Holly G NDE

Experience Description

My Trips to the Other side and Back

My first NDE experience occurred in 1995 during emergency surgery. I was 27 years old and almost 5 months pregnant. I had been having an easy pregnancy up to that point, I was young and healthy and was even exercising and riding horses throughout my pregnancy. All of a sudden, I began to have extreme pain in my lower abdomen that turned into unrelenting, stabbing pain, and after a few hours my fiancé rushed me to the hospital.

I was taken into emergency surgery a couple of days later after they exhausted all efforts to pinpoint the cause of my pain and discomfort with no luck. The surgeon suspected that, given the fact I had a huge abdominal scar from an accidental shooting a few years prior, that there were scar adhesions from the scar tissue possibly wrapped around my intestines and causing an intestinal blockage. They couldn't accurately diagnose the root cause of whatever was causing me to decline rapidly (i.e. high blood pressure, alarming blood work etc.), mainly because I was pregnant, and they were reluctant to give me much for pain, or perform many tests on me for fear of damaging my unborn child. I also wasn't able to move my bowels at that point, so they suspected an intestinal blockage as the main cause, which was becoming more life threatening by the moment at the point they decided to operate, my body was deteriorating quickly. The plan was to open me up, remove the baby (my gynecologist was present in the operating room), check my abdomen for a possible blockage, repair whatever they find, return the baby to my abdomen and sew me back up.

I was wheeled into the operating room and I remember thinking all I wanted was for them to put me to sleep so I could have some rest and relief from the pain...the next thing I recall was being enveloped in such a feeling of complete love, like it was washing all over me, comforting me and reassuring me that I was ok and not to worry. I felt as if I had just taken a short step up and to the right of me from my physical body, an important fact that would come back to me in the future and take center stage with my second near death experience years later. There was a sense of darkness around me, but there was a distant, warm, glowing light that seemed to silhouette the presence of human-like forms around me and off in the distance. While I didn't immediately recognize any of the shadow figures, I had the sense that they all knew me and were there to comfort and calm my fears. I felt like I was in some sort of holding area (for lack of better words), like I was just in the train station waiting for my train to arrive (the surgeons to finish working on me), and I would resume my travels as soon as the train arrived (go back to my physical body).

I was free from pain, fear, and every distressing emotion I had been experiencing the past few days. Then I felt the presence of my Nanny. She was my father's mother, who had passed away a few years prior, and who I was always very close to and I missed her terribly. I remember feeling comfort and warmth, and wanted to stay there forever near my Nanny. I always felt comforted by her whenever life got stressful, or as stressful as life can be for a pre-teenage kid.

It wasn't that I was told anything directly, but I "understood" what was going on, without needing to be explicitly told about the experience. I just knew, I understood with immediate clarity that it was my Nanny who was "speaking" to me, or rather was directly connecting her thoughts and love to me with an all-consuming, nonjudgmental and total love and comfort. I feel it in my heart as I type this and relive my experience. My heart is swelling with love and I'm experiencing a deep-seated longing to experience that complete and totally encompassing love again, however it is tempered with the understanding that I am where I'm supposed to be at this time in my life. I also remember that I wanted to stay in the suspended state of love, I longed to go on with my Nanny and stay within the safety and comfort of this overwhelming love and peace, however she told me I couldn't stay there, it wasn't my time. It was like a brief flash of understanding that I had to go back to my physical body, my life and family and friends and also that I needed to prepare myself for the fact that my child wouldn't survive after delivery. A fact that was forefront in my mind as soon as I regained consciousness.

I ended up recovering from surgery quickly, going back to a somewhat normal routine of pregnancy, however I began to go into premature labor and was placed on bedrest prior to finally delivering my son, at about 32 weeks. He was born so prematurely, and at only just over one pound at birth, he also suffered from such extensive brain damage and underdeveloped lungs that he could barely be kept alive by artificial means. After a lot of discussions with my family and the doctors, we opted, as a family, to turn off life support and let his soul return to God.

After many visits to specialists and geneticists, they determined that the trauma to the fetus occurred during surgery. My blood pressure bottomed out is what the Dr explained, he said in layman's terms I coded on them during surgery, resulting in oxygen being cut off to the baby for long enough that it caused severe brain damage to my unborn child. I was overcome by grief and inconsolable for a while at losing my son, but it's hard to explain that I wasn't shocked or found the experience too much for me, that I sort of knew things would turn out this way. I hadn't allowed anyone to throw me a baby shower or begin readying the baby's room...I knew that it wasn't necessary, and as well as I know my own name, I knew that I would be giving my son back to God shortly after his birth.

