Jack M Probable NDE

Experience Description

In 1979, as a graduate student in Hindu Studies at the University of Virginia, I led a group of 19 students on a semester abroad program to Mysore India for the Fall semester. It was during October that I suddenly became ill one night and made my way to my then girlfriend's room. I collapsed in her doorway and was carried to her bed. I was racked with fever that was measured at 106 degrees. Some of the local people thought I had developed Malaria but that was never fully confirmed.I was covered with seven blankets in the warm, tropical night bit that left little comfort. The medical clinic was closed, so it was decided that I would just have to stay where I was. The pain was incredible and I felt as if my bones were going to explode. I had several convulsive episodes during the early stages.

As I lay in physical agony on the bed, covered in blankets, I was frightened. I was begging God not to let me die here so far from my home. I was fully alert, as I began to lose feeling in my extremities and torso as the loss of feeling moved up toward my head. 'Please God, please don't let me die here!' I do not know if I was even breathing at that time.

Suddenly, I heard a gentle female voice saying, 'And where is here Jack?' with a bemused tone to her voice. At that instant, I watched my pleading, anxious mind simply evaporate. Everything vanished and became utterly still. 'I' (my awareness of self) became aware of a beautiful void. It was so complete, so wonderful, so incredible, that it is impossible to adequately describe. It was an awareness of total unified existence. All questions were answered. All thoughts seemed pointless and individual awareness was an illusion. All these realizations occurred in an instant. The 'I' that was there before, as myself, no longer existed and I was now part of a unified wholeness of being. It simply observed/witnessed existence. I was not analyzing, not judging and yet everything arose from it. It did nothing and yet it was the cause of everything. Everything was perfect and whole.

I am sorry, I still struggle to describe this experience.

I do not know how long I existed in this state. Somehow, at some point, my sense of self-awareness began to return in small increments. I became aware that I had the sensation of being pulled back into a state of ordinary self-awareness along with the physical pain associated with the illness. When I regained my full consciousness, I looked over to see my girlfriend sleeping on the floor next to the bed. I did not wake her but just lay there thinking once more about what had happened. I decided to say nothing of the experience at that time as I was uncertain as to how to describe it and it seemed so personal. It was so special an event as not to be sharable. I was consumed with a feeling of spiritual peace such as I have never felt before.

I finally was able to get up and wandered to a medical clinic where the Indian doctor seemed puzzled that I had survived. He was at a loss to explain my recovery. Over the next week, I slowly recovered my strength and eventually finished my work teaching and my time in India. Ever since that time, I have been able to recall that wonderful sense of wholeness and being as comfortable in times of illness and distress.

In conclusion, my experience left me with no fear of dying. My emotional temperament has been permanently changed to a more spiritually focused posture towards life and living. I think the experience, that small glimpse of pure consciousness, has placed me in a position where I observe the life I currently live as a spectator watching a play from a darkened room. It is pleasant and has provided what I feel is a more enlightened, self-conscious approach to this existence. When I returned to the U.S. a doctor examined me. My liver was larger than normal. I experienced what I called 'night sweats' for years afterwards. Today, I enjoy good health even with diabetes and having experienced a stroke in 2004. The stroke was caused by high blood pressure and was caught in time to prevent permanent damage. When it happened, I remember that my memory of the experience in India helped me not be afraid and I think even aided in my recovery.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: October , 1979

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I had almost no awareness of having a name, a history or a body. I simply was a part of a greater awareness.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The trigger moment was when I heard the woman's voice. All ordinary consciousness ceased at that moment.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The experience has no correlation with ordinary consciousness.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard nothing beyond the initial female voice until I began to return to self-awareness. It was the most beautiful silence.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Wonder, like a child seeing the ocean for the first time.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. In an instant, there were no questions that were unanswered, no ideas that needed to be formed, no thoughts or analysis. I was a perfect unified moment of awareness.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I had an average childhood religiously. My family did have old, traditional beliefs about spirits and I was taught to accept their presence as normal. In college I majored in Religious Studies and Psychology with a minor in Anthropology.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I no longer follow conventional religions of hold conventional beliefs. I have become more focused on the mystical. I have an insatiable thirst to learn and to know more about spiritual life and how it manifests. I meditate and I search and I remember.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I have, over the years, developed a series of spiritual beliefs most akin to Hindu and Unitarian Universalist concepts. I still maintain my family's beliefs in the spirit world and its ongoing presence in our lives.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I used to believe in the traditional concept of a self-aware, anthropomorphic deity figure as described by many religions, I now see divinity as more abstract and a foundation of existence. Divinity projects itself into the physical/material dimension through what we call physical existence.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I changed my view of individual existence and of the idea of divinity. I experience life as a spectator and though I am active and effective, I realize that there is always that fundamental essence that is observing through the vernier that I have created called myself and I/it operates my life like a ventriloquist operates his puppet.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify. Please see the account.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I experienced a loss of self and felt a part of a greater unified existence. It was as if whatever my essence was where it belonged all along. I must have had some level of self awareness, but nothing in the embodied, physical world mattered anymore.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes What we are is the result of being a projection of this universal consciousness whatever we choose to call it. All physical life is the result of this universal consciousness desire to experience. As we become aware of our physical selves, we start to create an identity and eventually come to believe that it has some independent reality which it does not.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I was forced to drop out of graduate school due to financial setbacks. I was initially devasted, but went to work, got married, worked my way back to and through graduate school and became a librarian and academic. I recently retired and am still writing and teaching.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? I view other people as projections of the same unified absolute awareness that is myself, so I try to deal with them and their issues with that realization in the back of my mind. Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was so profound and intense that words cannot adequately describe it.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience The experience and the memory of it remains a living part of my everyday life to this day. I think of it and remember it every day. It reminds me to focus toward the spiritual.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I found that I could be a conduit for divine energy and have been a spiritual healer for over forty years. I take no money for what I do and the re-connection with that universal self is the only thing I need from the healing experience. Somehow taking money for it would defile it for me.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The profound sense of unity with what I call divinity transformed my physical existence and gave it meaning and purpose.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was at least five years before I was able to speak of it. People have had a wide variety of reactions and responses both positive and negative. Several thought I had become a bit unhinged and were annoyed when my story did not match their existent views on religion, Divinity and the subject of death.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew something very special had happened to me and I was grateful for having been a part of it. I struggled to describe it as nothing, no words seemed adequate.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was a pivotal point in this particular embodied existence and sent me on a path I would have never taken otherwise. I am still grateful for the insights it provided.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No! Thanks for the opportunity to share with you.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No suggestions, I have conducted many surveys in my professional life and this is a very good survey in terms of it's depth and structure. Well done!

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