided to go into ICU when it was suggested. Within a few hours they recommended invasive ventilation and this required being put in a coma. I had had the opportunity of speaking briefly with my wife and mom who were in the neighboring ward on my way to ICU. Sometime on the evening of the 17 October I was put to sleep. I remember being face down on a table and unable to move but could hear everything in the room and still see things.

I remained in a coma for 30 days. Upon awakening a month later, I was all but dead. I had suffered multiple organ failure and my sons had been told on 11 occasions that my lungs had stiffened, filled with fluid and I was no longer processing oxygen.

I later learned that my mom had passed away a few hours after i went to sleep. I feel she waited for me to be asleep first. I also think she may have though I was going to pass and her heart broke and gave out. Her primary cause of death was related to her heart condition and not the Covid.

I also learned that my wife had joined me in the ICU some days later and then also had been placed in a coma. She was subsequently moved to a hospital about 65 miles away where she passed on the 31 October 2021 from Covid pneumonia.

When I awoke on about the 17 or so of November my eldest son told me of their passing's. This is the single most painful thing I've ever had to endure. I asked my eldest son Conah to please let me die. He naturally refused so I asked my youngest the same thing. He says this hurt him more than losing his mom. I realized that I couldn't just bail because I had my boys to look after. Although that is all I wanted. I wanted to go and be with my wife. And this is where the story gets interesting.

ICU:

Over the next 26 days I stayed in the ICU with global weakness and was completely paralyzed and locked in for about 2 weeks of that. The 2 worst fears I have ever had were that I would lose my wife 30 years earlier than expected and I would suffer locked in syndrome. Both of these events had now occurred. I had had premonitions of my wife's passing on 2 separate occasions over the previous 2 years but had dismissed them as paranoia.

The road to my recovery was extremely painful. Physically and emotionally. The staff and nurses were nothing short of angels. As I began to speak again and make small movements I began engaging with the medical staff more. I was told that it wasn't uncommon to suffer delirium following coma especially of this length. I recognized certain events as being with drug induced or coma delirium related. I could tell the difference between them and other events that I could remember and that continued to happen in the ICU.

For example, I knew in my mind that the giant frig on the wall wasn't real. I also know the Viking figure heads on the walls weren't real either. I could appreciate that the thoughts in my head that I was in a space craft and also a medical flight were not real either. At one point I had a notion I was inside a tv show called 'Bandersnatch'. This too I realized wasn't real. A part of my mind recognized it as not real. All of these things faded over the coming weeks.

The real stuff:

In addition to the un-real thoughts and thing I thought I could see were other events and visions that were absolutely real. after a while I was able to sit up and was off the drugs completely, I was lucid and could speak a little even. This was after any effects of delirium had been expected. I was awake now. Fully awake.

My Mom:

I have a very clear memory of seeing my mom. My sense of chronology is a little off at this time but it wasn't a memory from after I woke up or before I went to sleep. It was a memory I placed in the time frame of when I was asleep. I should have had no rem type brain activity to my knowledge. She was bathing in the waves of the ocean near Cape Town. My mom loved the sea. there was a black orb involved. Obsidian black. as though the whole universe was inside this black orb. It was integral in her and part of her being and I saw her as the source of all life. She kept her back to me during this experience. The memory of this is still as clear as it was then and it went on for a fair amount of time. Her lifelong friend was there too. Although she is still with the living. This I couldn't understand. I didn't see my mom again after this.

Past life?

I also was aware of myself as an Indian man living in India atop a tall building and I was responsible for the invention of something that changed the word in a positive way. I thought a great deal about the Bindi people. I don't really understand this but considered that it may be and felt like a past life experience.