I had a strange calmness inside, knowing that my Nanny and my guardian angels were always with me, to comfort me through this horrific time in my life. I also had no fear of death any longer, somehow innately knowing that when we die on this earthly plane that our souls carry on indefinitely. I knew, instinctively, that the loss of my child was directly related to my life's plan, or path, that I had set out for myself. The thought was there to comfort me when I would have an especially hard day, it would pop into my thoughts as soon as I would begin to have negative thoughts or extreme sadness over the loss of my child. I woke up from surgery with this knowledge. I knew that I was given this information by my Nanny and whoever the entities were around me during my experience during surgery. I knew, without question, that nothing that happens to us or around us, even so far as the people in our lives, were there by accident. I understood that everything to do with our lives was by our own plan, and choosing, even before we were born. I had a newfound clarity, and knew that I had more in me than what I felt capable of, and I wasn't limited any longer by the fact that I felt somehow lost, or adrift with my life.

I had clear goals for myself now that never seemed to be of concern to me before. I knew I needed to finish college, and that I wanted to continue with Martial Arts and go back to riding my horses like I did when I was younger and had more time. I also knew I had to travel, something I had loved doing with my family since I was young. I longed to travel to Europe (which I ended up doing multiple times in the next decade or two since my first experience). I also had a newfound appreciation for everything. Taste, sound, color, life, it all had new meaning for me. I was excited to be alive and I began on my years long quest to follow my dreams and aspirations. It was as if everything was clear to me now that seemed daunting or confusing to me before. I knew that I was loved, had a purpose for my life, and that I could accomplish anything I put my mind to in this life.

The next decade of my life would find me rise to the top of my profession, complete an associates degree in Computer Information Systems, compete in amateur rodeos and earn my first and second degree Black Belt ranks in Tae Kwon Do. I traveled the world for both work and pleasure and was driven to succeed in every endeavor of my life. I worked, enjoyed my life as much as I could and didn't slow down. I somehow managed to find time to also travel and compete in local and national martial arts tournaments, earning top five honors in each of the events I competed in respectively. I felt like life was on a never-ending whirlwind. I wished I had more time with family and friends, however I managed to spend time with them whenever possible. I was fast tracking my life, with nothing but job stability and amassing savings and investments at the forefront of my mind. As much as my first NDE experience turned my life around, the second did just the same, in a different way. I ended up leaving a 25 year relationship that was toxic and abusive, left a career I loved and a life that I came to be just comfortable within.

My second NDE occurred when I was 42 years old and had gone into for a "routine" laparoscopic surgery to repair scar adhesions in my abdomen (which were suspected to be causing some health problems). As much as the first NDE changed the trajectory of my life, this next NDE would eventually (in the decade or so after the second NDE), turn my life in another completely different direction.

Scars breed scar adhesions that can grow and attack your insides with a deadly vengeance. They wrap around your organs, intestines or anything they can attach themselves to, and can cause serious damage to you intestines or basically any organ that it comes into contact with. This was the suspected problem at the time, and after months of health problems, tests and visits to doctors and specialists, so began my next trip to a surgeon and subsequently another abdominal surgery to explore scar adhesion damage to my abdomen.

I went from riding my horse in the woods with friends on a beautiful Sunday, basically healthy and very much alive, to being inexplicably sick after surgery the very next day and ultimately fighting for my life for the next few weeks. After what was supposed to be a relatively quick laparoscopic outpatient surgery, I was held for observation in the hospital longer than expected due to less than desirable stats (blood pressure and temperature) and a general feeling of all over pain and nausea. Each day began with the hopes I would be better that day and released to go home, however I was declining each day, with no visible cause.

This went on for almost a week, with constant tests and blood work being administered around the clock looking for answers to my declining health. I had many friends and family members voice the opinion that the surgeon most likely nicked my intestines, however the surgeon wasn't admitting fault, and without some clear indicator what was wrong with me, I was basically at the mercy of my body and tests results to figure out what was wrong with me.

It was a week after my first, initial surgery, that things took a turn for the worse. The surgeon's partner came in for late afternoon rounds and was telling my family and I that she was going to release me that evening, as there wasn't anything in my bloodwork or tests giving them clear answers to what could be wrong with me. Despite the fact that I hadn't eaten or moved my bowels since the first surgery, they were ready to release me from their care, and further liability we assumed. I actually had been treated during this hospital stay for one surgical wound that had become infected, the skin bubbling and turning black on my lower left abdomen. It was this wound that would basically save my life. My mother brought it to the attention of the surgeon's partner, who sprung into action upon closer inspection. If I would have gone home that evening, where I lived in a small country town, an hour away from any quality hospital care, I would have most certainly died from complications that night.

