James E NDE

Experience Description:

I don't recall when I crossed to the other side, but I believe it was right after my exploratory surgery.

I woke up on a ledge, a ledge no wider than one to two inches. My feet felt as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff, with very little purchase to keep me up. I felt a wall behind me, and flattened myself to it as best I could. I was in a void, completely black. But yet - it felt endless. I saw nothing, only black. Yet I could feel there was a down, there was an up, a ledge, and a wall. I did not know who I was, or how I had gotten there, all I could think of was 'DON'T FALL.' I repeated this, over and over and over. I shuffled along the wall, no idea where to go; I just didn't want to fall into the darkness. I was scared, but also calm.

As I shuffled along the wall, I thought to myself, 'How did I get here? Where did I come from?' As I progressed, still repeating 'don't fall' the ledge beneath my feet began to widen. I felt a bit more secure, safer as the ground seemed to offer me more stability, although I was still in eternal darkness. I 'felt' the ground under me was stretching out. As soon as I felt I could walk normally, I felt safe, and I asked myself 'Where do I go now?'

All of a sudden, in the distance, I saw a star, a small speck of light, and began walking towards it. As I approached the light, it got bigger and bigger, and I began to walk faster and faster. As the light got brighter, I noticed it began to shoot lines out. I saw them simultaneously coming to the light, and from the light, instantaneous it seemed - they were laying down all around me, very much like a 'bit map' on a computer, just lines and squares forming what seemed to be a landscape. As I kept getting closer, the land began to fill in. I saw green grass, rolling hills, and just before I stepped into the light, I saw from the corner of my eye. The land seemed to stretch on forever, green hills and grass.

Then, POOF, I'm in the light. It's golden, it's beautiful, the pain from the three years of my life gone, the laughter, the love, every emotion I had had in life, was gone. I was one with everything that ever existed, or ever will be. I knew at that moment, the why of all whys. I had no questions; I had need for no answers. Everything was known in that instant I entered the light. Then it spoke to me, as if I was speaking to myself through the voices of everything that can, does, or will exist. It simply said, 'You have to go back,' and it was me telling myself I have to go back; but yet - I am all, so who was talking to whom??? Ha-ha. So, I did not question, I already knew why I had to, why life existed, why everything happens.

After it told me I had to come back, that was it. I woke up in my bed, my mother lying next to me, five days had passed, the cancer that was eating me alive, that the doctors had said they could not cure, was completely healed. They tested me, found I was completely void of cancer, and sent me home.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1985 month day unsure.

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Other Advanced Hodgkin's lymphoma cancer. I was dying of cancer, the doctors after three years of treatments, had put me in a cushy room to die. I had fell into a coma after a second surgery in which they tried to physically remove tumors from inside me, the cancer has spread all throughout my body. The coma lasted five days. It was during this time that I had the experience.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? No No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The moment I stepped into the light. I then knew everything there ever was to know, every answer to every question that could ever be asked. The light, in my personal opinion, is the source of all life; it is life before life is created. And the light itself, comes from somewhere else.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Neither

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening all at once As I walked down the wall in the void, it felt as if it lasted forever. Once I entered the light, it seemed to last just a few moments. Although the flood of knowledge and peace that came with it made it seem as if a moment was all you needed.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Neither

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In the darkness, and in the light my perception was 360 degrees. I saw all around me at all times. I did not have 'binocular' vision.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard absolutely nothing, it was all telepathic. Without a body, there is no brain to be telepathic with; so it was more like, without ears how can you hear? Without eyes, how can you see?

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Neither

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I walked to the light, I saw no tunnel, but the lines and the landscape that was laid around me seemed perfectly symmetrical. I was walking dead center, right to the light, the light creating everything around me, filling in the darkness with green landscapes.

