Jackie S STEs

Experience Description

The first experience occurred in 1966 when I was sixteen:

'You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' Jeremiah 29:13

My mother told me when I was young that I didn't have to worry about whether there was a God because there were ten proofs that God existed. I'd learn about these when I was older.

I went to a Catholic high school in Milwaukee. We discussed these ten proofs in class. I was disappointed since none of the 'proofs' proved anything. Knowing if a God existed was important because that knowledge would help me determine how to live my life.

At first, I thought about God, but I couldn't convince myself that there was one. I didn't have a problem understanding concepts in school, but I couldn't intellectualize the existence of a God or life after death, for that matter.

So, I started my search to find God. I began to search for 'God' day and night and searched each night in my dreams. I would dream that I was walking through rolling hills and rivers in a land with a temperate climate. There were no people or animals there. I just kept walking through the land, looking for God. The next night, I started walking again, right from where I'd left off.

After months of this recurring dream, I started to see animals—sheep, goats, and rabbits. Then, I began to see people tending to the animals. The people in my dreams all looked similar. They had even features, straight light brown hair, a relatively small build, and wore white tunics. In my dreams, I looked like one of them.

When I walked by a person, I would ask them where I could find God. Initially, these people ignored me. I kept walking each night and asking everyone I met, 'Where can I find God?' One night, one said, 'Don't you know?' Then he ignored me. Then another would say, 'Don't you know?' Each morning, I woke up eager to continue looking for God the next night.

Finally, after about six months of recurring dreams, I asked a man I came upon, 'Where is God?' He said, 'Don't you know, it all flows.' Then he touched my arm, and my arm flowed into his arm. Startled, I woke up. The next night, I met this same man. I was careful not to touch him. I asked him, 'Where can I find God?' He said, 'You'll find God tomorrow.' I was elated. I woke up looking forward to the next night.

So, the next night came. I started walking joyfully from where I'd left off the night before, anticipating finding God. But when I came upon someone, they ignored me. I was trying to understand why everyone ignored me since they had spoken to me before. I kept walking and walking anyway, but my alarm clock went off. It was morning, and I hadn't found God. I was upset! I thought, 'There must not be a God since I've looked and still can't find him. I even lie to myself in my dreams.' At that thought, I fell into deep despair. It felt like I was spiraling down into an emotional abyss.

When I hit rock bottom and experienced total despair, I felt a presence come into my room. This presence personified complete compassion and love. I heard the presence say, 'Find peace, my child. You've suffered enough.' Then, it felt like a giant arm came down from heaven and scooped up my soul. My spirit was suddenly engulfed in a white light.

Inside the light, I felt love, total peace, and acceptance. While inside the light, I knew everything. There were no mysteries. At that moment, I felt absolute love. Then suddenly, I was put back on the edge of my bed. I thought, 'Wow! There is a God, and he loves me!'

Until that point, I'd felt ambiguous about life. I couldn't believe there was a God. I didn't know what to believe. What you get from life is important if there isn't a God. What you give during your life is critical if there is a God. Before this experience, I would think, 'What's in it for me?' After this experience, I would think about what's right and wrong. Knowing if God existed was vital because that knowledge would frame how I'd live my life. Now I knew he existed.

After that, it didn't matter if my family loved me. It didn't matter if anyone loved me, for that matter, and I wasn't afraid to die. If I died, I'd go back into the white light. I thought, 'I came from the white light, and someday I'd return to the white light.' Everything was known when I was in the light. Now that I was out of the light, I was ignorant again. I did know that life had a plan, and I knew life would unfold as it should. This knowledge gave me the strength to endure setbacks in the future. It made me more accepting, and it gave me a sense of peace.

This spiritual experience was the most profound moment of my life. I can't convey what happened in words. Before this experience, I didn't know what to do with my life, but now I knew I wanted to do positive things. Previously, I'd put in as little effort as possible to get what I wanted, but now I have begun working hard to achieve positive outcomes.