After my mother pointed out that the dr hadn't looked at my problematic wound, and upon inspection of this wound, which was even more black and disgusting than it had been even that morning, they noticed further indications of a septic rash spreading from the wound through my lower abdomen. It was clear to them then what had most likely happened, which was my intestines had been cut during the first surgery and I had been slowly dying from e-coli poisoning, which had turned my body septic and was beginning to shut down my organs, and could quickly lead to death if it wasn't arrested and reversed.

My kidneys and lungs were shutting down and my bloodwork was cause enough for alarm on its own, with insanely high white blood cell count and other indicators infection was ravaging throughout my body. They proceeded to inform us that I was in septic shock and needed to be rushed back into surgery asap. By the time they wheeled me to the surgical suite, the rash had spread around my lower back and upward through my mid back and lungs. My lungs were burning and it was becoming increasingly hard to breathe, I remember being too sick to even have the presence of mind to pray, and the thought crossed my mind that I hope I hadn't been too much of a sinner in my past that God wouldn't allow me into heaven. Then the real battle for my life began.

I was rushed into surgery to repair whatever damage was caused by the first surgery, as well as to debride my insides of infection. It was after my second surgery in less than a week that I began having Near Death experiences, during times when I would be seemingly wide awake. It was more like a dreaming state, or what I guess you could term as sort of waking "fugue" state where I would drift off into animated and often lengthy conversations with whoever it was that I happened to be sensing just above and to the right of me. I would come back to this dimension and catch my mother watching me with wide eyes and her mouth agape, with a look of shock and confusion on her face. Often I would come back to her dimension (for lack of a better way to explain my perception of the events) to find my hands in the air, and myself gesturing to someone just above and to the right of me.

These "fugue states" or what seems to me to have been more like a visit with friends, occurred when I would be either laying in the hospital bed propped up somewhat, or sitting in a chair in my hospital room. For weeks I was very seriously ill with sepsis, and soon facing a third surgery to explore my abdomen for any "leaks or holes" and to debride my insides for infection.

It was during the time between the surgeries and my release from the hospital that these "fugue states'', or visits kept occurring, all the while my body was close to giving out on me, and at times I was in so much pain and so sick that I wished at times I would die, just to escape the painful existence. I would ask my mother if she could make out what I was saying, or who I was talking to, and she never could seem to make sense of it. She would just say that I was having, what appeared to her, to be very animated and clear conversations with someone she couldn't see. I wasn't delirious or having hallucinations, in fact I was often very lucid and clear headed, pain being my only nemesis for many long weeks and months after surgery.

I would drift in and out of these fugue states for a couple of weeks, the content of which escapes me completely, however I have the feeling I was in the presence of my guardian angels, who were explaining heaven to me and what to expect should I cross over. I still had a strong desire to live, if only for the sake of my mother and immediate family and friends, who were so visibly worried about me that I didn't want to cause them further pain and anguish should I pass away and leave a hole in their lives.

I wasn't able to sleep more than a few minutes at a time, the pain being constant. I used my breathing exercises I learned through many years in martial arts classes to help me control the pain, along with deep meditation. Come to think of it, I may have aided in my own transition between dimensions due to the fact I tried to just concentrate on my breathing and mind body control...there is no way to accurately describe the pain I was in. My abdomen was basically a wide open infected wound at this point, which was ultimately hooked up to a wound vac that was run by inserting sponges deep into my surgical wounds (from below my breaststroke to my pelvic area).

The sponges would have to be replaced daily, and my wound gauze changed out multiple times a day. They would remove the packing, clean and debride the wound (while i was awake) and then replace the packing, sponges and tape the wound vac to my abdomen.

This went on for months until my stomach finally healed up enough to remove the wound vac. The pain being indescribable and almost unbearable to the point that I felt like I would never be free from the agony. Despite being given morphine for pain, I was fast to try and wean myself off the pain meds during my hospital stay, mainly because I just wanted to get better and go home. I meditated and practiced breath control all day and night, just trying to get my mind off the constant pain. It could have been for this reason I kept having the visits to another dimension, or whatever it can be described as. There were many of these visits, or fugue states, but only two of them are still clear in my mind.