My wife:

While in the ICU I felt 2 hands with long nails doling my head. Like woman's hands the right size for my wife's hands. I have pictures of when I was in ICU and there is no space behind the bed to person to stand and hold my head. I was awake and tried to turn to see who it was and asked who is that, who's there, Cath is that you. It lasted a minute or so and it calmed me considerably considering I was usually not in the best emotional space. I asked all the staff at ICU as well as ay visitors I had had and no one had held my head. When I spoke to the nurses they simply said they see this sort of thing. I also have a memory of my wife in the ICU at the hospital she was in in Newcastle. I actually drew the layout for my sons one days and they were shocked at the detail I knew never having been there. I recall time was stopped, she was above her body over her bed and I was on the other side of the room also above everyone. There was no talking just and understanding that she was going and she needed me to stay. This was fairly brief thing from what I can remember. I see it as a memory.

Other things happened regarding her following my awakening. Things like had prints in mirrors and object being moved and so on.

The Light:

The key event I remember was being in the light. It was a brilliant white light but not harsh. And it wasn't from a single source. It was from every source and everywhere. I had the sense of being able to observe myself while at the same time being in myself if that makes sense. I was vaguely aware that others were there but they were beyond my immediate space. A barrier for lack of another word separated then and me. i was there only for a minute before finding myself back in ICU. There wasn't a transition. I was in ICU, thein kind of woke up in the light and then was back to ICU. I even remember thinking to myself. 'This is heaven, they have a heaven here'. My wife mother Pat was holding my had in the light. she too is still with the living and I considered perhaps a shared death experience. When I asked the medical staff if I had ever arrested they gave mixed answers but there doesn't seem to be a record of my arresting. They did say though that I had a number of spells where my oxygen was too low to sustain life. I wasn't here on earth anymore. I was away in the light.

Out of Body:

Sometime after my release I went back to the ICU to visit the staff who saved me. I was chatting about seeing my name at bed space 1. The nurse looked shocked. She explained I count have done. I was unconscious the whole time I was in a bed space 1.I have had other OBE type experiences since my release. but they are less now than before. On one other occasion my son came to me calling in the night. He said I looked like I was having a stroke. I remember being able to see him through my own eyes but also from behind my own head at the same time. this was a disconcerting experience. I have had similar experiences throughout my life even as a child.

Spirit:

After the hands holding my head experience I remember clearly seeing spirit walking around ICU. I got the sense they were of the patients that had died around me. When I asked my son if people had died he told me that lots of them had. It was a hell of a time. I remember seeing shadow like human forms surrounded by a thin bad of brilliant white light. they walked past my bed and turned to look at me, paused and then continued. I didn't feel like I knew them though hence my belief that there were my fellow patients who died while I was there. I had seen one man die before going to the ICU. So there were no drugs or anything to cloud what I saw, just oxygen. He was opposite my bed. He decided to come of high oxygen and was told it was keeping him alive. He said he was ready to go and the medical staff obliged him his request. I must have drifted off to sleep because when I awoke I was being hurriedly moved. I could see him sitting smart as ever in his chair. The staff had dressed him, brushed his hair and out his smart clothes and shoes on. II watched him dies and light emanated and shine from his body. It was brief but I felt he was looking his best to meet someone he loved. After returning home I saw the face of someone to me. I opened my eyes in the night and it was just there in front of me. Maybe a foot away. I got a fright at this. I guess they didn't come ack because of that.

Memory:

They say the memories that don't fade were real events. I feel I need to add that the memories haven't faded. But what is more convincing that these were real events is that they haven't grown either. I believe I'm not supposed to remember what happened in those 30 days. I can't have been nowhere. I must have been somewhere. I have only brief memories of things and what is remarkable no matter how much I read other stories my story remains unchanged It hasn't grown or been embellished. I haven't suddenly remembered some common event many people speak. of. It's just set in memory. as it was 3 years ago. This tells me they are real memories and nit suggested memories like hypnotic suggestion. I wish i could remember more. I have the sense a lot more happened. I have the sense that my wife and I jointly decided she was to go and I was to stay.

Signs:

Signs from both my mom and wife continue. they were fairly frequent in the early days. and remarkable stuff not just wishful thinking. I see less of them now but that could be down to me being once again rooted in this reality. For a good 18 months after returning home I felt as though I was not part of this world anymore.