Although I spoke of my experience infrequently, it motivated me to do what I thought was good and gave me the strength to endure whatever I needed.

The second experience occurred in 1969 when I was nineteen:

I went to my boyfriend's house two days before New Year's Eve. He had the mumps, so I went to his house instead of going out to take care of him. I arrived at his apartment around 2 p.m.

I was nervous as I drove to his apartment. I didn't know why. I was wary and kept looking all around me as I walked to his place. Anxious thoughts kept popping into my mind. I could not stop them. My boyfriend lived on the third floor of an old mansion in downtown Milwaukee.

As I walked up the stairs, I turned suddenly and looked behind me. I thought, 'Is someone there?' I told myself to stop being paranoid; there was nothing to fear. I climbed another flight of stairs, and again, I turned around and looked down the stairs. I thought, 'Is he coming now?'

When I entered the apartment, my boyfriend said hello. But when he touched my arm, I jumped back. He was surprised. He said, 'What's wrong with you? I touched your arm, and you jumped ten feet.' I said I didn't know. He said again, 'What's wrong with you?' I said I didn't know. Upset, he said forcefully, 'Jackie, what's wrong with you?'

I said, 'I keep thinking someone wants to rape me.' Sam looked annoyed. He said, 'You women are all the same. You think every man wants to rape your body. Look, I love you, but even I wouldn't climb three flights of stairs to rape you.' I cooked him dinner. Then I left around 7:30 p.m. As I drove home, thoughts kept popping into my mind again. I looked at a guy standing on a street corner and thought, 'Are you going to be the one (to rape me)?' I kept scolding myself and telling myself to stop acting crazy. Then I would see another man and think, 'Maybe it's going to be you.'

I lived with my parents in a lower flat, and my grandparents lived in the upper flat. It was an older house in an older neighborhood. Behind each row of houses was an alley, and every house had a garage behind it, accessed through the alley.

I drove into the dark alley. The garage door was open, and my parents usually kept it closed. My grandfather must have opened it for me because it was pretty heavy, and he knew I would be coming home soon. The light was off.

I drove in, turned off the car's engine, and exited. Ours was a two-car garage. I was standing between my grandfather's car and my parent's car, which I had been driving. I took my finger off the lock after I closed the car door.

As I turned to leave the garage, a man stood up. He had been waiting for me, hiding between my grandfather's car and the garage wall. I gasped and thought, 'Looks like I'm not paranoid; I'm psychic. The guy who wants to rape me is here.'

The man was large, very tall, and muscularly built. He was dressed entirely in black. He wore a black skull cap pulled down to his eyes, a black turtleneck sweater pulled up to his eyes, and a long black leather jacket. All I could see were his eyes.

I didn’t want to face reality, but I forced myself to. 'OK, I thought, the reality is: He is a psychotic rapist, and you're going to be lucky to get out of the garage alive.'

With that thought, I faced reality, but now I was frozen stiff! I couldn't move. I forced myself to unfreeze. Now, I was brave and ready for the fight of my life.

The assailant moved towards the garage door. I thought, 'You mustn't let him get the door down. If he does, it's all over.' I ran to stop him or get out of the garage. We met in the middle of the door. He put me in a headlock with one arm, and then he gagged me with the other arm. Then, the assailant said, 'Now, honey, I've got to do this, and if you cooperate, you won't get hurt.'

I didn’t know what to do. I had read an article in NOW (National Organization of Women) magazine that said if a man wants to rape you, you should let him. Otherwise, he might kill you. I couldn't breathe, and I didn't want him to snap my neck off, so I stopped struggling and pretended to cooperate. He let me go. Suddenly, I heard a loud voice say, 'No, you’re not going to cooperate.' I saw a man in a white light, about 60 years old, with white hair, a white beard, and a white robe floating face down in the upper corner of the garage. The man said, 'He intends to perform an evil act, and you must stop him.' Then he pointed at me and said even louder, sternly. 'You must fight evil!'