One such fugue state, or visit as I think of them, stands out in my memory vividly still to this day. I was sitting in a chair next to my mother in the hospital room when I started to drift above and to the right of where we were sitting. The only way I can describe it is, that it seemed as if I just took a couple steps up a stairway over to the right of where my physical body resided in the hospital room. I was in the most beautiful wooded area, with a flowering field that stretched out beyond the area where I was standing/floating/existing, and seemed full of the brightest green imaginable. There were colors of wildflowers in beautiful hues of blues, purple and multi colors that I can't describe with my limited vocabulary. It was serene and beautiful, and suddenly I messed myself flying on the back of some type of animal...it wasn't a horse, yet some type of mythical beast I guess you could say. This big, beautiful beast galloped with me freely through the fields. I was riding as I lived to do, albeit in another dimension. I felt as if some unknown question had been answered, whether I could enjoy the pleasure of riding my horses in the afterlife. I felt as if I was teetering between the earthly plane and some other dimension, just above and to the right of me.

One other vision stands out as still a vivid memory, one which I can still remember clearly. This one being more of a final descent that i was reluctant to follow, and seemed to be very brief, like only a split second. I had lost a great amount of blood, and after my third surgery, I was weak and in so much pain, I wondered if and when my body would just die from the shock of what it had been through. I closed my eyes, from a sitting position in a chair in the hospital room. I immediately began going through a black spiraling tunnel, and felt myself being drawn into it...I was scared, and realized I didn't really want to die. I opened my eyes and made myself come back to reality, and I don't think I slept for the next few days at all, mainly because I was afraid if I closed my eyes, I would see the tunnel again, and I wanted to live. When I snapped out of it, my heart was racing and I had the startled sensation of having just narrowly escaped something, I was certain it was the finality of my human existence and the sensation of being pulled toward what I clearly understood was another dimension. I truly feel like I was on the final descent to the afterlife, and I had pulled myself out at the last second. No messages or great revelations followed this; however, I feel like I understand it for just what it was.

The next few years were difficult, to say the least. My body took almost a year to return to somewhat "normal". My goals were simple, but daunting and painful, having spent most of my life a well-toned athlete, I was now struggling to walk for long periods of time, and had so many residual health problems, one of which included my hair falling out, quite possibly from the anesthesia.

I was eventually able to return to work and some of the activities I loved, and go back to life as I knew it, which had basically become such a scheduled and regimented existence that I did enjoy the break my illness had given me, no matter the cost. I tried to find passion in the things I once thought were the most important, however something had shifted inside of me. Somehow I wasn't the same, I didn't think the same, I had gained a more empathetic sense toward life, friends and family were suddenly the most important aspects of my life. I managed to go back to work after being off for almost a year recovering, however health problems started to plague me, and I was more susceptible to catching colds, the flu and I've even had a few serious bouts with pneumonia since the onset of Sepsis. My body wasn't my own any longer, and I struggled with depression, mainly due to the fact that I felt like such a different person, I wasn't sure how to proceed with life.

I now seemed to be able to sense when someone was being less than honest with me, and at work I took a more laid-back approach to issues that before were points of stress for me. I couldn't get the same sense of urgency I once had at work, seeing through the ridiculous drama that follows when you have a few hundred folks working closely with one another. I could see through the bullshit so to speak. I could not stand to see the dirty underbelly that could sometimes be my management position. Feeling more of a sense of protection for my employees, not that I wasn't still dedicated to my employer, I just could not get behind some of the things they asked of us as a management employee. My world view had changed, my body had changed, I felt sickly and weak with each passing day, week, month. Suddenly my health and family took center stage in my life. I had worked so hard physically to get back to where I used to be, but it wasn't the same. I eventually, after 25 years with my employer, decided to take an early retirement and live my plan. My health had deteriorated to the point that I lived in constant and unrelenting pain and exhaustion. I tried my best to keep going with full time work, but my body was not my own any longer it seemed. I felt like less of a person because I couldn't keep up the fast paced life I was used to. It's still hard to come to terms with this different life I live, however I am married to a man I love deeply, and am happier with than any relationship that I've had in my past. He is my soulmate, we are like minded and understand each other on a much higher degree than I can put into words. We found each other shortly after I had changed my life, and gotten out of a previous relationship that I had tried for many years to manage, unsuccessfully (as did he).

I have to remind myself that this is MY plan, my life course, and nothing that happens to me wasn't carefully planned out. I understood that, it's which path or course I choose to take at certain junctures in my life that define my life here on earth.