There are plenty of small things that I've witnessed in addition to the above stories but it was the being in the light that struck me the biggest thing. The OBE experiences too. I hope someday I have a better understanding of what else happened that I don't currently remember. Sometimes I think its a result of trauma and tricks of a grieving mind. And boy do I still grieve. It's emotional writing this all. But then something sticks in the theory that it's all imagined. It felt real. When I was in the light; I had no pain like when I was in the experience. I was whole again. More real than lying in a hospital bed. And I knew when it was delirium and when I was lucid. In my conscious mind I knew these memories to be true. Now I know it's there. I look forward to returning to the light.

Some folks find a new zest for life. And while my business is on track, I have a girlfriend, and I know what my responsibilities are, I really don't want to be here. I'm not suicidal, just ready to go as soon as I'm no longer needed here as much. I pray for the day I see my wife's face again. I also want to know more about where my consciousness went in those 30 days. I feel my memories are being blocked by me, or by something or someone else for a reason.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: October 2021

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness While in a medically induced coma and after the coma Life threatening event, but not clinical death I contracted Covid 19 in October 2021 and went into hospital after 10 days. This was followed by being placed in a medical coma for 30 days, which was followed by a further 26 days in ICU and 3 weeks in rehab. In total I was invasively ventilated for 56 days.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness I can't say it as particularly hyper alertness or anything. I was certainly way more alert and lucid in the experience than when I was aware of myself lying in a hospital bed all trussed up like a turkey with machines wires and piping. But when compared with now. Perhaps a little more alert.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? There are a number of sequential events as I've written but the key memory as of being in the light, of seeing my wife, and of seeing my mom at the ocean. It was so very real. And I feel it is only just out of my reach. Just a breath away. In fact, I sang those lines at my Catherynn's memorial. The Josh Groban Song To where you are.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was different. Cleaner, crisper. But it wasn't necessarily eyes vision. I was once told by a blind friend that vision is more than sight. It was comparable but a bit cleaner than my day to day sight.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember hearing anything. I wasn't aware I couldn't hear. I guess there was stuff to hear but it wasn't in my focus. I didn't speak to anyone nor was I spoken too. It was all mental, communication and not in sentences. Just in terms of mutual knowing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My wife's mom held my hand in heaven even though she hadn't died. She was there with me. I saw my mom. I was also aware of other beings in a more general sense.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The best way to describe it is that I was walking towards a definite destination surrounded by white light and thinking. They have a heaven here. The light didn't come from a source like a lamp or the sun. It was just there and everywhere.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm and peaceful. Compared with the jangled shock I was in when in my body it as quite contrasted.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian I was raised Christian and remain so however do not necessarily subscribe to the traditional narrative. I feel I'm more of a spiritual person in line with what I see as the true teachings of Jesus and others throughout history. I don't go along with churchianity as my grandfather called it. There is too much dogma and historical political influence for me to accept that scripture is the un-tainted word of God. I believe it to be full of truth and represents many spiritual lessons but more literary and metaphorical than verbatim accounts of the story. I follow the example Jesus set. He must have been a hell of a guy to still be relevant 200 years later.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I've returned to church. Although I don't get what I need from church. I spend a lot of time praying to God, my loved ones, guides, whatever. I talk out loud all day to people I believe are around me. I engage with the spiritual all the time in all my decisions and constantly ask for guidance.