I thought, 'What is this!' 'Am I imagining my conscience floating in the corner of the garage?' I don't think I was imagining this. I believe this was the guardian angel warning me of danger for hours before the attack. I was severely injured by the assailant, but even though I was only 110 pounds and my attacker weighed about 220 pounds, I managed to fight him off. I found out years later this attack was planned by someone in my extended family. Scheduled at the months' time, I was most likely to conceive. The fact that I was able to fight off the attacker saved me from having an unwanted pregnancy. So, the angel helped me when he told me to resist.

Since the assault was in the family, my parents didn’t tell the police. Therefore, the perpetrator of the crime got away with it. Many years later, a thought popped into my mind while doing my laundry. 'Hey so and so your times up, the devils coming for you now and he’s going to take you to hell with him.' I didn’t know why I thought that. I dismissed it, thinking I must have watched the movie 'Ghost' once too often. A couple of hours later, my sister called and told me she had some bad news. 'So and so, the culprit died suddenly.' I think God wanted me to know that although the perpetrator got away with the crime on earth, he saw what she did and was going to deal with her.

The third experience occurred in 2016 when I was sixty-six:

One day, I was cutting down a small tree with a rechargeable chainsaw. I had notched the tree so it would fall to the left. But it wouldn't go down. I had almost cut it clear through. I stood before the tree, wondering why it wouldn’t go down. Then, I felt a presence and heard a voice beside me say, 'It's not safe for you to stand here. You have to move.' I didn’t see anyone. Just then, the blade of my chainsaw caught a little. I thought, 'The little voice is right. I need to move because the tree will fall to the right, not the left.'

Immediately, I took three giant steps to the left and backed away from the tree at a forty-five-degree angle. Seconds later, I heard a loud crack. The trunk of a large tree about ten feet behind me snapped, and the tree went down right where I had been standing. If I hadn't listened to the voice, I would have died. The tree I was cutting and the tree that snapped had been dead for a long time. The longer a tree is dead, the more brittle it is and the more likely it is to crack. The top branches of the two trees had become entwined over time. One tree couldn't go down without pulling the other tree down. The tree missed me by inches. The draft from the tree going down was so strong it blew my sun-dress skirt. I stood there in shock and said, 'Thank you, little voice.'

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 6/1/1966

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Criminal attack 3 Experiences 1.Awake in bedroom 2. Trapped in garage, 3. Cutting down tree Other 1.Fell into despair momentarily 2.Life threatening event 3. Life threatening event

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal In my first experience, I felt love like I had never felt before and peace while in the light. In my second experience, my emotions were elevated because my life was threatened. I was thinking Incredibly fast. In the third experience, I stood in awe because I knew a heavenly force had saved my life.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? 1st experience: when I met what I believe to be God. 2nd experience: When the angel appeared and told me to fight. 3rd experience: After the tree fell and missed me by inches. I stood there and said Thank you, little voice.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual In the 1st experience, there didn't seem to be time. In the 2nd, I was thinking Incredibly fast. I couldn't tell how much time was passing.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. 1st experience: I could see in all directions; I didn't have to turn my head to see because I was a spirit.2nd and 3rd experiences - no difference.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No difference.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes 1st: I was engulfed in a white light of peace and love. 2nd: I believe the angel was in white light because I could see him so clearly in a pitch-dark garage.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm This occurred only in the 1st experience. I went into a white light.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? 1st: love, peace, amazement. 2nd: terror, confusion, sorrow, anger. 3rd: wonder, thankfulness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe This occurred only during the first experience. When I was put back in my body, I couldn't remember what I momentarily knew.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events In the second experience, I recalled my past, trying to think of something that could help me fight my assailant.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I didn't know a God existed before, but now I know. I tried to be good and do good after. I don't necessarily go to church every week, but I give to the church, and I pray a rosary every night.