I've had and continue to have, a heightened sense of the spiritual, having so many separate encounters with the supernatural that it could fill a book. I feel almost reclusive at times, where I once loved crowds, concerts or any type of amusement park or outdoor setting, I found myself avoiding these situations. Mainly out of the sense that I would feel overwhelmed with emotions, often feeling intense and overpowering emotions, to both extremes of either happy, sad, scared, depressed...I feel like I can't handle the sensory overload.

I've had moments of clarity, or dejavu, whether it be situations or people, how they interact with me on a more vibrational level. I feel like I become so overwhelmed with whatever emotions someone may be experiencing, if someone is upset and telling me a story, I can't help but become emotional to the point that I feel the same thing they do, whether happy, sad or mad, I seem to be right there with em in an emotional sense. I was once at one of our local week long festivals, camping with some friends, when one suggested that we go into one of the tents for a reading by a Cherokee Indian lady. I was blown away by the facts and history that she gave me, she was so dead on with some of the things she said to me I was overwhelmed and cried through most of the reading. She did tell me about my own American Indians Cherokee heritage, and told me I'm an Empath, and proceeded to explain to me that it's both a blessing and somewhat of a curse. Being that the Empath can take on too many of another person's feelings and emotions, it can be both overwhelming at times and life altering. It just served to pique my curiosity about my family history and where my ancestors came from.

I've been basically obsessed with reading and watching things related to Near Death experiences, reincarnation, even alien encounters and everything that goes with the subject. I feel like certain parts of what was revealed to me during my second MDE is still unfolding and being revealed to me over time, it's just a gut feeling I have about it, although I would be interested to hear what hypnosis may reveal about my experiences, I'm scared to unveil things that I may not be intended to learn just yet. I feel like it's supposed to unfold in time, however I'm so curious to know what the content of my many "visits" while I was so deathly sick, it's almost an obsession at times (when I'm focused on reliving those events).

The message I really wanted to convey is that the love and peace I felt was a direct result of the Almighty, God, Krishna, Buddha...whatever name you give to the supreme ruler of the universe, the love I felt came from (my) God! It doesn't matter what name you give it, there is this Being, this Love, this all accepting and everlasting Force that is connected to us all. Every human being, living creature, plant, water, trees...we are all loved and connected to one another through the Great Almighty. This I know, and I'm certain of. This knowledge just IS, I somehow am adamant about this fact, I don't question this knowledge, but accept it and find peace within this knowing. We are all loved, and can tap into that otherworldly love at our choosing.

We don't have to die to find this love and acceptance, we just need to ask for it. When I meditate and sit quietly, whether I'm trying to control a serious bout of pain from arthritis or back pain or just need to clear my head and negative thoughts, I can ask for God's healing love to surround me, and cover me with His love and healing energy. It works, and I'm living proof.

Meditation is our way of controlling our energy, and when we are sick, depressed, sad or angry, it's the ONE way we can stop what is going on around us and take back control of our emotions and pain. I'm not claiming to have mystical powers or some secretive method, we all have this ability. These experiences have made solid in my belief that there IS an afterlife, we all are destined to die one day and experience what every other human before us has experienced. Our true test on earth is to find happiness, peace and joy in life and to spread that love with others. My second NDE woke me up to that fact. I KNOW that I'm loved, and that we all are loved equally and completely. We are all watched over by the spirits of our family and friends who have passed on before us, as well as guardian angels and an all knowing, all loving God (or whatever name you choose to give the Almighty Creator).

Thank you all for taking the time to read my story. I feel like, since even the first NDE, that my main purpose is to share, teach others by speaking to them in whatever personal tone they take from my message. I've always loved teaching, it's always been my calling I believe, I trained for many years at the Airline I worked for, also many years as a martial arts and fitness instructor, I've trained my dogs, horses, parrot, cats lol. I miss my job terribly, and never wanted to retire so early, but due to a myriad of health problems I was forced to accept the fact that I can't control my body, and cannot force it to perform like I was once used to. I pray that I find my next purpose in life. I have many small purposes, but I still feel like I'm missing somehow my bigger purpose. I try to accept and find peace in knowing that my life will unfold in due time and I will be led to where I am supposed to be, at the exact time I'm supposed to be led there. Whether it's someone dealing with a health issue or spiritual issue, my story may touch them in some way, this is my prayer.

If you have time for a powerful story of witness, please read on. I have so many other similar stories of encounters with others, and signs from others in a different dimension than ours.

A year or two after my second NDE and about with Sepsis, I was talking with a coworker. We were having a casual conversation when I said "Things could always be worse" (a phrase I use often, it's true), it riled her up, she snarled back, "I hate it when someone says that to me, things are pretty awful right now".