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian Similar to what I have accounted for above but perhaps more so now after seeing things that confirm the existence of continued life. For me it's no longer a belief nut a knowing. When people say they have seen the light, the generally mean it as a figure of speech. I've actually seen that light.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I'm not sure that's a fair answer for you. I didn't get too much into thinking about life the universe and everything. I do that a lot now and find myself frustrated at not being shown more but at the time of the experience in the light and the other I wrote about. I would have to say that it was consistent with my beliefs. But like I say I didn't view it from a point of trying to understand it. I was just there for a little bit.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I'm more aware of the things I've gotten wrong in my life thus far. I am acutely aware that I have caused harm and hurt the feelings of others even when not intending to do so and I've become very aware of these behaviors now. Sometime I believe I'm serving some kind of penance staying behind. Not that I was a really bad guy. I believe I'm a good guy but as with all people I suppose. I've done some stuff in my life that could've gone better. Stuff I would do differently if given another chance. I do think some weird stuff though. Some days I still pray Its all delirium and I'll wake up in ICU with all this having been a prolonged experience.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I suspect the experience I wrote about being an Indian man in some kind of important role having invented something significant that changed the world. I've tried to research this but t=with no luck.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain It didn't occur to me to think about it. I believe we are all constituent of God but to try and answer properly, no It didn't cross my mind. I was too surprised to be fair.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I definitely felt I had died and continued to live. I don't belief in death per se. I believe in continued life. But to try and answer properly, yes. I thought consciously I was in heaven having dies in the ICU.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt general live. For my mom in law who was with me, for people in general. Everything was good. It felt right.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I've become a lot more concerned with philosophy and faith in a spiritual sense since my experiences. I always was interested in all of this but far more now than before and try read and study everything I can. I tend to understand les what my purpose is though. I guess it's to see to my sons but they're grown now. I'm at a loss for what's left for me. I am an author of the material I work with so possibly that will help some folks, but I find myself a lot more uncertain about the goal or purpose of my life. I find myself constantly questioning what the reason for everything is. I also have little interest in staying in this world any longer than I need to. People I know don't want to die. I couldn't imagine a worse fate. I now strive for more than before to try understand it all. I just wish I could remember more of what happened to me. I think that would answer a lot of questions.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I make more time for family now. especially distant family in other countries. I'm also more tolerant. It's not important anymore to make my point or get someone to align with my thinking. It just doesn't matter anymore. I'd rather just enjoy spending time with them.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It was a brief release from the restraint of being paralyzed and locked in and in a lot of pain with the mental shock and trauma of having just lost my mom and wife. It was relief to leave all that behind. I remember it more clearly because I was more at ease.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I've seen spirit. heard spirit, I see people more clearly. It's beginning to fade though.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Seeing my mom. She doesn't send too many signs now. I am glad I got to see her young and brimming with life again. She was in older lady when she passed. She looked young and vibrant and the source of life to me. And of course, the experience of seeing my wife. I get signs from her but much fewer than before. I hold on to those experiences that couldn't be explained away. Seeing spirit in ICU. Thats was absolutely real. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Only later down the line did it occur to me that I had seen. These things are all so important to me. I just wish I could regain some more of the sensitivity to the other side I had at the time. I guess I was just that close to it I could see it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes With a few of the medical staff but they didn't show much interest. Some of the nurses were intrigued but they are limited in what they can indulge in. They see this all the time though I'm told. I've told my family and a few friends.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I've read about them before and kind of dismissed them as brain created imagery. I believe they are real but always a sceptic. I didn't realize what to call it till much later after my experience. there was an aha moment when I realized it was an NDE. until then it was stuff in my memory like any other day to day event.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Yeah definitely real. No question about it. As I say, I knew when I was suffering delirium and it wasn't that. When delirium set in its like being on drugs. The sense of a clouded mind is palpable. Can't quite rasp what's going on. My NDE was nothing like that. No brain fog or weight on my mind such as happens when drugged. Drugs subdue the mind. My NDE liberated it. completely opposite sensations.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I do question it. I'm a sceptic as well sometimes. But I can't explain how it wouldn't be real. a trick of a grieving mind? drugs? No. It was real. it felt differently to when I've recovered from anesthetics before or had medication that subdues mental activity. It's very different.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I think I've covered it all. It's a series of events surrounding my coma and they could be viewed as one ongoing event or as separate events all linked by the time I was somewhere else. There are lots of little synchronicities and additional signs from spirit I haven't included and I happy to share those if they will contribute but I feel I have covered the key points of the handful of most striking events.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I can't think of anything at the moment.

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