Did you see any beings in your experience? Neither

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I met everyone before they are born, after they die, I met everything that we perceive as life, physical. Before you are human, you are light; before a car becomes a car, it is light. Everything exists because of that light; everything is simply a wavelength of it.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a star that became a huge bright light just before I entered it.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Clearly mystical or unearthly realm it wasnt untill after my experiance with the light, did i began to have dreams of flying, and meeting soul guides.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I perceived that I had feet, and hands, and a body, though I never saw any of my limbs. My mind told me they were there, and they were the only things keeping me from falling into the void, by clinging to the wall. I was invisible, the only body I had existed in 'feeling' - hard to explain.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Neither

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? United, one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? Neither

Did scenes from the future come to you? Neither I was not shown a vision, I was not shown anything; again, everything was instantly just 'known'. Our future is dark, because of the lack of knowledge about self and where we came from. The spiral down is already in progress, but is also planned. Everything is perfectly as it should be. Bad and good.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? A conscious decision to 'return' to life

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal 'I was too young to know about any religious things. I did not believe i was sick from the cancer, i believed i was sick from the medical treatments. IE chemo therapy.'

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes They were never developed. After this experience, when I got old enough to understand it and religion I found out that religious beliefs are all the same generally, but man has added in their own views and wants, so the messages that these peaceful people had brought to us, are contorted and twisted. 'Love all' that is the basis for all religion. The rest is filler for fear, profit or gain.

What is your religion now? Liberal 'I believe that everyone and everything is one. I am you, you are me, i am everything i see, and it is also me.'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes They were never developed. After this experience, when I got old enough to understand it and religion I found out that religious beliefs are all the same generally, but man has added in their own views and wants, so the messages that these peaceful people had brought to us, are contorted and twisted. 'Love all' that is the basis for all religion. The rest is filler for fear, profit or gain.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? Definite being, or voice clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? Neither

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes It taught me that everyone, everything, is in its right place. Always will be, no matter how much we try to change, or try to destroy, or try to create, we're simply doing exactly what was planned. The meaning of life, as I felt it to be, is simply to live. We're here because we want to be here.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes People tend not to like to be around me unless they don't know me. I'm a very nice, kind person. But, something inside me, knows people. I can't explain it. I know when their lying, I know their hearts. And because of this, many people chose not to be near me, their secrets are too valuable.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I'm very empathic, I dream of occasional personal future events. I sense, feel, know things before they happen. Simple, silly, mundane, but I know before they happen none the less.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The entire experience is meaningful to me. Now that I am older, I wonder, could I have fallen? Where would I have gone had I fallen into the abyss? If I die now, will I be able not to fall, now that I have attained the baggage of sins and earthly pleasures. Maybe they will be too much weight, and pull me over the edge. The light, I can't begin to express how it has made me who I am. I look at those around me, in pity, great sadness, wishing everyone knew about this.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I was six at the time of the experience. I didn't share with anyone until I was eighteen, I had begun reading books about the light, enlightenment, astral travel. At that time, it was like a new awakening, I realized, I was not alone in my experience, and that it can be used and cultivated to help my soul evolve. I shared my experience with anyone who would listen, which wasn't many. The reactions of others were very mixed, some called me the anti-Christ, some cried and felt a change in their consciousness. I still continue to tell people to this day whom I feel I should tell. The universe lets me know.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was too young at the time to know anything about what it was. I had no knowledge of anything spiritual.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Now that I'm older, and have read a lot about enlightenment, Jesus, Buddha, spirituality in general. I know for a fact that it happened, and that I experienced something that others have too. It's a gift, and I will never look at it any other way. I only wish it could be shared with more people.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Psychedelic mushrooms, have proven to me to be a good way to begin the process of finding yourself. I'm sure there are other plants that help to remember the light, where we came from, but I have had in my adult years experience with mushrooms that showed me the energy of all life in its true form, but not the light itself. Self-discovery takes practice, patience, and release, there is no crash course, unless maybe you're hit by a bus. Ha-ha.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? This experience is something that I feel everyone should know about. I feel anyone can discover the light that is we all; we just have to know it's there, and WANT to find it. Buddha said to attain it; one must not want any aspect of this physical existence. At the end of my stay in the hospital, before my experience, I had given up. I gave up all want for life in any shape or form. I was finished, done with the pain. And it wasn't long after, I was shown the light. I believe, through detachment, and wanting to know about the light more than the air we breathe, can help others start their path to self-enlightenment.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think your questionnaire was very well produced. I can't think of any suggestions at this time. I only would like to apologize for any misspellings or bad grammar. Ha-ha.