When I pressed her for details, she told me about her recent surgery and how she still felt horrible, even worse with each passing day. I told her about my abdominal surgery, in detail the pains and symptoms I had prior to being diagnosed with sepsis and nicked intestines. She had been feeling bad since her surgery two months prior and had gone to the doctor a few times since to complain of the pain and nausea, overall feeling of exhaustion and unease. The doctor sent her away after examining her each time, telling her he couldn't find anything wrong. She was angry that he wouldn't take her concerns seriously.

Surgeons are human and subject to mistakes like anyone, I'm not trying to condemn surgeons, I've had many, many wonderful and caring doctors and surgeons take excellent care of me! She recognized that her symptoms matched mine totally, and she was scared even more so now that she realized the severity of her situation. I urged her to demand that the doctor looked closer at her symptoms. She did return to the doctor after our conversation, they found nicked intestines and had to go in surgically and repair her intestines. She was seriously ill for a long time after our conversation; however, she did thank me for prompting her toward finding a cause. I told her she was put in my path for a reason, and I wasn't really the one to thank (God leads us into each other's lives for a PURPOSE, always)!

The damage was so bad at that point, they had to put her on a colostomy bag for a period of time (not long after they found breast cancer, my prayers are still with her). I don't compare tragedies, but I have to say her ordeal seemed to me to be much more challenging and mentally tough (given her added health problems of the breast cancer that was found after her second surgery).

So, thank you again, to those of you who provide us with these invaluable groups and organizations. I am so thankful and grateful to have come across NDERF, and am just learning about some of the other organizations and websites available to those of us with like minds.

It's been therapeutic beyond belief for me to write out my story, and hear so many comments and private messages. Any of you who have told me that either you or a friend have stories of NDE, I urge you to share the experience with us! Love and peace my friends ❤

Holly G
Otisco, IN. USA

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1995 and 2010

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related While under general anesthesia My second NDE (s) were spread out over about 3 weeks, during a stay in the hospital when I was critical. Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was 5 months pregnant during my first NDE and critically ill, the experience was during emergency surgery. My second NDE(s) I was critically ill with Sepsis and infected wounds.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was acutely alert and aware, and time seemed to have little meaning, I was overcome by the experiences I was going through and completely emerged within each one.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During when I must have coded (my bp dropped during surgery), I became aware of family members and other entities around me, I had a heightened sense of love, comfort, relief from pain. My second NDE, I had a few visits, or visions, I'm not sure of which term to use for the things I experienced. Bo tried to explain in detail in my story submission. I felt like the experiences were more real and vivid than the human life I lead.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time didn't really matter or have an influence on my experience. It seemed like it all happened quickly, and all at once. I can sequence the events during one NDE, as first observing the scene before me and clearly going from being an observer to an instant participant, on the back of a beast, riding it through the fields, running at top speed (as I love to do on my horses)!

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Every sense was heightened, or at least the senses I remember being employed...my sight was more enhanced, my hearing seemed instantaneous as if I understood thoughts and literally felt the emotions of the beings I associated with.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I can't say that I heard anything, it was instant thoughts conveyed back and forth between myself and whoever I was associating with. My grandmother's thoughts filled my head instantly, i seemed to also be getting answers to questions I didn't realize I was thinking, or if I did think them, it was such an instantaneous return of answers that it was split second, like a flash.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes During one of my visits, or fugue states during my second NDE's, I clearly came to a black tunnel (I can instantly see it in my minds eye as I type this). I understood it was a point of no return to my earthly body. I made the choice instantly that I didn't want to die and snapped myself back to reality. I understood this for exactly what it was. I was sick and had been THINKING that I wanted to die to escape the pain and fear I was experiencing. I chose not to, I wanted to return and life my earthly life, and I understood that the choice was mine.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My grandmother, and I sensed friends and family (some of whom I had never met personally), gathered around me to calm my fears and share with me their love and energy. During my second NDE's (I say NDE 's plural, because I had many instances into another dimension during a three-week period in the hospital). I can't accurately describe who the beings were, I sensed God and an everlasting and all-encompassing being, as well as guardian angels. I can't recall the exact details of many of the short visits into another dimension. I did have one instance where I was riding a horse like animal, however I didn't identify with the beautiful beast as being one my my horses or other animals who had passed.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes During my first NDE, I saw unearthly beings, or entities, dark black, silhouetted against a peacefully glowing white light that seemed to stretch forever off in the distance.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was a soft, glowing white light in the distance (during my first NDE). One of my second and I guess third NDE, I was in an unearthly beautiful field if multi colored flowers and trees with a beautiful blue sky, running through a lush bright blueish green field on the back of a magnificent beast.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peaceful Love, all-encompassing love that surrounded my entire body and wrapped me in a warm, soft feeling. I felt loved and accepted, at peace and with no pain or fear. I didn't have concerns of my earthly life like I had been experiencing during my illness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I clearly woke up from my first surgery, knowing that my child wouldn't survive very long after I eventually gave birth to him, but I knew I would be OK, and that I needed to pay close attention to the lessons I would learn from the entire experience. We returned his soul to God shortly after his birth due to birth defects. I came out of that experience with a clear understanding that we chart our own path in this earthly plane. The life we live is chosen by us, we have to be responsible for the outcome of each twist and turn, and we PLAN our lives, we can't blame anyone for any type of bad patch we go through in life or feel sorry we've seemingly drawn the short stick at times. I knew we were supposed to learn from each positive or negative event in our lives. I had a clear vision for my future and was driven to succeed after my first NDE. I did succeed in many areas of my life in the years following my first NDE. My second NDE's showed me that there is a beautiful afterlife that we all get to experience in our own unique way. That we can make the best of our lives with a positive outlook on life and how we treat others. Even our thoughts affect our lives, and positive thoughts and actions are the

