James M NDE

Experience Description

My experience didn't really seem to have a beginning, I just seemed to become aware.

In my NDE, it was totally black and I had absolutly no thoughts or reasoning ability. I didn't wonder where I was. It was almost like watching a movie, yet I was also involved in the movie. I had no thought processes at all, just straight observation. These scenes happened all in one occurrence, not at 3 different times. It is very difficult to describe. I had three scenes. Although I can't remember their exact sequence, I think it started with my father sitting in a wheelchair with a blanket over his legs in a retirement/rest home. He was wearing a pair of round, John Lennon glasses. When and I looked into the glasses, I saw only blackness; or more precisely, I saw less than nothing like a total void.

My next vision was of a friend who died the previous year. He had a staff in his hand and appeared almost moses-like, with his white hair blowing. He said, 'You are getting another chance.' The vision disappeared for an unknown period if time. It might have seemed like a second or a year; time had no meaning or order.

The third and most memorable vision occured in a void. I was in a total black, lightless, and noiseless void. Somehow, I was given a choice. I don't know who or what gave me the choice, it was more like I just knew it to be a choice. If I chose to go to the right, I knew there was peace and serenity. I could feel it. On the left was my life, which was like a road of broken glass. I thought of my wife and made the decision that I wasn't ready to go to the right yet. As soon as I thought of my family, I felt a physical jolt, that was a very physical sensation. It was much different than the experience so far.

The next part is hard to describe, but I'll do my best to convey what I experienced. The jolt, I instantly knew, was the touch of God. In that moment, I felt a connection to everything that ever did or ever would exist. It was like seeing the fabric of space and reality. It was like seeing all of creation and feeling unity with it. For some reason, I associate the word 'purple' with this, but have no idea why. After the jolt and joining the universe, I followed what I thought to be my wife's voice calling me. I followed it out of the darkness and back into the world. I kept thinking it was like being lost in the woods.

About the time I had my NDE, the doctors told my wife that she should start making plans for me because nobody expected me to live. If I did live, I would be a vegetable, needing 24/7 care. My wife, who is slightly more religious than me, went to the chapel to pray because the doctors recommended pulling the plug as it had been a few weeks and I hadn't regained consciousness. Later, while my wife was just staring, not even really praying, a doctor in and told her that I opened my eyes. My wife came running into my room to find that I was semi-conscious. I don't remember a lot but I remember telling her about my experience, and that I had seen a vision of my father in a nursing home. As it turns out, my father, who disowned me due to his wife's insistence, was put in a nursing home by his wife. I didn't know this. He died just a few days ago and now his wife is withholding his body just to be mean. But it was strange that I would see him in my NDE.

There are a lot of details that I simply can't remember, and none of the NDE was as orderly as I described it. It was very vivid and it wasn't dreamlike. The experience was as real as the scar running down my chest. I FELT the touch of God, but it wasn't anything like any religions seem to profess. It was more like joining with the fabric of creation, absolutely everything, and feeling a perfect unity with existence. It was much deeper than the idea of someone sitting on a cloud and judging people over their actions.

I remember bits and pieces of being in the ICU but it is very remote and not vivid like my NDE. I was confused as to where I was when I had my heart attack. I thought I was in Florida having Thanksgiving while my wife was having a medical procedure done. I explained to myself later that the white decor of the ICU made me think of Florida, and the doctors running around must have registered and made me think they were treating my wife. I found out later that my family and my wife's family all came to the hospital on Thanksgiving because I was expected to pass away. Somehow I knew they were there and eating Thanksgiving dinner. I have a memory of watching one of my nephews eating pumpkin pie. I have no idea where or how I saw that, but I remember it.

The next day is when I had my visions/NDE and woke up afterwards. To date, I have no brain damage or other permanent issues that resulted from my heart attack and subsequent quad bypass surgery. During my recovery, I felt compelled to tell everyone what I had experienced, as well as feeling ashamed of myself for not treating my wife like the saint that she was, never leaving my side at all during visiting hours. I now realize how fortunate I am and have made my peace with my father before he died. An hour doesn't go by that I don't stop to think about what I saw and felt, although it is like trying to describe a beautiful sunset to someone that has been blind since birth. There is no way to convey what I experienced with words.


Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 11/27/2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related. Heart attack. While under general anesthesia. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I suffered a major heart attack and was on life support for 2 weeks and unable to breathe on my own. While intubated, I suffered several heart incidents, including a stoppage or two.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal. While I was conscious, I was not thinking, making thoughts, or analyzing anything. It was more of just experiencing things, similar to flying in a dream. You don't think about flying and how you can't really fly; you just do it. This was somewhat like my consciousness during the NDE. I saw and experienced everything but didn't have actual thought, other than the decision that I wanted to stay alive.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the last part, being touched by God.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. There was no time. It was part of the fabric that I experienced, but there was no sense of time. It was more like I was aware of the beginning and end of time, not in a linear fashion.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. No comparison. I don't understand the question, but the difference between what I normally experience and the one I had as a NDE. Both were equally real. This was NOT like a dream. Limbo?

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard nothing that I identified as sound. The questions was somehow communicated to me, but I don't think it was vocalized.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw a friend who passed away 9 months prior.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. It was both a black, noiseless, lightless, void, but at the same time, it was the fabric of existence. I can't explain it any other way. At some point, I think I saw a purple tint or coloring, but not sure what or how it fit into the experience as it occured the same time I was in a total void.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt joy, peace, and tranquility. I felt shame for not treating my wife with the love she showed me. I felt anger towards what I call false Christians and those who use religion for personal gain and taking from those who couldn't afford it. Pious people is the term that came into my head. I actually felt wrathful. The idea of Pious people absolutely infuriated me. I also began to say a lot of biblical things that I had learned decades earlier in college. It was a religious experience for sure!

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. Suddenly everything made perfect sense and I felt a strong unity and sense of peacefulness with everything. Once during a very strong acid trip, for the briefest of flashes, I felt a similar sensation - like seeing God. This time, it wasn't a brief flash, but a timeless encounter.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. As much as I yearned for the peace that choicing the path on the right, I felt obligated to my family and wanted to be with my wife/daughter. It was at this moment, that I felt the touch of God that jolted me to my core and sent me back on the path to live.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic. Catholic but not devout. I consider myself believing in a more personal religeon rather than the established ones.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I had experienced something somewhat similar decades ago during an LSD experience. I experienced is as a split second of understanding, otherwise I wouldn't have been familiar with the experience.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I now see that love and family is all that really matters. Material and monetary things are not important in life.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. When I was presented with a choice to go to the right with a path of peace and tranquility or left to continue in life, as soon as I decided to stay or return, I felt a jolt go through my being and I know it was the touch of God. Somehow, I just know that it was. As the bible puts it, the scales fell from my eyes and I could see. This is kind of what I experienced, except the term 'see' was meaning to understand, not physically see something.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes When touched by God, I felt and saw a total unity with everything ever or potentially possible. It was the actual substance of everything.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I felt the touch of something that I instinctivly knew as being the touch of God, or the creator of everything that can possibly exist. It felt the fabric of existence itself.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists I experienced another realm where time didn't seem to apply; although, I understand it to signify that there is some sort of existence aside from here on Earth.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life. I find that I don't desire material items anymore. Most of my desires are in spending time with my wife and daughter. I still have a strong distaste for pious individuals and find I am more calm and less likely to get upset.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I try to appreciate what others have done for me and repay their sacrifice.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The experience seemed to happen on a realm removed from 'here.' This was both a totally black void, but also not a void at all; almost like a fabric that was the basis for reality and any/everything that ever did or will exist.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. Most events from around that time are unclear. I had been sedated for eweeks and was pretty groggy after the experience, but the memory is very strong compared to anything else that happened within a few days of that.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Not sure about the John Lennon-style glasses I saw my father wearing during my visions. Perhaps because he was getting close to death, or possibly because he was empty inside; lacking compassion and disowning me 58 years after adopting me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I related my story as soon as I was able to. My wife was shocked when I told her about the vision with my father, as she had located him while I was in my coma.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. The experience was too real or solid to be considered a dream, since dreams tend to fade but actual memories stay much stronger.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes A very strong LSD trip 40 years ago gave me a fraction of a seconds worth of the 'unity' I felt after being touched by God. It wasn't a touch by a hand, more of a jolt that shook me to my very deepest core.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No