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian Spiritual, specific religion not important

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience 1st experience: I didn't think God cared so much. 2nd experience: I didn't believe in angels or devils. I thought they only appeared in biblical times. If an angel did appear, it would have wings and a halo. This angel didn't have either, so I thought I must be imaging this. I thought maybe I imagined my conscience, and I wondered why my conscience would float in the upper corner of a room.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now knew there was a God and felt he or a guardian angel was watching over me. I didn't worry about dying anymore. Some people thought I took risks I shouldn't

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin 1st experience: I heard a voice I believe was God say, 'Find peace, my child; you've suffered enough.' 2nd experience: I heard an angel say, 'This man intends to perform an evil act, and you must stop him. You must fight evil.' 3rd experience: I heard a voice say, 'It's not safe for you to stand here. You have to move.'

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I didn't see anyone during the first and third experiences; I just heard a voice. During the second experience, I saw an old man with white hair, a white beard, and a white robe floating in the corner of the garage. He looked like the picture of God in the Sistine Chapel, but I didn't believe it was God because I didn't feel any love. I think this was my guardian angel because he was trying to protect me. I don't think this man was an ancestor.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain Before this experience, I didn't know if God existed at all. After this experience, I felt that I came from the light he showed me, so I felt that I lived before. I felt I came from the light, and when I die, I'll go back to the light. But I wasn't told this in words. I have no knowledge of a prior life on earth as if I was reincarnated.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I was having recurring dreams before my OBE. During one dream, a man touched my arm. We turned liquid and began to flow together. He said, 'Don't you know, it all flows.' This scared me. When I was in the light, I felt my consciousness was part of a universal consciousness, but I wasn't told it was. So, I don't think I have specific awareness.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I was looking for God, and he showed himself to me.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain When I was in the light, I felt at peace, everything was as it should be, but I don't remember anything specific about life's meaning.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes During the first experience, God came to me, so I knew he existed, and he took me to the white light, so I knew there was a world other than this one. Before this experience, I didn't know if there was a God or life after death. He came to me to show me there was.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain I felt love. God, or the presence, was compassionate toward my plight on earth. He said, 'Find peace, my child; you've suffered enough.' I felt he really didn't want me to suffer even a drop of pain in the future, and he felt so sorry for me about my suffering. His love was strong but his compassion was stronger.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? 1st experience: I didn't care if people liked me or loved me because God did, he was 'the big deal.' 2nd experience: I was attacked by evil friends. I became selective about who my friends were. Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes 1st experience: This experience was so profound that it can't be expressed in words. 2nd experience: This experience was so traumatic that I couldn't talk about it for ten years without hyperventilating. 3rd experience: This experience is easy to express in words.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember all three experiences as if they happened yesterday because they surprised me so much. Also, the 2nd experience was very traumatic.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I get premonitions when I am in danger. I was told when my enemy died.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The first experience was probably the most important because I learned at 16 that God exists and that he loves me. I also learned that there is a life after death, which gave me tremendous strength. I knew that no matter how bad your life gets, it will end, and if you persist, you'll go to a place of peace and love eventually.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my mother and sister right away, but they didn't 'get' how profound what had happened to me was, so I didn't tell anyone for a long time. I told my boyfriend about my experiences before we got married. He seemed to believe me. I wrote a memoir because I thought many unique things had happened in my life. People who believe in God think I'm telling the truth; atheists think I'm lying.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The 1st experience and feeling of love were so profound I never doubted that it was real. In the 2nd experience, I wasn't sure if I saw an angel or if I imagined a conscience that was telling me not to cooperate with the rapist.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I've done a lot of research lately and read books.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I had three major experiences plus a lot of little ones. Each major experience was different.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? A woman who worked in hospice for 35 years said that some people see angels at the end of life. When asked where the angels are, they always point to the upper corner of their room. My conscience wouldn't know to float in the corner of the garage, so I think it was an angel I saw.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think many people are like me and have more than one experience. I included three in one rather than filling out this long questionnaire 3 times.

i0aywo4_nde