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future The first MDE, I woke with the understanding that my unborn child would t survive long after birth. The other NDEs were more of being shown the afterlife, or rather where my soul would go after my earthly body had died.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will During my first NDE, I wanted to stay and bask in the warmth of the enveloping love and joy I felt. I wanted to stay free from the pain I had been through, I knew there was much more was to come, and I didn't want to go back to my body. I was told, or telepathically understood that I couldn't stay, I wasn't meant to go at that time.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian I had gone to Methidist church with family and friends and wanted to believe in God, but I was unsure of what to make of the Bible and if there actually was a God.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I don't think I can label my beliefs now, some New Age mixed with Hindu, Buddhist, Christian...my whole belief structure changed after my NDE's.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I always believed somewhat in God and Jesus Christ, but never understood completely who they were, I wasn't sure if I believed what I had been told was true. I was skeptical of their existence...now I firmly and adamantly believe in the existence of a Supreme Creator, or God to me personally.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes My belief in the afterlife and a supreme all loving Creator was solidified. Also, that those we live and have lost will be with us again.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin My first NDE, I felt the presence of my grandmother (my Nanny on my father's side), who had passed a few years prior. I didn't recognize the other beings, however I feel that they were relatives and friends, soul mates so to speak, and guardian angels. They were there to comfort me and calm my fears. My second NDE, which were many, many short and longer visits or times when I seemed to cross into a different dimension. I sensed, and still sense, that it's just up and to the right of me. I had no sense of time; I know once my family member said I had been having a vivid conversation with someone she couldn't see for over 20 minutes (earth time ;-)

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes The first NDE, I understood my child would not live far beyond birth, but that it was part of my own choosing in a sense, that I make my life plan before I come into earthly existence. I understood that I was responsible for the path of my own life, and others were in my life or would come to be in my life according to my own plan. I know that I am loved and not judge harshly by our Supreme Creator or God.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I understood immediately that we are all connected to each other, the universe, every tree, insect and living creature. Our thoughts, actions and the way we treat one another is what we will judge OURSELVES on when we die. Along with our guardian angels, our soul group members and God, we'll review and judge our own lives when we pass on. That we are all connected to one another.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I just awoke with an understanding that there IS a supreme being, that loves and accepts every one of us.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I just felt driven, like I knew my purpose in life, after my first NDE. My next few NDEs seemed to reveal to me that I shouldn't fear death and the afterlife. I knew I came to this earth to follow my plan, and that I have a clear purpose (although I don't know exactly what that is, lol), that I would know and follow my life's path to eventually reveal my purpose.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I understood immediately that we are all connected to each other, the universe, every tree, insect and living creature. Our thoughts, actions and the way we treat one another is what we will judge OURSELVES on when we die. Along with our guardian angels, our soul group members and God, we'll review and judge our own lives when we pass on. That we are all connected to one another. Our lives are rich with meaning and purpose, we can tap into and ask for Gods healing energy and love any time we wish. We don't have to die to feel this love and deep connection to one another and the universe.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes During all if my NDEs, I understood that there was a glorious and beautiful afterlife that we shouldn't fear. I understand that we are all lived and there is a God (in my personal view), or for others of different faiths, whatever name they wish to give the Great Creator of the universe and all of the souls and unearthly beings.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain I have yet to remember every detail of each instance during my second illness and subsequent NDE's, however I feel like it's being unveiled to me as my life on earth progresses. I have moments of clarity and self-awareness that is so intense and acute at times, I feel like it's part of the junctures and premonitions in my life, that it's part of my plan that I need to pay close attention to these feelings and situations.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes That I charted my own life path and the experiences I have and will continue to have in the future were chosen by myself and my soul group, or other worldly beings who watch over me and care for me deeply.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That we are all loved by a Supreme Being, or Creator, God. We are made of love, and can and should spread love and positivity to the world, family, friends, strangers.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I wrote in detail in my main story about the changes in my life covering a span of 20 years after my first NDE, and specifically about the radically changes in my life after both my first MDE (I was then driven to succeed and understood life had meaning and purpose). Then after my second NDE, everything I thought was important to me in life was upended. Wealth, work and partying and playing hard were no longer central aspects of what I saw as being my life purpose or reason for living. I suddenly shifted my view on the world, I saw things differently, I felt things differently, I could sense things and situations where things were shady r dangerous or when someone was being dishonest with me. I began to have many, many very real and even witnessed encounters with the supernatural, spiritual, otherworldly. Whether it's loved ones who have passed on and their signs sent to me when I think of them and pray for their guidance, to deep meditations that I now make a central part of my life. I know to ask for and receive God's healing touch and energy. I am determined to try and learn everything I can about what I've been through, and try to understand how to manage and control myself through meditation and spending time with likeminded folks. I'm so thankful I (finally, and at the right time) came across NDERF and some of the other organizations and special people who are a central part of the whole consciousness movement. The more I read and the more I understand about NDE's and the aftereffects of folks who have experienced a NDE, the more I feel like I've been directed towards this information to help me understand what I've been through. The importance of this research and studies of the information and life changes and affects to each of us is not lost on me.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I left a 25 year relationship that was abusive and toxic a few years after my second NDE. I left my career, retired earlier than I had originally planned to and have a completely different life, now with a husband and step sons and extended family that I love dearly w,

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I feel like my story and description doesn't do my actual experiences justice. The are no words in any language to accurately describe the beauty of the colors and the vastness of love and acceptance I felt.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I remember the accounts I've written about in detail, however a lot of the content that I was given the knowledge of or experienced in my second, third, fourth etc. NDEs over the period of three weeks critically ill aren't clear to me. I've considered hypnosis, I'm curious almost to the point of obsession with finding out what I experienced.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I feel vibrations from people, situations and either feel too much of their negative or positive energy, or I am so overwhelmed by places or people that I tend to avoid them. I have a heightened sense of the supernatural I guess you could say, I've had so many experiences I couldn't begin to tell them all in thus forum. I've had one instance in the clown motel in Nevada, along with my husband, who felt an entity on our bed (an extremely cold spot that we both sensed then felt, amazed and in awe). I have asked for and received ear messages from loved ones (my father and son who have both passed sent me a message in the clouds this past mother's day, I took a picture as the clouds dissipated, the words 'C ME' still readable in the clouds by the time I snapped the pic. I try to keep an open mind about the world among us.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Many, all of which have sent me in different directions in my life. First, toward career and personal goals that sent me to the top of my chosen profession, having been promoted into management where I was most happy. To also advancing in sports (martial arts and rodeo) to a degree that would have eventually sent me on a track towards the Olympics had I continued on the path of National competition and corporate sponsorships. To another completely different direction in life after my send, third, fourth etc. NDEs. I saw life differently; family and friends were more important than anything else. I changed careers and changed relationships (both changes were extremely difficult for me to go thru, painful and frightening).

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real All of my NDE's were more real to me than this life I go through on earth. It's difficult to explain, I feel like my existence on earth is foggy in a sense, like when I was experiencing the other dimensions it was vivid, remarkable and very, very real. Technicolor!

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was vivid, more real even as I describe all if my NDE's years, decades later. I don't question the memory at all! Like when you have q recollection, and some parts of the memory aren't quite clear, you question yourself internally or out loud. There is none of that with my recollections, both of my NDE's and my spiritual encounters over the years. Clear as a bell.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I can reproduce, for lack of a more precise word for what I feel when I meditate deeply, the intense feeling of live and energy flowing from the top of my head through my body and out with the negative.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I think I've covered most of my experiences in detail, although I will always feel like nothing I've recounted can properly convey what I experienced.